Lesson video

Hello, my name's Ms Willow, and I'm going to be your teacher for today's lesson.

Today's lesson is called Consent and it fits into the unit Healthy intimate relationships: What influences risky sexual behavior? During this lesson, we are going to be talking about sexual violence and some other sensitive content, so for this lesson, we require you to have an adult with you.

If at any point you do feel worried or uncomfortable, it's really important that you stop the video and that you speak to an adult that you trust.

Okay, let's make a start on today's lesson.

By the end of today's lesson, you'll be able to explain what consent means, why it matters, and how to recognize whether it's present.

Before we get started with today's lesson, we need to go over some ground rules.

These help to make sure that everyone feels safe and comfortable during today's lesson.

First of all, Laura says that we need to listen to others.

"It's okay to disagree with each other, but we should always listen properly before we make any assumptions or before we decide how to respond." When we disagree with someone else, it's important to challenge the statement and not the person themselves.

Next, Andeep says that we need to respect each other's privacy.

"We can discuss examples, but we shouldn't use any names or descriptions that could identify anyone, including ourselves." If we want to share a story, we can refer to someone as my friend.

This means that we're not going to give away any identifying information.

Next, Jacob says "No judgment.

We can explore any beliefs and misunderstandings that we have about a topic without fear of being judged by others." And finally, Izzy says that we can choose our level of participation.

"Everyone has the right to choose not to answer a question or to join in with discussion, and we should never put anyone on the spot." We're now going to take a look at the keywords for today's lesson.

Our first keyword is consent.

This is when everyone involved clearly agrees to sexual activity without pressure.

It's freely given, can be withdrawn at any time, and it requires understanding.

Next we have coercion.

This is forcing someone to do something against their will through threats, pressure, or intimidation.

Today's lesson is split into two learning cycles.

Our first learning cycle is called What is consent and why is it important? And our second learning cycle is called What does consent look or sound like? Let's make a start on our first learning cycle, What is consent and why is it important? In any relationship, including a friendship, it's respectful to ask for someone's consent before we do something.

So for example, in this case, Sophia asks, "David, please, can I borrow your calculator?" And he gives consent.

He says, "Of course you can.

Thanks for asking first." In this circumstance, Layla asks, "Amira, is it okay if I post that photo of us online?" Amira doesn't give consent.

She says, "Thanks for checking, Layla, but I'd prefer if you didn't." Layla accepts this and says, "That's absolutely fine, no problem at all." Izzy says, "I've had a terrible day and feel really down!" Izzy's grandmother asks for consent.

She says, "Oh, I'm sorry, Izzy.

Would it be all right if I hugged you?" Let's do a check for understanding to see how you're doing.

In any relationship, when should we ask for consent? A, after we've done something; B, before we do something; or C, while we're doing something? What do you think? In any relationship, when should we ask for consent? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that B is correct.

In any relationship, we should ask for consent before we do something.

Well done if you said the same thing.

Consent is essential for building healthy intimate relationships.

It ensures that everyone feels safe, respected, and in control of their own body and choices.

In an intimate relationship, so for example, this is a romantic relationship, consent is needed for any sexual activity.

It's where everyone involved clearly agrees to sexual activity without pressure.

Consent should always be freely given.

Social worker Natalie explains that "People should be able to give their consent voluntarily, and because they enthusiastically or genuinely want to engage," not because they feel like they have to say yes.

"Consent should never be gained as a result of coercion, pressure, or through a fear of negative consequences," for example, that someone's gonna be in a bad mood with them or is gonna be unkind to them.

Let's take a look at what this person has to say.

They say that "My girlfriend wants us to start being intimate together.

I told her I'm not ready but she made me feel bad.

She told me everyone else our age is having sex and that if I don't agree, she'll break up with me.

I don't want to lose her, so I think I'm going to have to say yes." This person's girlfriend is using coercion and threatening to break up with them in order to gain their consent.

This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

This is not an example of someone giving consent freely and enthusiastically.

