Lesson video

Hello, is Mrs. Smart.

Welcome back to this English unit.

Today's learning objective is to write a narrative build-up.

I'm so excited because this is our chance to apply, everything we've learned so far about Whale Rider to our own writing.

We're going to be using our character analysis and our plans to make sure our writing is amazing.

Let's get started.

In this lesson, you will need an exercise book or some lines paper, a pen or pencil to write with, and your build-up plans from our previous lesson.

If you've got your character analysis as well, for Koro and Paikea, that might be helpful, for our writing today.

If you haven't to any of those things with you right now, just pause the recording and go and get them.

Hopefully you are all set up and ready for today's learning.

In today's lesson, we're going to start with a recap of the story of Whale Rider and think about what we already know about some of the characters.

We're then going to remind ourselves of our narrative build-up plans we created in our previous lesson.

Then is our chance to write.

So we're going to do a shared write together where I'm going to write a bit and you're going to write a bit and we'll, take it in turns, we'll work through together.

And lastly, will be your independent task.

So, we have been learning about the film, Whale Rider for a little while now.

I want you to tell me, three things that you can remember about the story of Whale Rider.

Maybe you could tell me where it sets, maybe you could tell me something about the characters.

Maybe you could tell me something about the culture that the characters are part of or the culture that they follow.

Pause the recording now, and write down three things that you can remember.

Excellent, I'm sure you remember the lots about the story.

Let's recap the different parts of the story now.

In the opening, we haven't seen this clip, but this is what happened.

A girl was born and named Paikea.

Her mother and her brother died, and the baby's father was so upset about the mother and the brother dying, that he moved away.

And the girl Paikea, ended up growing up with her grandparents.

Next is the build-up.

This is the part that we've been focusing on and we're going to be writing parts of this build-up today.

Koro decided to get to find the next chief.

Remember Koro is Paikea's grandfather.

He starts the club to teach the first born boys to be leaders, and Paikea was desperate for her grandfather to see that she could be chief.

But Koro wouldn't let her join in because she was a girl.

And then we've got our climax and our resolution that we will come to in a few lessons time.

We spent a lesson focusing on these two main characters, Paikea and Koro.

Hopefully you've got your notes in front of you of your character analysis.

What can you remember about these characters? Maybe you could tell me something about their personalities or their feelings and emotions and the clip that we watched.

Pause the recording, and remind yourself now.

As I mentioned today, we're going to be writing our narrative build-up.

It's really important when we're doing a piece of writing that we understand the features of that piece of writing before, we start to write.

It's really important that we understand the purpose of what we're writing.

So what is the purpose of a build-up? Pause the recording and write down your ideas now.

I think the purpose of a build-up is, to develop the plot or the storyline.

To develop the characters.

We get to know the characters in a little bit more detail, and the build-up that we've watched, we definitely got to know Koro and Paikea a little bit more.

It introduces a problem sometimes or an issue.

The problem in Whale Rider, is that Paikea wants to show her grandfather that she can be chief and her grandfather won't let her because she is a girl.

We're now going to watch the clip, that our writing is based on today.

And I'm going to ask you once we've watched it to retell the events.

The pictures are in the correct order this time, but I want you to retell the events after you've seen the clip.

Let's watch.

Pai, you're a girl, go to the back.

What did I say? What did I say? Then leave.

Go on.

Hopefully, that reminded you of the events of the build-up so it's freshen your mind, ready for writing today.

I now want you to retell the events of that clip.

So retell the story.

It might help you to say one sentence per picture that you can see on the screen.

Pause the recording and either say your sentences or write your sentences down.

Off you go.

Here, we have got our success criteria for today's writing.

This is the list of features that we need to include in our writing to make sure that we write a really successful narrative build-up.

Let's read through them together.

I have used show not tell, to describe the characters and their feelings.

This means I'm going to show my reader how my character feels, rather than telling them.

I'm not going to tell them that Koro is angry.

I'm going to show them he's angry, through things like, describing how he glares at Paikea.

I'm not going to tell my reader that Paikea is defiant.

I'm going to show them that she is defined by the fact that she just sits down on the bench even though Koro has told her to go to the back.

I have accurately punctuated speech.

We've covered punctuating speech in a previous lesson.

If you haven't done that lesson yet, I suggest you go back and complete that lesson, before you move on to today's writing.

I have referred to characters in different ways.

Let's have a look at that now.

When we're writing a piece of narrative, it can be really tempting to keep saying the characters names over and over again.

