Lesson video

Hello, my name is Miss.

Growth.

Today we're going to be looking at the lesson called Why Saying No Is Important.

This fits into the lesson unit, Power in Relationships, What are my Boundaries? Now for this lesson, it is recommended that you have an adult with you, so please make sure they're present before you continue watching the video.

Today's lesson outcome is I can describe ways to say no respectfully and explain when I might need support from trusted adults.

Let's begin by looking at the ground rules together.

Laura says "We should listen to others." That means we're not going to interrupt or talk when somebody else is speaking.

Andeep says "We should respect privacy." And that means if somebody decides to share a story or their own experience that we are not going to repeat it to others outside of this lesson.

Jacob says, "No judgement ." And that means if somebody does decide to share a story or their own experience, that we are not going to judge them or make comments because of it.

And Izzy says, "Choose your level of participation." and that means you can decide if you simply just want to listen or if you want to share something throughout the lesson.

All of these ground rules are here to keep everyone safe in the lesson, here are today's key words.

We have different, uncomfortable respect and consent.

Different means not the same as something else.

Uncomfortable means feeling anxious, worried or unable to relax.

Respect means treating others kindly and valuing their feelings, ideas and boundaries.

For example, listening carefully and being polite even if you disagree.

And consent means having permission to do something.

So keep an eye out for these keywords as they are going to pop up in today's lesson.

Here is the lessons outline, and we are going to begin with, do we always want the same things as our friends? It's typical to have lot in common with our friends.

Izzy says, "Sofia and I often want to do the same things.

We enjoy playing the same games, watching the same films, and when we work together in class, we have similar ideas." However, sometimes we want different things from our friends and the people around us.

Jun says, "Sometimes I want to do different things online to Jacob or he suggests playing a game that I don't want to play.

We don't always want to do the same thing." Sometimes we have to say no to people when they want to do something that we don't want to do.

Laura says, "Lucas sometimes suggests doing things that don't sound fun to me, because he's a good friend, I feel comfortable saying no to him." Time for a check for understanding, who is correct? Alex says, "Good friends want to do the same things as each other all of the time." Aisha says, "Good friends might want to do different things from each other from time to time." So who is correct, Alex or Aisha? Pause this video so you can have some time to think about your answer.

Well done if you said Aisha was correct, good friends might want to do different things from each other from time to time, and that's okay.

It can be hard to say no, especially to our friends.

We might worry about how they'll react to us saying no.

Andeep says, "Sometimes I feel uncomfortable saying no, my tummy feels funny, and I can worry that whoever I've said no to will get upset or make me feel bad." Saying no can help us to stay safe.

It can help us to stay comfortable too.

Megan says, "I've said no to my friends before when they've wanted to play an online game that wasn't appropriate for us to play.

I said no to keep myself safe." Jack says, "I've said no to my friends before when they have wanted to play an unkind joke on someone else, I said no because what they wanted to do made me feel uncomfortable." And Isaac says "Saying no can be hard.

It is often better than doing something that makes us feel uncomfortable or unsafe." Time for a check for understanding.

Fill in the blanks in this sentence.

Saying no can help us to stay.

And hmm, what could those missing words be? Pause this video so you can have some time to think about your answer.

Okay, well done if you remembered that the missing words were safe and comfortable.

Saying no can help us to stay safe and comfortable.

As we get older, what we want to do often becomes different from what our friends want to do.

This means that we are growing up and learning more about ourselves.

Megan says, "I used to always want to do everything that my friends did, but as I got older, I started to want different things.

This meant that I started to say no more often because I had a better idea of my own likes and dislikes." We can still be good friends with someone even if we want different things.

Isaac says, "For me, I chose friends because of who they are and how they make me feel, not because they want to do the same things as me.

I have lots of good friends who like doing different things to me." What someone chooses to do can also show us what kind of person they are.

Sometimes we might decide to stop being friends with someone because of what they do.

Layla says, "I've stopped being friends with people because they wanted to do unkind unfair things to others.

This is something I really didn't agree with.

So I made the decision to end the friendship.

It was hard at the time, but I'm glad I did it." Okay, time for a check for understanding, true or false? What we want or don't want never changes, is that statement true or false? Pause this video so you can have some time to think about your answer.

Okay, well done.

If you said false, now I would like you to have a little think to yourself and think about why this statement is false.

Pause this video so you can have some time to think about your answer.

Okay, so this statement is false because what we want or don't want can change over time, especially as we get older and learn more about ourselves.

Time for a task now, why might Alex want to say no in this situation? This person says, why don't we sneak out and go to the park this evening? We could even trick Jake into meeting us at a different park.

It will be really funny.

So your is to think about why Alex might want to say no in this situation.

Pause this video so you can have some time to do the task and then we will go through the answer together.

Okay, well done for having a go.

Your answer could include, Alex might want to say no in this situation because it is not safe to go somewhere without trusted adults knowing where he is.

The person has also suggested doing something unkind to Jake, which Alex might not want to do.

Well done if your answer is similar to mine.

We're now going to move on to the second and the final part of our lesson.

How can we say no firmly and with respect? It is always okay to say no if we don't want to do something that makes us feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

It is important to say no firmly and with respect.

For example, Alex might respond to his friend and say, "No thank you, I don't want to do that." In his sentence, the no thank you part shows respect.

