Lesson video

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Welcome to today's lesson.

My name is Miss Smith.

In our lesson today, we are going to be writing a diary entry.

And so when you're ready, we can start the lesson.

In today's lesson we will begin with some sentence level writing, before we look at some model writing of a diary entry.

And then you will spend your task writing the diary entry that you have planned.

In the lesson, you'll need something to write on and something to write with.

And your planning from a previous lesson.

If you need to collect any of those things, go and find them now.

So what is the difference between dashes and hyphens? Can you just pause the video and have a think about what you already know about dashes and hyphens? Well, hyphens are used to connect parts of words, often used to create compound adjectives, two words joined with the hyphen to create one other word.

So, in our units, we might use the word cold-hearted to describe Mrs. Coulter, and cold-hearted is formed from two words, cold and hearted connected with a hyphen.

Dashes, on the other hand are used to separate groups of words.

So in our warmup today, we are going to practise using a pair of dashes in a sentence to replace a pair of commas.

So your task shortly will be to write a sentence using a pair of dashes.

So here's my sentence for the image of Lyra in the port.

And it reads "Lee Scoresby, "who had been watching over my shoulder, introduced himself." And you can see, I have an embedded relative clause in my sentence, "who had been watching over my shoulder" is an embedded relative clause.

I can see the relative pronoun, who, at the beginning of the relative clause, and I have a comma before and a comma afterwards.

My relative clause is a type of subordinate clause.

It doesn't make sense on it's own.

I can replace my pair of commas with a pair of dashes.

You can see my second example, my purple pair of dashes, where the commas have been.

"Lee Scoresby - who had been watching "over my shoulder- introduced himself." My dashes make this relative clause even more separate within my sentence.

It stands out, and makes it more separated from the rest of the sentence, from the main clause.

Can you write a sentence using a pair of dashes? Pause and use the picture as your inspiration for sentence writing.

Off you go.

So today we are writing a diary from Lyra's perspective.

We are imagining that we are Lyra and we've been on this journey to the port and to find Iorek Byrnison, the ice bear.

And so you should have your planning from our previous lesson to support your writing today.

And here's the planning that we had on screen in planning lesson to help us as well.

So make sure you have your planning and you should go find that now, if you still need to.

But we will be using this in model writing and to support your writing of a diary today.

So what do we need to remember when we are writing a diary? Let's have a think.

We need to think again about the P-A-L-L the PALL below that's the purpose, audience, language and layout.

Can you remember what we need to think about when we are writing a diary? Just pause and see if you can remember what we had next to each of these headings.

Okay, let's have a look.

I'm sure you've had a great, a good think.

You might even have looked back if you made notes on this previously.

So why do people write diaries? Well, we said that documents and records of the things that have happened and for lots of people who write diaries, they can really help to process what's happening in their life as an, as an outlet for what's going on.

And the audience is the writer themself.

People who write diaries aren't writing for them to be shared and read widely they're writing for themselves.

So the writer is the audience.

And we said our language in our diary entry can be more informal.

Perhaps we will see contracted forms in our diary and it will need to be written in the first person.

We are imagining we are Lyra in this scene of our film.

And the layout organised text in time order of the scene in paragraphs to show a change in time or location and organised text.

So what are we writing? Well, let's just remind ourself of the scene.

We've got the boats entering the ports and Lyra disembarking before she finds a quiet space to study the alethiometer.

And she meets Lee Scoresby, the aeronaut.

They journey through the streets because she's guided to, and advised to find the armoured bear in the alleyway.

And that's where we leave the end of the scene.

So that's Lyra's day, that's her diary entry and that what we will be imagining we experienced as Lyra on this day.

And we are going to aim to write two or three sentences for each image.

We have that in mind, then by the end, by the time we reach Iorek Byrnison in the alleyway, we will have a really comprehensive and balanced diary entry.

So let's look at some writing of a diary entry and make sure we're really clear of what it needs to look like in terms of layout and the language and features we need to make sure we're including.

So let me read to you the model writing on screen, and you should follow along.

You might even read out loud with me.

It says, it's the 23rd of June, 2020.

You can write any date.

And we've got "Dear Diary," comma.

"What a lot has happened to me today! "Arriving here in Trollesund feels like days ago, "but in fact it was only this morning.

