Lesson video

Hello, my name is Ms. Willow, and I'm going to be teaching you today's lesson.

Today's lesson is called "Healthy intimate relationships" and it fits into the unit "Healthy intimate relationships: How can sex be safe?" During this lesson, we're going to be talking about sexual body parts, sexual activity, and we're going to be talking about different parts of the body.

For this reason, we require you to have an adult with you for the duration of this lesson.

If at any point you do feel uncomfortable or upset, it's important to stop the lesson and go and speak to an adult that you trust.

Okay, let's make a start on today's lesson.

By the end of today's lesson, you'll be able to describe the features of healthy intimate relationships, evaluate readiness for intimacy, and discuss strategies for not pressuring or resisting pressure.

Before we start today's lesson, we need to go over some ground rules.

These help to make sure that everyone feels comfortable during today's lesson.

Laura says that we need to listen to others: It's okay to disagree with each other, but we should always listen properly before we make any assumptions or before we decide how to respond.

If we disagree with someone else, we can challenge the statement but not the person.

Andeep says: We should respect each other's privacy.

It's okay to discuss examples, but we shouldn't use any names or any descriptions that could identify someone, including ourselves.

A top tip is to refer to someone as "my friend." This means that you could be talking about anyone.

Jacob says: We need to not have any judgement.

We can explore our beliefs and any misunderstandings about a topic without fear of someone judging us.

It's really important to ask questions, and this means that everyone feels comfortable to do so if they wish to.

And Izzy says that we can choose our level of participation: Everyone has the right to choose not to answer a question or to join into discussion.

We should never put anyone on the spot as this can make some people feel uncomfortable.

We're now going to go through the keywords that are gonna come up a lot during today's lesson.

Intimate relationship, this means a close personal relationship that may involve emotional, physical, or intellectual closeness.

Boundary, this means an imaginary line separating what we will and won't allow.

Pressure, this is the use of persuasion or influence to make someone do something that they may not want to do.

Mutual respect, this means valuing each other's feelings, opinions, and boundaries in a way that is fair and equal.

Today's lesson is split into three learning cycles.

What do healthy intimate relationships look like? How do people evaluate readiness for intimacy? And how can I resist pressure from others? We're gonna make a start on our first learning cycle, what do healthy intimate relationships look like? First of all, what is an intimate relationship? An intimate relationship is a close personal relationship that may involve emotional, physical, or intellectual closeness.

It should always be built on mutual respect, trust, and communication.

Healthy relationships should make both people feel safe, valued, and supported.

A healthy intimate relationship includes mutual respect.

This means that partners value each other's feelings, wishes, and rights.

Consent, this means that partners freely agree to any activity and they know that they can say no at any time.

A healthy intimate relationship also includes respecting each other's boundaries.

This means that each person in the relationship sets limits that are respected without question or without making the other person feel guilty.

Trust and communication are really important too.

Honest conversations in a relationship can help both partners to feel secure.

And finally, a healthy intimate relationship should never have any pressure.

This means there's no persuasion, guilt-tripping, or control.

We're now going to do a check for understanding.

What is missing from the list of what a healthy intimate relationship looks like? So far, we have trust and communication, mutual respect, and consent.

Can you remember what's missing? Maybe you want to talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

The missing features of a healthy intimate relationship were boundaries and no pressure.

Well done if you remembered these.

Is feeling pressured normal in a relationship? Some people believe that pressure is just part of being in an intimate relationship, but this isn't true.

A healthy relationship is one that's based on mutual respect and not pressure.

For an example, here's what an unhealthy relationship could look like.

Jordan feels uncomfortable about taking his relationship to the next level, but his partner keeps saying, "If you really loved me, you would do this." This means that Jordan starts to feel guilty, and he feels pressured too.

On the other hand, here's what a healthy relationship could look like.

Jordan and Ali have been together for a while.

Jordan isn't sure if he's ready for intimacy, and Ali responds, "That's totally fine.

We can take things at your pace.

Your feelings matter." This is an example of how a respectful partner will always accept your boundaries without making you feel guilty or making you feel like you should change your mind.

If someone makes you feel pressured, it's a sign that the relationship might not be healthy.

We're now going to do another check for understanding.

Which of the following is not a key feature of a healthy intimate relationship? Is it A, trust and open communication, B, feeling pressured to do things for your partner, C, respecting each other's boundaries, or D, consent in all interactions? What do you think? You might want to talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that B is not a feature of a healthy intimate relationship.

Feeling pressured to do things for your partner would suggest that the relationship may not be healthy.

You're now going to do your first practise task.

I'd like you to read the following scenarios and identify whether they show a healthy intimate relationship or one that's unhealthy.

And I'd like you to explain your reasoning too.

In scenario one, Mia and Muhammad always talk openly about their feelings, and they listen to each other's concerns without judgement.

In the second scenario, Ethan often tells Sarah that if she really loves him, she will send him photos, even when she feels uncomfortable.

In the third scenario, Layla and Cameron have different views on personal boundaries, but they talk about them and they respect each other's decisions.

And finally, in the fourth scenario, Dylan keeps checking Liam's phone and tells him that in a relationship, there should be no secrets.

