Lesson video

Hello and welcome.

Thank you for joining me for today's English lesson.

My name is Mrs. Butterworth.

Now, this lesson is all about reviewing a written response on the Eduqas poetry anthology.

Now, many of you may feel like once you've written an essay, you just want to get rid of it or you don't want to see it again, but actually, a really useful learning tool is to review your written responses, which is exactly what we are going to use today.

We're gonna look at our essays, think about how we can improve them, and then think about how we can take that forward for future responses, making any work we do in the future even better.

Sounds good, right? Excellent.

Let's get started.

So in this lesson, you will reflect on and rewrite an extended written response comparing poems from the Eduqas anthology.

Let's just look at some keywords that you will see in the lesson.

These words are style, formal, and precise.

Now, when we're thinking about style in writing, this refers to the specific way language is used, so things like term, tone, word choice, and sentence structure.

So we'll be thinking about the style we need to use when we are writing essays.

Now, formal, this word in writing means that we are avoiding slang or casual words and using precise vocabulary.

So in this lesson, we will be considering how a formal style can help to elevate our essays.

And then precise in writing means using the best words to explain the poet's methods and effects.

So the outline of our lesson looks like this.

We're going to begin by considering our overall structure and style, and then we're going to move on to improve analytical paragraphs.

So I'd like you please to look at a comparative poetry essay you have written and identify one thing that you are proud of and one thing that you think needs work.

So just spend a few moments just looking through that essay and identifying one thing you are proud of and one thing that needs work.

Pause a video to give yourself time to do that.

Off you go.

Okay, great.

So what can be really useful now is sharing some findings.

So this is an option for you.

Please pause the video to discuss and share your findings with a peer.

So pause the video and off you go.

So when writing an essay, you should aim to write in a formal style.

So we've got our keywords there, this idea of a formal style, because using a formal style can really elevate your ideas.

Now, what this means, so in writing, a formal style means this.

It means using full sentences with correct grammar and punctuation.

It means avoiding slang and contractions, like don't, and overly casual or chatty language.

And it means choosing precise vocabulary to express your ideas clearly.

So let's look at an example from Sofia.

So this is an example from Sofia's essay.

Let's read it through together.

So, "In both "Sonnet 29" and "Cousin Kate," the women seem to be dealing with complicated feelings about love.

The speaker in "Sonnet 29" is clearly really into the guy and can't stop thinking about him, while the speaker in "Cousin Kate" seems pretty upset about being replaced.

Both poems show that love can basically mess you up." Some really good ideas there from Sofia, but Sofia has been given this feedback on her style.

So she's got the ideas, they're really good, but the feedback is specifically on her style.

So the feedback is avoid using a conversational tone.

So you can see those highlighted phrases there, so things like "really into the guy," "basically messes you up," they sound more like spoken language, they're the sorts of phrases you would use in a conversation or if you were having a chat rather than essay writing.

So it isn't using a formal style, and also vague language.

So avoiding vague language, so phrases such as "seem to be dealing with" and "pretty upset" don't really tell us anything.

They lack precision and clarity.

So pretty upset is not specific enough, is it? So Sofia takes this on board and she rewrites her paragraph.

So see as I read this to you if you can notice that difference.

So, "In both "Sonnet 29" and "Cousin Kate," the women speakers express complex and intense emotions surrounding love.

In "Sonnet 29," the speaker is deeply infatuated and consumed by thoughts of her lover, while in "Cousin Kate," the speaker conveys a sense of betrayal and emotional pain after being abandoned.

Both poems suggests that love can lead to emotional turmoil and inner conflict." It's really lovely piece of writing there from Sofia, isn't it? So I'd like you to discuss, please, how has Sofia improved her writing so it is in a formal style? So look back through that rewritten paragraph and find some examples of how has Sofia improved her writing so it is in a formal style.

So you'll need to pause the video to discuss that question.

If you're working alone, you may wish to sit and think quietly or even jot down some ideas, but pause the video now please.

Great.

So you may have found and discussed the following: that she's using much more precise and formal vocabulary, which replaces the vague or casual expressions from the first response.

So things like deeply infatuated and emotional pain, a betrayal and emotional pain, emotional turmoil, inner conflict.

I mean, it's really lovely vocabulary, isn't it? But it's also much more precise.

She's really thinking about what is being presented in the poem.

And also it's the correct tone and grammar for essay writing.

So Sofia has got rid of those informal phrases, like we don't have pretty upset or basically anymore.

She's talked about the the writer, specifically the speakers, their voices, what they're conveying the sense of.

So it is much more formal in tone and style.

So true or false? Writing in a formal style means not putting forward your own ideas or opinions.

Is that statement true or false? Come up with your answer now, please.

Well done to everyone who said false, but now the tricky bit, you now need to say why the answer is false.

So pause your video to come up with your answer as to why that statement is false.

Off you go.

Okay, so here's what I put.

Hopefully you have something similar.

"Writing in a formal style refers to how you express your ideas.

It's about using clear and precise language while still presenting your thoughts with evidence and analysis." So it's a really key point here about its how you express your ideas.

