Lesson video

Hi, everyone.

It's me Ms. Webster with you for our next lesson in the Robins journey units.

Now this lesson has a special editing focus.

So I hope you're sitting somewhere comfortably.

I hope you're feeling confident, and I hope you're ready to learn.

In this lesson, you will need an exercise book, or some paper, a pencil or a pen, and you will need your paragraph from when we wrote the climax to the story.

So if you haven't got everything you need, pause the video, go and collect it and I'll see you when you're ready.

We'll do a writing warm up.

We'll think about what the purpose of editing is, and then we will practise our editing skills.

So let's see what's our writing warm up is.

Thinking about precise word choices.

So the word precise means, choosing the best word to fit the purpose of your sentence.

Look at this sentence.

The strong wind howled across the night sky.

Look at that word that's underlined, strong.

I think that could be more precise, so that my reader has got more of a picture in their mind about what the wind was like.

So we could change it to something like this, instead of saying strong, we could say tempestuous.

Shall we read the sentence now together? One, two, three.

The tempestuous wind howled across the night sky.

And that gives your reader, much more of a picture about what that wind was like, rather than just saying strong.

So it's your turn now, look at those sentences.

Look at the words that are underlined.

And can you choose a more precise word? So the boat went up and down.

What else could you say instead of went? A huge wave swept the little bird onto a boat, what else could you say instead of huge? The poor robin couldn't breathe.

What else could you say instead of poor? So pause the video and write your full sentences, when you've thought about a more precise word choice.

Pause the video and play it when you've done your sentences.

Let's see what I thought.

So instead of saying the boat went up and down on the stormy sea, I chose to write this, the boat rocked up and down on the stormy sea.

What word did you write instead of went, tell me, thank you.

So instead of a huge wave, how else could we describe that wave? What did you write? Okay.

This is what I thought, an immense wave.

So not just a huge wave, an immense wave.

And that gives my reader more of a picture about what that wave was like.

And the reason why I've got an, in pink as well is because I had to change a, from, to an.

So I had to change the article, instead of, a huge wave, it had to be, an immense wave.

So tell me what adjective you got for the third one instead of poor, what did you write? Okay.

This is what I wrote, the fragile robin couldn't breathe.

The fragile, so delicate, so vulnerable.

So I think that's a more precise word choice for this point of the story, than the word poor.

Really good job on our writing warm up.

Let's think about the purpose of editing.

So we're going to practise our editing skills today.

But what actually is editing? Hmm, I've got a sentence that I'd like you to finish out loud.

Editing is, and you can use these words in your answer if you like.

reading, writing, changing, improving, purpose, and purposeful.

So have a little minute to think.

What is editing? Editing is when you, or editing is the process of.

Okay.

I'd like you to pause the video, have a go at saying your full sentence out loud, and then play the video, when you've had a go.

Pause the video now.

This is what I thought, shall I share mine? Editing is the process of reading back our writing and making any changes needed to improve our writing, and making it more purposeful for the reader.

When you edit, you decide what will stay in your writing, and what will be changed.

And I can see lots of those words that we had a moment ago in my answer.

And I bet you had something really similar.

Hopefully your answers included the word reading, because reading is such an important skill to have when we are editing our writing.

In fact, this is a really, really important point that I'd like to share with you.

It says.

"The secret to editing writing is simple: "you need to become its reader instead of its writer." Now that's a quote by Zadie Smith, who was a famous author, because even famous and published authors, edit their writing.

So what should we be doing when we edit? What kinds of things should we be changing or looking for in our writing? Have a moment to think, maybe write down at least, hmm, I'm going to challenge you, at least five things that you think we could do when we edit.

Pause the video, play it when you've done that.

Okay.

I bet you got some great ideas.

Let's see what I thought.

So part of editing is about correcting spellings, okay? Correcting punctuation choices.

So that could be changing punctuation, taking it out that's if you don't need it, or adding it in, if you do need it.

We need to think about changing sentence structure, so it's more purposeful.

So for example, when we wrote our openings to the story, we use nice long descriptive, as complex sentences, didn't we? To make sure that we got lots and lots of description in there.

But if you'd only used a simple sentence, you might want to change that to make a longer complex sentence so you can build a better picture in the reader's mind, of what the setting looked like for example.

You could also think about changing words so that they are more precise, and we've already had a go at that in our writing warm up.

Thinking about adding more detail for the reader, and thinking about expanding ideas by adding in more clauses or sentences.

So maybe if you've described one thing happening over one sentence, could you make that into two sentences? So that we've expanded that idea.

When do you think we should edit? Do you think it should be straight away? So the moment we finished our writing, should we just go back and edit it? Do you think it should be within a few days or do you think it should be a whole month later? Hmm, have a moment to think, straight away, within a few days or a month later? Should we say what we think together? One, two, three, within a few days.

Okay.

I think that's a good idea because if you edited straight away, I think that would be a very tricky thing to do, because writing is tough and it may, and it takes a lot of energy and effort to write our paragraphs and our stories, or whatever we're writing.

So it's good to leave it for a few days, and then come back to it with a fresh mind, and a fresh pair of eyes.

But if we left it a month, we might have forgotten what we're writing about.

