Lesson video

Hi everybody, it's Ms. Gardner.

Welcome back to your next lesson from the unit, "The Man on the Moon": narrative writing.

Thank you for joining me on today's learning.

I hope you're excited as I am.

So let's get going.

In today's lesson from our unit, "The Man on the Moon," narrative writing, we are going to be planning.

So your learning outcome is: I can plan precise, ambitious vocabulary to write a narrative buildup based on "The Man on the Moon.

" Let's start by looking at our keywords.

We will do My Turn, Your Turn.

So I'll say the word first, and then you can say it back to the screen or to your partner or whoever you are with: Plan.

Notes.

Ambitious vocabulary.

Fronted adverbial.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

So a plan is a framework that writers create before they write a section or whole text.

Notes are not written in full sentences.

We do not need full sentences on our plan.

Ambitious vocabulary is high-level language in writing that meets the text purpose.

We are writing a narrative piece of writing, so we want our vocabulary to reflect that.

A fronted adverbial is a sentence starter followed by a comma.

So there are two sections in today's learning, and the first section will be preparing to plan.

And the second section will be writing the plan.

Let's start with preparing to plan.

"The Man on the Moon" is narrative, and it can be structured like this: opening, buildup, the climax, and then the resolution.

In this lesson, we are planning the buildup.

So what is the purpose of the buildup?

What do we need to think about when we're writing a buildup?

It is to develop the purpose, to develop the plot and characters, introduce a problem.

Often a problem is introduced in the buildup, and then also it needs to build up that tension and excitement 'cause we're building up to that most exciting moment in the climax.

So the buildup, you need to build up to that.

In the buildup, we develop the characters, we get to know them a little bit more, and we introduce the problem.

So Lily, she is determined to find a way to reach the man on the moon.

She desperately tries different ways to send the letter.

She stands on the roof, she uses a bow and arrow.

None of them work, but she's really, really persistent.

But she does become more and more frustrated.

So that is her character developing.

The man, he does become more and more lonely, and he begins to give up hope that anyone will know who he is there.

So these are the characters; we're coming to know them a little bit more.

Their personalities and their emotions are being developed.

But also the problem that's being introduced is that Lily cannot find a way to get her letter to the moon.

So the purpose of the buildup is: A, to solve a problem; B, to develop the characters; C, to introduce the characters; or D, to introduce a problem.

Pause the video now.

Okay, let's go through the answers.

The purpose of the buildup is to B, develop the characters, and D, to introduce that problem.

It can't be A, to solve a problem, that usually takes place in the climax, and C, to introduce the characters; we've done that already in the opening.

Well done, everyone.

So when we plan, we log precise and ambitious vocabulary to help paint vivid pictures for our reader.

We must include precise verbs, adjectives, adverbs, and a range of nouns.

Again, we can use show and tell language to describe in detail how the characters are feeling.

And this helps us to develop the characters in our narrative.

We know in the buildup we want to develop the characters and their emotions, so we can use show and tell language to help us do this.

Let's start by reviewing the key moments of the buildup.

There are three key moments.

We are gonna describe them in a lot more detail, but these are them as a summary.

So the first key moment: Lily scooted home to look through her telescope again.

In the second key moment, we go up into the moon, the scene changes, and we see the man sat on the bench.

And then the third key moment: back on Earth, Lily tries different ways to send her letter to the moon.

So these are the moments in their most simple form.

We are gonna be describing them in a lot more detail.

But first, checking for understanding.

Put the key moments of the opening in the correct order.

So your options are: Lily tried different ways to send a letter to the moon.

Lily scooted home to look through her telescope.

The man sat on the bench.

Pause the video now.

Okay.

Lily scooted home to look through her telescope.

That's your first moment.

The man sat on the bench.

Lily tried different ways to send her letter to the moon.

Well done, everyone.

So now let's look at each moment in a bit more detail.

We're gonna be thinking about what we can see and what we can hear.

The first two moments, there's two pictures described for this moment: Lily scootering home, and then how she looks through the telescope again.

So Lily raced home on her scooter.

Why?

Because she was desperate to see the man again.

She wanted to get back to her scooter.

.

.

sorry.

She wanted to get back to her telescope and see if she can see the man again.

Maybe she'd been dreaming.

She wanted to check.

She looked through her telescope, and you could see her doing that in the picture.

And she's thinking about what he was doing.

And this is when we start to realize that Lily is feeling sorry for him.

He seems quite lonely up there on the moon.

So she's starting to think, "What can I do to help him?

" And she's also wondered, "How can she reach him?

How can she let him know that she can see him?

" The next moment, we change the scene and we go up into the sky, up into the moon, and we start to develop the man's character.

So you can see the solitary man sat alone on the bench.

The solitary means he's alone.

There's no one else there.