So if we think back to Sofia, she had fantastic ideas, she just needed to tweak and rework the style she was using, so how she was writing those ideas.

So we've thought a bit about our formal style.

We're now going to move on to think about the structure of our essays.

So an overall essay structure can look like this.

So you can have an introduction, which briefly outlines both poems, the theme being explored, and it gives a clear line of argument.

Then you move on to the main body of your essay, which has those comparative paragraphs, a bit of a tongue twister, comparative paragraphs where each focuses on one idea or theme.

They analyse both poems and link them throughout.

And then we have our conclusion as well, where this summarises key insights and returns to the question with a thoughtful comparison.

So this can be a really solid structure for essays.

So I'd like you now just to spend a few moments reflecting and looking at your own essay.

Does it have these clear sections? Okay, so can you see the structure of your essay and does it follow a clear line of argument? So think about how those paragraphs really build on initial introduction and your thesis.

Okay, so pause the video to give yourself time to look over your essay and really think about that structure.

Off you go.

Okay, fantastic.

So hopefully, you've thought about the overall structure of your essay.

We're now going to start zooming in on a few key sections of those essays.

So let's really focus on the introduction.

So a successful introduction will focus on a clear theme or idea from the question, will include a thesis with a clear line of argument, offer a specific comparison between the poems. So I want us to just really focus on our introductions now, and we're going to look at two introductions, and I'd like you to discuss in a moment which one you think is stronger and why.

So let's read the introductions together, and then it'll be over to you to decide which one is stronger and why.

So introduction A, "These two poems are about love and have different feelings in them.

I will talk about this in the essay." And introduction B, "Both Barrett Browning and Rosetti explore the impact of intense emotion in their poetry.

While Barrett Browning presents love as consuming and uplifting, Rosetti reveals its damaging social consequences for women.

Through their use of language and structure, both poets highlight contrasting but powerful effects of love on the individual and society." So you'll need to discuss which introduction extract is stronger, but most importantly, you need to explain why.

Okay, so pause the video to discuss your answers.

Think quietly to yourself or write down some ideas.

Off you go.

Well done, everyone.

Lots of you noticed that introduction B is much stronger.

If we just look at introduction A, the problem with introduction A is it's not really specific.

It kind of just uses words from the question, so, "These two poems are about love and have different feelings in them." So it is very vague, isn't it? It's not saying what those specific feelings are.

And then it says, "I will talk about this in this essay." Well, I wanna know what you're going to talk about in this essay.

What specifically are you going to explore? What different feelings are being presented and how they're being presented? So you can see how A, with just a little bit more work, be much more specific and a much more effective introduction.

Now, if we look at introduction B, we can see there's a really lovely opening sentence about Barrett Browning and Rosetti exploring the intense emotion in their poetry, but then there's a really clear comparison to set up an argument whilst picking out specific things to talk about.

So love as consuming and uplifting, how Rosetti reveals damaging social consequences.

So you can see it's just a much more specific and relevant introduction.

I can see what this essay is going to write about, what this essay is going to explore, and the points that they are going to make.

So A, B, C, or D, an effective introduction will.

Pause the video to find your answer now.

Off you go.

Well done to everyone that noticed it was actually A, C, and D.

An effective introduction will A, link to the main ideas in the question, C, include a thesis statement, and finally, D, offer a clear line of argument.

You do not have to worry about summarising the content of both poems, okay? So first practise task.

I would like you please to read your essay and use the following questions to help you self-assess your work.

So we're gonna think about style first of all, so as you're reading your essay, really think about your style.

Is your overall writing style formal? And then underline or even highlight any words or phrases that sound too casual, vague, or informal, okay? So you just might wanna just annotate and make some notes on style on your own essay.

And then I want you to think about structure.

Do you have a clear introduction, paragraphs, and a conclusion? Are your intro and conclusion focused, formal, and clearly linked to the question? So you're really thinking about your overall structure when you look at that essay as well.

And then finally, once you have read your essay, you've annotated, you've highlighted, you've done all of those things, I want you to give yourself a what went well and an even better if.

Okay, so lots to do, so make sure you pause the video to give yourself plenty of time to complete this task.

Off you go.

Okay, great.

So let's just look at Lucas' self-assessment.

So we're gonna look at Lucas' what went well and his even better if.

So he has said that his what went well is he used a formal tone throughout, he avoided contractions and slang, which helped make his arguments sound more academic.

A really lovely what went well there from Lucas.

And his even better if is, "I need to improve my conclusion by clearly reinstating my main argument and linking it back to the question so my essay feels more complete." So Lucas has given himself a really specific EBI.

There's a really specific thing that he can do the next time he needs to write a conclusion.

And it says here, "Lucas' feedback is specific and actionable," Okay? He can now use this feedback to make improvements to his writing.

And I just want you just to spend a few moments checking that your own what went well and even better if is specific and actionable.

If you came back to that feedback, would you know exactly what you need to do to improve your essay? Okay, pause the video to get that task done.

Off you go.

Okay, we are now onto the second part of our lesson, and we're going to be zooming in on those analytical paragraphs and thinking about how we can improve those.