Let's do a check for understanding to see how you're doing, and this time I'd like you to decide if the statement is true or false.

If someone threatens to break up with you unless you agree to sexual activity, this is an example of freely given consent.

What do you think? Is this true or false? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself Well done if you said that this is false, but why? You might have said that this is coercion, not freely given consent.

Consent must be given voluntarily without pressure, threats, or fear of negative consequences.

So for example, a negative consequence could be that the relationship ends.

Well done if you said the same thing, consent should always be informed.

Social worker Natalie explains that "A person should be given all the information needed to understand exactly what they're being asked to consent to.

It should never be seen as a blanket policy which covers everything.

For example, an adult may give their consent to participate in sexual activity with their partner, but not all sexual activities are the same.

Consent should be sought for each sexual activity and each time so that a person knows exactly what they're agreeing to." This person wants to share their experience with consent.

They said, "My partner asked me for my consent around being intimate and I said yes.

However, while we were having sex a few weeks ago, he put his hands around my neck.

This frightened me as I couldn't breathe properly, he never asked for my consent before he did that." So this person's partner failed to seek consent for a different and potentially dangerous sexual act.

Consent for one activity doesn't mean consent for everything.

This person's partner should have asked for clear consent before doing something new, especially something that could cause harm.

This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

We're now going to talk about the impact of drugs and alcohol on consent.

Social worker Natalie explains that "It's also important to remember that anyone under the influence of drugs or alcohol cannot make an informed decision around consent.

If a person is intoxicated and unable to fully understand the consequences of their actions or what they're consenting to, their consent is considered to not be valid.

It's a criminal offense to engage in sexual activity with anyone unable to make an informed decision around consent." This person wants to share their experience with consent.

They say, "My boyfriend drank a little too much alcohol this evening, and he started being very affectionate when we got home.

I asked him if he wanted to be intimate, but he's slurring his words, so I'm not sure whether he said yes or not.

Should we have sex while he's like this?" This person's boyfriend is under the influence of alcohol and is too intoxicated to make an informed decision and to give their consent freely and in an informed way.

It would be a criminal offense for this person to engage in sexual activity with their boyfriend in this situation.

It's not clear whether he's given consent, and it's also likely that he is so intoxicated that he's unable to give consent at all.

Let's do another check for understanding to see how you're doing.

For this task, I'd like you to complete the missing words.

Anyone under the influence of blank or alcohol blank make a blank decision around consent.

Where I said the word blank, can you decide which word is missing? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that the missing words were drugs, cannot, and informed.

So our complete sentence should now say, anyone under the influence of drugs or alcohol cannot make an informed decision around consent.

Well done if you said the same thing.

Consent is always reversible and it can always be withdrawn at any time.

David, who's a youth worker, explains that "Even if an individual gives their consent to begin with, it's perfectly acceptable if they change their mind during sexual activity.

Everyone has the right to withdraw their consent, and this should always be respected." This person wants to share their experience with consent.

They said, "My partner and I recently decided that we were going to start being intimate and we both gave our consent.

Yesterday, while we were kissing, I decided that I wasn't ready after all and said that I wanted to wait.

My partner got angry and told me that I was wasting her time.

I regret changing my mind, I should have just gone along with it." Although this person gave their consent to begin with, it's perfectly acceptable for them to withdraw their consent.

Their partner isn't being respectful of this, and this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship, if they're not able to respect their boundaries and respect when they have said no.

Let's do another true or false question as part of this check for understanding.

True or false? Once consent is given, it cannot be reversed or withdrawn.

What do you think? Is this true or false? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that this is false, but why? You might have said that consent is always reversible and it can be withdrawn at any time.

It's perfectly acceptable for someone to change their mind during sexual activity.

Everyone has the right to withdraw their consent at any time, and this should always be respected.

If it's not respected, this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Well done if you said the same thing.

Some relationships have an imbalance of power.

So for instance, someone in a position of authority in the workplace, such as a boss or a manager, will have more power than their employees.

