Lesson video

Hello, my name's Ms. Willow, and I'm going to be your teacher for today's lesson.

Today's lesson is called "Safety, respect and trust in intimate relationships." And it fits into the unit "Healthy intimate relationships: What influences risky sexual behavior?" During this lesson, we are going to be talking about sexual violence and other sensitive content, so for this lesson, we require you to have an adult with you.

If you don't have an adult with you at the moment, please come back to this lesson when you do have one with you.

And if at any point during this lesson you feel worried or uncomfortable, it's really important that you stop the lesson and that you speak to a trusted adult.

Okay, let's make a start.

By the end of today's lesson, you'll be able to explain the qualities of a healthy intimate relationship, describe unsafe or harmful behaviors, and explain where to get help and support.

Before we get started with today's lesson, we need to go over some ground rules.

These help to make sure that everyone feels safe and comfortable during today's lesson.

First of all, Laura says that we need to listen to others.

It's okay to disagree with each other, but we should always listen properly before we make any assumptions or before we decide how to respond.

When we disagree with someone else, it's important to challenge the statement and not the person themselves.

Next, Andeep says that we need to respect each other's privacy.

We can discuss examples, but we shouldn't use any names or descriptions that could identify anyone, including ourselves.

If we want to share a story or an experience, we can refer to someone as "my friend." This means that we're not going to give away any identifying information.

Next, Jacob says no judgment.

We can explore any beliefs and misunderstandings that we have about a topic without fear of being judged by others.

And finally, Izzy says that we can choose our level of participation.

Everyone has the right to choose not to answer a question or to join in with discussion.

We should never put anyone on the spot.

We're now going to take a look at our keywords for today's lesson.

Our first keyword is respect.

This means being considerate of others and the world around you, treating people fairly and how you would like to be treated.

Next, we have trust.

This is the confidence that someone will act in your best interest and be honest with you.

Consent, this means that everyone involved clearly agrees to sexual activity without pressure.

It's freely given, can be withdrawn at any time, and it requires understanding.

And finally, we have boundary.

This is an imaginary line separating what we will and won't allow.

Today's lesson is split into three learning cycles.

Our first learning cycle is called "What makes a relationship healthy and respectful?" Our second learning cycle is called "What are signs of unsafe or harmful behavior?" And our third learning cycle is called "Who can help if someone feels unsafe or pressured?" Let's make a start on our first learning cycle, "What makes a relationship healthy and respectful?" Healthy relationships make people feel safe, supported, and valued.

A healthy relationship includes equality; decisions are shared and both people's views are respected.

Trust, honesty and reliability build safety and confidence.

Respect, each person's boundaries are valued and respected.

Support, both encourage each other's growth.

Communication, thoughts and feelings are shared openly with each other.

Healthy intimacy grows naturally from mutual trust and comfort, not from pressure or expectation.

Ms. Walsh explains that healthy relationships aren't just about liking someone; they're about how we treat each other every day.

In healthy relationships, both people feel that they can be themselves without fear of judgment or control.

They support each other's friendships, hobbies and goals, rather than limiting them.

Let's do a check for understanding to see how you're doing with this lesson so far.

I'd like you to complete the sentence with the missing word.

Healthy intimacy grows naturally from mutual blank and comfort, not pressure or expectation.

Can you complete the sentence with the missing word? Pause the video, talk to people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that the missing word is trust.

Our completed sentence should now say: Healthy intimacy grows naturally from mutual trust and comfort, not pressure or expectation.

Well done if you got this right.

Respect means valuing someone's feelings, body, and limits.

In a healthy relationship, both people should feel comfortable discussing their personal boundaries before any physical intimacy happens.

Emily says, "My partner and I both feel ready to talk about what we're comfortable with; that's what makes it work." This kind of open conversation helps both people to feel safe and respected, and it means that no one is left guessing or feeling pressured.

Discussing personal boundaries isn't a one-time conversation; it's ongoing and both people should feel able to speak up at any time.

Our boundaries can change over time too, and this is also why it's important that having a discussion about boundaries is an ongoing conversation.

Healthy intimacy in relationships can only happen when both people freely agree and feel safe to say yes or no.

Pushing, persuading, or testing someone's boundaries shows a lack of respect for that person.

