Lesson video

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Hello everyone, it's Mr. Brown with your English lesson.

And it's a really exciting one because we are going to be writing our diary entries today.

Have you got your writing hats on? Let's go for it.

So our learning objective for today is to write a diary entry.

In this lesson, you'll need an exercise book or a piece of paper, hand, a pencil, something to write with and your brain.

We're going to start with a quick writing warmup, we're going to then prepare to write and we're going to go for it, we're going to write a diary entry today.

So a writing warmup.

Your job is to spot the first person errors in this diary entry.

So I've written a diary entry here and your job is to spot the first person errors where I have not used first person correctly, okay.

Pause the lesson, I suggest that you either write this out yourself and write it correctly, maybe underlining the times when you have changed the word or just write down a list of times when you have spotted a mistake.

If you've got someone with you, you may even want to just pause the screen and point out the different things you spot, over to you.

Off you go.

Okay, and welcome back.

I'm just going to read through one time and you might actually notice someone you hear me read them that you didn't spot when it was written down.

So, dear diary, today has been a day like no other.

When I arrived at school, he soon realised that I had forgotten my homework.

I was so annoyed as I knew I left it on his bed.

Their teacher, Mr. Brown looked straight at me and knew he didn't have it with me.

At least I wasn't the only one, my friend James had forgotten his too, so they were both in trouble.

Did you spot them? Let's have a look.

So today has been a day like no other.

When I arrived at school, he soon realised that I had forgotten my homework.

Well, who realises something? It's you, isn't it? I had realised that I had forgotten my homework that should be.

I was so annoyed as I knew I'd left it on his bed, yeah, my bed.

Their teacher so if you are in the class as well, it's not their teacher.

It's my teacher, again, yeah.

My teacher, Mr. Brown looked straight at me and knew he didn't have it with me, and knew I didn't have it with me.

At least I wasn't the only one, my friend James had forgotten his too so they were both in trouble.

Remember, you're referring to you and James together, not they, but we, so we were both in trouble.

Okay, let's prepare to write.

We are going to be writing a diary entry as Tristan from the book, "The Viewer".

Remember you are trusted now.

Okay, here's our plan.

We're going to start writing a diary entry talking all about describing finding The Viewer.

So that moment we found The Viewer.

We then going to describe using The Viewer, what we saw then the final bit of our plan is to describe how you feel after.

So how you as Tristan felt after you look through The Viewer that's today, yesterday you found The Viewer, yesterday you used The Viewer, today you're talking about how you feel about it.

Here's a success criteria.

I have used adjectives before my nouns to describe them in a more detailed way and don't forget your commas to separate your adjectives.

I always want adjectives before the nouns.

I've used verbs and adverbs to describe what I saw and what I did.

You are retelling what you did.

So you need to use the adverbs to make sure that that's really clear and descriptive, the verbs and adverbs rather.

I have used fronted adverbials to say when events took place, okay.

So fronted adverbials, they will start your sentence and they will tell you when the main part of your sentence, the main clause happened.

For example, later yesterday morning or an hour later or soon after or suddenly they are all fronted adverbials.

And then if you want to go above and beyond which I think you'd probably do use a non finite clause to start a sentence.

And remember these start with inwards running quickly down the hall, comma, sitting in his chair, comma, these are non-finite clauses.

Okay, first of all, let's just get ourself familiar with what has actually happened to Tristan, you, remember you are Tristan in the last two days.

What I'd like to do is pause this, pause the lesson now and have a look at the one, two, three, four pictures that I put up there.

I just have a go at talking through what happened to you in the last two days as if you were Tristan, as if you were Tristan, okay? So something like, oh, you won't believe what's happened.

So yesterday I went to, and tell me where you went, okay.

Pause the lesson, over to you.

And welcome back.

That was already good exercise, wasn't it? To start getting familiar with talking as if you are Tristan, okay.

Let's just familiarise ourself with where we are up to.

