Lesson video

Hi everyone.

My name's Mrs. Riley, and today we are going to do some editing together.

Editing is a really important part of the writing process, so we are going to go through our pieces of work that we've looked, that we've already written, and we're going to peer edit them together.

Let's get started.

The outcome of today's lesson is to edit your own and your peer's opening of a narrative based on Macbeth.

Your peer is your friend or your classmate.

So you are going to be editing your own opening and your peer's opening.

Here are our keywords, let's practice saying them.

My turn, your turn.

Editing.

Punctuation.

Sentence structure.

Vocabulary.

Well done for joining in.

So editing is the process of improving writing to improve text flow and overall quality.

So the process of improving our work.

Punctuation is a set of standardized symbols and marks used in written language to sentence structures.

So things like full stops, inverted commas, apostrophes are all punctuation.

Sentence structure refers to the way words are arranged and organized within sentences to convey meaning.

And finally, vocabulary is the use of specific words and phrases to convey a meaning.

In our lesson today, we are going to edit in three stages.

First, we're going to peer edit for punctuation.

So we'll be looking for things like missing full stops or commas.

Then we'll peer edit for sentence structure.

So perhaps there might be words missing or the wrong tense or sentences we think we can improve by adding a subordinate clause.

And finally we're going to peer edit for vocabulary.

So making sure we've made really ambitious and appropriate vocabulary choices.

We're going to start off peer editing for punctuation.

So when we have finished a draft, we edit our work to improve it.

This is a chance to rethink, rephrase, and reconsider our first ideas.

Remember, every piece of work can always be improved.

Editing a piece of work involves checking several things as we just discussed.

Punctuation, sentence structure, vocabulary and spelling.

Editing is about polishing our work so it really shows off our skills.

When we write something, we quite often do lots and lots of work preparing to write, generating a vocabulary and write, coming up with a plan and orally rehearsing it.

And then we have one lesson quite often where we have to write and it's a lot to try and include.

So it's a bit of a shame just to then let that be the end of it.

Whereas if we have a chance to edit, which is what we're doing today, it means we can go back with a fresh mind and read back our work again with a fresh mind.

And we might spot things that we didn't spot before.

We might also be able to make some really good improvements.

So true or false, editing is something only children do in their writing.

Do you think this is true or false? Pause the video now.

That's right, of course this is false.

Everyone has to edit their writing.

Even really famous and successful authors have to edit their writing.

So how would you justify your answer? All writers edit their work because our first draft is not usually our best possible work, it can be polished to improve it.

Or all writers edit their work because our first draft is never very good.

It will always need big changes to be made.

Pause the video, how would you justify your answer? That's right, A, it's not because our first draft isn't good.

Our first draft is often very good, but it's always best to polish our first draft to see if we can improve it.

So in this lesson you're gonna be editors.

You will peer edit part one and part two of the opening of your narrative based on Macbeth.

That means we'll be editing the setting description, which was the heath, and editing the part where we described the characters, with the speech about which is all about the witches.

So we're gonna be looking at two different bits of writing.

So today, which part of your opening will you be peer editing? Part one of our opening where we introduce the setting, which is the heath.

Part two of our opening, introducing the witches.

Or C, part one and two of our opening.

The setting description of the heath and the description of the witches.

Pause the video now.

That's right, it's C.

We're going to be editing part one and two of our opening.

I can tell you are doing some really good listening.

Well done.

So editing for punctuation errors means finding mistakes with capital letters, full stops, question marks, commas, apostrophes, and speech punctuation.

Now you might think, "Ms. Riley we're we're too old to be forgetting capital letters and full stops." But again, it's something that can happen to all of us.

Even really incredible writers, even adults sometimes forget capital letters and full stops.

So all of these things are very important.

We can use an editing checklist to help ensure we are accurately correcting all our punctuation errors.

So have we checked for all these things? Missing or incorrectly used capital letters and full stops.

Sometimes I call them crazy capital letters.

Set some words start with a capital letter that don't actually need one.

Missing or incorrectly used commas.

So are there commas where there should be, but also sometimes a sneaky comma might be in your writing that you actually don't need.

Missing or incorrectly used apostrophes.

Perhaps it's a plural word and you've put the apostrophe before the S instead of after it or something like that.

An accurate punctuation in direct speech.

So first we should check our punctuation.

Capital letters, let's just remind ourselves of when they should be used.

To start sentences, in direct speech, and for proper nouns, the names of people or places, specific places.