David, who's a youth worker, explains that respect means stopping the moment that someone is uncomfortable, not trying to change their mind or to make them feel guilty.

Let's do another check for understanding.

Which of these shows respect for boundaries? A, stopping immediately when someone says that they're uncomfortable, B, asking repeatedly until the person agrees to what you want to do, or C, assuming that silence means consent and carrying on without checking.

Which of those shows respect for boundaries? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that A is correct.

Stopping immediately when someone says that they're uncomfortable shows respect for someone's boundaries.

Well done if you got this right.

Trust and communication help people to build healthy intimacy.

Good communication means listening without judgment, expressing feelings honestly, checking comfort and consent, giving space when needed.

Trust grows when people respect each other's privacy and honor their boundaries.

Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship, including differences about physical intimacy or boundaries.

What matters in a relationship is how people handle them.

They should be handled with respect, patience, and willingness to understand each other's perspective.

Siobhan says, "My partner and I don't always agree, but we listen and respect each other's opinions." In healthy relationships, people can disagree without anyone feeling threatened, dismissed, or pressured to give in.

Let's do another check for understanding.

Riya and her partner talk openly about what feels comfortable, and both respect each other's limits.

What does this show? A, a respectful and healthy relationship, B, a relationship with poor communication, or C, a lack of trust.

What do you think? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that A is correct.

Riya and her partner talking openly about what feels comfortable and respecting each other's limits shows a respectful and healthy relationship.

Well done if you got this right.

We're now moving on to our first practice task, and well done for your hard work in this learning cycle.

I'd like you to write one paragraph explaining what makes a relationship healthy and respectful.

I'd like you to think about how people in healthy relationships treat each other, how consent and communication help to build trust, and why equality and boundaries are important.

I'd like you to use at least three of these words below in your answer: respect, trust, equality, consent, boundaries, and communication.

Pause the video, and we'll go through a model answer in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what your answer could have looked like.

You might have said something like this: A healthy relationship is built on trust and respect, where both people feel safe and valued.

In healthy relationships, people treat each other with kindness and consideration, communicate honestly, and listen to each other.

Communication and consent help build trust because when both people can talk openly about their boundaries, it creates honesty and understanding.

Equality and boundaries are important because both people make shared decisions and no one feels pressured or controlled.

When there is consent, it shows care and equality; both people have the freedom to choose what feels right.

Well done if your answer was something like this or had some similar ideas.

We're now moving on to our second learning cycle, "What are signs of unsafe or harmful behavior?" Healthy relationships make people feel safe and valued.

Unhealthy or harmful relationships can involve pressure, fear, or control.

Healthy relationships should feel comfortable and supportive, not confusing or frightening.

If something doesn't feel right, that feeling matters and deserves attention.

Recognizing these signs early helps people to stay safe and get support.

In an unhealthy relationship, one person might pressure or guilt the other person into intimacy, ignore or question the other person's boundaries, control who they see or what they do, cause fear or discomfort and call it "love." If someone says that it's "just because they care" but it feels like pressure or control, that's not respect.

Unhealthy relationships make people feel anxious, unsafe or trapped, and not cared for.

Some people use control or manipulation to gain power in a relationship.

This might include checking someone's messages or tracking their location, using threats or guilt to get what they want, controlling someone's access to friends, money, or choices, and these behaviors are forms of coercive control and they are against the law.

Police Officer Kofi explains that coercive control isn't just unkind; it's a criminal offense.

The Serious Crime Act 2015 recognized that abuse isn't always physical.

Patterns of controlling behavior that make someone feel frightened, dependent, or isolated are against the law.

Everyone has a right to independence and safety.

Let's do another check for understanding.

Can you list two to three examples of coercive control? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

You might have said that some examples of coercive control are checking messages or tracking someone's location, using threats or guilt to get what they want, or controlling access to friends, money, or choices.

Well done if you had these answers or something similar.

Unfortunately, some people incorrectly believe that certain physically harmful acts might be acceptable if both people agree to them.

However, the law is clear: some behaviors are so dangerous that consent cannot make them legal.

Any act that causes fear, pain, or restricts movement or breathing is unsafe and illegal, even if it leaves no mark.

Applying pressure to someone's neck or covering their mouth or nose can quickly cut off someone's air or blood flow to their brain.