And the second part when he says, I don't want to do that, says no firmly and clearly.

When we say no firmly, we are leaving no doubt about what we are saying.

We could say to someone, no thanks, I'll do something else.

No, I'm good, thanks, I won't do that.

How about this instead? No, thank you.

These are all examples of saying no firmly.

It can take practise to say no in a firm way.

Some of us might struggle with this, but we should always do our best to say no clearly.

If a person doesn't seem to be saying yes, it is safest to think that they are trying to say no.

For example, they might say, hmm, I'm not sure.

So in this situation, it is best that we believe that they are trying to say no.

When we say no with respect, we are not being unkind.

We can be kind by saying thank you for asking or by suggesting something else we could do instead.

In most cases, we don't make the person feel bad if our answer is no.

For example, Izzy says, "Hey Aisha, would you like to come to my house tonight?" And Aisha respond by saying, "No, not tonight, but thanks for asking." Okay, time for a check for understanding which option shows saying no firmly and with respect? Is it A, no, that's stupid, why would you ask that? Or B, no thank you I won't do that.

So which option shows saying no firmly and with respect? Pause this video so you can think about your answer.

Well done if you said B.

Now I want you to have a little think about how do you know that option B shows saying no firmly and with respect.

Pause this video so you can think about your answer.

So you should have said this option says thank you, which shows respect and says the word no clearly.

Sometimes we need support to say no.

We might want to speak to a trusted adult to help us to say no.

Ms. Walsh says, "If we feel like we aren't able to say no ourselves, trusted adults can help us to do this.

This is especially true if we feel unsafe or uncomfortable." If you feel like you haven't been listened to and you're feeling unsafe or uncomfortable, it's important to keep asking and to talk to another trusted adult until you are heard.

Sometimes the first person we talk to might be busy or might not understand how serious the situation is.

Ms. Welsh says, "This doesn't mean we should give up.

It means we should try talking to someone else like a different teacher, a family member or another adult that we trust us." Good friends always respect us when we say no, even if they feel disappointed or sad.

Jun says, "It can make me feel sad when a friend says no to what I want to do, but I do my best to be a good friend by showing respect, accepting their decision and not pressuring them to change their mind." What do you think about what Sofia says? She says, "People don't always know what they want, so it's okay to do things anyway when they say no.

For example, if my friend is scared to go down the slide, but I think they'll have fun, it's okay to push them down." What do you think about what Sofia says? Have a little think to yourself.

Sofia is not correct.

Even if we disagree with someone, we must listen to them and respect their wishes.

Okay, time for a check for understanding Good friends always, is it A, respect us when we say no.

B, pressure us to do what they want.

Or C, listen to our wishes.

Good friends, always, pause this video so you can have some time to think about your answer.

Okay, well done if you said A and C.

Good friends always respect us when we say no and listen to our wishes.

Respecting someone's no is always important, but there are some situations where it is especially important.

For example, when it comes to physical touch, sharing photos and personal information, we should always ask for consent.

So permission before touching someone's body.

You might ask them, can I give you a hug? Can we do a high five? Is it okay if I touch your arm? We should always ask for consent before sharing photos.

Sharing photos without someone's consent can make them feel upset and angry.

We should always check before sharing a photo of someone else, even if they are a friend or family member and we should always ask for consent before sharing personal information.

Our personal information like our full name, age and address should only be shared with trusted adults' help and permission.

It is not safe to share someone else's personal information without their consent.

Okay, time for a check for understanding.

Is Andeep correct? He says "We only have to ask for consent to touch someone or to share their photos or personal information if we don't know them very well." So is Andeep correct, pause this video so you can have some time to think about your answer.

Okay, you should have said that Andeep is not correct.

Andeep is incorrect because we always have to ask for consent to do these things ,even if they are a friend or family member.

Okay, time for a task now.

First I would like you to fill in the speech bubble to show Aisha saying no to Jacob with respect.

Jacob says, "Hey Aisha, can I share this photo of us online?" Okay, so pause this video so you can have some time to do the first part of our task and then we will go through the answers together.

Okay, well done for having a go.

Your answer could look like this.

No, thank you, but I appreciate you for asking consent.

Well done if your answer looks similar to mine.

For the second part of the task, I would like you to fill in the speech bubble to show Jacob showing respect for Aisha's choice.

Aisha says, "No thank you, but I appreciate you asking for consent." Pause this video so you can have some time to do the task and then we will go through the answers together.

Okay, well done for having a go.

Your answer could look like this.

"No problem, I won't share it.

Would you like to show the photo to your family instead?" Well done if your answer looks similar to mine.

This brings us on to the end of our lesson, and here is a summary of everything that we've covered today.

It's okay to want different things to our friends and the people around us.

Sometimes we may need to say no to people, especially if we feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

It can be hard to say no, but with practise, we can say no in a firm way that shows respect.

We can get support to say no from trusted adults.

If we're not heard, keep asking or find another trusted adult until someone listens.

Good friends always respect us when we say no, particularly around physical touch, sharing photos and personal information.

Here is a slide with different places that you can get support.

We have the Childline, which is a website and phone line, which is able to offer confidential advice and support, and we have the CEOP.

The CEOP helps protect children from online abuse and exploitation.