Similarly, a teacher has more power than a pupil.

A person with less power may feel that they have little or no choice in a situation and end up giving their consent because they fear the consequences if they don't or they feel unable to not give consent.

So a scenario where someone gives consent because they fear the consequences if they don't could be someone in power saying, "If you don't send me a photo of you, I'll make sure you lose your job." The person they're saying this to may then think, "I don't want to send a photo, but if I want to keep my job, I don't have a choice." This is a really unhealthy situation to be in because there's an imbalance of power.

They're giving consent, but only because they feel that if they don't, they will lose their job.

An imbalance of power should never be used as coercion to gain consent.

Social worker Natalie explains that "If anyone in a position of power or authority pressures you into giving consent, it's really important to talk to another trusted adult, such as a parent, carer, or a member of staff at school.

If you are not heard or believed straight away, it's important to keep asking trusted adults for help until you get the support that you need." Let's do another check for understanding to see how you're doing, and I'd like you to complete the missing words in this sentence.

An imbalance of blank should never be used as blank to gain blank.

Where I've said the word blank, can you decide which word is missing? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that the missing words were power, coercion, and consent.

So our complete sentence should now say, an imbalance of power should never be used as coercion to gain consent.

Well done if you said the same thing.

It's now time to move on to our first practice task, and well done for your hard work in this lesson so far.

For this task, I'd like you to answer the following questions.

Number one, why is consent essential for a healthy intimate relationship? Number two, I'd like you to explain what is meant by the statement, consent should be freely given, informed, and reversible.

And finally, for the third part of this task, I'd like you to answer the question, how might an imbalance of power affect consent? Pause the video, and we'll go through some model answers in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what you might have said.

For question one, why is consent essential for a healthy intimate relationship, you might have said that consent is essential for a healthy intimate relationship because it ensures that everyone feels safe, respected, and in control of their own body and choices.

For question two, explain what is meant by the statement, consent should be freely given, informed, and reversible, you might have said that when consent is freely given, it means the person agrees voluntarily because they genuinely or enthusiastically want to, not because of coercion, pressure, or fear of what might happen if they refuse.

Informed consent means having all the necessary information to understand what you're agreeing to.

You can't just give blanket consent that covers all activities.

Reversible consent means that even after initially agreeing, a person can change their mind at any point during sexual activity.

Everyone has the right to withdraw consent or to not give consent at all, and their partner must respect this decision.

And finally, for question three, how might an imbalance of power affect consent, you might have said that some relationships have an imbalance of power.

For instance, someone in a position of authority in the workplace, such as a boss or a manager, will have more power than their employees.

Similarly, a teacher has more power than a pupil.

A person with less power may feel that they have little or no choice in a situation, and they may end up feeling that they need to give consent because they fear the consequences if they don't, or they feel unable to not give consent at all.

An imbalance of power should never be used as coercion to gain consent.

Well done of your answers were anything like this.

We're now moving on to our second learning cycle, What does consent look or sound like? Some people incorrectly think that consent is a one-off agreement.

David, who's a youth worker, explains that "Consent is ongoing.

It should be openly discussed and negotiated within an intimate relationship.

This helps each person to clearly understand what the other person's boundaries are and avoid any misunderstandings around consent.

So, what does consent look or sound like?" So first of all, we're going to talk about consent and verbal language.

In any intimate relationship, it's very important to seek a person's consent, not just before engaging in sexual activity, but during it too.

So the following are examples of the types of questions that might help in asking for consent.

Is it okay if I? Can I touch? Are you still okay with this? Do you feel comfortable with? It's vital to listen very carefully to the verbal responses of a partner.

If a person doesn't say yes clearly or enthusiastically, consent hasn't been given.

The following examples are not giving consent clearly enough for sexual activity to take place.

I'm not too sure about this, or I don't mind.

I really don't know, or I suppose that would be okay.

In all of these examples, they're not giving consent in a clear enough way for sexual activity to take place.

