Lesson video

Hi everyone, it's Ms. Webster with you for our next Jabberwocky lesson.

And I've particularly been looking forward to teaching you this lesson because we get to write the climax today, which as we know is the most exciting part of the story.

So I hope that you're feeling ready to write.

Let's get started, in this lesson you will need an exercise book or some paper, a pencil or a pen, you'll need your brain and really importantly, you need your plan that you did in the last lesson.

So we haven't got any of those things, pause the video, go and collect them and I'll see you when you're ready.

We'll be doing our writing warm up.

We will be preparing to write, we'll write each section of the climax in parts, and then we will read back up paragraph.

So let's see what's our writing warm up is, it says match these sentences to the correct comma use.

So I'll show you the sentences in a moment, but first of all, let's see what uses of commas there could be.

So after a time conjunction, between two adjectives, after an adverb of manner, after a prepositional phrase or after a subordinate clause.

As I'm reading these sentences, think about what the comma has been used for ready for the first one? From the shadows, a menacing noise could be heard.

The brave man swung his sharp, deadly sword through the air.

And number three, Finally, the Jabberwock appeared from behind the dense trees.

Number four, as the fierce monster tried to slash through the man's flesh, he let out a loud roar.

And number five, Expertly, the young man brandished his blade.

Just remind me what the word brandished means by showing me, brandished his blade, he held it up, ready to fight.

So you need to pause the video and just write the correct use of the comma for each sentence.

So number one, if you think it is after a prepositional phrase write that and so on.

So pause the video and have a go and I see you when you've done that.

Pause the video now.

Should we check? So this first sentence said, From the shadows, I can see the comma there, can you see it point to it? Well done, why is that comma there? Because it's a prepositional phrase, telling us where something happened, From the shadows, well done for that word.

The next one, the brave man swung his sharp, deadly sword through the air.

Why is that comma there? Tell me, yes because it's between two adjectives.

Points the adjectives.

Tell me what they are, sharp and deadly and we need a comma between them to separate them.

Number three, finally, the Jabberwock appeared from behind the dense trees.

What kind of word is finally? Hmm, let's see.

It's a time conjunction and we need commas after time conjunctions, if we've used them at the beginning of a sentence.

Next one.

As the fierce monster tried to slash through the man's flesh, he let out aloud roar.

Point to the comma and tell me why it's there.

Well done.

It's after a subordinate clause, the subordinate clause in that sentence is after the fierce monster tried to slash through the man's flesh.

We've got a subordinate clause followed by a main clause, which I have, he let out a loud roar.

That's a main clause, what kind of sentence have I got? Subordinate clause plus a main clause, mmmh, it's got to be a complex sentence, doesn't it.

And finally this comma must be used because it's after an adverb of manner.

So, expertly, the young man brandished his blade.

In other words, he did that expertly.

He did it like an expert.

So really well done for your writing warm up.

We are writing the climax today.

We've already written the opening.

We've already written the buildup, we've already planned the climax.

And today we're writing it.

Remember in the climax, the young man and the Jabberwock have a vicious fight.

And that's the exciting bits of their stories.

Let's recap on the order of the climax.

The young man wondered what to do next and the Jabberwock approached him.

That was the first thing that happened.

The second thing that happened, they were caught in a vicious fight.

The young man sliced off the Jabberwock's head.

And then the third thing that happened.

Is the young man returned home.

Let's think about the writing skills that we'll use today.

You definitely need to think, say, write, read every single sentence.

You need to choose the most precise, descriptive language for nouns by choosing nouns and adjectives really carefully.

And you need to choose the most precise verbs and adverbs.

And you're really going to try hard using your commas correctly and accurately.

And the most important thing is of course, to have your plan right next to you.

So I'm going to show you a little bit of writing for each part and you won't be able to see my face anymore, but you will be able to hear me.

We will write the climax in short parts.

So you need your plan ready now, and let's look at the first row on your plan.

You've got some amazing vocabulary there.

I'm just checking what I've got on mine.

So I have a really good look at yours.

What words do you definitely want to use in this bit? I'm going to share some sentences with you that go with this part.

So you need to listen along really carefully.

Desperately, the young man pondered his next move.

All of a sudden, he had a vicious snarling and caught sight of the Jabberwock emerging from the shadows.

He'd gulped and stood frozen to the spot.

The savage beast charged towards him with a remorseless look in his eyes.

Can you see any words that I've used in my sentences that I got from my plan? Yeah, I definitely can, pondered, charged, remorseless.

So I bet you've got loads of great words that you can use in your sentences.

So let's look at our skills to be successful.

When I wrote my writing, I did think, say, write, read every sentence and I've just read it back to you.

I think I did choose the most precise, descriptive language.

Can you see any really well chosen nouns and objectives in my writing? Hmm.

Point to an example, point to another example, and I'll show you, all those words in pink.

I chose the adjective vicious to describe the snarling.

I chose the words, savage beast to refer to the jabberwock.

And then I use the adjective remorseless to describe the look in his eyes.

What's about precise verbs and adverbs in the sentences? Can you point to one? Point to another one? I'm going to show you my precise verbs and adverbs choices.

So, desperately, pondered, snarling, emerging, gulped and stood frozen to the spot.

And I think by choosing precise verbs and adverbs, I've really managed to build a picture up in my reader's mind of what exactly is happening.

And what about the commas? Can you see any comments in there? I can see a few.

I've got one after desperately, why is that one there? That one's there because desperately is a, what kind of adverb? Time, place, or manner? It's manner, isn't it? Because it's telling us how he's pondering his next move.

