Lesson video

Hi, everybody, it's Ms. Gardner.

Welcome to your next lesson from our unit, Jabberwocky Narrative Writing.

Thank you so much for joining in on today's lesson.

Today's a really fun lesson because we're going to be using our plans to help us write the climax of our narrative version of Jabberwocky.

So let's get started.

In today's lesson from our unit Jabberwocky Narrative Writing, we are going to be writing the climax, the most exciting moment of our narrative version of Jabberwocky.

So learning outcome is, "I can write the climax "of a narrative based on Jabberwocky." So let's start by looking at the keywords.

We'll do my turn, your turn.

Text flow, fronted adverbial, direct speech.

Let's have a look at what these mean.

Text flow is how a text is written to keep the reader engaged.

A fronted adverbial is a sentence starter, followed by a comma.

And we write direct speech to show that a character is speaking out loud in a text.

So there are two sections of our lesson today.

In the first, we'll be preparing to write and, in the second, we'll be writing the climax.

So let's start with preparing to write.

So Jabberwocky can be structured like this, an opening and a buildup, both of which we've written, a climax and then the resolution.

In this lesson, we are writing the climax.

So the purpose of the climax is to do all of these, is to describe the main action, the most exciting thing that happens in the story, and take the tension and the excitement to its highest point.

Set checking for understanding.

The purpose of the climax is, A, to introduce a problem.

B, to describe the main action.

C, to introduce the characters or D, to take the tension and excitement to its highest point.

Pause the video now.

Okay, so the purpose of the climax is B, to describe the main action.

And D to take the tension and the excitement to its highest point.

Well done.

So let's first review the key moments of the climax.

Firstly, the ferocious Jabberwock moved closer and closer to the boy.

Then the boy threatened the Jabberwock with his sword.

Then the Jabberwock became enraged and it lunged at the boy.

And, finally, the boy swiped his sword and he beheaded the Jabberwock.

So let's check for understanding that we're making, 'cause we need to be really confident in the order in which these moments happen.

So put the key moments of the climax in the correct order and you can number them, one, two, three and four.

Pause the video now.

Okay, so number one, the ferocious Jabberwock moved closer and closer to the boy.

Number two, the boy threatened the Jabberwock with his sword.

Number three, the Jabberwock became enraged and it lunged at the boy.

Number four, the boy swiped his sword and he beheaded the Jabberwock.

Well done.

So let's review the notes from the plan 'cause it's really important that we are using the notes from our plan to help us with the writing today.

So the ferocious Jabberwock moved closer and closer to the boy.

We want to describe that in a lot more detail using lots of ambitious adjectives and precise verbs and adverbs.

So let's have a look at what we generated in our planning lesson.

So ambitious adjectives.

We described it as the ferocious, bloodthirsty beast, colossal wings.

Its powerful tail and it let out an ear-splitting roar.

And then precise verbs and adverbs.

It stopped aggressively, flapped its wings heavily, which created that furious wind.

It was destroying everything in its path as it edged closer and closer.

Then the second moment, the boy threatened the Jabberwock with his sword, the ambitious vocabulary that we generated.

With shaking knees, some show not tell language.

His heart pounded violently.

He nervously pointed his trusted sword.

And then the dialogue for the lines of speech.

"Don't take one more step or I'll slice off your head." So that's the direct speech.

He warned with a tremble in his voice.

That's your reporting clause.

With a deep breath, again some show, not tell language.

And then, finally, the Jabberwock became enraged and it lunged at the boy.

The boy sliced off its head.

So some ambitious adjectives that we generated.

We described the Jabberwock with boiling blood.

He was enraged, furious.

The boy, the fearless warrior.

He let out an ear-piercing cry and then the towering head of the Jabberwock, is towering above him.

The Jabberwock charged like a bull.

It violently lunged as the boy determinedly swung his sword and then he victoriously sliced off the head.

Victoriously means he won.

He defeated the Jabberwock.

So we want to think about how we can include these notes in our writing today and make them part of full sentences.