This passage is actually from the text of The Viewer.

These sights left Tristan terribly afraid.

After removing the third and final desk, he puts the machine away.

In bed, he descended into a restless sleep, all the while unable to dismiss the feeling of another presence in the room.

The next morning, Tristan could not stop glancing towards the machine.

Even as he left to go downstairs.

It's upright on his desk as if staring back at him, surely just as he had left it the night before.

And this is where we are writing our diary entry at this moment when Tristan, you, wake up the day after finding The Viewer and using The Viewer.

So the first part describe finding The Viewer which happened yesterday.

And there is going to talk about here is how and where did you find it and why did you decide to take it home? Now, the diary entries always start with, I'm sorry, I can't hear you, they always start with, yes, dear diary.

There it is, dear diary comma.

Where did this happen? Was it today? No, it was yesterday.

Good, dear diary, yesterday comma and there is a comma after yesterday because it is a fronted adverbial, good.

Dear diary, yesterday, I experienced the most peculiar day of my life.

I've used an exclamation mark because it said, diary entries, isn't it? I can be informal.

I can throw exclamation marks in there because the diary entry is for me, is for me myself.

I always like to start a diary entry with one sentence that just sums up the whole feeling of the diary entry.

And I think yesterday I experienced the most peculiar that my life does that.

It kind of just says everything in one sentence.

I went to the scrapyard and so let's make it a compound sentence.

So I went to the scrapyard and spent a few hours rummaging through the weird and wonderful objects that others had thrown away, what does rummaging mean? Yeah, it's another word for searching.

Looking, rummaging means just to go through lots of objects to find something.

Something caught my eye and I can use that, what's that called sot dot, dot? An ellipsis, yeah, an ellipsis, something caught my eye dot dot dot.

I'm just building the suspense before I say what caught my eye.

Something caught my eye.

It was a heavy, wooden box partly hidden underneath a piece of rusty metal.

Why is there a common between heavy and wooden? Why would want a comma there? Yeah, of course, cause they're adjectives and I'm separating my adjectives.

I'm writing a list of adjectives but there's only two things in my list but it's still a list.

This in chancing item had strange yet beautiful markings carved all over it.

I had never seen anything on this before and I instantly knew I had to take it home with me.

So I'm explaining why I had to take it home because it was so interesting and different.

I was saying where I found it in the scrapyard and how I found it, it was while I was rummaging through.

So success criteria.

I have used adjectives before my nouns to describe them in a more detailed way, let's have a look.

Ah, yeah, weird and wonderful objects.

So even though I've not done my traditional adjective comma adjective noun there, it's still fine, you can use weird and wonderful, you can put an and in because you could say instead of heavy comma wood box, you could say it was a heavy and wooden box and it would still work.

Enchanting rusty strange yet beautiful, yeah, looks pretty good, I think I can smiley face that one, verbs and adverbs to say what I did.

So I've got instantly as an adverb, I instantly knew any other verbs? No, I've got rummaging there is a verb but now adverb before it, can I add an adverb in? Yeah, of course.

What adverb do you think would describe how I was rummaging through? Carefully rummaging through? Tirelessly, I was getting tired of just kept doing it? Constantly maybe? Okay, I'm going to go for happily rummaging through because I was very content when I was doing it.

So you could use contently but I was just happily rummaging through but happily and instantly it's only two examples, I don't think I can take that off.

A fronted adverbials to say when events took place.

Yesterday, that's it so just one note, need to add more to that to them.

Okay, number two describe The Viewer.

So this is what it was like to use the view and how did I feel? After I had eaten dinner and brushed my teeth.

What's that an example of? After I had eaten dinner and brush my teeth, yes, fronted adverbial, good and he's got the comment there too.

After I'd eaten dinner and brush my teeth, there was only one thing on my mind.

Alone in my room, I carefully lifted the lid of this odd container.

