Lesson video

Hi everyone.

It's me, Miss Chu.

We're onto the next lesson, which is an editing lesson.

And in this lesson, we will be improving our writing, making it better, checking it.

So we need to be super focused today and in a quiet space, not distracted by anything.

And then when you're ready, we can begin.

Right, check you've got everything you need.

You've got your book, your paper, your pen or your pencil.

If you don't, pause the video, go and get your things, then I'll be right back here, ready with your thinking head switched on.

Let's look at the agenda.

We are going to start with a writing warm up to get us ready for the lesson and warmed up.

I'm going to review some of the editing reminders.

Then we're going to have a little practise and then we will have a go at editing our newspaper reports and improving them.

What's the writing warm up today? Let's recap on some interrupted speech because that speech is quite tricky.

I find it very tricky.

I need a little bit of a recap.

Let's have a look then.

We start with our inverted comas, capital letter.

"It was absolute chaos," exclamation mark, inverted commas, "a bystander reported," full stop.

Then he continues to speak, or she continues to speak.

"I was scared for my life." I've got my person who said it in the middle of my speech.

Have I got my punctuation correct? Let's have a look.

I'm going to use my speech sandwich image to help me.

My bread is on the outside.

I've got my capital letters, tomato.

My other punctuation and my speech.

Perfect.

Now I would like you to have a go at practising some speech sentences using the speech bubble.

"I'm pretty sure I saw local hero Spiderman.

"I just wanted to thank him." I would like you to write that as interrupted speech, and you can say whoever said it.

You could say it was an eyewitness or local resident, a bystander, a shop owner, a waiter, anything.

The list goes on and on.

You choose who said it.

I've just put a few notes there in bullet points in case you're stuck on who could say it.

Pause the video and have a go now.

Here is my example.

"I'm pretty sure," starting with inverted commas and a capital letter.

"I saw local hero Spiderman," comma, inverted commas, "an eyewitness reported," full stop, inverted commas capital letter.

"I just wanted to thank him," full stop, inverted commas.

I've got my appropriate speech punctuation.

I've got my person who said it in the middle, 'cause I'm doing interrupted speech.

Perfect.

Happy with that.

You check yours and see if you've got the same.

Moving on to editing reminders now.

Today we are editing, I said that previously, but what does an editor do? Do you remember? Pause the video and have a think.

Yes, an editor goes through a writer's work and checks for mistakes and makes improvements.

Every author needs an editor.

You can self edit or you can get someone to edit, peer edit, but today we will be self editing.

We need our checklist to remind us what we need to look for.

Punctuation, we need to look at our writing to see that it makes sense.

We've got to check that the words are spelled correctly.

Also we need to think about our language choice.

Is it accurate? Is it precise? Could we use a better word there? More ambitious word, more precise? Are our sentences varied? Can we show off everything we know? Can we write some simple, compound, complex sentences? If we can, then we show off what we know.

And we look at the structure of our writing.

Let's think back, what did we do to challenge ourselves? What did we challenge ourselves to include in our newspaper report? We use journalistic sentence starters.

We use direct and indirect speech with accurate punctuation.

And we wrote complex sentences with a relative clause.

Brilliant, there's my image of Mr. Mean and Mr. Subordinate.

I've got my Mr. Mean and Mr. Subordinate in my complex sentences.

So we need to look out for these things that I've listed in our writing when we edit, too, as well as the other things that I have mentioned already? Let's have a go at some practise.

We are going to look at these things, punctuation, sense, and spelling in this little paragraph here, the two bits of writing, two paragraphs.

"Once the criminals were safely trapped "Spiderman allegedly left the scene "before he could be thanked "by relieved local residents and bystanders.

"A frightened local resident Steve Glub "who was walking home from work reported "The 'Diner Bandits' were driving like," and let's stop there because we're going to continue that sentence on our next slide, but let's just pause the video here and check for punctuation, sense, and spelling.

Pause the video, read through it yourself the first time, then check for punctuation.

Then check for sense.

Then check for spelling.

And write it out on your paper with the correct edits.

Here's what I have.

"Once the criminals," I crossed out criminals because that wasn't the right spelling of criminals and I wrote the correct spelling above it or next to it.

"Were safely trapped," I needed a comma there.

"Spiderman allegedly left the scene." Um, wasn't the right spelling, so I crossed it out and I put my C in scene, my silent C.

"Before he could," could needs to be spelled C-O-U-L-D, "be thanked by relieved," again, I before E, "local residents and bystanders," the by is with a Y not an I.