He is so desperately trying to think of what to do next.

And then the other comma is after all of a sudden, which as we know is a time conjunction.

It's your turn to write the first bits of the climax.

There are the skills to be successful and you must make sure you have your plan right next to you.

Pause the video now, and I will see you when you're ready.

So the next part in our climax is describing the battle, the fight, the blood thirsty battle, the terrifying brawl.

Have a look at your plan for number two and get ready to listen to my sentences.

Instantly, the two foes were caught in a brutal, bloodthirsty battle.

The Jabberwock tried to slash the man's flesh with his knife-like claws.

Skillfully, the brave man swung his sharp sword through the air and sliced off the Jabberwock's head! And again, I can see lots of words in my plan that are in my sentences.

So, let's have a look at those key skills for writing.

Let's start off with those precise, descriptive language choices.

Can you see anywhere that I've used really well chosen adjectives? Point to an example, and another one.

Well done.

I'm going to show you, all those words in pink.

So I've described the battle as brutal and bloodthirsty.

I've described his knife-like claws and his sharp sword.

The Jabberwock knife- like claws and the young man's sharp sword.

What about precise verbs and adverbs? Point to one.

Point to another one.

I'll show you some.

So I've got the word slash, he tried to slash the man's flesh with his knife-like claws.

And I can really get a good image in my mind of the Jabberwock trying to do that.

Skillfully, so that's an adverb that tells me how he swung his sharp sword through the air.

Does skillfully mean that he did it really well or not very well? Yeah, if you do something skillfully, it means you're really good at it, you do it well.

And then the word sliced in that last part of the sentence.

Can you see any commas? I can see a few.

I can see one after instantly because it's a, what kind of adverb time, place or manner? Yeah, it's time, isn't it? It's a time conjunction.

Is instantly really quick or really slow? Really really quick, isn't it? What's about that next one? What have I got one there? Brutal, blood thirsty? I think back to our writing warm up.

That one's there because it's separating two adjectives.

And then I can see one after skillfully, that's an adverb of manner that tells me how he swung his sharp sword through the air.

So I need a comma, if it's starting the sentence.

It's your turn to write this part now, there's a reminder of our skills to be successful.

Hope you still got your plan right next to you because it's got all your fantastic ideas in it.

So pause the video now.

Take a few minutes or however long you need to write this bits and join me when you're ready.

So this is our last part of our climax.

So have a look at your plan.

What great words you've got on there? What words are you going to use? Okay, ready to listen to my sentences.

At last, the vicious monster was dead! With a smug smile on his face, the victorious man strode proudly back through the forest as he carried the Jabberwock's head triumphantly.

He couldn't wait to tell his father the excellent news.

So again, I've got lots of words in those sentences, I can see on my plan.

So I just used those straight from my plan and put them in my sentences.

Can you see any precise, descriptive language? How have I described the monster? Have I referred to the man? Let's have a look.

So I referred to the Jabberwock as vicious monster.

I said that the man had a smug smile, a very proud smile on his face.

And I refer to him as the victorious man, meaning that he had just won something and he'd just won the battle, hadn't he? What's about precise verbs and adverbs? Have a really good look.

What verbs and adverbs can you see? I can see these ones, the words in green, strode proudly, and he carried the Jabberwock's head triumphantly, meaning he felt really proud about the fact that he'd chopped off the Jabberwock's head and he was displaying it for everyone to see.

What about the commas? Hmm, I can see a couple of commas there.

Can you see them? They're in blue, at last, okay.

So that's a time conjunction.

So I need my comma after the time conjunction.

And then with a smug smile on his face, is a fronted adverbial.

It's just giving me extra information about how the victorious man strode proudly back home.

So, well done for listening carefully to this bit.

It's now your turn to write, there are the skills to be successful.

So pause the video now, take as long as you need, and I'll see you when you've done that.

Pause the video now.

The final bits of our lesson is reading back our writing.

And I want you to listen really carefully whilst I do that.

And you can follow along on the screen.

If you want to read out loud, that's totally fine.

I would really like if he did that.

Desperately, the young man pondered his next move.

All of a sudden, he had a vicious snarling and caught sight of the Jabberwock emerging from the shadows.

He gulped and stood frozen to the spot.

The savage beast charged towards him, with a remorseless look in his eyes.

Instantly, the two foes were caught in a brutal, bloodthirsty battle.

The Jabberwock tried to slash the man's flesh with his knife-like claws.

Skillfully, the brave man swung his sharp sword through the air and sliced off the Jabberwock's head! At last, the vicious monster is dead! With a smug smile on his face, the victorious man strode proudly through the forest as he carried the Jabberwock's head triumphantly.

He couldn't wait to tell his father the excellent news.

So it's your turn to read your whole paragraph back.

And as you do that, you need to think about what it's like to be the reader of your writing.

Is there a vivid picture in your mind of what's happening? How do you feel when you read your writing back, and what do you think happens next? Pause the video now and I'll see you when you've read your writing back.

Pause the video.

Wow, what fabulous work today! You did the writing warmup, you got ready to write, you wrote each section of the climax in parts, which was absolutely fantastic.

And then you read back your whole paragraph and you should be really really proud of yourself.

If you'd like to, please ask a parent or carer to share your writing on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter tagging @OakNational and #LearnwithOak.

And that would be fantastic because it means that I would get to see your fantastic writing.

So really looking forward to seeing you for the next lesson.

And I hope you have a great rest of your day.