Lesson video

Hello, it's Mrs. Smart.

Welcome to our final lesson in this Rabbit Proof Fence writing unit.

In today's lesson, we're going to be writing part two of the journey.

In this lesson you will need an exercise book or some lined paper, a pen or pencil, and your journey description that we completed in our previous lesson.

If you haven't got any of items with you right now, just pause the recording and go and get them.

In this lesson, we're going to start with a sentence level warmup, practising writing some complex sentences that we could then use in our journey piece of writing.

We're going to recap the journey and rewatch the clip from the film.

I'm then going to share some literary devices on how to use a colon that you could then use in your writing today.

And lastly, I'm going to model writing part two of the journey.

I'm going to be writing two paragraphs today, and then it will be up to you to write your own two paragraphs of the journey.

Before we start writing today, we are going to do a sentence level warmup, focusing on complex sentence.

Let's just remind ourselves the key components of complex sentences.

They must include a main clause and a subordinate clause.

The main clause can go at the beginning of the sentence, or it can go at the end of the sentence.

The main clause must make sense on its own, just like Mr. Main and the subordinate clause does not make sense on its own.

The subordinate clause adds extra information to the main clause.

Let's look at some examples to help you.

We're going to be writing our sentences today based on this image.

This is the part of the film where Molly spots the rabbit proof fence for the first time, and she runs towards it.

The first two sentences you can see, I have used a non finite subordinate clause.

That means the verb is in the progressive tense or it's an inverb.

Adrenaline surging through her veins, comma, and then you need to finish it with your main clause or you could do main clause, comma, adrenaline surging through her veins.

Remember, the non finite or the subordinate clause is about Molly, so your main clause must be about Molly as well.

The second pair of sentences, you can see, we've got, as Molly charged towards the fence, comma, and then you need to finish it with your main clause.

Or you could start with your main clause, as Molly charged towards the fence.

And again, the subordinate clause is about something Molly is doing.

So your main clause needs to be something else Molly is doing at the same time because the subordinating conjunction, as, shows me these two things are happening at the same time.

If you notice in the last sentence, there isn't a comma to separate the main and the subordinate clause.

So when you're using a main clause at the beginning of your sentence, in this type of sentence, we don't need a comma to separate the two clauses.

All the other examples, you will notice a comma to separate the two clauses, so be really careful when you are punctuating your sentences.

Pause the recording and write one or two complex sentences about this image now.

Here are some stills from the clip of Rabbit Proof Fence, that we are focusing on in this unit.

In our previous lesson, we wrote the part where we describe the setting and the weather.

And we also showed how girls were feeling as a result of their long, tiring journey.

In today's lesson, we're going to be focusing on the next four pictures.

This is the part where Molly spots the rabbit proof fence for the first time, she runs towards it, calls for her sisters and they all hold onto the rabbit proof fence, knowing that they've now found their way home.

Let's watch the film clip now to remind ourselves what happens.

This is "Rabbit-Proof Fence", The director is Philip Noyce and the production company is Hanway Films. Which way now? That way, that fence.

Find that rabbit fence, we got home.

Then we see our mommy.

It's the fence, it's the fence, she found it.

Here are some of the notes we made in our previous lesson when we described the weather, the setting and the characters.

If you want to pause the recording and remind yourself of some of the description of weather, you can read through yourself, and here is the description of the setting.

You want to pause the recording and read it through again to remind yourself, then you can.

I want to focus on this part, the description of the characters, because that's going to be the main focus of our writing today.

And the part we're writing today is when they see the fence and they hold onto it for the first time.

Here are some of the notes that I made in our previous lesson, squinted into the distance.

Remember, squinted means to half close your eyes, you might often do it when you're looking into the sun, you might shield your eyes from the sun so that you can see better.

Molly does this when she's trying to find the fence.

Heart filled with hope, joy washed over them.

So two descriptions of showing that they're feeling really, really happy and joyful or hopeful.

Charged towards freedom, so really precise verb there to show that they were running towards the fence or propelled forwards, they gripped or clutch the fence, gazed into the distance and tears streamed down their cheeks.

Remember, they're feeling really happy.

So although they might be crying, they're crying with happiness, not with sadness.

Let's recap the purpose, audience, language and layout for this piece of writing.

Pause the recording, and write down any ideas about the PALL now.

Well done, okay, let's go through.

So the purpose of this piece of writing is to describe the setting and the characters, to help the readers to empathise with the characters.