This can cause loss of consciousness, brain injury, or even death within seconds.

These acts are illegal, even if both people agree to them.

Dr.

Elsie explains that restricting someone's breathing by holding their neck or covering their face is never safe and it's never allowed.

Medical evidence shows that even brief restriction of breathing or blood flow can cause instant, hidden harm to the brain and body, including brain injuries, stroke, or delayed death, sometimes days later after what's happened.

Even if a person says that they agree, no one can legally consent to being strangled or suffocated because the risk of serious harm is too high.

The law recognizes non-fatal strangulation and suffocation as criminal offenses, even when there are no visible injuries.

The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 made non-fatal strangulation a specific criminal offense because of the extreme danger that it poses.

Feeling pressured, scared, or unable to say no means that real consent is not present.

Consent must always be freely given and can be withdrawn at any time.

If someone ignores or pressures another, that's unsafe and it's unacceptable.

Some harmful behaviors are influenced by pornography or social media, which can present dangerous acts as normal or even desirable.

However, it's important to remember and understand that what's shown online is often unrealistic, unsafe, and sometimes illegal too.

Real, healthy intimacy is based on mutual care, safety, and respect, never fear or harm.

Let's do another check for understanding.

What does the law say about strangulation and suffocation? A, they are illegal only if someone is injured, B, they are criminal offenses even if no injury is visible, C, they are illegal only outside relationships, or D, they are only illegal in pornography and online.

Can you remember what does the law say about strangulation and suffocation? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that B is correct.

The law says that strangulation and suffocation are criminal offenses, even if no injury is visible.

Well done if you got this right.

We're now moving on to our second practice task, and well done for your hard work so far.

I'd like you to read the examples and decide whether each shows a healthy sign or an unsafe sign in a relationship.

A, talking openly about what feels comfortable, B, checking a partner's phone without asking, C, respecting someone's wish to take a break, D, putting pressure on someone to be intimate, E, supporting each other's goals, and F, restricting someone's breathing "as a joke." For those examples, can you decide whether each one shows a healthy sign or an unsafe sign in a relationship? Pause the video, and we'll go through what you might have said in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what you might have said.

For A, talking openly about what feels comfortable, this is a healthy sign in a relationship.

B, checking a partner's phone without asking is an unsafe sign.

C, respecting someone's wish to take a break, this is a healthy sign.

D, putting pressure on someone to be intimate is an unsafe sign.

E, supporting each other's goals is a healthy sign.

And F, restricting someone's breathing "as a joke" is an unsafe sign.

Well done if your answers look like this.

For the next part of this task, I'd like you to explain why restricting someone's breathing "as a joke" is against the law.

Pause the video, and we'll go through what you might have said in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what you might have said.

You might have said that restricting someone's breathing "as a joke" is against the law because it can cause instant, serious harm, including brain injury, stroke, or even death.

The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 made non-fatal strangulation a specific criminal offense because the risk of it is so high.

Even if someone says that they agree, the law says that no one can legally consent to this type of harm.

Well done if your answer was anything like this or had some similar ideas.

We're now moving on to our final learning cycle, "Who can help if someone feels unsafe or pressured?" If a relationship feels unsafe, controlling, or pressured, help is always available.

You don't have to face it alone.

There are trusted adults and services who listen, believe, and take action to keep you safe.

Trusted adults are people who make you feel safe, listened to, and respected.

So they might include parents or carers, teachers or school staff, the Designated Safeguarding Lead at a school.

And remember that every school has one of these.

A trusted adult could also be a family member, coach, or youth worker.

Every school has a safeguarding team to protect pupils, including a DSL.

If you tell them something worrying, they'll listen carefully, they'll make sure that you're safe, they might contact the police or social care if needed and they're worried that you could be at risk of harm.

You'll be supported throughout, and you'll never be left to deal with it alone.

Ms. Walsh, who's a DSL, explains that "if you report something, we'll listen, act quickly, and keep you informed.

Remember that you've done the right thing by telling us.

Telling someone about abuse or pressure can feel frightening, but safeguarding adults are trained to help without judgment.

You won't get into trouble for speaking up.

Our job is to protect you and ensure that you're safe." Let's do a check for understanding to see how you're doing.