So here's an example.

We've got three capital letters in this sentence, "With a wicked toothless grin, the sinister hag exclaimed, 'We will meet here with Macbeth.

'" There are three capital letters here.

The first W is to start the sentence.

The second capital letter, which is also a W, is to start the direct speech.

And the third capital letter, which is the letter M, is used because Macbeth is the name of someone.

So it's a proper noun.

Full stops can be used to show it's the end of a sentence.

We can also use an exclamation mark or a question mark to end a sentence.

Here's another example, "Leaning in she asks the others, 'When shall we three meet again?'" Here because the speech comes second, it's the end of my sentence.

And because it's a question, I'm ending it with a question mark.

"While air splitting cracks of lightning illuminated the figures' gruesome faces, they plotted and schemed," full stop because it's the end of my sentence.

"In a plume of smoke, they vanished!" Here I've used an exclamation mark, 'cause this is quite an exciting sentence.

Correct the mistakes in these sentences.

A, above the barren heath, the ragged sky hung like a thick blanket of bloom.

As I'm reading these, look for those punctuation errors.

B, the first witch beckoned her sisters closer impatiently asking, "When shall we next meet him on the heath?" C, the hunched hag, who was trembling in excitement, replied, "Soon but not yet." Pause the video now.

Okay, let's see how you got on.

So in A, we have a missing capital letter at the start of our sentence.

In B, we have a missing question mark, because it's the end of the sentence, but it's also a question, when shall we next meet him? And in C, we have a missing capital letter.

Let me just take it away again.

Can you see at the beginning of the direct speech? The S.

Always starts, the direct speech always starts with a capital letter, even if it comes after the reporting clause.

And there was a missing full stop at the end, can you see? Let me take it away.

We need that full stop, 'cause it's the end of our sentence.

Now commas, another really important piece of punctuation can be used to demarcate clauses and phrases.

For example, "At that moment, the women's voice has reached a deafening crescendo." At that moment is a fronted adverbial of time and we have a comma after it.

That's one's a phrase, 'cause it doesn't have a verb.

At that moment.

"The malignant creature, who was trembling in excitement, began to speak." In that one we've got a relative clause, who was trembling in excitement.

So we've got commas either end of the relative clause to separate it from the main clause, which is, "The malignant creature began to speak." "As the first sinister hag drew breath to speak," comma, we have to separate.

That's my subordinate clause from my main clause, which is, "The other two women trembled in excitement," "The wicked women huddled together," comma, "shrieking in excitement." The wicked women huddled together is my main clause.

Shrieking and excitement is my subordinate clause, which is a non-finite clause.

And so therefore I have a comma to separate it.

Commas are also used in sentences that include speech that comes after the main clause.

For example, when we have the reporting clause first, like here, "Her wicked companion replied," comma and then the speech, "Upon the heath." So there's some really important ways we use commas.

We also use them in to separate adjectives.

So we have a list of adjectives or generally in a list.

So now we're looking at apostrophes.

When a singular noun possesses another noun.

So that means if you possess something, you own it.

So for example, I own my glasses, they are mine.

Mrs. Riley's glasses.

We have an apostrophe S, Mrs. Riley's glasses, to show, there's not lots of Mrs. Riley's, there's one, but we have apostrophe S to show that these belong to me.

When a plural noun possesses another noun, we usually add the apostrophe for possession after the S.

Not all plural nouns end in S.

For these we just add apostrophe S as we do for singular nouns.

Let's have a look at some examples.

"Their cloaks' hoods draped over their shriveled faces." There's more than one cloak, 'cause it's their cloaks.

So it's plural, cloaks is plural.

So we've got the apostrophe after the S to show the hoods belong to the cloaks.

"The shrubs' thorns tore at the earth." Shrubs is plural, so we have an apostrophe after the S because the thorns belonged to the shrubs.

"The hag's cackle resounded in the salty air, echoing in the expanse." This time there's one hag, it's singular.

So we have apostrophe S after it to show the cackle belongs to the hag.

Correct the mistakes in these sentences, again, as I read them, look for the mistakes.

"Above the barren heath the moons ray illuminated the ominous gray clouds." B, "The first witch beckoned her sisters closer impatiently and asked, 'When shall we next meet him on the heath?'" C, "The hunched hag who was trembling in excitement replied, 'Soon, but not yet.

'" Pause the video now.

Well done.

So we have got a missing comma in A after the fronted adverbial above the barren heath.

And we had an apostrophe missing.

