Lesson video

Hi everyone my name is Miss Dhillon and in the lesson today we will be editing and improving our Christianity essays.

I will need you to have a very positive mindset in today's lesson.

Which is one that believes that we can always improve our work in order to make it better and even more awesome.

So today's question is can I improve my essay about Christianity? This is what the structure of the lesson is going to look like today.

We will start by looking at the success criteria for editing.

Then we'll be checking the overall structure of our essays.

Then we will consider whether each paragraph links back to the question.

We will then focus on spelling grammar and punctuation.

And finally we will be checking our work to make sure we have included as much key vocabulary as possible.

Please make sure you have the equipment ready for today's lesson.

So the most important thing is that you will need your Christianity essay ready to edit.

You also need a pen or a pencil.

So in today's lesson I'm using a different colour pen.

So I can really clearly see when I'm editing my work.

And finally a ruler so when we cross our mistakes we can do it in a very neat manner.

First of all I would like to remind you of our essay question.

Which is how is Christianity unique? Remember unique means how is it special or different to other religions? On the screen you can see the success criteria for today's lesson.

First of all we are going to check the overall structure of our essay.

Does it have a clear introduction and main body with a couple of paragraphs and a conclusion? Then number two we're going to think about the question.

Have you linked each point back to the question? So this is really important to make sure our essay is answering the question.

Number three, have you checked for the spelling grammar and punctuation within your essay? This is really important so that it flows well but it also makes sense.

Finally, have you used key vocabulary relevant to Christianity? So we have learned a lot through this unit and it is really important in your essay for you to show off all the key information and key vocabulary that you have learned.

So it's important to include this in your essay.

We are now going to go through each of these parts.

So let's start with number one.

First of all I would like you to read your essay out loud or in your head.

Reading out notes is very useful because when you read your essay from the beginning all the way to the end in one go it will really help you to see whether your essay flows and it will be easier to notice if parts of your essay doesn't make sense.

When you read your essay I would like you to check the overall structure.

Does it start with an introduction and move on to a few paragraphs which are the main points and then end with a conclusion? Also, does it make sense? So grammatically have you made it make sense through the use of correct punctuation? So you're just checking for the overall structure to make sure that overall it is making sense when you read it out loud.

So I would now like you to pause the video so you can check the overall structure of your essay.

Does it flow? Does it make sense? And does it have an introduction a main body and a conclusion? When you have finished checking this and reading your essay from the beginning to the end please restart the video so we can carry on editing our essay.

Okay team so now we're going to focus on the second success criteria.

Which is, have you linked each point back to the question? Now I'm going to show you a model paragraph.

And what we're going to do is read it together.

And then we're going to think has it linked back to the question? What we're going to do is edit it together so you can see how you will do this in your own essay independently.

So let's read this paragraph together.

Christians believe in one god.

An idea that is very important to Christians is the Holy Trinity.

Christians believe that the one god eternally exists in three persons the Father, the Son and the Holy spirit.

And that these three are one god.

When you read this paragraph did you see whether I linked it back to the original question which is, how is Christianity unique? What do you think? Okay, so this paragraph doesn't really mention anywhere why it makes Christianity unique.

So it doesn't really answer or link back to the original question.

So in order to make it link back to the question I need to look at the paragraph and ask myself what is the main point in this paragraph? And how does this Christianity unique? So if we look at this paragraph a bit more closely there's two key points.

Firstly, Christians believe in one god.

That is really key important information and it's what makes it unique because in other religions they sometimes believe in more than one god.

So this makes Christianity unique.

And the second thing is the idea of the Holy Trinity.

This is very unique to Christianity.

So now I've spotted what makes Christianity unique within my paragraph.

I can now edit my paragraph to include an extra sentence to link it back to the original question.

I am now going to do that under the visualizer.

Okay team so here I'm going to model how you can link each point back to the original question.

So let's have a look at this paragraph.

So the key points we have said are in this paragraph is the idea that Christians believe in one god and that Christians believe in the Holy Trinity.

So those are the two important ideas that are unique to Christianity.

So I need to add that to make sure I link it back to the question.

So here Christians believe in one god.

So this is a reason why Christianity is unique so I'm going to draw a line through it and I'm going to edit it to make it even better so I'm going to say Christianity is unique because Christians believe in one god.

So can you see that it says Christians believe in one god that's still the same but I've just added in this extra part.

Christianity is unique because so that helps me link it back to the question.

So Christianity is unique because Christians believe in one god rather than in many gods like some other religions.

So now I've compared it to show why it's unique in its belief that there is only one god.

Now the next point was about the Holy Trinity.

So an idea that is very important to Christians is the Holy Trinity.

So I can say an idea that is very important to Christian is the Holy Trinity.

And then here I can just add in something about it making it unique.

