Lesson video

Hello, my name's Miss Willow, and I'm going to be your teacher for today's lesson.

Today's lesson is called Unhealthy Relationships and it fits into the unit Healthy intimate relationships: What influences risky sexual behavior? During this lesson, we are going to be talking about sexual violence and some other sensitive content, so for this lesson, we require you to have an adult with you.

If, at any point, you do feel worried or uncomfortable, it's really important that you stop the video and that you speak to an adult that you trust.

Okay, let's make a start on today's lesson.

By the end of today's lesson, you will be able to describe possible indicators of unhealthy relationships and you will be able to explain how this can affect wellbeing.

Before we get started with today's lesson, we need to go over some ground rules, these help to make sure that everyone feels safe and comfortable during today's lesson.

First of all, Laura says that we need to "listen to others." It's okay to disagree with each other, but we should always listen properly before we make any assumptions or before we decide how to respond.

When we disagree with someone else, it's important to challenge the statement and not the person themselves.

Next, we have Andeep.

Andeep says that we need to "Respect each other's privacy.

We can discuss examples, but we shouldn't use any names or descriptions that could identify anyone, including ourselves." If we want to share a story, we can refer to someone as "my friend." This means that we're not going to give away any identifying information.

Next, Jacob says, "No judgment.

We can explore beliefs and misunderstandings about a topic without fate of being judged by others." And finally, Izzy says that we can "choose our level of participation.

Everyone has the right to choose not to answer a question or to join in with discussion.

We should never put anyone on the spot." We're now going to take a look at the keywords for today's lesson.

Our first keyword is respect, this is being considerate of others and the world around you, treating people fairly and how you'd like to be treated.

Next, we have boundary, this is an imaginary line separating what we will and won't allow.

Today's lesson is split into two learning cycles.

Our first learning cycle is called What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship? And our second learning cycle is called How can unhealthy relationships affect wellbeing? Let's make a start on our first learning cycle, What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship? Human beings are social creatures and we will experience many different types of relationships throughout our lives.

For example, we'll have relationships with our family, our friends, our colleagues, and we may choose to have romantic relationships too.

Any healthy relationship, whether it's romantic or not, should be built on respect, kindness, honesty and trust, communication, shared values and responsibility and accountability.

When we're in a healthy relationship, it should make us feel good.

Ms. Walsh tells us that "A healthy relationship should leave us feeling happy, safe, and valued.

We should feel like we can be ourselves without judgment and that the other person has our best interests at heart." Let's do a check for understanding to see how you're doing so far.

When we're in a healthy relationship, it should make us feel: A: happy, B: undervalued, C: safe, or D: afraid to be ourselves? How should we feel when we're in a healthy relationship? Pause the video, talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that A and C are correct.

When we're in a healthy relationship, it should make us feel happy and safe.

We shouldn't feel undervalued or afraid to be ourselves.

These are both signs that a relationship could be unhealthy.

Well done if you said the same thing.

We're now going to talk a little bit about respect in a romantic relationship.

Respect means being considerate of the other person and treating them how you'd like to be treated.

It's listening openly to their beliefs and ideas, even if they're different to our own.

An unhealthy relationship might show a lack of respect by not actively listening to each other, interrupting when the other person speaks, or not valuing each other's opinions or boundaries.

Sophia wants to explain a little bit about her story.

Sophia says, "Occasionally I like to have my own time and space to relax.

My boyfriend, Jack takes this personally and tries to pressure me into seeing him more often.

I usually give in as I can't be bothered with his bad mood when he doesn't get his way." This is a sign that this isn't a healthy relationship.

Jack is not showing respect for Sophia's boundaries or her need for space.

This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship and ignoring boundaries is an example of controlling behavior.

We're now going to talk about kindness in a romantic relationship.

Kindness involves showing a person that you genuinely care, through generous and thoughtful actions and words.

True kindness doesn't have any expectations.

An unhealthy relationship might show a lack of kindness by showing little or no appreciation or gratitude for each other.

So this means taking each other for granted and not saying "thank you;" not celebrating one another's achievements; having disagreements that escalate quickly and become personal.

We're now going to take a look at two different relationships and we're gonna see if there's any signs of an unhealthy relationship.