So we can use the notes from our plan to form full sentences.

Because these notes contain really precise, descriptive vocabulary that create this vivid picture for the reader.

It's also really important that we use a range of sentences in our writing 'cause this really helps with text flow.

So let's have a look at the first moment and using our plan to help us describe it in a lot more detail to create that vivid picture for the reader.

The ferocious beast stomped aggressively towards the terrified boy as it swung its powerful tail from left to right.

Its colossal wings flapped heavily and it created a powerful wind that tore furiously through the leaves.

The monster looked like it wanted to destroy everything in its path.

So you can see in these sentences, it didn't just pluck them ideas out of nowhere.

I used the notes from my plan and then put them into full sentences and a range of sentences which we're gonna look at in a minute.

But first, checking for understanding.

True or false, when I write the climax, I can just copy out of my plan.

Pause the video now.

That is false.

You can use A or B to justify your answer.

A, I should use the notes in my plan to form a range of sentences.

Or B, I should reorder the events from my plan.

Pause the video now.

That is A, we don't want to reorder the events from the plan because we have written them already in chronological order.

Well done.

So let's look at those different sentence types formed from the plan from the first key moment.

So our first sentence, "The ferocious beast stomped aggressively "towards the terrified boy "as it swung its powerful tail from left to right." That's a complex sentence.

As it swung its powerful tail from left to right is an adverbial clause.

Then we have a compound sentence.

And is a coordinating conjunction.

Its colossal wings flapped heavily is a main clause.

It created a powerful wind that tore furiously through the leaves is another main clause and they've been joined with that coordinating conjunction, and.

Then, finally, we finish on a simple sentence.

So in just describing one moment, we've included a complex compound and a simple sentence, which is really great because it's improving text flow by including a range of sentence types.

So let's think about fronted adverbials.

Fronted adverbials also support text flow and they can help to build suspense in the climax.

Fronted adverbials are always followed by a comma.

Fronted adverbials of manner add extra detail and help to create a vivid picture in the reader's mind of how an action is taking place.

So, for example, we could say the ferocious beast edged closest to its prey, but by adding a fronted adverbial of manner, we're describing that moment in a lot more detail like this.

With a ear-splitting roar, the ferocious beast edged closer to its prey.

So with a ear-splitting roar is describing how he edged closer, the Jabberwock edged closer.

And then the next one we could say.

the brave knight rose to his feet and pointed his trusted sword.

But by adding the fronted adverbial of, with shaking knees, we can understand that the brave knight was really nervous as he was pointing that sword.

Because shaking knees, some show not tell language that shows that the character is nervous.

The monster bolted like a bull towards the knight.

We could just say that.

But using the fronted adverbial of manner, enraged, it is showing how angry that Jabberwock is.

So it's adding extra detail for the reader.

Finally, the fearless young man determinedly swung his sword.

By adding the fronted adverbial of manner, with an ear-piercing cry, we have now an image of the boy screaming as he swung his sword.

So some extra detail there from the fronted adverbial.

Dialogue is the written conversation between two characters or more within a narrative.

It is used to help to move the action forward in a narrative.

Here is the most important dialogue in the climax.

"Don't take one more step or I'll slice off your head." The boy basically warns or threatens the Jabberwock to not come any closer.

We want to include this in our writing and we begin to include it using direct speech.

Because we use direct speech to show that a character is speaking out loud.

Direct speech is shown to the reader using inverted commas, which look like that.

And the inverted commas tell us where the words the character said begin and end.

Each time there is a new speaker, you start a new line.

You don't need to worry about this so much in the climax because the boy is the only one who speaks in the climax.

But it's a good thing to remember when you are writing that whenever a new speaker starts speaking, you start a new line.

Let's think about using speech second today.

A speech second sentence always follows the same steps.

For example, with a trembling voice, the boy warned, "Don't take one more step or I'll slice off your head." You have a capital letter at the start of your reporting clause.

Then you have your reporting clause, with a trembling voice, the boy warned.

Then you have a comma at the end of your reporting clause.