So the readers feel or understand how the characters are feeling.

To make the reader feel tense and excited.

We'll think a bit later about how we can do that.

But that's a really exciting part when they see the fence, the first time and they run towards it.

So we want to make our reader feel that real tension and excitement.

The audience would be anyone who's about age 10 plus.

The language we're going to use is going to be very descriptive, but also emotive.

So we can make sure that our readers empathise with the characters.

On our layout, we're going to be writing two more paragraphs today.

They're going to be in chronological or time order, retelling the film clip.

And we're going to use an opening sentence at the beginning of our paragraphs and a linking or a closing sentence at the end of our paragraphs.

Here is a literary device that I want you to try and use in your writing.

It's using a colon to introduce a list.

Have a look at these examples.

Molly was consumed with emotions, colon, fear, worry and determination.

So you can see, the sentence before the colon is a main clause, it makes sense on its own, that's really, really important.

And the sentence, the main clause sentence, links to the list.

So I've said, Molly was consumed with emotions.

That means she's filled with all sorts of different feelings and emotions.

And then I've listed off three of those emotions after the colon.

Every part of their bodies suffered, their skin was burnt, then muscles ached and their stomachs lurched with hunger.

So again, you can see the sentence before the colon is a main clause that makes sense on its own, and it links to the list.

So I've said every part of their bodies suffered, their bodies are feeling really, really sore and tired and they're really struggling.

I've listed off the different ways that their bodies are suffering.

So their skin was burnt, their muscles were aching, their stomachs are lurching with hunger because they haven't eaten for so long.

Can you write your own sentence with a colon to introduce a list, pause the video and write your sentence now.

Well done, we're now are going to look at a different way we can use a colon in our writing.

This time, we're going to look at how we can use a colon to introduce a question.

One question pervaded her mind, colon, where was the rabbit proof fence that would lead them home? Question mark, so you can see again, the sentence before the colon is a main clause, that makes sense on its own.

I've introduced that Molly has a question filling her mind, pervading her mind, and then I've listed off what that question is after the colon.

One question raced through her head.

So instead of saying pervaded her mind, I've now said it's raced through her head, colon, would ever see her mother again? So it's really important that the sentence before the colon is a main clause that makes sense on its own.

And you need to reference that Molly or one of the characters has a question.

And then after the colon, you can state what that question is.

Make sure if you're using the question, of course you need to end with a question mark.

Can you write your own sentence with a colon to introduce a question? Pause the recording, and have a go now.

Before we start writing, let's just have a look through our success criteria for this piece.

These are the four key features that I want you to try and include in your writing today.

I have used show, not tell to describe the character's feelings.

You've done this already in your previous piece of writing.

This is where you're going to show how your characters are feeling rather than telling your readers how they're feeling.

I have used a colon to introduce a question or a list.

So that's based on those literary devices that we just had a look at.

I have used short sentences to create tension and excitement.

Remember we said, one of the purposes of this piece of writing was to make our reader feel very tense and excited.

Using short sentences is a way that we can do that.

I have used a range of sentence starters and structures.

So starting your sentences in different ways, using simple, compound and complex sentences.

Okay, I'm going to start modelling a piece of writing for you now, and then you will have a chance to write your third paragraph.

So as this is my third paragraph of this piece of writing, I'm going to indent, so come a little bit away from my margin.

Remember on your lined piece of paper, you just skip a couple of lines, then indent to share it's a new paragraph.

So I'm going to start with that use of a colon.

One question, pervaded Molly's mind.

Then the question is going to be, where was the rabbit proof fence? This introduces to my reader, this is my opening sentence that introduces they're still trying to find that rabbit proof fence.

They haven't found it yet.

Then we're going to say, as she squinted, remember, that was that word that she did as she looked into the sunlight, trying to find the rabbit proof fence.

As she squinted in the sunlight, she stared hopefully into the distance.

Again, she's having another look, trying desperately to find that rabbit proof fence that will lead them home.

Now I'm going to use a time conjunction to show something happening very suddenly or unexpectedly.

I'm going to use just then.

If I use it for time conjunction at the beginning of my sentence, I need to follow it with a comma.

Just then, she saw it.

So I'm going to use a short sentence there, 'cause it sounds really dramatic, making my reader feel not quite sure what she saw, but wondering whether she has seen the rabbit proof fence.

Just then, she saw it, then I'm going to use some repetition.