Let me just take it away again, the moon's rays.

The rays belong to the moon, so we have an apostrophe S.

In the second one, the first witch beckoned her sisters closer impatiently and asked comma, when should we next meet him on the heath? The comma has to come before the direct speech when speech comes second.

And finally, the hunched hag comma who was trembling in excitement, comma replied.

In that one, we have to have the commas around the relative clause.

So a speech first sentence follows these steps.

We have, here's a sentence, "'Upon the heath!' her wicked companion replied, panting in excitement." So we've got our inverted commas, we've got our capital letter to start the speech, the speech, punctuation, exclamation mark, question mark or comma, closing inverted commas, reporting clause and a full stop at the end.

That's when speech comes first.

Speech second, we have our reporting clause.

Her wicked companion replied, comma, always, I always forget that comma.

Inverted commas, capital letter to start the speech.

The speech, question mark, exclamation mark or full stop this time, not a comma, 'cause it's not it.

You can't have a comma at the end of the sentence.

And closing inverted commas.

We can use closing punctuation because this is the end of the sentence.

So could you discuss with a partner where you can see punctuation mistakes in this passage? "The tallest of the three hags peered around the desolate heath before speaking, 'Come closer sisters, we have plans to make,' she eerily whispered as she trembled in excitement.

Their skeletal fingers writhing in the wind, the sinister sorceresses chanted, 'Fair is foul and foul is fair.

'" Now as I read that, I spotted some missing punctuation.

I'm going to show you where they are to help you a bit.

So here are some places where the punctuation's missing.

I'm gonna just go through these, there we go.

So in every little box there should be some punctuation.

Could you discuss with a partner what punctuation is missing? Pause the video now.

Well done, so we need to have in this first one, let me take it away again, inverted commas for the direct speech.

Let me take it away again for the next one.

We don't have a full stop because we've got speech first and then the reporting clause, she eerily whispered, so that needs to be a comma.

And in the final sentence we need, let me take it away again, we needed a comma because we've got speech seconds.

So a comma after the reporting clause.

And a full stop or an exclamation mark could be at the end of our sentence.

It couldn't be a question mark 'cause it's not a question.

It can't be a comma 'cause it's the end of our sentence.

There you go.

So here's your task.

We are going to peer edit our opening part one and two looking only at punctuation.

So even if you see a sentence you can improve, don't worry, we're just looking at punctuation.

Work in pair, partner A and partner B.

Place A's work on top of B's work.

That means you're not gonna be tempted to look at partner B's work yet.

A should follow with a ruler and B is going to read their work aloud.

Looking only at punctuation, make any additions or changes that need to be made in A's work together.

And then repeat with B.

So swap your books, put A underneath, just focus on B's reading aloud with a ruler, one person following the ruler, one person reading and correcting any punctuation.

Okay, so just here is a checklist.

So if you are unsure, have a look at that checklist of what you need to be looking for.

Pause the video.

Good luck.

Okay, well done.

So here is an example.

I'm not going to read this example, but if you want to read it, you can pause the video now.

I'm going to show you where we've got some missing punctuation.

So missing comma after across the heath because it's a front adverbial.

Missing comma between suffocating and salty because they're two adjectives.

So I found two missing commas.

We've got a missing apostrophe, the withered trees' branches.

The branches belong to the trees, trees is plural, my apostrophe comes after the S.

We've got a missing capital letter.

Let me take it away again, can you see it? There it is, capital T to start my sentence and let me take it away again.

A missing question mark at the end of that sentence.

And finally we had some missing, let me take it away again.

There we go, missing punctuation, missing inverted commas at the start of that last bit of speech.

Okay, we're now going to peer edit for sentence structure.

So when we edit our work, we read it out loud and we can check for sentence structure in a number of ways.

Have we used a range of sentence structures? Fronted adverbials, compound sentences, complex sentences with adverbial relative and non-finite clauses.

Have we added in any missing words? I always miss the odd word out, or removed any extra ones that didn't need to be there.

And does the writing make sense? That's really important.

So true or false, when we edit sentence structure, we read each sentence aloud to check it makes sense.

Is that true or false? Pause the video now.

Well done, it is true.

How would you justify your answer? Pause the video and read those options.

Well done, it is we say sentences aloud to check for missing words and to check for sense.

So here's an example of editing for cohesion.

"As the three witches gathered together and looked around cautiously," oh, don't think that makes sense, does it? "The howling wind tore at their tattered cloaks hung off their emaciated bodies." Also didn't sound right.