Can you read through these scenarios and decide which ones are examples of healthy intimate relationships and which ones are examples of an unhealthy intimate relationship? Can you explain your reasoning too? You might want to work with the people around you for this one, or you can work independently.

We'll go through the answers in a few minutes.

Okay, let's have a look and see what your answers might have looked like.

In the first scenario, with Mia and Muhammad, you hopefully have said that they are an example of a healthy intimate relationship because they're using communication and mutual respect.

In the second scenario, with Ethan and Sarah, you might have said that this is an unhealthy intimate relationship because Ethan is using pressure and guilt to control Sarah's choices and she's not fully consenting to sending him photos.

Remember that in every healthy intimate relationship, there should always be consent in every interaction.

This suggests that Ethan and Sarah's relationship may not be healthy.

In scenario three, with Layla and Cameron, you might have said that they're an example of a healthy intimate relationship because even though they have different views on personal boundaries, they're respecting each other's boundaries without question.

And finally, in our fourth scenario, with Dylan and Liam, you might have said that this is an example of an unhealthy intimate relationship because Dylan is not being trusting of Liam and is invading his privacy by checking his phone.

Well done if you got these correct.

We're now moving on to your second learning cycle.

How do people evaluate readiness for intimacy? Physical intimacy is any form of touch or physical closeness between people.

It can be a way to express affection, trust, or attraction.

It always requires mutual respect, consent, and clear boundaries.

There are different types of physical intimacy.

First of all, we have non-romantic physical intimacy.

This includes things like hugs, high fives, or comforting someone with a pat on the back.

These forms of touch can help build connections in friendships and family relationships.

We also have romantic physical intimacy.

This includes things like kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and sexual activity.

This kind of intimacy is personal and should always be based on trust, respect, and mutual agreement.

You might want to know what is personal readiness? It's important for a person to feel emotionally prepared, safe, and never pressured before making any decisions about their own intimacy.

There are some factors to consider, like emotional readiness.

Do you feel comfortable and confident with your decision? There's also trust in the relationship.

Do you feel respected and valued in that relationship? Do you feel safe and comfortable? And understanding consequences is really important too.

Are you aware of both the emotional and physical impact of intimacy? These factors all make up our personal readiness for intimacy, and we should think about them all carefully.

Before we make any decisions about intimacy, it's important to reflect on our personal feelings.

We can ask ourselves some questions that can help us understand whether we're ready for intimacy.

Is this decision based on our own personal readiness, or is it influenced by pressure, perhaps from other people or someone that we're in a relationship with? Is there a feeling of trust and a sense of safety in the relationship? Can boundaries and expectations be discussed openly in that relationship? Are the emotional and physical risks fully understood by both parties? And have partners given their consent? By reflecting on these questions, we can help to know our personal readiness.

Trust and communication are really important too.

Trust allows both people to feel safe and supported in their decisions.

Communication, having honest conversations, ensures both partners understand each other's expectations and their own boundaries.

Without trust and communication, it can be hard to make an informed, confident decision that's safe for everyone involved.

We're now going to do another check for understanding.

This time, we're going to do a true or false question.

If someone trusts and communicates with their partner, they should always feel ready for intimacy.

What do you think? You might want to talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that this is false.

This isn't true.

Why? You might have said that while trust and communication are really important in a relationship, personal readiness depends on both people's emotional readiness, their understanding of the consequences, and their consent.

Well done if you said this or something similar.

For this check for understanding, I'd like you to decide which of these are good ways to evaluate your readiness for intimacy.

A, thinking about whether you feel safe and comfortable.

B, making sure that all partners have given consent.

C, because other people your age have, so you should too.

And finally, D, understanding emotional and physical consequences.

Can you decide with the people around you or think to yourself, which of these are good ways to evaluate readiness for intimacy? The correct answers were A, B, and D.

Some good ways to evaluate readiness for intimacy are thinking about whether you feel safe and comfortable, making sure that all partners have given consent freely, and understanding emotional and physical consequences of being intimate.

Well done if you got these correct.

We're now moving on to your second practise task.

For this task, I'd like you to read the following scenario and I'd like you to answer the questions.

Dae and Taylor have been in a relationship for a few months.

Dae feels unsure about taking the next step but worries that saying no will upset Taylor.

Taylor has brought up intimacy several times and says, "If we really care about each other, we should share everything." Dae feels conflicted.

There's trust in their relationship, but uncertainty remains.

Can you answer the following questions? Question one, what shows Dae might be feeling pressure? Question two, how could boundaries and communication help? And finally, question three, what would a supportive response from Taylor look like? You might want to work with the people around you, or you might want to work independently.

We'll go through the answers in a few minutes.

Okay, let's have a look and see what you might have said.

For question one, what shows Dae might be feeling pressure? You might have said that Dae worries about upsetting Taylor and feels conflicted rather than confident.

For question two, how could boundaries and communication help? You might have said that setting clear boundaries and open communication would help Dae to express concerns without fear of upsetting Taylor.

For question three, what would a supportive response from Taylor look like? You might have said, a supportive response would respect Dae's feelings, allow space for decision-making, and avoid any guilt or pressure, as this would be signs that the relationship is unhealthy.