She saw the fence, in another short sentence, and I'm going to use some more repetition.

She saw what they had been searching for.

Okay, let's read back what I've written so far, one question pervaded Molly's mind, where was the rabbit proof fence? As she squinted into the sunlight, she stared hopefully into the distance.

Just then, she saw it, she saw the fence.

She saw what they had been searching for.

That sounds really dramatic, hopefully it'll make my reader for really tense and excited about the fact that they found the fence at last.

Now I'm going to show how she's feeling about finding the fence, going to show that she smiled.

Her sun-baked face, so remember, her face has been sort of burnt and almost baked by the sun 'cause she's been outside for so long.

Her sun-baked face creased into a beaming smile.

What else did she do? She whistled to her sisters didn't she, to tell them that she'd found it.

And she whistled eagerly to her siblings.

Now, how did her siblings, how did Gracie and Daisy react? At first, comma, the young girls barely looked up.

Remember, they were so tired, they almost didn't have the energy to raise their heads.

At first, the young girls barely looked up, that should be.

But then they realised.

I want to show how they felt, show that real excitement.

Remember that idea of adrenaline we talked about, that chemical that runs through your body, through your veins when you're really excited about something or might be when you're really, really scared about something.

Adrenaline, adrenaline surging through their veins, comma, determined girls charged forward.

So showing that they ran really, really quickly and really, really desperately towards the fence.

We use another short sentence now.

It was true, they had finally found their way home.

We're going to use a dash here to add a little bit more information.

So they had finally found their way home, their path to freedom.

Remember if they follow that rabbit proof fence all the way they will get back to Jigalong and back to their mother and their home.

Okay, let's read that paragraph back and just check it all makes sense and I haven't made any errors.

One question pervaded Molly's mind, where was the rabbit proof fence? As she squinted in the sunlight, she stared hopefully into the distance.

Just then, she saw it, she saw the fence, she saw what they had been searching for.

Her sun-face creased into a beaming smile.

And she whistled eagerly to her siblings.

At first, the young girls barely looked up, but then they realised, adrenaline surging through their veins, the determined girls charged forwards.

It was true, they had finally found their way home, their path to freedom.

I'm now going to check through my success criteria to see how I'm getting on with my writing so far.

I have used show, not tell to describe the character's feelings.

Yes, I think I did that, let's have a look.

Ah yes, I said her sun-baked face creased into a beaming smile, that shows she's really happy.

I also included adrenaline surging through their veins to show that they're sort of very, very excited about finding the fence.

So I can definitely tick that off of my success criteria.

I have used a colon to introduce a question or a list.

I think I've done that, let's check.

Ah, yes, look at that first sentence.

One question pervaded Molly's mind, where was the rabbit proof fence? So I've used it to introduce a question.

I have used short sentences to create tension and excitement.

Yes, I've got a few examples of that.

Just then she saw it, she saw the fence.

She saw what they'd been searching for.

That's also an example of patterning.

And lastly, I have used a range of sentence starters and structures.

Let's have a look.

Yes, I can see that I've got a complex sentence starting with a subordinate clause.

As she squinched in the sunlight.

I've also got a complex sentence starting with a non finite clause, adrenaline surging through their veins.

I've started some sentences with adverbials of time as well, such as at first.

So I'm doing pretty well with my writing so far.

Now it's your opportunity to write the third paragraph of the journey.

So remember, this is the part where they see the rabbit proof fence for the first time and they run towards it.

Pause the video to complete your task, resume once you're finished.

I'm now going to write my fourth and final paragraph for this piece of Rabbit Proof Fence writing.

Remember when you're starting a new paragraph, you need to skip one or two lines on your piece of paper and you need to indent.

That means you just start your first word of your paragraph and little bit away from your margin on the left-hand side of your page.

So you can see my cursor is a little bit away from the left-hand side of the box.

To show really clearly that this is a new paragraph.

In this paragraph, I'm going to describe what the girls do and how they feel once they reach that rabbit proof fence.

Now what's the first thing they do when they're standing right next to the rabbit proof fence? I know, they hold on to it, or I could say, I could write their griped onto it.

That would be more precise.

Okay, I'm going to write.

As they gripped, how could I describe the fence? I'm going to write, the cold metal tightly with their, what might their hands be like if they've been out in the sun for a long time on this difficult journey? I'm going to describe their hands as cracked, torn hands, cracked, torn hands.

