Lesson video

Hello, my name's Miss Willow, and I'm going to be your teacher for today's lesson.

Today's lesson is called "Managing Conflict" and it fits into the unit Mental Health.

How can I talk about my feelings? During this lesson, we are going to be talking a little bit about bullying and peer pressure, so for this lesson, we recommend that you have an adult with you.

If at any point you do feel worried or uncomfortable, it's really important that you close the screen and that you go and speak to a trusted adult.

Okay, let's make a start.

By the end of today's lesson, you'll be able to explain how you can manage and resolve conflicts with others in a healthy way.

Before we get started with today's lesson, we need to go over some ground rules.

These help to make sure that everyone feels safe and comfortable during today's lesson.

First of all, Laura says that we need to listen to others.

It's okay to disagree with each other, but we should always listen properly before we make any assumptions or before we decide how to respond.

When we disagree with someone else, it's important to challenge the statement and not the person themselves.

Next, Andeep says that we need to respect each other's privacy.

We can discuss any examples or stories, but we shouldn't use any names or descriptions that could identify anyone, including ourselves.

If we want to share a story or an experience, we could refer to someone as my friend.

This means that we're not going to give away any identifying information.

Next, Izzy says that we can choose our level of participation.

Everyone has the right to choose not to answer a question or to join in with discussion, and we should never put anyone on the spot as this can make some people feel uncomfortable.

And finally, Jacob reminds us that we need to not have any judgement.

We can explore any beliefs and misunderstandings that we have about a topic without fear of being judged by others.

Now let's have a look at the keywords for today's lesson.

First of all, we have the word conflict.

This is a disagreement between two or more people.

Next, we have relationship.

This is the way in which two or more people are connected with each other.

Next, we have respect.

This means being considerate of others and the world around you, treating people fairly and how you would like to be treated.

Next, we have feelings.

These are our thoughts and opinions about things like feeling proud of our drawing or feeling worried about a test.

And finally, we have the word resolve.

This means to find a way to fix a problem.

As we go through today's lesson, keep an eye out for these key words and when you spot them, see if you can remember what they mean.

Today's lesson is split into three learning cycles.

Our first learning cycle is called Why Do Conflicts Happen? Our second learning cycle is called How Can I take Care of Myself During a Conflict? And finally, our last learning cycle is called How Can We Resolve a Conflict in a Healthy Way? Let's make a start on our first learning cycle.

Why do conflicts happen? Conflicts can happen in any type of relationship.

They can happen in friendships, romantic relationships, families and professional relationships too.

For example, coworkers who are people that we work with.

It's typical for conflicts to happen from time to time in any relationship.

This is because everyone has different ideas, sees things differently and feels things in different ways.

As we can see in this illustration here, from where Laura and Lucas are, they're both looking at a number, but because of where they both are, this number looks different for both of them.

Where Lucas is, it looks like the number is a six, and where Laura is, it looks like it's a nine.

This shows how everyone sees things differently.

People might not necessarily be incorrect.

They're just seeing things from a different perspective.

In any healthy relationships, including friendships and family relationships, conflicts should not be a frequent and distressing occurrence.

Ms. Walsh says that "In any conflict, we should always feel safe and respected at all times.

It's important to tell a trusted adult if a conflict makes us feel unsafe, if they happen all the time or if they cause significant distress.

This means that they might make us feel really upset and overwhelmed." Let's do a check for understanding.

Is Jun correct? Jun says, "Conflict never happens in healthy relationships." What do you think, is Jun correct? Pause the video, tell the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that Jun is not correct, but why? You might have said that it's typical for conflict to happen from time to time in any relationship, including in a healthy relationship, but at all times we should always feel safe and respected.

Well done if you said something similar.

Conflicts often happen when one person in the relationship doesn't feel like they've been understood.

They might feel like they're not being listened to by the other person.

When we feel like someone isn't listening to us, we can feel frustrated and this can lead to conflict.

They might also feel like their feelings aren't being considered.