Who can you speak to in school if you feel unsafe or pressured? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

You might have said that you could tell a trusted adult, a teacher, the Designated Safeguarding Lead, or DSL, the school nurse, or the school counselor.

Well done if you had some of these ideas.

Nurse Daniel says that behaviors such as strangulation can be harmful and dangerous.

They're not a typical part of sex, and it's important to seek support if you're concerned about yours or someone else's sexual behaviors, particularly if someone's safety and health is at risk.

There are national and local organizations that offer free and confidential help.

Childline can be contacted on 0800 1111 at any time for any issue.

Refuge can be contacted on 0808 2000 247.

They provide 24 hours free and confidential advice about controlling or abusive relationships.

The CEOP website allows you to report online sexual pressure or abuse.

And you can also contact the police on 999.

In danger or emergency situations, call 999.

If it's not an emergency, you can call 101 to get support from the police.

If you're worried about a friend, you can also seek advice from these services.

Helping someone else to get support is an important way to show that you care about their safety.

Josephine, who's a charity helpline worker, says that you don't have to have all the words.

Just start by saying, "I don't feel safe." We'll listen, believe you, and help you plan what to do next.

Whether you're ready to take action or just need someone to talk to, we're here to support you at your own pace.

If someone has been sexually assaulted or pressured, they can get free, confidential medical care and support from the NHS.

So services include Sexual Assault Referral Centers, often called SARCs.

These are private places with trained staff who help with medical care, evidence collection if chosen, and emotional support for someone who's experienced sexual assault.

GPs and sexual health clinics can offer check-ups, advice, and support without judgment.

And accident and emergency departments, often called A&E.

Someone can go here at any time for urgent medical help.

You can visit these services with a trusted adult or on your own.

Staff will listen, explain your options, and provide support.

You are always in control of what happens next.

Dr.

Elsie says that if someone's been harmed or pressured, NHS staff can help them to feel safe, check their health, and explain every step before anything happens.

Let's do a check for understanding.

Can you complete the sentence with the missing word? If someone has been sexually assaulted, blank services, such as SARCs and GPs, offer free and confidential care and support.

Which word is missing? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that the missing word was NHS.

If someone has been sexually assaulted, NHS services, such as SARCs and GPs, offer free and confidential care and support.

We're now moving on to our final practice task, and well done for your hard work in this lesson.

I'd like you to read the scenario and answer the questions.

Jordan, aged 16, feels pressured in their relationship.

Their partner sometimes makes comments that make them feel uncomfortable and ignores their boundaries.

Jordan feels nervous about telling anyone because they don't want people to think that they're overreacting.

They know something isn't right but aren't sure what to do next.

Can you answer these questions? Number one, what signs show that Jordan may need support or help? And number two, who could Jordan contact for help or advice in or outside of school? Pause the video, and we'll go through some potential answers in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what you might have said.

For question one, what signs show that Jordan may need support or help, you might have said that Jordan feels pressured and uncomfortable, clear signs that the relationship may be unsafe and unhealthy.

Number two, who could Jordan contact for help or advice in or outside school, you could have said that Jordan could talk to a teacher, the Designated Safeguarding Lead, a parent or carer, or call Childline for confidential advice.

The Refuge Helpline can also provide support for anyone experiencing pressure or control in a relationship.

If Jordan has been harmed, NHS SARCs offer free medical and emotional support.

Well done if your answers were anything like this or had some similar ideas.

We're now going to summarize the key learning from today's lesson.

In today's lesson, we've learned that healthy relationships are built on respect, trust, and equality, where both people safe and valued.

Consent and boundaries are essential; everyone has the right to make their own choices and change their mind at any time.

Recognizing unsafe or harmful behavior, such as control, pressure, or acts that restrict breathing, helps protect ourselves and others.

If someone feels unsafe or pressured, there are trusted adults, like parents and carers, DSLs, and services like the NHS and Childline that can help.

And finally, we've learned that everyone deserves a relationship that promotes safety, dignity, and well-being.

These are rights that protect us all.

During this lesson, you might have found that you've got some worries or questions, and if you do, it's really important that you share these with a trusted adult.

There's also some resources on the screen that are there to help you too.

Well done for your hard work today.

I hope to see you again soon.