So an idea that it's very important to Christians is the Holy Trinity and this idea so I'm writing here because I don't really have space to fit it in here.

Okay so a little star to show where I'm adding that on and I'm just adding it on at the bottom.

So and this idea makes Christianity very unique.

So let's read it all together to make sure what I've added makes sense to the original paragraph.

So Christianity is unique because Christians believe in one god rather than in many gods like some other religions.

An idea that is very important to Christians is the Holy Trinity.

And this idea makes Christianity very unique.

Christians believe that the one god eternally exists in three persons the Father, the Son and the Holy spirit and these three are one god.

So now you can see how I haven't changed the main ideas.

The main idea was that they believe in one god and that they believe in the Holy Trinity.

But what I've done is I've linked it back to the question by saying it makes it unique because other religions sometimes believe more than one god.

So that's what makes it unique to Christianity.

And also the idea of the Holy Trinity is what makes it very unique.

So it's very important to use the keywords in the main question and link it back into each paragraph.

Okay team so now you have seen how I modelled how you can link each paragraph back to the original question.

I would now like you to read your essay and in each paragraph make sure you have linked the point back to the main question.

So pause the video now to make these edits within your own essay.

Okey team, we are now going to focus on the third success criteria which is have you checked the spelling, grammar and punctuation.

So here is an example of a paragraph that I have written.

Here we are spotting for any spelling grammar or punctuation errors because you're going to be doing this for your whole essay but we are assuming into one paragraph so you can see how you can make these edits in the essay.

So let's read this together.

The Holy Bible is a sacred text in Christianity.

The Holy Bible is unique because it's split into two sections the Old Testament and the New Testament.

The New Testament is written after Jesus dies and contain stories of his life and teachings the Old Testament was written a very long time ago.

What makes the sacred text unique is the creation story that is in the Old Testament in the book of Genesis.

This story explains how the world was created in seven days.

So in this paragraph there are a number of errors.

What I would like you to do is pause the video and see how many errors you can spot in this paragraph.

Remember you're looking for spelling grammar errors and punctuation errors.

Okay I bet you found quite a lot of errors.

So what I'm going to do now is I'm going to module under the visualizer how you can use a pen to edit your essay to improve the spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Okay team so now I'm going to model how you can read your essay and check for spelling, grammar and punctuation.

So you can see that this paragraph doesn't start with a capital letter.

So the first thing I need to do is change this to a capital letter.

So using a different colours is useful because then you can see your edits really nice and clearly.

The Holy Bible needs to be in a capital letter as well because its a Holy book And it's a proper noun.

So the Holy Bible is a sacred text in Christianity.

So sacred has been spelled incorrectly here.

So what I'm going to do is draw a line through it.

I wasn't sure about the spelling.

So that's why I know I have a feeling that it might not be correct so I'm going to double check the spelling and the actual spelling of sacred is S A C R E D.

Okay so you can see I can make my correction just above it.

The Holy Bible is a sacred text in Christianity.

The Holy Bible, so capital letters again.

Is unique because it's split into two sections.

The Old Testament and the New Testament.

So here I know that I need to introduce the Old Testament and New Testament and it's split into two sections so I need a colon here.

Its split into two sections the Old Testament and the New Testament.

So the colon introduces the two items that come after.

So let's now carry on.

The New Testament is written after Jesus dies.

So the tense here is incorrect.

Is written, it was written is past tense.

Someone cross out is and right was.

The New Testament was written after Jesus dies.

So again the tense here should be died.

And contain stories of his life and teachings.

So you can see here that I have natural pause.

The New Testament was written after Jesus died and contain stories of his life and teachings.

So that sounds like the end of a sentence but there's no full stop here.

So I'm going to add in my full stop.

This means I then need to change the to a capital letter.

The Old Testament was written a very long time ago.

That sentence is fine.

What makes the sacred texts unique? Again I notice I spelt sacred incorrectly again.

So I'm going to change that.

What makes the sacred text unique is the creation story that is in the Old Testament in the book of Genesis.

So creation I think I might have spelled that incorrectly so I'm going to double check it.

If you've got a dictionary you can always use dictionary to check your spelling and is incorrect.

So I'm going to draw a line through it and creation is C R E A T I O N.

So the 'tion I confused right by writing S H U N and that's okay because now I've fixed it.

So what makes it sacred texts unique is a creation story that is in the Old Testament in the book of Genesis.

Did you notice where I might have paused in that sentence? Well done if you said after here so what makes us take great texts unique is the creation story that is in the Old Testament in the book of Genesis.

So I can put a comma here.

So now let's read it together.

What makes the sacred text unique is the creation story that is in the Old Testament in the book of Genesis.

So that helps it flow better.

but also make it less confusing.

This story explains how the world was created in seven days.

So now you can see I have finished editing that paragraph.

I have my capital letters in the correct places.

My full stops.

