Lesson video

Hello everyone, and welcome to today's lesson.

My name is Miss Smith and this is the final lesson of our Golden Compass units.

And today we get to write our final parts of our written outcomes.

So hopefully you've really enjoyed the lesson today.

And when you're ready, we can start.

In today's lesson, we will begin with a sentence level task, before we analyse a piece of model writing.

Your task today will then be to complete the final parts of this narrative scene.

And so in the lesson you'll need something to write on and something to write with.

And importantly your planning, and your writing, if you completed it from previous lessons.

Pause now to collect any of those things, if you need to.

So let's start by writing three short sentences for this image.

And this is the image of the golden monkey pouncing on Pan.

We're going to think, first of all, as to why we include short sentences in our writing.

And sometimes might refer to this as the power of three.

Three short sentences or three features of a writer's toolkit might be something that you include.

We're thinking about short sentences today, and why we include those.

Here's an example, "The evil monkey pounced.

It was no use.

Pan was pinned to the ground." So using three short sentences really creates that jolt in your writing, it stops the flow of your writing.

And that helps to communicate to the reader that this is a dramatic point where lots of things are happening.

"The evil monkey pounced.

It was no use.

Pan was pinned to the ground." So short sentences really stop that flow that we've been trying to create, and adds to the tension and the drama.

I wonder, can you think of three short sentences for this image that you might include in your writing today? Pause and do that now.

Today we are writing the second part of the scene.

And so let's just remind ourselves that the things we have, that we've prepared to support writing today.

We have a planning for each image, where we focused on Lyra and Mrs. Coulter particularly.

And we thought very carefully about how to incorporate speech sentences that convey character and advance the action.

We have our speech sandwich prompt to support accurate punctuation.

If you need to pause the video now and collect any of your previous planning and writing, then you should do that now.

So we are using these images to support our writing.

And we're aiming to write two or three sentences for each image.

And the second part of our final scene really captures the drama of the conversation.

We're going to watch this clip again now, so that we're really familiar with the drama that happens in the second part of the scene, Just don't mention it again.

Now darling, will you take off that childish shoulder bag? I don't like to see you wearing it indoors.

Please, Mrs. Coulter, I do love it.

But I do not.

Put it away.

Lyra, put it away now.

I don't want to.

If you do not obey me, we will have an argument which I will win.

Now put it away at once.

It's absurd to be carrying around a shoulder bag in your own home.

Jordan is my home.

Lyra! Don't! Please, it hurts! Lyra! So what do we need to remember in our writing today? Just have a think.

What do we need to remember? So we need to remember to refer to our characters in different ways, and we've planned lots of different ways of referring to Mrs. Coulter in particular.

We're going to make sure the speech that we've previously planned is included in a way that conveys character, and advances the action in the scene.

And we're going to build in the power of three: three short sentences.

To really cut into our writing and amplify the drama.

So we're going to look at one paragraph of modelled writing today, and I want you to focus particularly on how I've incorporated content from the table in our planning into the paragraph at the bottom of the page.

Now read that paragraph now, so you can follow on the screen with me.

"Within seconds, the conversation became uncomfortable.

Mrs. Coulter shifted in her seat.

The golden daemon scowled.

With rebellion, Lyra announced, "I don't want to." Without thinking, the short-tempered woman pounced from her seat, and towered over Lyra." Just pause and see that what evidence you can find of the planning being used in that paragraph.

Okay, let's have a look together.

So we've got, shifting in her seat, with rebellion, and short-tempered.

And those ideas are now in purple in that paragraph.

"Mrs. Coulter shifted in her seat.

The golden daemon scowled," and, "with rebellion, Lyra announced," those two ideas in purple really helped to convey the character actions at that point.

Before Lyra speaks.

And almost makes it worse, because then Mrs. Coulter pounces from her seat.

And our short-tempered idea have created a compound adjective to describe Mrs. Coulter in that final sentence.

So your challenge today should be to see how much of your plan you can incorporate into your own writing.

Your task today is to write the final part of this scene.

And remember, you're aiming for two or three sentences for each image.

And you should use your planning to help you.

So we've got a planning section there from one of our images for today's lesson.

And in your writing, you're aiming to refer to characters in different ways, incorporate speech in a way that conveys character, and advances the action.

And the power of three, can you use three short sentences to amplify the drama? Can you pause the video now, to complete your task? And write the final part of the scene using these images to help you.

Congratulations, that's the end of today's lesson! We wrote a sentence, we wrote three short sentences at the beginning of the lesson, before analysing some model writing.

And you've completed your own narrative scene for this final part of our Golden Compass unit.

You can share your work with Oak National.

If you'd like to, please ask your parents or carer to share your work on Twitter, tagging @OakNational and #LearnwithOak.

So, well done, that brings us to the end of our final writing outcome for this unit.

And you should feel really, really proud of all your efforts and your hard work.