Lesson video

Hello, my name is Ms. Willow and I'm going to be your teacher for today's lesson.

Today's lesson is called "Being happy in relationships" and it fits into the unit "Power in relationships: How can we create positive relationships?" During this lesson, we are going to be talking a bit about pressure, so we recommend that you have an adult with you for the duration of this lesson.

If at any point you do feel worried or uncomfortable, it's really important that you close the screen and that you speak to a trusted adult.

Okay, let's make a start on today's lesson.

By the end of today's lesson, you'll be able to explain why relationships need work to keep them healthy and can describe ways to do this.

Before we get started, we need to go over some ground rules.

These help to make sure that everyone feels safe and comfortable during today's lesson.

Laura says, "Listen to others.

It's okay to disagree with each other, but we should always listen properly before we make any assumptions or before we decide how to respond.

When we disagree with someone else, it's important to challenge the statement and not the person." Andeep says, "We need to respect each other's privacy.

We can discuss examples, but we shouldn't use any names or descriptions that could identify anyone, including ourselves." So, if you want to share a story or an experience, we could refer to someone as "My friend." This means that we're not going to give away any identifiable information.

Next, Jacob says, "No judgement.

We can explore any beliefs or misunderstandings about a topic without fear of being judged by others." And finally, Izzy says that "we can choose our level of participation.

Everyone has the right to choose not to answer a question or to join in with discussion.

We should never put anyone on the spot, as this can make people feel uncomfortable." We're now going to look at the keywords for today's lesson.

First of all, we have power.

This is the ability to influence situations and others.

Next, we have conflict.

This is a disagreement between two or more people.

And finally, we have emotional maturity.

This is the ability to manage your emotions and think rationally even if you're feeling upset or angry.

Today's lesson is split into two learning cycles.

Our first learning cycle is called "Why do relationships need work?" And our second learning cycle is called "How can we work on relationships?" Let's make a start on our first learning cycle, "Why do relationships need work?" The most meaningful things in life take work.

Relationships are no different because they involve two or more people with different needs, different wants, values, and experiences.

We have the power to make a relationship positive or to walk away if a relationship no longer makes us feel good.

I'd now like you to imagine this.

Your best friend and you both love playing volleyball, but over the summer holidays your friend discovers that they're really passionate about art instead.

When you get back to school, they want to spend lunchtimes in the art room rather than playing volleyball.

This doesn't mean that your friendship is over, it just means that you need to work together to find new things that you both enjoy or support each other's different interests.

It's important to remember that relationships change over time.

Luca says that "people may have to work on understanding a person's new outlook in order to keep the relationship positive and healthy." No relationship stays the same forever, and as we grow older, develop different interests, hobbies, passions and dreams, relationships have to adapt to suit these changes too if the relationship is going to continue.

This is true for all relationships, so this could be friendships or it could be romantic relationships too.

Let's do a check for understanding to see how you're doing with this learning cycle.

Is this statement true or false? "If a relationship is good, it'll be good forever.

Relationships don't need work." What do you think? Is this true or false? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that this is false, but why? You might have said that relationships involve two or more people with different needs, so they need work to keep them positive and healthy.

Well done if you said this or if you said something similar.

Communication can be difficult.

Ms. Walsh says that "effective communication with other people takes patience, resilience, and practise in order to be constructive." Lots of different things can cause conflict in relationships and it can take work to understand the best way to communicate challenging things to another person.

This is true for all relationships, whether that's romantic relationships, friendships, or another relationship entirely.

Now I'd like you to imagine this scenario.

Your older sibling has just started their GCSEs and is feeling really stressed.

They snap at you when you ask to borrow something, which hurts your feelings.

Instead of snapping back, you could try saying, "I can see that you're stressed about your exams. Is there a better time to ask you about this?" This shows that you're working on understanding their perspective and you're communicating in a way that is kind and respectful and understanding of their feelings too.

Let's do another check for understanding to see how you're doing.

What does effective communication in relationships need? Can you remember? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

You might have said that effective communication in relationships needs patience, resilience, and practise.

Well done if you got this right.

Connections can fade over time.

Aisha says that "if we want to retain a good relationship with someone, no matter what that relationship is, we have to put in work to maintain our connection with them." If we don't work at maintaining a positive connection with another person, the things that brought you together in the first place can deteriorate, this means to get worse.

And again, this is true for all relationships.

It's important to remember that life can be full of challenges.

Jun says that this means that we have to work on making other people feel both supported and cared for.

We may go through things in life that can cause stress and upset.

Changes in schoolwork, family life, or health, or something else can make a person's priorities change or mean that they just need extra support.

And again, this is true for all relationships.

I'd now like you to imagine this scenario.

