Lesson video

Hello, my name is Miss Willow, and I'm going to be your teacher for today's lesson.

Today's lesson is called Recognizing Abuse and Violence, and it fits into the unit Power in Relationships: What does a healthy relationship feel like? During this lesson, we are going to be talking about sexual violence, sensitive content, and mental health.

So for this lesson, we require you to have an adult with you.

If you don't have an adult with you at the moment, come back to this lesson when you have an adult with you.

Okay, let's make a start on today's lesson.

By the end of today's lesson, you will be able to describe different forms of domestic abuse and explain how to seek support.

Before we get started with today's lesson, we need to go over some ground rules.

These help to make sure that everyone feels safe and comfortable during today's lesson.

First of all, Laura says that we need to listen to others.

It's okay to disagree with each other, but we should always listen properly before we make any assumptions or before we decide how to respond to someone else.

When we disagree with someone else, it's important to challenge the statement and not the person themselves.

Next, Andeep says that we need to respect each other's privacy.

We can discuss examples, but we shouldn't use any names or descriptions that could identify anyone, including ourselves.

If you want to share a story, we could refer to someone as "my friend." This means that we're not going to give away any identifying information.

Next, Jacob says that we need to not have any judgment.

We can explore any beliefs and misunderstandings that we have about a topic without fear of being judged by others.

And finally, Izzy says that we can choose our level of participation.

Everyone has the right to choose not to answer a question or to join in with discussion, and we should never put anyone on the spot.

We're now going to have a look at the keywords for today's lesson.

Our first keyword is abuse.

This means to hurt, mistreat, or control another person on purpose, either physically, emotionally, or verbally, causing harm or pain.

Next, we have recipient of abuse.

This is any individual who experiences abuse of treatment.

Next, we have perpetrator.

This is an individual who has committed a harmful act, and finally, we have consent.

This means that everyone involved clearly agrees to sexual activity without pressure.

It's freely given, it can be withdrawn at any time, and it requires understanding.

Today's lesson is split into two learning cycles.

Our first learning cycle is called What is Domestic Abuse? And our second learning cycle is called How can we help those experiencing domestic abuse? Let's make a start on our first learning cycle, What is domestic abuse? A healthy relationship is built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, and honest communication.

Social worker Natalie explains that a healthy relationship should make people feel happy, supported and secure.

Healthy relationships may experience conflict from time to time, and this is okay, but even so, everyone in a healthy relationship should feel safe at all times, including during a conflict.

If a relationship leaves someone feeling controlled, intimidated or unsafe, these could all be signs of an abusive relationship.

Social worker Natalie explains that domestic abuse is a pattern of controlling or violent behavior used by a person age 16 or over against a partner or family member.

There are many different forms of domestic abuse, some of which are not easy to spot, so domestic abuse can include coercive control, physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological and/or emotional abuse, financial or economic abuse, online abuse and harassment and stalking.

Let's do a check for understanding to see how you're doing with this learning cycle so far.

I'd like you to decide if this statement is true or false.

Healthy relationships might leave a person feeling controlled, intimidated or unsafe from time to time.

What do you think? Is this true or false? Pause the video, talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that this is false, but why? You might have said that if a relationship leaves someone feeling controlled, intimidated or unsafe, this could be a sign of an abusive relationship.

Healthy relationships may experience conflict from time to time, but the people in the relationship should still always feel safe.

Well done if you said this or something similar.

First of all, we're going to talk about coercive control.

This type of control aims to make the recipient of abuse completely dependent on the perpetrator.

It works by isolating a person and limiting their freedom and their autonomy, making them feel like they can't manage on their own.

Coercive and controlling behavior is often the root cause of other domestic abuse, and it results in a sense of fear for the recipient of abuse across many aspects of their life.

Some examples of coercive control include excessively monitoring a person's time.

This might look like a perpetrator saying something like, "Tell me what you've done today, minute by minute.

How long were you at the shops? Why did it take you so long to walk home?" It can also include checking a person's location without their knowledge, and this could mean a perpetrator saying something like, "I thought you were going to work.

The tracker on your phone shows that you went to your sister's house." It can also involve controlling what a person wears.

So a perpetrator might say something like, "Are you going out like that You look awful.

I told you to put the other outfit on.

Get changed." And it can also involve depriving a person of basic needs, such as food, sleep, or healthcare.

A perpetrator might say something like, "I've made myself some dinner, but you can go without.

You need to watch what you're eating anyway." Coercive control can also involve putting a person down and humiliating them.

A perpetrator might say something like, "I can't believe you think you'll get that job.

I wouldn't employ you.

You can't do anything." It can also involve monitoring a person's online communication.

So a perpetrator might say something like, "Who's texting you? Show me your phone.

Why have you changed your password? Tell me what it is now." These are all examples of what coercive control can look like.