Let's do another check for understanding to see how you're doing.

Which of the following gives consent clearly? A, I'm not too sure, I think it'd be okay to do this, but I'm a bit worried; or B, yes, that's fine, I feel really comfortable doing this with you.

Which of those speech bubbles gives consent clearly? Pause the video, talk to people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that B is correct.

Yes, that's fine, I feel really comfortable doing this with you is an example of someone giving consent clearly.

Well done if you said the same thing.

If someone asks for your consent and you don't want to engage, it's important to know that you can be clear in your response.

In a healthy relationship, your partner will always respect your response.

The word no leaves very little doubt.

Other helpful phrases might include, no, I don't want to do that; no, I'm not ready to do that yet; no, this doesn't feel right for me; or no, I'm not comfortable with this, can we cuddle instead? Silence is not consent.

Social worker Natalie explains that "Consent is an active, enthusiastic confirmation to participate.

It's not just a lack of refusal.

If someone asks for consent and the other person stays quiet, they're not giving consent.

Saying nothing doesn't automatically mean that they don't mind taking part." Let's do another check for understanding to see how you're doing.

What does silence mean in terms of consent? Does it A, mean that the person is giving consent; B, that the person doesn't mind either way; or C, that the person is not giving consent? What do you think? Talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that C is correct.

If someone is silent, this person is not giving consent.

Well done if you said the same thing.

We're now going to talk about consent and body language, because consent is more than just about what we say.

Even if a person has verbally given consent, it's important to take cues from their body language about how they're feeling too.

Sexual activity should be stopped immediately if there are any of the following signs: avoiding eye contact, tense posture, keeping silent, shaking their head, remaining motionless, or physically pushing a person away.

We're now going to do another check for understanding.

I'd like you to decide if this statement is true or false.

Even if a person has verbally given consent, it's important to notice their body language.

What do you think, is this true or false? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that this is true.

It's true that even if a person has verbally given consent, it's important to notice their body language too.

Well done if you said the same thing.

We're now moving on to our final practice task, and well done for your hard work in this lesson.

I'd like you to read the scenario below and I'd like you to answer the question.

Here's our scenario.

"My partner and I have been going out for a few months and recently talked about having sex.

Last night we were kissing and I asked her if she wanted to be intimate.

She said, 'I think I'm ready,' but she looked anxious.

Her body seemed tense and she wouldn't look at me when I spoke to her.

We stopped immediately, but it left me confused." Has this person's partner given their consent for sexual activity? I'd like you to explain your answer as fully as you can.

Pause the video, and we'll go through a model answer in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what you might have said.

You might have said that this person's partner has not given their consent for sexual activity.

She said, "I think I'm ready," which doesn't clearly say yes.

Furthermore, her body language showed that she didn't give her consent.

She looked anxious, her body seemed tense, and she wouldn't look at her partner when they spoke to her.

These physical cues show that she doesn't feel comfortable with the situation, so it was absolutely right to stop sexual activity immediately.

Well done if your answer was something like this.

We're now going to summarize the key learning from today's lesson.

In today's lesson, we've learned that in an intimate relationship, consent is essential for any sexual activity.

It ensures that everyone feels safe, respected, and in control of their own body and choices.

Consent should always be freely given, is reversible, and it can be withdrawn.

Anyone under the influence of drugs or alcohol cannot make an informed decision around consent, and it's a criminal offense to engage in sexual activity with anyone unable to make an informed decision around consent.

An imbalance of power should never be used as coercion to gain consent.

If anyone is the victim of coercion, they must speak to a trusted adult.

It's also important to remember that if we speak to a trusted adult and we don't get the support that we need straight away, that we speak to another trusted adult.

Consent is also ongoing.

It's important to listen to a person's verbal language and look at their body language when asking for consent.

During today's lesson, you might have found that you've got some worries or questions, and if you do, it's really important that you share these with a trusted adult.

There's also some resources on the screen that are there to help you too.

Well done for your hard work today.

I hope to see you again soon.