Your parents are going through a difficult time with work stress, your best friend is upset because their pet just passed away and you're feeling pressure about upcoming tests.

All these relationships need different types of work.

Being patient with your parents as they're going through a difficult time with work, being a good listener for your friend because they're grieving after their pet died, and asking a teacher for support with your own stress.

This means taking responsibility for what you need and asking for help.

This shows that we often have to work on several relationships at once, and each one might need different approaches depending on what's happening in people's lives and what we're able to give too.

Let's do another check for understanding.

Can you complete the sentence with the missing words? People can face big blank in their lives and it may take more blank to make the other person feel listened to and supported.

Which words are missing? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that the missing words were changes and work.

People can face big changes in their lives, for example, to do with health or work or schoolwork, and it may take more work to make the other person feel listened to and supported.

Well done if you got this right.

We're now going to talk a little bit about trust, which is really important in a relationship.

Alex says, "If we want to deepen a relationship with someone or we want to form a more meaningful connection with someone else, we must work to build trust with others." Some things naturally take time to build in a relationship, such as trust and reliability, so this means that gradually, over time as we get to know someone, we might find ourselves trusting them more naturally.

And again, this is true for all relationships.

It's important to remember as well that love unfortunately is not enough.

Although love is a very powerful emotion for many of us, it's not a substitute for all the things that we need practically and emotionally to make a relationship work.

We might feel love for family, friends or romantic partners, but we also need to actively show trustworthiness, so this means that others are able to trust us confidently; reliability, this means that we can be depended on; support and effective communication for a relationship to work.

Sam says that "even when we love someone deeply, we still need to work on building trust, communicating well and being reliable to make the relationship strong and healthy." It's time for another check for understanding, and this time I'd like you to decide if this sentence is true or false.

"As long as you love someone, that's all a relationship needs." What do you think? Is this true or false? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that this is false, but why? You might have said that love is not enough to make a relationship work because meaningful qualities in a relationship, like trustworthiness and reliability, take time and effort to build.

Well done if you said this or if you had something similar.

It's time for your first practise task and well done for your hard work so far.

With the person next to you, I'd like you to discuss the reasons that relationships need work.

In your discussions, I'd like you to refer to the following words.

Change, important foundations, communication, life challenges and love.

Pause the video and we'll go through potential answers in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what you might have mentioned.

You might have mentioned that all relationships change over time and we have to work to adapt in order to keep the relationship positive and healthy.

The important foundations of a relationship, such as trustworthiness and reliability, take time to build.

Communication, especially about challenging topics, can be difficult and we can face conflicts that we need to effectively communicate about in order to overcome them.

Our lives can be filled with challenges and relationships can take work if people need extra support or help, for example, because of some other challenge going on in their life.

In our personal relationships, love is not enough to make a relationship work.

The important foundations need to be there too in order to make the relationship positive and healthy.

Well done if your answers were anything like this.

It's now time to move on to our second learning cycle, "How can we work on relationships?" We have power in all of our relationships, whether they're romantic or just with friends or family.

We have the power to make relationships positive or negative, a little bit like a battery.

If we use our power in relationships in a constructive way, we can make our relationships work for us.

We have the power to say and communicate what we want and need.

Ms. Walsh says that "relationships should make us feel fulfilled and supported.

Whether it's a professional relationship or a relationship with teachers, friends, or family, we always have the power to express ourselves and make sure that people understand what exactly we need and what our boundaries are." Let's do a check for understanding.

We have the power to what? A, tell people what to do.

B, tell people what we want.

C, tell people what we need.

Or D, to tell people to change their boundaries.

Can you finish the sentence, "We have the power to.

."? Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that B and C are correct.

We have the power to tell people what we want and to tell people what we need, but we do not have the power to tell people what to do or to tell people to change their boundaries.

It's really important that we respect other people and that we respect their boundaries too.

Well done if you said the same thing.

We have the power to make people feel appreciated, so this means that they feel valued and cared for.

Sam says that "we can make relationships work by showing others that we appreciate them.

We can say thank you for both big and small things, to show others that we value our relationship with them and that we think it's really important.

We shouldn't take the relationships in our lives for granted." This means just accepting or thinking that they're always going to be there even if we don't put in any work.

We have the power to respect and celebrate each other's differences.

Lucas says that "relationships work best when we appreciate each other for just who we are.

In friendships, families, and romantic relationships, we should celebrate other people and their varied interests, passions, and life experiences." It's a really good thing to surround ourselves with people who aren't exactly just like us.

We can learn a lot from them and we can even pick up new interests, passions, and life experiences too.

We also have the power to resolve conflict.

Laura says that "conflict can arise in any relationship, whether it's professional, with friends, family, or a romantic partner.