We are now going to do another check for understanding to see how you're doing.

I'd like you to decide which of these are examples of coercive control.

A: someone telling a person what to wear, B: someone suggesting what a person could wear.

C: someone encouraging a person before a job interview, or D: someone monitoring a person's location without their knowledge.

Which of those are examples of coercive control? Pause the video, talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

You might have said that A and D are correct.

Some examples of coercive control are telling a person what to wear and monitoring a person's location without their knowledge.

Well done if you said the same thing.

We're now going to talk about physical abuse and what this can look like in an abusive relationship.

So some examples of physical abuse include but are not limited to: punching, slapping, kicking, pinching, scratching or biting, holding a person down, trying to strangle or choke them, hair pulling, using weapons or objects to attack or hurt someone, spitting on a person.

Punching walls or breaking things is also considered to be physical abuse.

We're now going to talk a little bit about sexual abuse and what this can look like in an abusive relationship.

So some examples of this include but are not limited to: rape or sexual assault.

This is any sexual act that a person did not give their consent to.

Having sex with a person when they're unable to consent.

For example, if they're unconscious, asleep or under the influence of drugs.

Forcing, intimidating, manipulating, or using guilt to pressure a person into doing sexual acts that they don't want to do.

Humiliating a person during a sexual act, for example, calling them names.

And forcing a person to watch pornography when they don't give consent.

Forcing a person to engage in sexual acts with others.

These are all examples of sexual abuse.

We're now going to do another check for understanding to see how you're doing.

I'd like you to decide if the statement is true or false.

If a person says yes to having sex because they're made to feel guilty if they don't, this is an example of consent.

What do you think? Is this true or false? Pause the video, talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that this is false, but why? You might have said that forcing, intimidating, manipulating, or using guilt to pressure a person into doing sexual acts is sexual abuse.

Consent must always be freely given and it can be withdrawn at any time.

Well done if you said something similar to this.

We're now going to talk about psychological and/or emotional abuse in an abusive relationship.

So this form of abuse can be really difficult to spot.

It involves the perpetrator using their words or their actions to control, hurt or scare someone else without actually touching the other person or causing physical harm.

So some examples of psychological and/or emotional abuse include but are not limited to: screaming or shouting at someone else, calling them names or mocking them, making verbal threats that they will harm someone, being quiet or in a bad mood until a person does something for them.

Gaslighting can also be a form of psychological and/or emotional abuse.

All of these are examples of what this can look like in an abusive relationship.

We're now going to talk a little bit in detail about what gaslighting is.

So gaslighting is a manipulative behavior that deliberately sets out to make the recipient of abuse doubt or question themselves.

So this might mean doing or saying something that causes them to cast doubt about their own memory.

So the perpetrator might say something like, "I never said that.

Are you sure that you remembered that right?" It can also involve minimizing someone else's feelings or their reactions to something.

So a perpetrator might say something like, "Calm down, you are overreacting.

This really isn't worth getting upset over." Gaslighting can also happen in the form of distorting facts or making things up.

So a perpetrator could say something like, "I only did that because you said you'd hurt me." Gaslighting can also mean isolating the recipient of abuse.

And a perpetrator could say something like, "All our friends think that you're a little bit dramatic." All of these are examples of what gaslighting can look like in an abusive relationship.

We're now gonna do another check for understanding, and this time I'd like you to complete the missing words.

"Blank is manipulative behavior that deliberately sets out to make the recipient of abuse blank or question themselves." Where I've said the word "blank," can you decide which word is missing? Pause the video, talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that "gaslighting" and "doubt" were the missing words.

Our completed sentence should now say: "Gaslighting is manipulative behavior that deliberately sets out to make the recipient of abuse doubt or question themselves." Well done if you got this right.

We're now going to talk about financial or economic abuse and what this can look like in an abusive relationship.

So financial abuse is using money to control a person's freedom.

Some examples of this include but are not limited to: using credit cards without permission, gaining debt in the recipient of abuse's name.

So for example, this can look like someone taking out a credit card in someone else's name and using it.

Economic abuse is a little bit different.

It involves denying access to essential resources or stopping a person from improving their economic status.

So some examples of economic abuse can include but are not limited to: stopping a person from getting paid employment or education.

And it can also involve keeping financial matters a secret.

We're now going to talk about online abuse and what this can look like in an abusive relationship.

So online spaces are being increasingly used as part of domestic abuse.

Accessing or monitoring a person's social media accounts, installing tracking software or sharing sexual images without consent are just some examples of what online abuse can look like.

Harassment and stalking can also be part of domestic abuse.

So this is when a person repeatedly behaves in an unwanted way, making someone feel scared, threatened or distressed.

Harassment may include sending abusive messages or making offensive phone calls.

And stalking is a form of harassment where the perpetrator persistently monitors, follows or tracks another person.