So this person says, "When my partner and I disagree, we take time away from each other and revisit the discussion when we both have clear heads.

We avoid placing blame and try to see things from the other person's perspective." This person says, "When my partner and I disagree, we very quickly end up shouting at each other and say some pretty hurtful things.

Neither of us lets the other person finish a sentence and we don't speak to each other for days." You might want to have a think about which relationship sounds like it may be unhealthy? Well done if you spotted that, in the second scenario, these are some of the signs of an unhealthy relationship.

They both end up shouting at each other, saying hurtful things, and they don't listen to each other.

These are all signs of an unhealthy relationship.

So well done if you spotted this.

We're now going to talk about honesty and trust in a romantic relationship.

When the foundation of a relationship is based on honesty, it builds trust.

This allows a person to be authentic, meaning truly themselves, deeply connected and vulnerable with their partner.

An unhealthy relationship might show a lack of honesty and trust through: emotional distance, this means a lack of emotional involvement; fear of saying what's truly on your mind or doubts, suspicions and defensive behavior.

These are all signs of a lack of honesty and trust, which could be part of an unhealthy relationship.

Let's see what Sophia has to say about her relationship.

Sophia says, "Jack gets angry if I don't agree with him or do what he wants to do all the time.

I'm afraid to say how I truly feel and tend to keep my opinions to myself as it's just easier to agree." This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Sophia's relationship isn't allowing her to be authentic, so her true self, and this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Let's do a check for understanding to see how you're doing.

I'd like you to decide if the statement is true or false.

Always interrupting the other person, disagreements that escalate quickly and emotional distance are all signs of a healthy relationship.

What do you think? Is this true or false? Pause the video, talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that this is false, but why? You might have said that always interrupting the other person and disagreements that escalate quickly show a lack of respect and kindness.

Emotional distance also shows a lack of honesty and trust.

These are all signs of an unhealthy relationship.

Well done if you said the same thing or if you had some similar ideas.

We're now going to talk about communication in a romantic relationship.

Good communication can help to strengthen emotional bonds, cultivate empathy, and prevent misunderstandings.

An unhealthy relationship might show a lack of good communication by increased conflict and unresolved issues, feelings of tension and resentment; combative body language, so for example, avoiding eye contact or having arms crossed.

These are all signs of lack of good communication in a relationship.

Jack wants to share a little bit about his relationship.

Jack says, "I had to cancel plans with Sophia last week and she got really cross at me.

When I saw her a few days later, she wouldn't look at me, and when I tried to talk to her, she kept rolling her eyes.

It was impossible to explain why I had to change our plans." This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Sophia is not allowing opportunities for communication as she's being dismissive and combative.

This is the sign of an unhealthy relationship.

We're now going to talk about shared values in a romantic relationship.

Values are the beliefs that motivate us to act in certain ways, and it's the things that we consider to be most important.

An unhealthy relationship might show that there's a lack of shared values through: difficulties with decision-making and prioritization; increased level of conflicts that are tricky to resolve and insufficient support for each other's dreams, goals and aspirations.

All of these suggest a lack of shared values, which could be part of an unhealthy relationship.

Let's take a look at this conversation between two people in a relationship and we can see if they have shared values.

This person says, "I don't want to save all of our money.

I want to spend it on making memories now before we're tied down by jobs and family commitments." But this person says, "I love traveling, but if we keep spending on holidays, we'll never save enough money to buy a house, which means that we'll rent for longer." Both of these people have different values and beliefs, which could mean that they're in an unhealthy relationship.

An unhealthy relationship may have values and beliefs that are vastly different, which can put a strain on people.

We're now going to talk about responsibility and accountability in a romantic relationship.

So being responsible in a relationship means taking ownership of your actions, for instance, what you do or say.

Accountability is recognizing and understanding the consequences of your actions, particularly on other people.

An unhealthy relationship might show a lack of responsibility and accountability by: blame-shifting or refusing to apologize, defensiveness or making excuses or making the other person feel unheard or unseen.

These all suggest a lack of responsibility and accountability, which can be part of an unhealthy relationship.

Sophia wants to share more about her relationship.

She says that, "Yesterday, I found Jack looking through my phone.

When I challenged him, he said it was my fault and that I'd given him reasons to check my phone because I was acting quieter than usual.