"One of them spoke in a piercing, shrill voice that reverberated around the heath." Okay, so that first sentence doesn't make sense.

We've got a missing word in that sentence.

And I think that last sentence could be improved with a fronted adverbial.

So here we go.

As the three witches gathered together, they looked around, I turned it from a- I've taken out and, and I've instead done a comma because that's a subordinate clause, as the three witch gathered together.

And then the main clause, they looked around cautiously.

I've added in the word witch, that their tattered cloaks, which hung off their emaciated bodies.

And I've added in here, I'm gonna get rid of that capital letter and add, finally one of them spoke.

Finally comma one of them spoke.

So discuss with a partner where you could improve sentence structure in this passage.

"The three venomous women gathered together, they shrieked and wailed in excitement.

They huddled together with hunched backs and contorted faces.

The air reeked of ill-intent.

The first sorcerer hisses, 'Come closer sisters.

'" Pause the video, what would you improve in my passage? Okay, hopefully you found some things you could improve.

So some of these sentences could be joined together to make complex and compound sentences.

There were quite a lot of sort of short, snappy sentences there.

We also could use link ideas with fronted adverbials.

And actually one of the verbs you may have spotted, it was written in the wrong tense.

Let me show you, here we go.

We could join up those two sentences.

The three venomous women gathered together as they shrieked and wailed in excitement, for example.

We could join perhaps, or we could join that second and third sentence together.

We could join that together.

Or we could add a fronted adverbial.

Hisses is in the wrong tense.

It should be the first sorcerer hissed.

So there's some mistakes in my writing or things that I could improve.

So you are going to now peer edit your opening.

Remember part one and two looking only this time at sentence structure.

So just as before, partner A and partner B, start with partner A's work on top.

A should follow with a ruler, B reads it aloud only looking at sentence structure, make additions or changes and then swap and look at B's work.

Remember you are looking at part one and part two of the opening.

Here's a checklist.

So if you are a bit unsure what you are looking for, have a read of those, pause the video now.

Okay, well done.

Here's an example of the changes you might have made.

Listen as I read.

"The three venomous women gathered.

They shrieked and wailed in excitement.

They huddled together with hunched back and contorted faces.

The air reeked of ill-intent.

The first sorcerer of hisses, 'Come closer sisters.

'" So we could do, as the three venomous women gathered together, comma, they shrieked and wailed in excitement.

I've turned those two simple sentences into a complex sentence using the subordinating conjunction as.

With a rasping breath, they huddled together.

I've added a front adverbial of manner.

All around comma, a fronted adverbial of place.

And the first sorcerer who seems to be in charge hissed, "Come closer sisters." I've added a relative clause to add some description about that first sorcerer using that relative pronoun who.

Okay, and finally, let's edit vocabulary.

Let's just have a quick fidget on our chairs or on the carpet, maybe give your arms a little shake.

And let's inhale bringing our shoulders up to our ears and exhale.

Right, last one, peer editing for vocabulary.

We are doing so well, let's keep it up.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

Editing words choices can have a significant, that means a really important, impact on writing by improving clarity, which is like how clear it is, tone and effectiveness.

When editing, make sure you do all of these.

Check that vocabulary choices are ambitious to engage the reader.

If you've used the word scary, maybe instead you could use a more ambitious choice like menacing.

Choose language that creates the right atmosphere.

We want this writing to set a sort of spooky and negative and a sinister atmosphere.

So if we've chosen a word that doesn't really help to create that atmosphere, maybe we could change it for something that's going to enhance the atmosphere we want to create.

True or false, when editing language, you change some of the vocabulary.

Pause the video now.

Well done, it is true.

We don't change it all.

We just change some.

Justify your answer.

Read those two options, pause the video now.

Yeah, well done.

When we edit language, we carefully review and make changes to words and phrases.

So let's check the vocabulary choices in an example.

Now this example is really good.

I'm not saying it's bad in any way, but remember we're just trying to polish our work.

So to make it even better.

Listen as I read, "Amidst the darkness, cackles echoed cutting through the silence.

Three figures came together, their twisted forms barely visible on the windswept heath.

Beneath their coats, their pale skin reflected the light of the silvery moon." So I'm looking, have I got ambitious vocabulary choices? And does it create the right atmosphere? So let's have a look at how we've improved this piece of work.

We've now got, "Amidst the murky dance darkness." I've added an adjective to describe the darkness, murky darkness.