Some people wrongly believe that it's only possible to experience one form of abuse in the same relationship or that recipients of abuse are always women, but social worker Natalie explains that it's possible for multiple forms of abuse to exist within a relationship.

Furthermore, men can and do experience domestic abuse and domestic abuse can also occur within same sex couples as well.

We're now going to do another check for understanding and I'd like you to decide if this statement is true or false.

Multiple forms of abuse can exist within the same relationship and anyone, including men, can experience domestic abuse.

What do you think? Do you think this is true or false? Pause the video, talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that this is true.

It's true that multiple forms of abuse can exist within the same relationship.

For example, physical, sexual, and psychological abuse could all happen in the same relationship.

And it's also true that anyone, including men, can experience domestic abuse.

Well done if you said the same thing.

We're now moving on to our first practice task and well done for your hard work and focus in the first part of this lesson.

I'd like you to complete the table by filling in the form of abuse being described in each example.

Let's have a look at the examples that you've already been given.

So, sending unwanted abusive messages, spying on or following a person, controlling behavior, which is often the root cause of other domestic abuse, punching, slapping, kicking, pinching, scratching or biting.

On the next slide, we have the examples of using credit cards without permission or keeping financial matters a secret, screaming, shouting, making verbal threats or gaslighting, forcing, intimidating, manipulating, or using guilt to pressure a person into sexual acts and monitoring social media accounts, installing tracking software or sharing sexual images.

Can you decide for each of these examples what form of abuse it is? Pause the video and we'll go through the completed table in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what your completed table should look like.

For the example, sending unwanted abuse of messages, spying on or following a person, this is an example of harassment or stalking.

Controlling behavior, which is often the root cause of other domestic abuse, this is an example of coercive control.

Punching, slapping, kicking, pinching, scratching, or biting are all examples of physical abuse.

Using credit cards without permission or keeping financial matters a secret is an example of financial or economic abuse.

Screaming, shouting, making verbal threats or gaslighting are all examples of psychological and/or emotional abuse.

Forcing, intimidating, manipulating, or using guilt to pressure a person into sexual acts are all examples of sexual abuse.

And finally, monitoring social media accounts, installing tracking software or sharing sexual images are all examples of online abuse.

Well done if your completed table looked like this.

We're now moving on to our second learning cycle, How can we help those experiencing domestic abuse? It can be incredibly difficult for recipients of abuse to recognize or leave an abusive relationship.

There are many different reasons for this.

Nurse Daniel explains that, for example, threats of harm to them or their loved ones can make the recipient of abuse fearful of leaving the relationship.

They may also have very low self-esteem as a result of the abuse, which might lead them to believe that they don't deserve any better.

Often recipients of abuse can become isolated.

Nurse Daniel explains that it may feel like they have no one to turn to, leaving them feeling trapped in an abusive relationship If the perpetrator has power or control over finances, this can also leave the recipient of abuse solely dependent on the perpetrator, making it harder for them to walk away from the relationship.

A recipient of abuse could also be manipulated into thinking that the situation might improve or change or that the perpetrator is going to stop abusing them.

This could be through gifts, words, or seemingly thoughtful actions from the perpetrator.

This might look a bit like a perpetrator saying, "Look what I've bought you.

It's my way of making up to you after our little fight last night." Or saying something like, "I didn't mean to hurt you.

You mean the world to me.

Please give me a chance.

I promise I'll change." This can also look like a perpetrator saying, "I've tidied the kitchen so that you don't have to.

See? You won't find a better partner than me." These are all examples of how a perpetrator can manipulate the recipient of abuse into thinking that the situation might improve or change or that the abuse is going to stop.

Let's do a check for understanding to see how you're doing with this learning cycle.

Which of the following might make it difficult for recipients of abuse to recognize or leave an abusive relationship? A: having high self-esteem, B: financial dependency on the perpetrator, C: manipulation through gifts, words, or actions, or finally D, having a support network to turn to? Which of those might make it difficult for recipients of abuse to recognize or to leave an abusive relationship? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that B and C are correct.

Financial dependency on a perpetrator, and manipulation through gifts, words, or actions are both things that can make it difficult for recipients of abuse to recognize or leave their abusive relationship.

Well done if you said the same thing.

In the UK, recipients of abuse are protected by law under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021.

Under this act, the definition of domestic abuse now goes beyond just physical abuse and acknowledges the many other forms of abuse that we've discussed in this lesson.

Domestic abuse is a crime and the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 serves to prevent offenses, protect recipients of abuse and support them as well.

So let's look at the question.

What can we do if we suspect that someone is experiencing domestic abuse? Nurse Daniel explains that if we suspect that someone we know is experiencing domestic abuse, it may be our instinct to want to protect them.

However, us getting involved could make the situation much worse and it could even become dangerous.