Second paragraph, "A frightened local resident," comma, "Steve Glub," brackets, "who was walking home from work "reported," and I have to have that comma because it's speech second, comma, inverted commas.

"'The "Diner Bandits" were driving like,'" and I'm going to continue now on the next slide.

"'Maniacs down the street towards us,'" full stop.

"'It was absolute chaos!' "A number of other bystanders commented "that they saw a dark figure believed to be Spiderman, "swinging through the air from building to building "on the speeding car," hm.

Check for errors.

When you pause the video, I want you to firstly, read it by yourself.

Secondly, check for punctuation.

Then check for sense.

Then check the spelling.

I combined sense and spelling there to spence.

Pause the video and have a go at doing that.

Great, I hope you've had a go at doing that.

These are the edits I made.

"'Maniacs down the street towards us,'" full stop was fine.

"'It was absolute chaos!'" I thought needed the inverted commas at the end.

It's the end of speech.

"A number of other bystanders," with a Y, "commented that they saw a dark figure," brackets, "believed to be Spiderman "swinging through the air from building to building." And it's not on, it's not the right preposition so I've crossed it out and I put, "above the speeding car." So now it makes sense.

I've checked for sense and it makes sense.

Editing and improving your own writing.

Now it is time to pause the video again to complete your task.

This is a big task.

So you'll be pausing the video for a while.

You've got to reread your whole newspaper report, and then you've got to edit your newspaper report.

Firstly, you will need to check for punctuation, sense, and spelling.

When you have done that, you may click play to resume.

Editing practise.

Now we are going to practise a different type of editing.

Let's have a look down there.

We're going to look at language choices, sentence types, and the structure of our writing.

So before we do that to our newspaper reports, let's have a little practise so we know.

I'm going to read it to you first.

"Once the bad men were safely gone "Spiderman left the scene before he could be thanked "by the local residents and bystanders.

"A scared local resident, Steve Glub, "who was walking home from work, reported "'The "Diner Bandits" were driving like," and we're going to continue this on the next slide.

But for now I'd like you to pause the video and number one, you're going to read it yourself.

Number two, you will look at the language choices.

Are there any words there that you think could be replaced by a better word or a more precise adjective, or verb, and also your sentence types and the structure.

Pause the video and have a go.

These are the edits I made.

"Once the bad men," I crossed out bad men because I didn't think that was very factual.

I put, "renowned criminals were safely gone," I thought, hm, could be a better where there, "trapped," comma, "Spiderman, allegedly left the scene." Allegedly makes it a little bit more journalistic 'cause this is a newspaper where we want to use journalistic vocabulary.

So I put, "allegedly left the scene "before he could be thanked by the, "by relieved eyewitnesses." Just gave a little bit more information, "and bystanders." "Scared," I thought, it could be a better word.

I used frightened, "A frightened local resident, "Steve Glub, who was walking home from work, "reported, 'The "Diner Bandits" were driving like.

'" Happy with my edits.

Let's look at the next slide.

"'Were driving like maniacs down the street towards us.

"'It was absolute chaos!' "Some more bystanders said that they saw a dark figure "like it was Spiderman swinging through the air." Hmm, check for errors now.

Number one, read it through.

Number two, punctuation, sense, spelling.

Pause the video off you go.

These are the edits I have made.

"'Like maniacs down the street towards us.

"'It was absolute chaos!' "Some more," I've crossed it out and I've written, "A large number." "A large number of bystanders," crossed out said 'cause we don't want to use said.

We want to use a synonym for said, "reported that they saw a dark figure, like it was," not great, crossed it out.

Brackets, "Believed to be Spiderman "swinging through the air from each building," doesn't make sense, "from building to building "above the suspects' speeding car." And I've got suspects in plural, speeding car, apostrophe for possession, speeding car.

You happy with that? Happy with yours? Now it is time to edit and improve your own writing.

Once again, you're going to pause the video and this is going to be a bit of a long pause again, because you're going to reread your whole newspaper report again, but this time you're now going to just focus on the three areas, language choice, sentence types, and the structure of your whole newspaper report.

Good luck, enjoy, have fun.

Click play, resume once you finished.

Brilliant, well done you.

In this lesson, you have learned a lot of things.

You've learned mainly to edit, but in the writing warm up, we had another go at doing interrupted speech.

Then we practised how to edit.

And finally we edited our own newspaper reports.

This time I would like you to share your edited newspaper reports with Oak National.

We would love to see your edited newspapers.

Please ask a parent or carer to share your learning on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, making sure you tag @OakNational and #LearnwithOak.