"The journey at times was rough "and conditions were cramped in the cabins.

"We were packed tightly into small bunk beds "with very little room." So in this model extract, we need to make sure we're really clear about the layout that your diary needs to take.

So we've got a date and as I said, you can write any date for your diary.

And Lyra in this entry, my entry has written "Dear Diary," A comma afterwards, and then I've started my first sentence below the comma.

It's an exclamatory sentence.

It starts with what, "What a lot happened to me today!" exclamation mark.

` Was trying really hard to get some varied punctuation.

And my first paragraph captures the journey.

And the one thing I would really advise you to steal is that spelling at the beginning of the second line, that is the name of the court, Trollesund.

And I know it's the name 'cause I put a capital letter for proper noun.

So perhaps note down that spelling.

And I chose to describe the journey conditions on board to make sure I'd written three sentences for that very first image.


So now I've got my planning for that first part of the scene and my next section of writing for my diary entry.

I'll read it to you now.

And again, you might read on the screen with me.

"As we approached the port, "tranquil waters spread in front of us "and we were dwarfed by impressive mountains "as everyone on board prepared to disembark." Now we know that when we're writing today, we need to make sure we have first person throughout our writing.

Can you just pause the video and find evidence of first person in my paragraph on screen now? Okay, let's have a look.

So you can see three first person pronouns.

We've got, "As we approached the port, "tranquil waters spread in front of us.

"And we were dwarfed by impressive mountains "as everyone on board was prepared to disembark." Other things that you can see I've used from our planning, I stole impressive mountains to describe the journey into the port and dwarfed to communicate just how impressive they were and the fact that it made this enormous boat feel so small as it approached the ports.

Approaching the port was on our plan, and I adapted that slightly and used it to open this paragraph "as we approached the port." And I know that previously we've talked about the verb disembark to get off the ship.

So I made sure I got that into my writing.

Would do if you can too.

So, let's read the final parts of model writing today.

You should read out loud or follow on screens, as I read this writing.

"Stepping onto land for the first time in days, "I could hear the energetic cries from market traders "and villages were unloading cargo from incoming ships.

"I battled through the streets to find a secluded location "where I could focus my attention on the alethiometer." I wonder if you can see any evidence of cohesion, evidence that this writing links and flows from one sentence and one idea to the next.

Can you pause and note down anything you think you can see now? Okay, hopefully you've done that.

Let's have a look through shall we.

There are two openings to sentences that I want us to pay attention to.

The first is the first part of your paragraph.

And it reads "Stepping onto land "for the first time in days." a non-finite clause.

Transitioning from the boats that action on the boats onto dry land and that non-finite clause moves Lyra forward in our diary entry.

And that first person continues.

"I could hear the energetic cries." The second sentence begins.

"I battled through the streets" So first person, and again, describing the fact that she's battling through the streets or that I'm battling through the streets, moves the journey through the day on to the next step.

And we know that she's travelling at that point through the streets to find Iorek Byrnison So make sure that in your writing today, you really think about how you're using sentence starters to link your writing and help it to move forward through your diary day.

Your task today is to write a diary entry.

And remember you are Lyra in this writing outcome.

You should already have all your planning, from our previous lessons to help you.

And the reminder of what that planning looks like.

Remember when you're writing your diary, you should use the first person, first person pronouns.

I for Lyra, we, us, as reminder first person to make sure you include feelings of how Lyra, you, are feeling at each point because it changes quite dramatically from her feelings onboard the ship as she comes into the ports to her feelings in the alleyway with Iorek Byrnison.

And finally cohesion.

What are your linking tools? Do your sentences link from one sentence to the next? Do paragraphs link from one paragraph to the next? Did you use linking tools, like we looked at earlier this lesson to help move and advance your action through the scenes and to make sure the reader understands what's happening in what order.

So, pause the video now, and complete your task.

Congratulations, that is the end of today's lesson.

In our lesson today, we reviewed sentence level writing and using dashes to replace a pair of commas.

We analysed model writing of diary entry, and you have written your diary entry from Lyra's perspective.

So well done.

Share your work with Oak National.

If you'd like to please ask your parents or carers to share your work on Twitter, tagging at @OakNational and #LearnwithOak Well done.

That brings us to the end of another lesson.

You should feel really proud of your efforts in your writing outcome today.