And then it's the speech.

So just like in speech first, your speech begins with some opening inverted commas.

Then you have a capital letter at the start of your speech.

Then there's the speech.

And then because it's basically the end of the sentence, you have a full stop or a question mark or an exclamation mark.

In this sentence, it was a full stop.

And then you have your closing inverted commas.

That's it, you stop there.

You don't need another full stop after the inverted commas.

So the reporting clause now comes at the start of the sentence.

So it does have to have a capital letter.

Like any sentence we write, starts with a capital letter.

And the reporting clause now is always followed by a comma before you start the speech.

So checking for understanding, which direct speech sentence is correctly punctuated? Read all three sentences really carefully and look closely for the inverted commas, capital letters and commas.

Pause the video now and off you go.

Okay, so the speech sentence that's punctuated correctly is B.

You have your capital letter at the start of the speech, with, at the start of the reporting clause, with.

You have a comma at the end of the reporting clause, after stated.

Then you have inverted commas, capital letter at the start of your speech, full stop at the end of the speech and then closing inverted commas.

Well done.

So it's time for task A.

You need to say out loud the first few sentences of the climax 'cause we know how important it is to say our sentences out loud.

Make sure you try to include the following, precise and ambitious vocabulary from your plan.

So important you're using your plan 'cause it's got some amazing vocabulary on there.

Fronted adverbials, and a range of sentence types.

It may be a simple, a compound, a complex.

You can use these sentence scaffolds to help you.

Firstly, as the bloodthirsty beast was swinging its powerful tail from left to right and then with an ear-splitting roar.

So pause the video now and off you go.

Well done, everybody, welcome back.

Let's read my sentences out loud.

And as I'm reading them, you can be thinking, have I included the three things I needed to from the bullet points above? "As the bloodthirsty beast was swinging "its powerful tail from left to right, "it aggressively destroyed everything in its path.

"With an ear-splitting roar, it flapped its colossal wings "and it edged closer and closer to the terrified boy." So have I included precise and ambitious vocabulary from my plan? I did, I had bloodthirsty, powerful, aggressively, ear-splitting, colossal, terrified, lots from the plan.

Fronted adverbials.

I said with an ear-splitting roar, that fronted adverbial of manner, and a range of sentence types.

My first sentence was a complex sentence.

As the bloodthirsty beast was swinging its tail from left to right is an adverbial clause.

And then my second sentence is a compound sentence formed of two main clauses and the coordinating conjunction, and.

So, yes, I've included a range of sentence types.

If I were to carry on, I'd be trying to think about including a simple sentence too.

Okay, well done everybody on task A.

If you want to, you can pause the video now and have another go at saying your sentences out loud.

Otherwise, really well done.

It's time for the second section of our lesson where we are writing the climax.

When we write, we always try to do these things.

Plan and say each sentence before we write it.

Use punctuation where we know the rules.

Showcase each sentence type we know.

Write letters neatly on the line in joined handwriting.

Use spelling strategies to spell words accurately and check and improve our writing when we think we have finished.

Here is the success criteria you're going to use to help you with your writing today.

So these are things we need to include to make sure it's a really successful piece of writing.

Let's go through it.

I have written at least two fronted adverbials.

I have used ambitious vocabulary including show not tell language.

I've written a range of sentence types, simple, compound, complex to improve text flow.

And I've included direct speech sentences with correct punctuation.

So before you go off to write your climax, I'm going to write some of my climax and you're going to help me check that I've used the success criteria to make it a really successful and ambitious piece of writing.

So as you can see, I've already stuck in my success criteria neatly.

And I've written the first few sentences that we generated in task A.

So now I'm going to continue writing after describing the moment that it was edging closer and closer to the terrified boy.

So I'm going to look at my plan to help me.

And I want to now describe the moment that the boy threatened the Jabberwock with his sword.

I want to use a fronted adverbial 'cause I know it's in my success criteria.

So I'm going to use with shaking knees.

Every sentence starts with a capital letter.

Well done.