When we feel like someone isn't thinking about how we feel, this can make us feel upset and angry too, and these feelings can lead to conflicts in a relationship.

They might also feel like what they're saying is being misinterpreted or taken out of context.

If something is misinterpreted, it means that it's being understood in a way that was not intended by the speaker, so this is the person who said it, and when something is taken out of context, what's being said is presented without the surrounding information that provides meaning.

Let's do another check for understanding.

This time I'd like you to fill in the blanks in these sentences.

Conflicts often happen when one person doesn't feel blank.

They might feel like they're not being blank to, that their blank aren't being considered, or that what they're saying is being misinterpreted and taken out of blank.

Where I've said the word blank, can you decide which word is missing? Pause the video, talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Okay, you should have said that the missing words were understood, listened, feelings and context.

Let's have a look at what our completed sentences should now say.

Conflicts often happen when one person doesn't feel understood.

They might feel like they're not being listened to, that their feelings aren't being considered or that what they're saying is being misinterpreted and taken out of context.

Well done if your completed sentences look the same as this.

We are now moving on to our first practise task and well done for your hard work so far.

I'd like you to read the scenario and identify two reasons why this conflict might have happened.

Here we have Izzy and Sam and Izzy and Sam have had a disagreement.

Izzy has planned a group trip to the cinema with some new girls that she met in her science class, but she didn't invite her best friend Sam.

Izzy says that before she planned the trip, Sam said that she didn't mind about seeing the film, so she didn't invite her.

Sam says that she meant that she would be up for seeing the film and now she feels left out because she wasn't invited.

Can you identify two reasons in this scenario, why this conflict might have happened? Pause the video and we'll go through what you might have said in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what you might have said.

Izzy and Sam could have had a conflict because Izzy did not consider Sam's feelings when planning the group trip to the cinema.

She also misinterpreted what Sam said about going to see the film.

Izzy thought that Sam meant that she didn't want to go and see it when this wasn't the case.

Sam was also not clear about wanting to see the film, as what she said to Izzy could be taken without context.

Well done if you said this or something similar.

We are now moving on to our second learning cycle.

How can I take care of myself during a conflict? During a conflict, it's important to look after ourselves as they can be upsetting.

Jacob says, "When I've had a conflict with someone, it makes me feel really sad.

I find myself thinking about the conflict a lot and thinking about what I said and what they said.

I can be quite irritable too and it can be hard to relax." Maybe you want to have a think about how you feel during a conflict and what feelings come up for you.

In a conflict, we can respect our own feelings by showing the other person that we understand them without agreeing with them.

We might say something like, I hear what you're saying.

I can see why you think that.

I can see why you feel that way, or I understand what you're saying.

Let's have a look at this scenario.

In this scenario, someone has said, it's so unfair I failed that test because you wouldn't let me copy your answers.

The other person is responding by saying, I can see why you think that, but it wouldn't have been fair for me if you had copied my answers.

Why don't we spend some time after school together revising and I'll help you with the content that you found tricky? In this scenario, this person is showing that they've understood what the other person has said without agreeing with them.

This response validates how this person feels whilst also explaining their reasoning.

The validation comes from, I can see why you think that, but they also explain their reasoning by saying, it wouldn't have been fair for me if you had copied my answers.

It also comes up with a solution to help the other person get the answers correct next time.

We can see this, when it says, why don't we spend some time after school together revising and I'll help you with the content that you found tricky.

This is a great example of how we can show that we've understood someone without agreeing with them.

Let's do another check for understanding how is Aisha taking care of herself during a conflict? This conflict is happening between Laura and Aisha.

Laura saying, I just feel like you're saying that my idea is rubbish because you don't want to do it.

Aisha's responding by saying, I understand what you're saying, but that's not how I see things.

I just think we should consider other ideas too.

How is Aisha taking care of herself during this conflict? Pause the video, talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

You might have said that Aisha is taking care of herself by acknowledging how Laura feels without agreeing with her.

she says, "I understand what you're saying." And this acknowledges how Laura feels.