Josephine, who's a charity helpline worker, explains that if you're worried about your own personal safety or if you think that someone you know is in immediate danger, you can call the emergency services on 999 and you can ask for the police.

Help is always available and no one has to struggle alone.

We can follow a few simple steps to try to support someone more effectively.

So first of all, it's important to speak to a trusted adult.

You can share your concerns with a teacher, a family member, or a social worker.

And if you're not heard the first time, keep trying until you are.

We can also create a safe space to talk.

In a private space, mention that you're worried about the person and that they don't see themselves.

Reassure them that you won't judge them if they do want to share.

It's also important to actively listen to what the other person is saying.

So hear what they say.

Don't just dismiss it or express that you find it hard to believe.

For example, saying something like, "Really? But they always come across as so kind and caring." Many perpetrators behave differently with the person that they're in a relationship with compared to the other people around them.

So it's important that we don't dismiss someone if they're talking about their experience.

We can also make it clear that they're not to blame.

Anyone experiencing abuse is likely to have low self-esteem and they may try to take responsibility for what the perpetrator is doing to them.

It's important to tell them that what's happening is not their fault.

You can explain that support is available.

Remind them that they're not alone.

Offer to go with them to speak to a trusted adult about what's happening.

You could also provide them with the names and contacts of local charities or organizations that specialize in supporting recipients of abuse.

Above all, do not take matters into your own hands.

Nurse Daniel explains that recipients of abuse have often been caught in a cycle of controlling behavior.

Trying to make decisions for them could continue that pattern of feeling powerless and that they don't have any autonomy.

It's important to allow space and time for the recipient of abuse to make decisions for themselves.

Let's do another check for understanding to see how you're doing.

I'd like you to decide who is showing support towards a recipient of abuse in the most effective way.

Person A says, "I'm so sorry this has happened to you and it's definitely not your fault.

Here's the number of a local charity.

Perhaps we can call them together when you're ready?" Person B says, "Are you sure that's what's happening? I'm sure she only installed tracking software on your phone to keep you safe.

She seems like a really kind and caring person." Which of those shows support towards a recipient of abuse in the most effective way? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that Person A is showing support towards a recipient of abuse in the most effective way.

They're being supportive by listening to what the recipient of abuse is saying and they're offering to support them, to call a local charity.

This is a really good way of showing support for someone who needs it.

Well done if you said the same thing.

We're now moving on to our final practice task and well done for your hard work in this lesson.

With a partner, I'd like you to discuss the following questions.

Number one, I'd like you to answer the question: Why might it be difficult for the recipient of abuse to recognize or leave an abusive relationship? For question two, I'd like you to answer: What is the Domestic Abuse Act 2021? And finally, question three: What are some of the ways in which we can support a recipient of abuse? Pause the video and we'll go through some model answers in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what you might have said.

For question one: Why might it be difficult for the recipient of abuse to recognize or leave an abusive relationship? You might have said that threats of harm can make the recipient of abuse fearful of leaving.

They may also have very low self-esteem, which might lead them to believe that they don't deserve any better.

They may also feel like they have no one to turn to, or they may be financially dependent on the perpetrator.

A recipient of abuse could also be manipulated into thinking that the situation might improve or change through gifts, words, or actions.

For question two: What is the Domestic Abuse Act 2021? You might have said that the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 is a law which serves to prevent offenses, protect recipients of abuse, and support them too.

Under this act, the definition of domestic abuse now goes beyond just physical abuse and acknowledges the many other forms of abuse too.

Finally, for question three: What are some of the ways in which we can support a recipient of abuse? You might have said that we should share our concerns with a trusted adult, like a parent, carer, or a teacher.

We can also try to speak to the person by finding a private place to talk to them where they feel safe and not judged.

We should actively listen and tell them that it's not their fault and that there are people who can help and support them.

We can also offer to go with them to speak to a trusted adult and provide them with the names of organizations that specialize in supporting recipients of abuse.

Well done if your answers are anything like this or if you had some similar ideas from this learning cycle.

We're now going to summarize the key learning from today's lesson.

In today's lesson, we've learned that if someone feels controlled, intimidated, or unsafe in a relationship, this could be a sign of an abusive relationship.

Domestic abuse is a pattern of controlling or violent behavior used by a person age 16 or over against a partner or a family member.

There are many different forms of domestic abuse, both physical and non-physical.

Multiple forms of abuse can be present within one relationship and men can experience domestic abuse too.

The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 is a law which serves to prevent offenses, protect recipients of abuse and support them too.

And finally, we've learned that recipients of abuse need careful support, which allows them to take control.

We should always share concerns about domestic abuse with trusted adults.

Well done for your hard work in today's lesson.

If you have any worries or questions about what we've learned today, it's really important that you share these with a trusted adult.

There's also some resources on the screen that are there to help you too.

Well done for your hard work today.

I hope to see you again soon.