Well done if you had any of these answers or if you had something similar.

We're now moving on to your final learning cycle.

How can I resist pressure from others? Pressure can come from different places.

It can come from a partner, friends, or media influences, like people we see online or people on TV.

It may involve being pushed into physical intimacy, emotional demands, or controlling behaviours.

It's important to remember that a healthy intimate relationship should never involve force, guilt-tripping, or emotional blackmail.

These would be signs of an unhealthy relationship.

Feeling pressured can cause anxiety or discomfort in the relationship, a loss of trust and mutual respect, and later on, it can cause regret if you make choices that you're not ready for.

It's important that if you feel pressured, that you recognise it and that you take action to protect your own boundaries.

We're now going to do another check for understanding.

I'd like you to decide if this statement is true or false.

Feeling pressured in a relationship is normal and should be accepted.

What do you think? You might want to talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

Well done if you said that this is false.

This is not correct.

But why? You might have said that pressure is not a part of a healthy relationship.

A respectful partner will never make you feel guilty for setting your own boundaries.

Instead, a respectful partner will respect your boundaries, and they won't make you feel guilty or try to make you change your boundaries.

If someone is pressuring you, there are some things that you can do.

You can be confident.

It's important to remember that you have the right to say no without feeling guilty.

You can be assertive too.

Use really clear, direct language to set your boundaries.

For example, saying, "I'm not comfortable with this." You can also seek support.

For example, from a trusted adult, maybe a parent, a carer, a teacher, or a family member.

You can recognise that the manipulation is happening.

You can avoid being guilt-tripped into doing something that you don't feel comfortable with if you recognise that this is a form of manipulation in an unhealthy relationship.

And you can also remove yourself from the situation entirely.

It's okay to walk away if your boundaries are not being respected.

This shows that you're respecting yourself too and you're respecting your own boundaries.

Someone that you have a healthy relationship with will respect your boundaries and will respect you for respecting your own boundaries.

Being assertive means expressing your feelings, needs, and rights clearly and confidently, but without being aggressive.

An example of being assertive might be saying something like, "I don't feel ready for this, and I need you to respect my decision." An example of not being assertive might be saying something like, "I guess I could go along with it, but I don't really want to." Even though in the second example, this person is voicing that they don't really want to do something, they're saying that they could go along with it, and they're not being assertive.

It's important to confidently and assertively communicate your boundaries.

We're now moving on to another check for understanding.

Which of the following is a good way to resist pressure from others? A, do what makes your partner happy, B, clearly state your boundaries, C, give in to avoid conflict, or D, assume that your partner understands? What do you think? You might want to talk to the people around you or have a think to yourself.

The correct answer here was B, clearly state your boundaries.

A good way to resist pressure is to clearly state your boundaries by being confident and assertive.

For this check for understanding, I'd like you to decide what is missing from the list of what you can do if you're feeling pressured.

So far, we've got seek support, be confident, and recognise manipulation.

Can you decide what's missing? You might want to talk to the people around you or do this independently.

Well done if you said that being assertive and removing yourself from the situation were missing from the list.

These are all things that you can do if you're feeling pressured.

We're now moving on to your final practise task.

For this task, I'd like you to read each situation and suggest a response that shows confidence or assertiveness.

In scenario one, your partner keeps asking you to do something that you're not comfortable with and says, "But everyone else is doing it." In scenario two, a friend makes fun of you for setting your boundaries in your relationship.

It's important to remember that we have boundaries in all relationships, whether they're romantic or not.

And in the third scenario, someone you are dating gets annoyed when you say that you need more time before you become physically intimate.

For each of these situations, can you suggest a response that shows being confident or assertive? You can work together if you want to, or you can work independently.

It's up to you.

We'll go through the answers in a few minutes.

Okay, let's have a look and see what your answers could have been.

For the first scenario, your partner keeps asking you to do something that you're uncomfortable with and says that everyone else is doing it.

A confident response could be, "I make my own decisions, and I won't do something just because others are." In the second scenario, a friend makes fun of you for setting boundaries in your relationship.

An assertive response could be, "I respect myself, and setting boundaries is important for a healthy relationship." And in the third scenario, someone you're dating gets annoyed when you say that you need more time before becoming physically intimate.

A healthy response could be, "If you respect me, you'll understand that I need to take things at my own pace." Well done if you had some similar responses.

We're now going to summarise the key learning from today's lesson.

In today's lesson, we've learned that a healthy intimate relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, communication, and consent.

We've learned that pressure is never a normal part of a relationship.

Respectful partners will always listen to each other's boundaries and never make someone feel guilty or try to make them change their boundaries.

Pressure can also be resisted by using confidence, assertiveness, and seeking support if needed.

Readiness for intimacy is personal.

It's okay to take time and say no if something feels uncomfortable or just not quite right.

Decisions about intimacy should be made based on personal choice, not because of pressure from others.

In today's lesson, you might have found that you've got some questions or some worries.

If you do, there are some resources on the screen, and you can also speak to a trusted adult to get some support.

Well done for your hard work in today's lesson.

I hope to see you in another lesson soon.