So a strong comparative paragraph can include the following: ongoing and clear comparisons between both poems; precise and formal vocabulary to communicate ideas clearly, so this really links back to that style we looked at in the first part of the lesson; effective use of discourse markers, so things like similarly, in contrast to really link those ideas; smoothly embedded quotations that support key points; analysis of language and structure with explanation of their effects.

So I want us to think about that success criteria, the things that a good analytical paragraph has, and we're going to read a paragraph here now.

So keep that in mind as we read this together.

"Both "Sonnet 29" and "Cousin Kate" explore the power of love, but Barrett Browning presents it as overwhelming and uplifting, whereas Rosetti portrays it as disempowering.

In "Sonnet 29," the verb "twine" conveys how love entwines and consumes the speaker's thoughts, suggesting passion and intimacy.

Conversely, Rosetti's use of "lord" implies dominance and social control highlighting the speaker's loss of agency.

While Barrett Browning romanticises love's intensity, Rosetti critiques its consequences for women.

Both poets employ metaphor and structure to reflect these contrasting emotional experiences." It's really great paragraph there.

So what I would like you to do now is just to pause the video and to discuss or think quietly to yourself, what has this paragraph done well? Okay, pause the video to come up with your ideas.

Off you go.

Great.

Okay, so let's just work through this together and really think about what this has done well.

So hopefully you've thought of some of these ideas too.

So you may have thought about this ongoing and clear comparison between both poems, so both "Sonnet 29" and "Cousin Kate," and while Barrett Browning does this, Rosetti does this.

So there's this kind of ongoing and clear comparison between both poems, which is really lovely.

There is precise and formal vocabulary to communicate ideas.

So again, when we're thinking about this language, we need to make sure it's really precise and it isn't vague.

So Barrett Browning presents it as overwhelming and uplifting, it's a really clear use of language and vocabulary to describe what Barrett Browning is doing.

Likewise, Rosetti, it says disempowering.

So there's some really key ideas there on which to hook our analysis onto.

There's also an effective use of discourse markers, so we can see whereas, conversely, and while.

And smoothly embedded quotations that support key points.

So you may have noticed this paragraph actually only uses two words of quotations, they're just two words, that is it.

But this still allows for really rich analysis, and they're embedded, and this paragraph does all of the things that it needs to do well, but only uses two one-word quotations.

But what it does with those quotations is really key because there is a clear analysis of language and structure with explanation of their effects.

So when this person is looking at the verb twine, they talk about how it conveys how love entwines and consumes the speaker's thoughts, suggesting passion and intimacy.

So again, one-word quotations, but lots of analysis to support that quote.

Okay, so thinking about our comparative paragraphs, I want you to look here.

What is missing from this comparative paragraph success criteria? So you can see that fourth bullet point and the question mark, what should be there? Pause the video to come up with your answer now.

Off you go.

Okay, are we feeling confident? Everyone got an answer? Okay, fantastic.

Well done to everyone that noticed we are missing those embedded quotations, so smoothly embedded quotations that support key points.

So well done to everyone that noticed that embedded quotations or quotations that support key points was the part that was missing.

So second and final practise task.

So what I would like you to do now is I would like you to use the success criteria to self-assess your analytical paragraphs, so look back over that essay and really focus in on those analytical paragraphs.

So you've got the success criteria there.

You may wish to give yourself a tick when you have done this in your essays.

You may even wish to annotate your essays as you go along where you have met these.

And once you have self-assessed using that success criteria, I would like you to give yourself a clear what went well and an even better if.

Okay, so pause the video to give yourself time to really look at those analytical paragraphs.

Off you go.

Great, thank you so much.

Now, there's one final thing I would like you to do.

We now have two lots of feedback, so one from task A and the feedback that you've just done on your analytical paragraphs.

And what I would like you to do, please, is I would like you to choose one analytical paragraph to rewrite using that feedback, and choose either your introduction or conclusion to rewrite using your feedback from task A, okay? So you're using that feedback to really elevate one analytical paragraph and either your introduction or conclusion.

Pause the video to give yourself time to do this.

Off you go.

Okay, a very well done, everyone, and now, what I would like us to do is just to complete the last final reflection sentences just to bring this all together and really understand what it is we are going to do going forward.

So the sentences are, "I have improved my essay by.

." And, "Next time, I want to make sure I.

." So pause the video to give yourself time just to complete those last reflection sentences.

You're doing so well, keep it up.

Off you go.

And that marks the end of the lesson, so well done, everyone.

That was a really intense lesson in terms of looking at your own essays and rewriting them, but it is such an important thing to practise and get good at, so really, really, really well done.

So let's just remind ourselves of everything we have learned.

We know that when writing an essay, you should aim to write in an formal style.

It can really elevate your excellent ideas.

That your essay should have a clear argument and be well structured.

We know that an effective introduction will be focused, have a clear thesis, and link to the main ideas in the question.

Those strong comparative paragraphs will clearly compare poems and use precise vocabulary and discourse markers, and a strong response will embed quotations, analyse language and structure, and really explain the effects clearly.

Thank you so much for your hard work today.

I hope to see you all again soon.

So I will say goodbye until I see you then.

Goodbye.