I have checked the spelling.

I wasn't too sure off.

And I've added a comma to make it flow better when the sentence was too long and disjointed.

And I've also added a colon here because I'm introducing a list here the Old Testament and the New Testament.

Okey team it is now your turn to edit your essay.

So I would like you to have your pen ready.

And I want you to check your whole essay for any spelling errors.

So any spelling you're not sure of or you thought when I was writing this I might have guessed the spelling I would like you to double check them.

Check your grammar is your tense correct? Do the sentences link together? Do they make sense? And checking your punctuation.

Do you have your full stops, your commas.

If you're introducing a list are you using a colon for example? So pause the video now to check the spelling grammar and punctuation in your own essay.

When you are ready and you're finished that you can restart the video.

Okey team, the final success criteria for today's lesson is have you used key vocabulary relevant to Christianity? Okey team, on the screen you can see a model paragraph for the question where do Christians worship? So we are focusing here on finding words that can be replaced with better key words that are most specific to Christianity.

Let's read it together.

Christians can worship God anywhere however they do also go to the church to worship.

This is usually on a Sunday because Sunday is a special day.

In the church Christians will pray and sing songs.

What makes Christianity unique is how they celebrate and remember the last supper in some churches.

This is when people taking part take a sip of wine and eat some bread.

This is a unique celebration within Christianity where they remember the final meal that Jesus shared with his followers.

So did you notice any key words in here that could be replaced for better keywords a bit more specific to Christianity.

Take a close look.

So you might have seen that it says Sunday is a special day.

It is special but there's key word used to explain why it's special.

It also says that Christian sing songs in the church.

There's actually another word used to describe the songs that are sang at the church.

And finally it says that people take a sip of wine and bread.

Now that is a celebration of something but that key word is not used within this paragraph.

So what I'm going to do now is under a visualizer I'm going to module how you can change key vocabulary in your paragraphs to include better and more technical vocabulary so it links back to Christianity but also shows off all the key information and key vocabulary you have learned over the course of this unit.

Okay team so for this paragraph I am checking to see have I used key vocabulary that is relevant to Christianity.

So Christians can worship God anywhere however they do also go to the church to worship.

This is usually on a Sunday because Sunday is a special day.

So here I have mentioned that it's a special day.

Why is Sunday a special day? What is it called? Okay so hopefully you remember that Sunday is called the Sabbath day.

And it is a special day because as a Holy day.

So I'm going to change this special day.

So changing special day.

So Sunday is not a it's going to be the Sabbath day.

Sabbath is with a capital letter.

Double B A T H the Sabbath day.

And I can also to give more information to the reader also say that it's a Holy day.

And I can provide extra information by putting it in brackets.

So I can say the Sabbath day brackets, the holy day.

Okay, let's carry on reading.

In the church Christians will pray and sing songs.

So what is the key vocabulary used to describe the religious songs that are sang inside a church? Can you remember? I will give you a clue it starts with an H.

Well done if you said hymns.

So they don't sing songs.

The technical word would be hymns.

So spelling is H Y M N S.

So you can see I'm changing songs for hymns which is what the technical term is for the songs sang inside the church.

What makes Christianity unique is how they celebrate and remember the Last Supper.

This is when people taking part take a sip of wine and eat some bread.

Do you remember what it is called when Christians who are taking part in this take a sip of wine and eat some bread.

It starts with a E if you can remember.

Well done if you said the Eucharist.

so I'm going to add that key word in because it's really important and a really important key vocabulary that I need to show in my essay.

So I can say what makes Christianity unique is how they celebrate.

And I can add it here.

How they celebrate.

The Eucharist and its capital.

Okay so now let's read it together.

What makes Christianity unique is how they celebrate the Eucharist and remember the Last Supper.

So that's even better now because I've included this key vocabulary.

This is when people taking part take a sip of wine and eat some bread.

This is a unique celebration within Christianity where they remember the final meal that Jesus shared with his followers.

So followers is okay as a key word but I could also use another word.

So I can make a choice.

And I might want to use another key word.

What's another key word for followers.

What they called? Jesus' Excellent if you said disciples So I could change this to disciples.

So he shared his final meal with his disciples.

So now you can see how I can check my essay to see are there any words that I can replace to even better and more interesting words or to more technical vocabulary that's actually related to Christianity.

So you now need to check your essay for any key vocabulary that you might have missed.

Okey team it is now your turn to check your essay to make sure you have included all the key vocabulary that you can possibly include.

So pause the video now to check all your paragraphs and once you've finished you can restart the video.

Okay team that is now the end of the lesson.

In this lesson you have learned how you can carefully edit your essay to make it even better than it already was.

So remember even the greatest writers edit their writing many times before they get it right.

Thank you for showing such a positive growth mindset in today's lesson and wanting to be even better.

Bye everyone.