We can resolve conflict by expressing our thoughts and feelings and listening to others too.

If we're happy in a relationship, resolving conflict is an important way to ensure that relationships stay positive and healthy." Let's do another check for understanding to see how you're doing with this learning cycle.

Is this statement true or false? "Conflict can happen in any type of relationship." What do you think? Talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that this is true, but why? You might have said that conflict can happen in personal relationships and relationships with people in authority.

Well done if you got this right.

When we encounter conflict in a relationship, we should do our best to handle it with emotional maturity.

Ms. Walsh says that "conflict can make emotions run high, which means that we feel lots of different emotions quite intensely, but it's important to handle these emotions calmly and thoughtfully and not acting on impulse.

This means doing something without really thinking about it or the consequences they could have.

Emotional maturity is about remaining respectful and focused on a solution, rather than placing blame on the other person." We can handle conflict with emotional maturity by taking a breath and gathering our thoughts before talking.

Talking about the conflict from your perspective.

For example, saying things like, "I feel hurt when.

." This means that we're not blaming the other person for how we feel.

Listening to the other person and acknowledging their perspective also shows that we're handling a conflict with emotional maturity, and it's important to take responsibility for your own actions too.

It's also important to know when to take a break if we feel like our emotions are just too intense to handle the conflict calmly.

This is okay and there's absolutely nothing wrong with doing this.

This shows emotional maturity too.

Handling conflicts without emotional maturity can look like placing sole blame on the other person.

For example, how we feel.

Interrupting the other person when they're also expressing how they feel.

Letting your emotions take control and reacting and not responding.

Shouting, yelling, or being unkind to the other person shows that we're lacking in emotional maturity in this instance.

If someone is using their power in a relationship in a negative way or an unhealthy way and they're making us feel upset or unsafe, then we can walk away from the relationship.

Relationships should make us feel happy, fulfilled or help us, and if this is no longer the case, we're able to leave the relationship.

If we're worried about any relationship, there are people and places that we can go to for support.

Andeep says, "My teachers told me that I can speak to a member of staff at school, such as the Designated Safeguarding Lead, often called the DSL, or any support staff member, like a teaching assistant or a teacher.

I know that I could also talk to a trusted adult at home." Ms. Walsh says, "I'm the DSL at school and we're here to help you with lots of things, including relationships," and they can help with managing conflict too.

Let's do another check for understanding.

Which of these is an example of emotional maturity during a conflict? A, shouting at the other person and blaming only them for what went wrong.

B, listening to the other person when they explain how they feel.

C, reacting emotionally to what the other person says rather than responding.

Pause the video, talk to the people around you, or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that B is correct.

Listening to the other person when they explain how they feel is an example of emotional maturity during a conflict.

It's time for our final practise task, and you've done a great job today.

I'd like you to read the scenario.

Is Sophia's friend handling conflict with emotional maturity? Can you explain to Sophia if her friend is or isn't handling a conflict with emotional maturity and give her advice on who she can go to for support? Sophia says, "My friend and I fell out over the weekend.

She told me everything was my fault and she shouted at me quite a bit.

I tried to explain my side of things, but she kept talking over me.

It made me feel really upset and guilty." What do you think? Pause the video and we'll go through some potential answers in a few minutes.

Okay, let's see what you might have written.

An example answer might be that "your friend is not handling conflict with emotional maturity.

They're letting their emotions take control and they're reacting, not responding.

Yelling and shouting at someone is not a way to handle conflicts in an emotionally mature way, and neither is placing blame solely on the other person for what went wrong.

In order to handle conflict with emotional maturity, we should listen to the other person and their thoughts and feelings.

We should take a deep breath and get our thoughts together before speaking.

If you're concerned about your relationship with your friend, you could speak to a member of staff at school, like a teacher or a DSL, or a trusted adult at home." Of course, there are gonna be lots of different answers for this one, so well done if your answer is anything like mine or has any of the same ideas.

We're now going to summarise today's key learning.

Today we've learned that relationships take work, but we have the power to work through any problems that arise.

If a relationship no longer feels good or healthy, we always have the power to walk away from that relationship.

One of the powers that we have in a relationship is to express what we want and need and listen to others when they express their wants and needs.

Conflicts are inevitable in relationships, but we should handle them with emotional maturity.

If a relationship is no longer working, we have the power to walk away from our relationship, as we deserve to feel happy and safe.

And finally, we've learned that if we need support for a relationship, we can talk to a teacher, a DSL, or a trusted adult at home.

During today's lesson you might have found that you've got some worries or questions, and if you do, it's really important that you share these with a trusted adult.

There's also some resources on the screen that are there to help you too.

Well done for your hard work today.

I hope to see you in another lesson soon.