I was really upset that he refused to accept that he'd hurt my feelings and invaded my privacy." In this relationship, Jack hasn't taken responsibility or accountability for his actions, so Sophia feels unheard and unseen.

This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Let's do a check for understanding to see how you're doing in this learning cycle.

I'd like you to decide, which of these show signs of an unhealthy relationship? A: "I just wanted to say sorry for what I said earlier.

I know it was hurtful and I didn't handle that situation very well.

I promise I'll work on it." Person B says, "I'm not apologizing.

I didn't do anything wrong here.

You are the one that's being too sensitive about everything.

It's your problem." Which of those scenarios, A or B, shows signs of an unhealthy relationship? Pause the video, talk to people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that B shows signs of an unhealthy relationship.

In this situation, this person is refusing to apologize.

They're not taking accountability or responsibility, and they're blaming the other person too.

These are all signs of an unhealthy relationship.

So well done if you said the same thing.

It's now time to move on to our first practice task and well done for your hard work in this learning cycle so far.

I'd like you to read the following scenario and I'd like you to highlight the signs of a potentially unhealthy relationship and I'd like you to explain your choices too.

George says, "I've been with my girlfriend for about six months now, but our relationship isn't always easy.

Whenever we fall out, she doesn't listen properly to what I'm trying to say, and she constantly interrupts me.

She often says some pretty nasty things during an argument and sometimes calls me horrible names.

When she's calmed down, we try to chat through what's happened, but it quickly flares up and it's usually me that ends up apologizing.

She has a way of turning things and somehow making it my fault." Can you highlight the signs of a potentially unhealthy relationship in this scenario? And I'd like you to explain your choices too.

Pause the video and we'll go through what you might have said in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what you might have said.

You might have highlighted: she doesn't listen properly, she constantly interrupts me, she says some pretty nasty things, she calls me horrible names, arguments quickly flare up, and it's usually George that ends up apologizing.

George also says that he ends up feeling like it's his fault.

These are all signs of a potentially unhealthy relationship.

So let's take a look at our explanations for why these are signs of an unhealthy relationship.

So "doesn't listen properly" and "constantly interrupts me" both show a lack of respect.

"Saying nasty things," "calling me horrible names," "arguments quickly flaring up" all show a lack of kindness and communication.

And George ending up apologizing and feeling like it's his fault shows that his girlfriend has a lack of responsibility and accountability, as well as blame-shifting.

Well done if you said this or had some similar ideas.

Let's now move on to our second learning cycle, How can unhealthy relationships affect wellbeing? People might think that as long as they're not physically hurting each other that their relationship is healthy, but this is incorrect.

Ms. Walsh says that "Relationships can be unhealthy even if people are not physically hurting each other.

The emotional and psychological effects of an unhealthy relationship can have a negative impact on a person's mental and physical wellbeing." Let's take a look at the impact on mental health in an unhealthy relationship: So, feelings of sadness and depression, low self-esteem or self-worth from constant putdowns, anxiety or stress from feeling guarded all the time, feeling disconnected and isolated from their partner or other people, feeling emotionally exhausted or drained.

Let's now take a look at the impacts on physical health of an unhealthy relationship: So, changes in appetite, weight loss or weight gain, difficulty sleeping or poor quality sleep, forming harmful habits as a coping mechanism, so for example, heavy drinking, stress-related symptoms such as headaches or skin conditions, and in the long term, an increased risk of developing health conditions.

So for example, high blood pressure.

Let's do a check for understanding to see how you're doing.

I'd like you to decide if this statement is true or false: "As long as people are not physically hurting each other, their relationship is healthy." What do you think? Is this true or false? Pause the video, talk to people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that this is false, but why? You might have said that relationships can be unhealthy, even if people are not physically hurting each other.

The emotional and psychological effects of an unhealthy relationship can have a negative impact on a person's mental and physical wellbeing.

Well done if you said this or something similar.

Sophia is going to tell us more about her relationship.

She says that "Lately my relationship with Jack has left me feeling anxious and, at times, unsafe.

I just don't know what version of Jack I'm going to get, so I feel like I'm constantly nervous of doing or saying the wrong thing.

I've started to notice that I'm losing confidence and self-esteem, always second guessing whatever I do.