The moon is vast.

His bench, his shack, they seem tiny in comparison.

And thinking back to that positive and negative image, this feels like a really negative image of the moon.

It looks cold and lonely up there.

It doesn't look very peaceful or calm.

He gazed longingly at Earth, wondering if anyone knew he was there.

We don't know how he got up to the moon or why he's there, but we can see him looking down at Earth and thinking, "Oh, does anyone know I'm here?

" He then begins to give up hope that anyone would ever reach him.

And he kind of looks down at the ground, slumps his shoulders, and he looks pretty hopeless, really.

And then finally, Lily gazes up at the moon, and then she comes up with an idea.

She decides, "I know how I'm gonna reach the moon.

I'm gonna send him a letter.

" So she tried lots of different ways to get the letter to the moon: by bow and arrow, by standing on her roof, and by paper airplane.

But none of them work.

She becomes more and more frustrated.

We can see her getting really annoyed: "Will she ever find a way?

" And that's how the buildup ends.

The problem has not been solved.

So we know that that's gonna happen in the climax.

So our buildup ends with Lily thinking, "Will she ever find a way to reach the man on the moon?

" We can use fronted adverbials of time, place, and manner to tell the reader when, where, or how an action is taking place.

So for example, in these key moments of the buildup, we could describe how she's scooting home "excitedly," or "As Lily scooted home.

" So when she's scooting home: "As quick as a flash.

" She did that really, really quickly.

She was scootering really quickly.

That's the fronted adverbial.

And then "Through the lens," that's where she was when she saw the man on the moon again.

Okay, now this moment we've changed, the scene has changed.

We've moved from Earth up into the moon.

So we could say "Meanwhile.

" So at the same time as Lily's down on Earth, up in the moon, the man is sitting on his bench.

So "Meanwhile, on the rocky moon," where is he?

That's a fronted adverbial of place.

And then "Amid the eerie silence.

" Again, eerie is a really precise adjective choice to create that negative image of the moon.

If we'd said, "Amid the peaceful silence" or "calm silence," it would feel a lot more positive.

It would feel like it's quite nice that it's quiet up there.

But "eerie silence" creates a negative image, quite a spooky image, and it doesn't sound like it's a very nice place to be.

And then the final image: "The next night.

" So we're showing that time has passed.

Or "Curiously," how she was looking through the telescope and thinking about what she can do.

And then "Suddenly," she comes up with this idea.

So some more fronted adverbials we could use to move the action along.

And finally, "Again and again.

" That's how many times she was trying to send a letter.

"Again and again," she tried different ways.

It is time for Task A.

You need to fill in the blanks with ambitious vocabulary from the word box below.

I'm going to read the sentences.

And when I say "blank," that means there is a word from the word bank that could be filled in there.

As I'm reading, you could even have a go at saying a word that you think makes sense in those sentences.

But don't worry now if you want to wait and do it independently, you can pause the video and do it after.

But have a go at saying the sentences now as well, if you'd like.

"Excitedly, Lily blank home on her scooter.

She was desperate to see the man again.

Meanwhile, the blank man sat alone on his blank bench.

Blank, she stared at the moon and she wondered what she could do.

Suddenly, she had an idea and she raced blank up to her bedroom.

" So your word choices from the word bank: solitary, bolted, curiously, freezing cold, and excitedly.

So pause the video now and have a go filling in those missing spaces.

Off you go.

Welcome back, everybody.

Let's go through the answers.

"Excitedly, Lily bolted home on her scooter.

" She was desperate to see the man again.

"Meanwhile, the solitary man sat alone on his freezing cold bench.

" "Curiously, she stared at the moon and she wondered what she could do.

" "Suddenly, she had an idea and she raced excitedly up to her bedroom.

" And we need to be thinking about these word choices and this ambitious vocabulary 'cause we can be including them in our plan in a minute.

It's now time for the second section of our learning where we are gonna be writing the plan.

When we write a plan, we use notes.

Notes are concise, short, and efficient, and capture key vocabulary and information.

The purpose of notes is to help the writer organize information easily for future use.

So when it comes to writing, we use bullet points when note-taking, and they look like this: you can see there's a dot and then space for you to write on the line next to it.

We do not need to use full sentences in notes and on your plans.

We can save that for when it comes to writing.

So true or false, checking for understanding.

This would be found in a plan: "As quick as a flash, Lily bolted home excitedly to use her telescope.

" Would you find that in a plan, true or false?

Pause video now.

It is false.

Could you use A or B to justify your answer?

A: Plans include ambitious vocabulary, including precise verbs and adverbs.

Or B: Plans include ambitious vocabulary that is not written in full sentences.

Pause the video now.

That is correct, it is B.

We do not need full sentences on our plans.

Well done, everyone.

Okay, it is time for Task B.