I've got a subordinate clause, I need to have a rain clause.

What's the main thing that's happening in this sentence? They could almost hear then mothers, my apostrophe S, 'cause I'm going to show something belongs to the mother.

Their mother's gentle singing trembling down its fibres.

That means as they're holding, they gripped onto that fence, it's almost like they could hear their mother's singing travelling down the metal towards them.

Now, what else do they do? They hold onto it, but they also stare along it.

It's as if they're staring towards home.

So this time I'm going to start with a non finite clause, staring along the fence, comma.

Now what is my main clause going to be? What's the main thing that they're doing? They hoped she could feel they were near, they're hoping that their mother knows that they're nearly home.

Let's read through those two sentences and just check that everything makes sense.

I haven't made any errors.

As they gripped the cold metal tightly with their cracked, torn hands, they could almost hear their mother's gentle singing trembling down its fibres.

Staring along the fence, they hoped she could feel they were near.

Now I want to have some show, not tell, to show how they're feeling.

They're feeling really relieved.

They've been searching this fence for so long.

They've finally found it.

Often when you're relieved, you sigh a deep breath.

So I'm going to write, each girl drew in heavy breath.

What happened, how can I show that they then released all their tension and they felt more relaxed? I know, maybe they could show their tension in their face.

Maybe their face might soften and smile to show that they're feeling much more relaxed now.

We're going to do a compound sentence using and, to link my two main closes together.

And their faces softened into tender smiles.

This is a really good point where I could use my colon to list off some of the emotions that they are feeling.

They were overwhelmed with emotions.

What three emotions could I list that they're feeling? I've already said that they would feel relief.

So I'm definitely going to use that one.

They might feel comfort that they're nearly home and of course, happiness or joy I could say, that they're nearly being reunited with their mother and joy.

Okay, let's read those two sentences.

Each girl drew in a heavy breath and their faces softened into tender smiles.

They were overwhelmed with emotions, relief, comfort and joy.

I could end there, but I felt like I need one more sentence just to round it all off, to make it really clear to my reader, this is the end of my piece.

I'm going to start with the adverb, finally.

When I start a sentence with an adverb, I must have a comma immediately after it.

Finally, their search was over.

That makes it really, really clear that this is now the end of my story.

Right, let's read that all the way through.

As they griped the cold metal tightly, with their cracked, torn hands, they could almost hear their mother's gentle singing trembling down its fibres.

Staring along the fence, they hoped she could feel they were near.

Each girl drew in a heavy breath and their faces softened into tender smiles.

They were overwhelmed with emotions, relief, comfort and joy.

Finally, their search was over.

Let's have a look at the success criteria and see how I'm getting on.

I have used show, not tell to describe the character's feelings.

I've definitely done that, where I described each girl drawing in a heavy breath and their faces softening.

That shows me how they were feeling.

I have used a colon to introduce a question or a list.

Yes, I used a colon this time for a list of different emotions.

So I can definitely tick off the I've used it for question and a list now.

I have used short sentences to create tension and excitement.

I haven't done that so much in this paragraph because this isn't a really tense, exciting part.

The tense exciting paragraph is the bit where they finally spot the fence, but I have got a shorter sentence, a simple sentence, right at the end.

Finally, their search was over.

And lastly, I have used a range of sentence starters and structures.

Let's have a look, I've got my complex sentence starting with as.

I've also got a complex sentence starting with a non finite clause, staring along the fence.

And I use that adverb at the beginning of a sentence in my final sentence, finally, their search was over.

So I think I can tick off all four of the criteria on my success criteria for that piece of writing.

I now would like you to write the fourth paragraph of the journey, pause the video to complete your task and resume once you're finished.

In this lesson, we started with a sentence level warmup, practising writings and different types of complex sentence.

We then recapped the journey and re-watched the film clip.

We discuss some literary devices.

So how to use colons to introduce a question or to introduce a list.

And finally, I modelled two paragraphs, your third and fourth paragraph of the journey.

And hopefully, you have now written your own.

If you haven't had a chance to write your own now, this is your opportunity to write your last two paragraphs of the journey.

Congratulations, not only have you completed this lesson, you have completed this whole Rabbit Proof Fence writing unit.

If you'd like to, please ask your parent or carer to share your work on Twitter, tagging @OakNational and Learn With Oak, it's been a pleasure to teach you, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your learning with Oak National Academy, Goodbye.