Lesson video

Hello again, this lesson is to edit our writing.

I hope you are well, I hope your day has started well.

I'm ready to learn, and to teach a little as well.

Let's go.

Okay, our agenda for today.

We're going to think about what the purpose, what the point of editing is.

We're going to practise it, have a go.

And then you are going to edit your own work as an independent task.

What will we need? We will need, ooh, there's a mistake there I can see.

First of all, we definitely need our exercise book or paper.

We'll need a pencil.

And we really need the climax? We don't need that.

We will need the writing that you have done previously in your opening.

'Cause that's what we're going to be editing today.

So if you haven't got those go off and get them now please.

And, try and move away from any distractions if at all possible.

Pause and get those or carry on now.

Okay, what's the point of editing? So what is it? It's reading your work carefully.

It's correcting any mistakes.

It's rewriting things that don't sound right or say what you want them to say.

So really, it's your story.

But your reader needs to understand what's in your head and it's making your work better, which is crucial.

It's a really important skill.

I edit everything I write, really.

Even emails, everything.

So, the first step is to edit while writing.

And we've done that quite a lot already in this unit.

And you've been really great at helping me spot things.

So thank you.

Then, there's editing after writing, which is what we are doing today.

And there, I got some examples of some books I really like.

Because your first draught is never your final draught.

And these books have had, not just one person editing them, the writer, but also lots of other people who've contributed to make them the great books that they are.

Really, does it really matter? Let's have a look at these sentences.

A panda, you may have seen this before, a panda eats shoots and leaves.

What do you imagine it's eating? It's shooting and then it's off, okay? A panda, eats shoots and leaves.

So the first one is a bit, the second one is yeah, just what a panda does.

And that's just an example of getting your punctuation wrong and it meaning totally different.

So be super careful with those commas, because they might mean something.

Don't make something mean something you don't want them to.

So we're going to have a go at practising our editing now.

Here's an example.

"The bird put head down to sleep but a drop fell on his head.

How strange he said looked up, he looked up the sky didn't have any clouds so it couldn't be raining." What do you think? Okay, so there's quite a lot of mistakes there.

Can you please help me? I would like you to spot seven in there.

Have a go, see how many you can get.

So threat pause now, and, then press play when you've either got seven or you can't spot anymore.

Off you go.

Okay, should we reveal? Let's have a look.

"The bird put his head down." So, in my checklist there, I had missed out words.

I thought there was a word there but it wasn't.

"Put his head down to sleep." Comma, but, so there's a comma before my joining conjunction.

"But, a drop fell on his head." Full stop, so I've managed to get some of my punch, punctuation in there.

"How strange?" And I'd forgotten that mm in strange.

So I hadn't stretched so sometimes you need to check your spelling by stretching the word out fully.

And I've got an exclamation point there and a capital letter is needed after that.

"He looked up" short, snappy sentence, really good.

"The sky didn't have any clouds," comma, "so it couldn't" There's a, apostrophe for contraction, "be raining." And I've got a comma before so, because we've put a comma before, but also, when we use it as a conjunction.

Okay, now have a go at this one.

I would like you to check to see that I have described all the action needed.

I've used powerful adjectives of vivid verbs.

I've started sentences in different ways.

And I've used short and long sentences.

You don't need to write anything.

I just want you to give me your opinion.

How have I done these? Pause, and see where you think I can improve.

Okay, so I agree, I don't think I managed to do all of those things.

So here are some spaces that I think I could add some improvements.

I think I could have some more adverbs and verbs or, precise adjectives.

"So he put his mm head down." How would we describe it? "But a mm, drop, mm" What was that drop? What was it, a drop of mm something fell on his head.

"How strange, he looked up.

The sky didn't have any clouds so it couldn't be raining.

Then he saw the Prince was crying.

Tears were falling down his," should we described them, "cheeks.

The happy Prince was crying." And I've highlighted crying and crying, because I've kind of said the same thing twice in the next sentences.

And sometimes that sounds a bit listy.

So, like a list.

So if we can improve that by saying something else, that would be great.

Give it a go, you don't need to write anything down.

Just give me some suggestions.

Pause and have a think.

Okay, I can tell you have some really good thinking hats on there.

"Put his mm head down." Let's have a look at what some of your ideas might have been.

He could have put his tired head down, or his weary head down, or his small head, or his little head or his delicate head, we've got lots of ways we could describe that head.

"And a big drop of water." 'Cause it was the Prince's tear.

So it would be really big compared to the bird.

And it's of water, so we know what it was.

Then where else have we improved? "He saw that the Prince had tears in his eyes." So that's another way of saying that he was crying so that we don't repeat crying and crying.

"Tears were also falling down his shining cheeks." So we've added a bit of detail there.

"The Happy Prince was crying." Thank you for thinking really hard on that.

Let's have a look at the independent task.

So this is your checklist.

And really today's lesson for me is quite short because it's for you to do really good thinking about what you've written so far and improve it.

And it's so satisfying when you look back at your writing and see how much you've improved it.

And this is really what the focus of this lesson is.

It's to make sure you are improving what you have written.

So this is the checklist.

I want you to make sure you've got capital letters.

Check your proper nouns carefully.

Have your characters got capital letters for the prints and the swine.

Spelling, use a dictionary if you're not sure.

And check with someone at home, if you're going to access the internet because we want to make sure that you're using a proper dictionary they can maybe help you with that.

Or just give it a go, sound out all your words carefully.

Doesn't matter if we make mistakes, as long as we're trying.

Punctuation, think about what your commas are.

What are the rules between two adjectives or after a fronted adverbial or after, where else do we know that there's a comma at this stage? Oh, in a complex sentence when the relative prose is at the front.

So as, as the bird laid down, comma, a huge drop fell on his head.

End of sentence.

Make sure you've got both things happening at the same time.

Full stops and apostrophes.

For contraction, what's the other one for? Possession.

Clap for contract, grab for possession.

So check the sentence.

Does it sound right? Is it in the past tense? We need it in the past tense.

Add improvements to make your writing more ambitious.

That means reaching for the stars and making sure it's as strong and as vivid as it could be.

Now I would like you to do that.

You can leave this up so that you remember what you need to check through and resume once you're finished.

I bet it's going to get so much better.

Off you go.

Well done.

I know that you gave that such a lot of thought.

It's a skill editing, so you will get better at it.

But hopefully, you've added a few more adjectives where they need to be adjectives, or you have made sure that it makes total sense.

Maybe getting someone else to read it also helps.

But remember this is a process, and we're just getting better and better the harder we try.

This is the last lesson of this half of the unit.

We're going to carry on doing more Happy Prince in the next unit.

But if you would like to share your writing so far, please ask a parent or carer or a grownup at home, to share it using these, hashtags and things.

I look forward to seeing you in the next half of the unit.

Bye.