We are writing our plan.

You need to fill in the plan with fronted adverbials and ambitious vocabulary to describe each moment in detail.

So the first moment: Lily scooted home to look through her telescope.

A fronted adverbial you could use could be "As quick as a flash," 'cause you are describing to the reader that she was going really, really quickly, as quick as she could to get home to look at the telescope again.

I'll include some other fronted adverbials that we looked at earlier in the lesson.

Describe when, where Lily is and how she's looking through the telescope, how she's feeling.

And then some ambitious vocabulary to describe her in this key moment.

Pause the video now and off you go.

Okay, welcome back, everyone.

I wonder what ideas you came up with on your plan.

Do not worry if your ideas do not look exactly like mine.

That's to be expected.

And actually, that's a really good thing 'cause it means that everyone will have different ideas on their plan, so everyone's writing will turn out to be quite different in the end.

But see, these are some of the ideas that I've come up with.

So fronted adverbials for this key moment: "As quick as a flash," "Excitedly", that's how she was scooting home, and "Through the lens.

" So describing her when she's looking through the telescope.

And then some ambitious vocabulary: "The curious girl.

" She's curious 'cause she wants to know more.

"She bolted home.

" Bolted is a synonym for sprinted, ran really quickly.

"Her heart pounded with excitement.

" So that's some show and tell language, describing her heart to show how excited she is.

And then a rhetorical question: "How could she help?

How could she get in touch with the moon?

" Okay, it's now time to describe the second moment, the moment back up into the moon.

We're going back up into the moon and describing the man and developing his character.

So a fronted adverbial you could use could be "Meanwhile" to show that at the same time that Lily's down on Earth, up on the moon, the man is feeling really lonely and worrying that no one's thinking about him.

So now you need to pause the video and jot down some of your own fronted adverbials and ambitious vocabulary to describe this moment.

Pause the video now and off you go.

Well done, everybody, for working so hard.

I wonder again if we've got any of the same ideas.

Do not worry if you didn't get any of the same ideas.

That's quite all right.

But also, if you like some of the ideas that I've written down, feel free to write them down yourself on your plan.

So some fronted adverbials: "Meanwhile, on the rocky moon.

" I want to describe where he is.

But again, you could use any adjective to describe the moon.

You could say "on the barren moon," "on the vast moon," "on the empty moon," any of those adjective choices which create a negative image of the moon for the reader.

And then "Amid the eerie silence.

" Again, that "eerie" creating a really negative image.

It's not a happy silence, it's not a calm, joyful silence.

It's this kind of creepy silence.

Then ambitious vocabulary.

"The solitary man," all alone.

"The freezing cold bench.

" "He gazed longingly at Earth.

" So gaze is a synonym for looked, but if you're gazing, you're looking at something for a long time.

So he's looking at Earth, gazing at Earth, wishing he could be there or that someone's thinking of him.

And then "He sighed hopelessly.

" Some show and tell language.

(sighs) He's kind of given up hope.

Okay, yeah, as I said, if you like any of these ideas, you can write them down on your plan.

Otherwise, let's move on to describing the final moment.

The key moment is now that Lily tried different ways to send a letter to the moon.

So you wanna think about some fronted adverbials to describe this.

You could say "The next night" to show that time has passed, that she's been thinking about it and how she can send a letter to the moon.

And she's been thinking about it all day.

And then the next night she comes up with this idea.

You can now go ahead, pause the video and add in your own fronted adverbials and ambitious vocabulary to describe this moment in detail.

Off you go.

Welcome back, everyone.

I'm gonna share my ideas with you and I wonder if you've come up with similar ones, or if you like anything that I've written down, feel free to jot 'em down on your own plan.

So some adverbials: "The next night," "Suddenly", suddenly she came up with an idea, and then "Again and again" she tried to send that letter.

"She stared thoughtfully.

" So she was staring and then she came up with her idea.

She was staring at the moon.

"She had a bright idea.

" Bright is a really good idea.

"Desperately," so how she was trying to send the letter, she was desperate.

So she desperately tried.

And then a question to the reader, a rhetorical question: "Would it ever reach the moon?

" That's how we end our buildup.

We don't know in the buildup if it does reach the moon.

That's for the climax.

So we'll pause our writing here.

Well done, everybody.

Hopefully you've all got really ambitious and precise vocabulary on your plan that can be used when it comes to writing the buildup.

Here is a summary of today's learning.

The purpose of the buildup is to develop the characters and introduce a problem.

When we plan, we log precise and ambitious vocabulary to help paint vivid pictures for our reader.

Fronted adverbials of time and place indicate when and where the action takes place.

And a plan includes notes, key points, and ambitious vocabulary.

Well done for a fantastic lesson.

Make sure you keep these plans safe for when we come to writing our buildup.