I also feel lonely.

Jack doesn't really like my friends, so I've become isolated as I've stopped seeing them too." Sophia's relationship with Jack is unhealthy and it's affecting her wellbeing.

As we can see in what she says: she's starting to feel anxious, unsafe, constantly nervous.

She's losing confidence and self-esteem, and she feels isolated.

All of these things are going to affect her wellbeing.

Ms. Walsh explains that "Recognizing the signs of an unhealthy relationship is really important as it can help us to make sure that we look after ourselves." If you or anyone that you know is in an unhealthy relationship, it's important to talk to a trusted adult.

This could be a parent or a carer at home or a member of staff at school that you trust.

It's important to keep asking for support until you get the help that you need and that you're listened to." In some cases, an unhealthy relationship can be repaired.

So Ms. Walsh tells us that "If both people are committed to communicating honestly, establishing healthy boundaries and taking accountability, a relationship can improve with time.

It may also require the support of a trained professional such as a counselor or a therapist." However, in some cases, an unhealthy relationship cannot be repaired.

Ms. Walsh says that "If a relationship continues to affect your wellbeing and a partner doesn't treat you with respect or kindness, it might be the right thing to end the relationship.

Remember, there's no shame in walking away if you are unhappy or feel unsafe.

It's more important to protect your wellbeing than stay in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of the other person or because of the opinions of other people.

We all deserve to have happy, healthy, safe relationships throughout our lives." Let's do a check for understanding to see how you're doing.

I'd like you to change the necessary words in the paragraph below so that it reads correctly.

"In all cases, an unhealthy relationship can be repaired.

If one person is committed to communicating honestly, establishing unhealthy boundaries and taking accountability a relationship can improve." Can you change the necessary words in that paragraph that I've just read out so that it's now correct? Pause the video, talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Okay, let's see what our paragraph should look like now.

It should say that: "In some cases, an unhealthy relationship can be repaired.

If both people are committed to communicating honestly, establishing healthy boundaries and taking accountability, a relationship can improve." Well done if you said that the paragraph should look something like this.

We're now moving on to our final practice task and well done for your hard work in this lesson.

For the first part of this task, I'd like you to complete the table to summarize some of the impacts of an unhealthy relationship on both mental and physical health.

Pause the video and we'll go through what your completed table might look like in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what your table might look like.

For impact on mental health you might have said: feelings of sadness, depression, low self-esteem or self-worth, feeling emotionally exhausted or drained, anxiety or stress from feeling guarded and feeling disconnected and isolated from partners or others.

And impact on physical health, you might have said: difficulty sleeping or poor quality sleep, forming harmful coping mechanisms, for example, heavy drinking, changes in appetite or weight, increased risk of developing health conditions, for example, high blood pressure; and stress-related symptoms such as headaches or skin conditions.

Well done if your table looks anything like this.

This is what I'd like you to do for the second part of this task.

Sophia's relationship with Jack is showing unhealthy signs and it's affecting both of their wellbeing.

Can you write a list of things that they could do in this situation? Pause the video and we'll go through what you might have said in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what you might have said.

You might have said that they both need to talk to a trusted adult for support and guidance.

It's important that both Sophia and Jack commit to communicating honestly, establishing healthy boundaries and taking accountability.

And they could also choose to walk away from their relationship as they both deserve happiness and to be in healthy and safe relationships.

Well done if you had some similar ideas.

We're now going to summarize the key learning from today's lesson.

In today's lesson, we have learned that a healthy relationship should leave us feeling happy, safe, valued, and comfortable to be ourselves.

An unhealthy relationship may be lacking in respect, kindness, honesty, and trust.

Communication styles may be combative, values and beliefs might be vastly different and people may refuse to take responsibility.

Even if people are not physically hurting each other, the emotional and psychological effects of an unhealthy relationship can have a negative impact on a person's mental and physical wellbeing.

Communicating honestly, establishing healthy boundaries and taking accountability can help a relationship to improve.

However, if a relationship continues to affect your wellbeing, it might be right to end it.

During the session, you might have found that you've got some worries or questions, and if you do, it's really important that you share these with a trusted adult.

There's also some resources on the screen that are there to help you too.

Well done for your hard work today.

I hope to see you again soon.