With shaking knees, the brave boy.

He's pretty brave, isn't he, facing this jabberwock? The brave boy.

What did he do? I'm gonna say before he says his threat, I want to say that he took a deep breath.

He's summoning up the courage to threaten the jabberwock.

Oh sorry, I made a mistake there, so I'm gonna need to cross it out.

Took a deep breath.

That's the end of my sentence.

So I need a full stop.

So it's a nice simple sentence there.

Let's just read it back to check it makes sense.

With shaking knees, the brave boy took a deep breath.

With shaking knees is a fronted adverbial.

I wonder if anyone could spot the punctuation error I made there.

I need a comma after my fronted adverbial.

Well done.

Okay, now he's going to say his threat.

So I'm going to use my direct speech.

I'm going to do speech first in this sentence.

"Don't take one more step." So I need to start my speech with what punctuation, what speech punctuation do I need to start my speech with? That's right, inverted commas.

Then I have a capital letter at the start of my speech.

Don't, needs to have room.

I need my apostrophe for contraction there after the end, before the T.

'Cause I'm not writing do not.

I'm writing don't.

"Don't take one more step." And then we have the coordinating conjunction, or.

Can anyone remember what punctuation we need before or? That's right, we need a comma.

Or I'll, again, another apostrophe for contraction.

"Or I'll slice off your head." Warned.

Yes, let's say warned rather than threatened, warned.

I could say the boy again, but we've already said boy.

So I'm going to go for knight.

Warned the knight.

I want to say with a tremble in his voice.

But I've already used the word with, with shaking knees.

So I don't want to repeat that and say with a tremble in his voice.

So I'm actually going to make this a complex sentence.

And I'm gonna say as.

So my subordinating conjunction, as his voice began to tremble.

So I'm still using idea for my plan.

I'm just changing it a little bit, so I have a variety of sentence types.

As his voice began to tremble.

Now, we're at the end of the sentence, so we need a full stop.

Great, let's read back and check it makes sense or check for any errors.

"Don't take one more step", comma.

"Or I'll slice off your head." Inverted commas.

Can anyone see the error in my speech punctuation there? What needs to come at the end of the speech? That's right, we need a comma.

Well done.

Before the closing inverted commas.

Warned the knight as his voice began to tremble, full stop.

Great, now I want to say that how he pointed his sword.

So I'm going to use the fronted adverbial again 'cause we know we need to include them, nervously.

And then after my fronted adverbial, I need a comma.

Well done.

Nervously.

And this time, I'm just going to use the pronoun he.

He pointed his.

Again, I'm going to use an adjective from my plan.

Trusted, his trusted sword.

It's quite tricky spelling sword.

You need to remember the silent W.

At who? At the vicious beast.

And then that's my sentence, so we need a full stop.

Great.

Okay, now, the next key moment from our plan, we want to describe what the monster did next.

So let's use the fronted adverbial, enraged.

Starting every sentence with a capital letter.

My fronted adverbial, so I need a comma.

Great job.

Enraged the, could say jabberwocky, but we used jabberwocky at the beginning.

So I'm going to refer to it as the monster.

The monster.

Using my plan, I'm going to choose violently lunged.

Violently lunged at the boy.

But what did he do? He swung his sword, didn't he? In retaliation.

So I'm going to make, write a compound sentence here 'cause I want to use the coordinating conjunction, but.

What punctuation mark do we need before but? That's right, it is a comma.

Comma.

But the fearless warrior, I like that way to refer to the boy, fear, especially at this moment.

'Cause he's been fearless as he swipes his sword.

The fearless warrior determinedly, a nice adverb choice there, very precise.

Determinedly swung his sword.

Full stop 'cause it's the end of the sentence.

Let's just read back and check and make sense.

Enraged, comma, the monster violently lunged at the boy, comma, but the fearless warrior determinedly swung his sword.

Great, I now want to do a simple sentence for effect here, because we've had quite a long compound sentence just before it.

So I think I might just say quite simply, he had done it, full stop.