However, Aisha is also respecting her own feelings by saying, "But that's not how I see things.

I think we should consider other ideas too." Well done if your answer was something similar to this.

In a conflict, it's also important to talk about how you feel and your own emotions.

This means being upfront and honest about how we feel and what caused us to feel this way.

Here we have Laura and Aisha again and Aisha is saying, I can see that you feel disappointed, Laura, but I feel upset too.

I feel like you're not listening to me and you're taking things personally when I'm just suggesting my own ideas too.

It's important that we both listen to each other.

This is a great example of Aisha being respectful to Laura whilst also saying her own feelings and her own thoughts too to.

It's also important to not minimise how we feel, as this helps us to own our own emotions.

Laura says, "Wow, that was a silly argument.

Can we please move on from this? I'm sorry for my part." And Aisha saying, "I'm really glad that we've made up, but I still feel a little hurt.

I need some time alone for now." This shows how Aisha is not minimising how she feels or how the argument affected her, even though Laura just wants to move on straight away, Aisha is recognising that she's still hurt and she needs some time alone to reflect on what's happened.

She's communicating this in a really effective and respectful way, so well done Aisha.

All of our feelings are valid and it's important that we accept the different feelings that we can experience during a conflict with someone else.

Ms. Walsh says that it's typical to feel upset, angry, or worried during conflicts.

If we need help looking after ourselves during a conflict, we can always ask a trusted adult for help.

This could be a teacher, another staff member at school, or it could be a parent or carer or another adult that we know offline that we trust.

Let's do a check for understanding to see how you're doing.

How can we own our emotions during a conflict? Should we A, minimise our emotions? B, be upfront about how we feel or C, talk about what caused our feelings.

What do you think? How can we own our emotions during a conflict? Pause the video, talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that B and C are correct.

We can own our emotions during a conflict by being upfront about how we feel and talking about what caused our feelings.

If we minimise our emotions, which means that we are not really being honest about them, this doesn't help us own our emotions during a conflict.

It just means that we're ignoring them or we're making someone else think that we are maybe not as hurt or disappointed as we really are.

Well done if you said something similar to this.

We're now moving on to our second practise task.

In this scenario, Alex is having a conflict with his friend.

What are three things that he should remember to make sure that he takes care of himself during this conflict? Pause the video and we'll go through some potential answers in a few minutes.

Let's see what you might have said.

In this scenario, Alex should show that he understands what his friend says without agreeing with them to respect his own feelings.

He can be upfront about his feelings and what caused them, and he can accept the feelings that he does experience and not minimise them.

These are all ways that he can take care of himself during the conflict with his friend.

Well done if your ideas were anything like this.

We're now moving on to our final learning cycle.

Well done for your hard work so far.

Our last learning cycle is called, how can we resolve a conflict in a healthy way? Some people incorrectly think that for a conflict to be resolved, one person needs to give in and agree with the other person, but this isn't true.

Although some conflicts can be resolved by one person agreeing with the other, a conflict can be resolved in lots of other different ways.

Many of these ways don't involve one person agreeing with the other, but the conflict can still be resolved.

We can resolve a conflict by agreeing to disagree, which means that both people agree that they don't have the same opinion and that's okay.

Here we have Andeep and Alex, Andeep says, "I still want to be friends, but I don't think you put in as much effort as I did with the team project." and Alex says, "I still want to be friends too.

We can agree to disagree and change how we do things for the next project." This shows Andeep and Alex agreeing to disagree but still deciding to be friends and resolve the conflict.

Both people in the conflict can also take responsibility for the role that they've played in the conflict.

Here we have Laura and Aisha.

Laura says, "I'm sorry for not listening to your ideas earlier.

That wasn't fair of me and I'll do my best to listen more." and Aisha says, "I'm sorry if you felt that I was calling your idea rubbish.