I've added an adjective to describe the cackles, eerie cackles.

I've added a simile.

Instead of just saying, "Cutting through the silence," I've said, "Cutting through the silence like shards of broken glass." The three figures has turned into three grotesque figures.

Again, I've added an adjective.

And instead of came together, which sounds like maybe not that negative, I've said they clustered together, which makes it sound a bit more, I don't know, not as nice somehow.

Beneath their coats.

Now I don't know if the witches would be wearing coats.

So I've changed that to tattered cloaks, which I think is more appropriate.

Reflected the, instead just the light of the silvery moon, I've got, reflected the insipid light of the pale moon.

Silvery sounds a bit too positive.

I want a negative atmosphere.

So I've changed silvery to pale.

So I've used ambitious vocabulary and I've checked I'm creating the right atmosphere.

So your chance now to do the same thing, discuss with a partner what problems you see with the vocabulary in this passage.

Not punctuation, not the sentence structure, just the vocabulary.

Listen as I read, "High above the expansive heath, a gentle rumble of distant thunder echoed softly.

Illuminating the heavens, bolts of lightning danced gracefully, painting fleeting patterns against the deep indigo backdrop.

Behind wisps of clouds, the moon glimmered with a serene radiance, casting a gentle glow upon the tranquil landscape below." Can you pause the video and discuss with your partner what problems do you see with the vocabulary choices? Okay, well done.

Hopefully you noticed that I created the wrong atmosphere.

The vocabulary choices were ambitious, but they weren't appropriate for this piece of writing where I want to create a negative eerie atmosphere.

Here are some examples of language which does not create that atmosphere.

Gentle, softly, danced gracefully, painting fleeting patterns, wisps, glimmered, serene radiance, gentle glow, tranquil.

All of those vocabulary choices, whilst they're very ambitious, are not creating the right atmosphere for this piece of writing.

So your final task, you are going to read back through your opening.

Remember part one and part two, the heath and the witches.

You are going to check that you have got ambitious vocabulary choices to engage the reader.

You are going to check you've got vocabulary choices to create the correct atmosphere.

And just as before, I haven't written it down this time, because I think you know what you're doing now.

Remember starting off with partner A's work, partner B underneath reading it out loud and then you can repeat with partner B.

Pause the video now.

Excellent, well done.

Here's an example of some successful editing.

This is hopefully what yours looks like with your partner.

So, "Across the heath, the tempest unleashed its wild fury.

A scent of salt infused the air, invigorating every blade of grass that thrived in this vibrant terrain." So we are going to change across the wind swept teeth, let me take it away, there we go.

I've added in an adjective to make this a bit more ambitious.

The tempest unleashed its wild fury.

In the old version, the sentence stopped there.

In this sentence, I'm adding a non-finite clause.

Whipping through the twisted limbs of the ancient weather beaten trees, adding some lovely ambitious vocabulary there.

Now the last one was, a scent of salt infused the air invigorating, that's quite a positive word.

Like it's like almost like it's making everything feel alive.

Every blade of glass that thrived, again, thrived is quite a positive word, in this vibrant terrain.

Vibrant again is positive.

So we've changed it to a scent of salt infused the air invigorating, oh, hang on, sorry, that's the wrong version.

There we go.

I thought that sounds too positive, here we go.

This is the right one.

An acidic scent of salt infused the air.

Added that adjective acidic, suffocating, instead of invigorating, it's suffocating.

Every blade of grass instead of thrived, that struggled to live in this, instead of vibrant, this rugged terrain.

Suddenly it's creating the atmosphere I want it to.

Okay, let's summarize what we've done today.

So editing is an essential part of the writing process during which we refine and improve our ideas.

The job of an editor is to check punctuation, things like full stops, and to make improvements to sentence structure.

Things like adding in non-finite clauses and vocabulary choices.

When editing punctuation, missing or incorrectly used capital letters, full stops, commas, apostrophes, and inverted commas are checked.

When editing sentence structure, changes to the way sentences are constructed to improve text flow are made.

Finally, when editing vocabulary, reviews of word and phrase choice are made to ensure appropriate atmosphere is achieved.

And hopefully today we all achieved that negative eerie atmosphere.

So well done for all your hard work today.

You should feel so proud of yourselves.

Not only have you written an incredible opening of Macbeth, but you have now edited your opening to make it the best work it can possibly be.

And I hope you feel really pleased with the final piece of work that you have created.

So well done and hopefully I'll see you for some more learning another time.