And then using my plan, I want to say hat he had done.

The boy, the knight, the warrior, whichever you want.

The knight victoriously slices off the towering head.

Again, you can just see I've taken all of these ideas from my plan.

I haven't had to just come up with them.

So let's give ourselves a full stop 'cause at the end of the sentence.

Read it back and check and make sense.

The knight victoriously slices off the towering head.

Oh, I can hear by saying that out loud, it doesn't sound right, slices.

Should we be writing in the present tense? No, we need to change that to sliced.

Okay, let's quickly go through our success criteria.

Have I written at least two fronted adverbials? I have.

I have with an ear-splitting roar, with shaking knees, numb, nervously, enraged.

So yes, I can give myself a tick.

Have I used ambitious vocabulary including show not tell language? Definitely, bloodthirsty, aggressively, colossal, vicious, enraged.

And then some show not tell language.

I said with shaking knees, his voice began to tremble.

So yes, I can give myself a tick.

Have I written a range of sentence types? Definitely, I have a complex sentence there.

Compound, simple, another complex as part of the speech.

Compound.

And then two final simple sentences.

So yes, a nice range of sentence types there.

And then, finally, have I included direct speech? I did a speech first sentence, and I checked back through already that I'd included the accurate punctuation.

So I can give myself a tick.

Thank you for helping me check all of this over.

Now, it is your turn to write your climax.

Okay, it is time for task B.

It is your turn to write the climax.

In a moment, you're going to indent the first sentence.

Then you're going to use your success criteria and your plan to help you structure your paragraph or paragraphs, if you want to write it across more than one paragraph.

Make sure you are referring to your success criteria throughout, so that you're including everything you need to.

So pause the video now and off you go.

Well done, everybody, welcome back.

In a moment, you're going to read your writing back to check it makes sense, and for any errors.

And don't worry at all, if you have made some errors.

That's why we check through our work.

Then you're going to take the success criteria as you find an example of each part of the success criteria, just like this.

So I'm going to read a climax out loud, and as I'm reading, you can be checking to see if I've included everything I needed to from the success criteria.

"The bloodthirsty beast aggressively destroyed "everything in its path as it violently swung "its powerful tail from left to right.

"With an ear-splitting roar, "it flapped its colossal wings "and it created a powerful wind that tore furiously "through the leaves.

"Enraged, the ferocious bloodthirsty beast "edged closer and closer to its prey.

"With shaking knees, the brave knight rose to his feet "and he pointed his trusted sword at the monster.

"Don't take one more step or I'll slice off your head," "Warned the boy with a tremble in his voice.

"With boiling blood, the monster charged like a bull "towards the knight, but the boy bravely swung "his vorpal sword.

"In one slice, he beheaded the beast." So have I included two fronted adverbials? I did, I had with an ear-splitting roar, enraged and with boiling blood and in one slice.

So I can give myself a tick.

Ambitious vocabulary including show not tell language? I had bloodthirsty, aggressively, ear-splitting, with boiling blood, ferocious.

And show not tell language.

I said, warn the boy, with a tremble in his voice and with boiling blood to show the character's emotions.

So yes.

Range of sentence types? My first sentence is a complex sentence, as it violently swung its powerful tail from left to right.

Then I had a compound sentence.

My final sentence is a simple sentence.

So yes, a range of sentence types.

And then, finally, direct speech with correct punctuation.

"Don't take one more step or I'll slice off your head," warned the boy, is a speech first sentence.

And I've used accurate punctuation, so I can give myself a tick.

So now you can pause the video, read back through your climax and tick off what you can from the success criteria.

Pause the video now.

Great job today, everybody, well done.

Here is a summary of everything we've learned.

The purpose of the climax is to describe the main action and take the suspense and excitement to its highest point.

We can use notes from our plan to form full sentences.

Using a range of sentence types, simple, compound and complex improves text flow for the reader.

We use direct speech to show that a character is speaking out loud and to move the action forward and fronted adverbials of manner, add extra detail to how the action takes place.

Well done, everybody, great job.