I will do my best to consider your feelings more." This shows both Laura and Aisha taking responsibility for the role that they've played in the conflict and this has helped to repair their relationship and to resolve the conflict too.

Sometimes to resolve a conflict, we need time to reflect and to spend time away from the person that we're in conflict with.

Ms. Walsh says that when we feel lots of emotions, it can make it more difficult to resolve the conflicts in a healthy way.

If we take some time to calm down first, this can help us to sort the problem out later and it can also stop more problems from developing as well.

Let's do another check for understanding.

Is this statement true or false? A conflict can only be resolved if we agree with the person that we've had conflict with.

What do you think? Is this true or false? Pause the video.

Talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that this is false, but why? You might have said that actually, there are lots of different ways that a conflict can be resolved.

For example, someone could agree with the other or they could agree to disagree or agree to take some time apart from each other.

They could also just take responsibility for their part that they've played in the conflict.

Well done if you got this right.

When we resolve a conflict in a healthy way, we treat each other with respect.

We acknowledge our own feelings and we don't minimise them.

We take the time and space that we need to calm down and we also ask for help from a trusted adult if we feel like we need support.

Alex says, "When I spoke to a trusted adult about a conflict that I had with a friend, they helped my friends and I talk to each other with respect and hear how each other felt.

This helped us to resolve the conflict." It's important to also respect what the other person needs during a conflict.

For example, if they say that they need some space to calm down, we should respect this and take this as an opportunity to calm down too.

Henry says, "When I was younger, I thought that the person who had the last word was the person who won the conflict.

Now I realise that actually it takes a lot of maturity to walk away from a conflict to calm down." There may be times when we don't want to resolve a conflict and this is okay too.

Perhaps the relationship isn't healthy or we feel deeply hurt and we just don't want to continue the relationship.

Izzy says, "I've ended a friendship before where I didn't feel like we were a good match for each other and I'm much happier now." It's important to remember that we don't need to stay in unhealthy friendships or relationships or where we don't feel respected or safe.

It's important to ask a trusted adult for help if we need support.

Let's do another check for understanding how is Jacob not respecting Sofia's needs? Sofia says, "I can feel myself getting upset, so I want some space to calm down." But Jacob saying, "No, don't go.

I hate when we argue, let's just talk about it now." How is Jacob not respecting Sofia's needs? Pause the video.

Talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

You might have said that Jacob is not respecting Sofia's need for space by pushing her to talk now even though she doesn't want to.

Well done if you spotted this and if you said the same thing.

We're now moving on to our final practise task.

I'd like you to draw a mind map which shows different ideas of how a conflict can be resolved.

I'd like you to think about how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way and fill the mind map with all your different ideas.

Pause the video and we'll go through some potential answers in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what you might have said.

Your mind map might look a little bit like this.

You might have that You can agree to disagree if it's appropriate, you can take responsibility and apologise.

You can walk away to calm down.

You can acknowledge your own feelings, ask for help from a trusted adult and treat each other with respect.

These are all ways that we can resolve a conflict in a healthy way, so well done if you had some of these ideas.

We're now going to summarise the key learning from today's lesson.

In today's lesson, we've learned that conflicts are often caused by people in any type of relationship, not feeling understood by each other.

In a conflict, we can show that we understand what someone is saying without agreeing with them or ignoring or minimising our own feelings.

It's important to be honest about our feelings during a conflict and what has caused them.

This helps us to own our emotions, and this is important for our emotional wellbeing.

It may be helpful to take some time away to reflect and calm down during a conflict so that we can resolve it in a healthy way later on.

And finally, we've learned that we can resolve a conflict by listening to each other and showing respect.

We can also choose to agree to disagree if appropriate.

We could also choose to end the friendship or to take responsibility for the role that we played in the conflict.

In today's lesson, you might have found that you've got some worries or questions, and if you do, it's really important that you share these with a trusted adult.

There's also some resources on the screen that are there to help you too.

Well done for your fantastic hard work today.

I'm really proud of you and I hope to see you in another lesson soon.