Musty and tuned air spilled out from inside, what does entombed mean? Can you remember back to a previous lesson, entombed is when something has been contained in something else, yeah.

Peering inquisitively at its contents, I reached in to lift out a chunky, old-fashioned mask and it was a bit like a master viewer.

It looks like something you put over your entire face and you can see through.

Now, that sentence is starting to get me some things ticked off in my success criteria, what is it? Have a think about that? Peering inquisitively at its contents, peering, ending in ing, think about it.

We'll come to that when we get to our success criteria.

It appeared to have holes for a person's eyes.

So I placed it slowly onto my face.

It was blank dot dot dot, build that suspense is informal.

So I can do that.

My brow lowered with confusion.

There's a good example of show not tell, my brow lowered with confusion.

If my Brown load with confusion, how am I feeling? Yeah, confused, I've put it in there.

It's show not tell even though I've got the confusion in there too.

A moment later, good example of fronted adverbials saying when things happened, a moment later comma, I saw a circular disc with black films squares around the edge.

It seemed the perfect size for a slot on top of this contraction.

So I placed it inside and took another look.

What I saw made my eyes widen and my jaw dropped open.

How am I feeling if my eyes widened and my jaw drops open? Shocked, amazed, astounded, good.

A mysterious haunting picture of a blood red sky torn apart by ominous black storm clouds lay in front of my eyes, jacket, blinding bolts of lightning piers through the darkness.

And it seemed to stab down into the inky dark sea below, really descriptive, I'm absolutely going for it.

Describing that first picture that Tristan saw of the scene with the lightning and the thunder and the moon and the stars but I'm making it very negative onto me.

We know that Tristan felt uncomfortable when he was viewing these images, he wanted to look away but couldn't so you can't say I sort of beautiful sea with dramatic lightning and gorgeous clouds it's not going to work is that, I felt the hairs on my arms stand up instantly and my palms were drenched with wet.

What is instantly an example of? Yeah adverbs.

If my hairs standing up and my palms are drenched with sweat, I'm feeling, yeah, not astounded and amazed anymore, I'm feeling terrified and frightened and anxious and nervous.

This image was terrifying but I couldn't look away.

Pressing my finger down onto a small button on the side of the machine, the scene changed and another equally chaotic picture met my eyes.

After viewing several more, I slowly placed the viewer down onto the desk.

What on earth was this? You can definitely ask questions to yourself, it's a diary entry so they're rhetorical questions, they don't require an answer.

I tried to sleep that night but my mind was racing.

Why is the comma in front of but? Because but we know uses a comma when you're writing a compound sentence before it.

I couldn't stop thinking about the terrible things that I had seen.

Okay, it was a success criteria.

Verbs and adverbs, I definitely felt we made a big effort there, we've got instantly again, we've got slowly, is that enough with the ones we have before? I think so.

I think with the one we had before we can go through frontal adverbials after I'd eaten my dinner and brush my teeth a moment later, good, we had an example I think earlier several more.

Good, that's the ticks off and then above and beyond that non-finite clause, did we do, oh yeah, peering inquisitively at its contents and pressing my finger down onto a small button on the side of the machine, good okay.

Now we're getting somewhere but we're not finished yet.

You have got to now describe how you feel after viewing the images which is today.

So you've tried to go to sleep, you can't, how are you feeling this morning? Are you still thinking about The Viewer and the images you saw? What are you going to do with The Viewer now? Okay, it's over to you.

I want you to write your own version of part one and part two like I've done today.

So finding The Viewer and using The Viewer and then have a go at completing your diary entry by writing your own part three.

And you haven't seen me write that yet, that's over to you do use your creativity skills.

I want to use our success criteria to guide you as to help you show off your amazing writing skills use our plan two.

Absolutely sensational work from you today and across this entire unit work on this, you put a massive effort in and your writing has improved so much, your grammatical knowledge as well improved tonnes and tonnes.

I'll see you next time for one more lesson on The Viewer.

See you then, goodbye.