So I think within a few days is the best time to edit our work.

Let's practise some editing skills.

So here is an example of my writing from our climax writing lesson.

"He took a deep breath "and flew right into the heart of the storm.

"As lightning zigzagged across the night sky, "scary thunder was above him.

"he beat his little wings with all his might." We are going to focus on these editing skills, correcting spellings, correcting punctuation, and changing words so that they are more precise.

I would like you to pause the video, have a really good look at the screen, have another read of the sentences, and see if you can correct two spellings, correct two pieces of punctuation.

Remember that might mean changing or adding in punctuation, or taking away punctuation.

And then I'd like you to change at least one vocabulary choice, one word so that it's more precise.

Okay.

Pause the video, play it when you've done that.

Shall we check? So those are the two spellings, right and might, did you get them? So right is R-I-G-H-T and might has the same i spelling.

So how do we spell might? Let say it together one, two, three, M-I-G-H-T.

Good job.

Did you get the punctuation? So I'd forgotten a capital letter.

So hopefully you changed the word he, to a capital H and then a lowercase e.

And can you see that comma there, I'd forgotten the comma.

So I needed that comma after the subordinate clause.

As lightning zigzagged across the night sky, scary thunder was above him.

Did you change any words, word choices? This is once I changed, I thought that we shouldn't have the word scary.

I thought we could have the word, furious, and that creates much more of a vivid picture in my reader's mind about what that thunder was like.

And it might make my reader feel a little bit scared.

Did you change that word as well? What did you change it to? If you didn't change that word, what word did you change? And what word did you change it to? Well done.

Our next focus is adding more detail for the reader.

So when we talk about adding more detail, we can think about adding adverbials for when, where and how.

So listen carefully to this parts of my writing and think about what when adverbs, you could add in, what where, and what how adverbs you could add in.

"He was swept away by a powerful spray of water.

"Luckily, he landed on board of a nearby fishing boat, "which was being plunged in an out of the tempestuous sea.

"He could barely breathe." So in those sentences, have I got enough when detail, where detail, and how detail? Doesn't say how he was being plunged, how the boat was being plunged in and out of the sea.

Doesn't say when he was swept away by a powerful spray of water.

So pause the video now and write down the words that you would like to add in to the sentences, play the video when you've done that.

Let's see what's I thought.

So we didn't have any time conjunctions for that first sentence.

My reader didn't know when he got swept away.

So I chose to write this.

Instantly, he was swept away.

And I had to change the word he with a capital, to the word he, with a lowercase.

And what punctuation did I need? Point to it, tell me, yeah, I needed my comma.

And then I also added in the word violently, to tell my reader how the boat was being plunged into the sea, really violently, really harshly.

What other words did you add in? Tell me, well done.

So go back to your own climax paragraph.

And it's your turn to think about this editing skill.

Add in more detail for the reader, thinking about your adverbs, your adverbs of when, where, and how.

Pause the video and play it when you've done that.

So let's practise changing words so that they are more precise.

We've had a really good go at this already.

Through the pouring rain, a kind fisherman looked closely at the strange sight.

Hmm.

Pause the video, and I'd like you to make any word changes that you like so that they are more precise, Through the pouring rain, a kind fisherman looked closely at the strange sight.

What words would you change? Pause the video, write them down, and I'll see you when you've done that.

This is what I thought.

So instead of saying pouring, we could say torrential.

Instead of saying kind, we could say a kind hearted.

And instead of saying looked, we could say peered, you peer at me.

And that shows a little bit more detail about how he looked at the robin and also what he was feeling, because the word peered, let's my reader know that he was a little bit confused about why the robin was there and he wanted to look really carefully.

He peered at the strange sight.

What words did you change? And tell me what you changed them to.

Good job.

So it's your turn to go back in your writing now, back to the climax paragraph, and think about changing any word choices so that they are more precise.

Pause the video and play it when you're ready.

The final editing skill that we're practising is expanding ideas by adding in more clauses or sentences.

Listen to my writing from my climax.

Tenderly, he wrapped the robin in a blanket and vigilantly kept watch over him.

The resilient little bird gradually regained his strength.

Can you see that sentence in purple? That's quite a detailed sentence, but my reader doesn't know how long that he kept watch over him, what else he did, I think we could expand this idea over another sentence, for example.

So you can see the original text on the left of the screen.

This is what I wrote to expand this idea.

After taking him below deck, which is below the top of the boat, so inside the boat, the compassionate fisherman tenderly wraps the robin in a warm blanket.

So I've already got more detail about where the fisherman took him.

All night long, he vigilantly kept watch over him.

So again, I've got more detail about the passing of time there.

So that one idea from the original paragraph has been spread over two sentences.

So it's your turn to find a sentence in your writing and see if you can add in another sentence to give your reader a little bit more detail and information.

Pause the video and play it when you're ready.

Wow.

Really great work today.

You did a writing warm up.

We talked about the purpose of editing, and then you practised your editing skills on your own writing.

Really well done.

So that's the end of our lesson.

I hope you have a really fabulous rest of your day.

Make sure you share your work with your parent or carer, if you would like to.

And I'm looking forward to seeing you again soon for our next lesson.

Bye.