Paikea, Paikea, Paikea, but that can be really boring for our reader.

So we need to try and think of different ways of referring to them.

We can use pronouns like he and she, but we can also use different nouns.

Can you think of some nouns that you could use to refer to Paikea and Koro, rather than using their names? Pause the recording and write yourself a list now.

How many did you manage to think of? Wow, impressive.

Let's see what I thought of.

Paikea, of course, her name.

Girl, and you could have an adjective before that to describe what sorts of girls she is such as, a brave girl or courageous girl, or maybe a young girl.

Granddaughter, we know Paikea is Koro's granddaughter.

We could refer to her as a granddaughter.

Rebel, that's a really good noun to use because it describes someone who goes against the rules, which is exactly what Paikea does in this section of the story.

Koro, we've got of course his name.

We could refer to him as a man and again we could describe him as a certain man using an adjective such as, a stern man.

Grandfather, because we know he's Paikea's grandfather.

Chief, remember he's the chief or the leader of this group.

So we could refer to him as a chief instead of using his name, Koro.

Before we start to write, it's really, really important that you have your plan in front of you.

Can you check now? Is your plan there in front of you? Yes, mine is.

Is yours? Good, we're ready to go then.

So we're going to write these first two sections to start with.

I'm going to write a little bit with your help and then you are going to write a little bit.

So, I'm going to write this section.

Paikea led the boys into the welcome ceremony outside the marae.

We're then going to write, Paikea sat down on the front row, even though, Koro told her to the back.

We're going to use lots of the character actions and put them directly into our writing.

Okay, let's get started.

I know a blank page can be a little bit daunting, but don't worry, we can use our ideas from our plan and work through this together.

You're going to do amazingly.

So the first thing I want to write is the part where Paikea is singing and welcoming all of the boys.

bringing all the boys into the welcoming ceremony.

So I'm going to start with, Paikea, sang.

Now what adverb could I use to describe how she sang? What do you think? I'm going to use the adverb, confidently.

Paikea sang confidently.

Now I want to also show that she had her head held high because that really shows, that she was confident.

Remember I want to show, not tell today.

So I'm going to add this extra piece at the beginning.

I'm going to have, with her head, held high.

Comma.

Paikea sang confidently.

Now what was she doing at the same time as singing confidently? Yeah, she was leading the boys into the welcoming ceremony.

So I'm going to say, as, I'm going to use an adverbial clause here to add a bit more information to my main clause, as she led the group of boys towards marae.

Or I could say, into the welcoming ceremony, it's up to you.

Now, I want to show how she was feeling here.

She was really, really proud of welcoming everyone.

She was really proud of being in charge of leading the group, fulfilling her duties for her grandparents.

I know I'm going to say, she was filled with passion and pride to complete her duties for her grandparents.

So same time it's filled with an emotion.

It's a really good way, of describing someone feeling a very strong emotion.

So she was filled with passion and pride.

Now, she has the idea doesn't she? She has this certain idea she wants to sit on the front row.

If I want to show something happening suddenly, I could use, a time conjunction here.

I'm going to use just then, to show suddenly this idea came into her head, Just then, she had an idea.

No, that's not the right spelling of idea.

She had an idea, that'll be good.

I want to show that she was feeling really, really determined at this point.

Can you remember that way we had of describing, when someone was really filled with a feeling.

It wasn't the word filled, it was something else, something to do with your veins.

That was it, coursed through her veins.

I'm going to right, determination, coursed, through her veins.

Now I want to extend this a little bit more.

Determination coursed through her veins.

She was feeling really determined.

What did this then cause her to do? Yeah, she then decided she was going to sit on the front row.

So I'm going to add another adverbial clause here.

Another subordinate clause, sorry.

I'm going to say so, the courageous girl, to show that she's really, really full of courage as well.

Headed, no, I missed the word girl.

Courageous girl, headed for the front row.

That mean she's going there.

She's not sitting down yet, she's just going, walking towards it.

Let's read that 'cause I've got so far and just check it will make sense.

With her head held high, Paikea sang confidently, as she let the group of boys towards the marae.

She was filled with passion and pride to complete her duties for her grandparents.

Just then, she had an idea.

Determination coursed through her veins.

So the courageous girl headed for the front row.

Now, can you remember what happens when she heads the front row? Her grandfather spots her, what does he say? Good memory.

He says, Pai, you're a girl, go to the back.

Pai is obviously his shortening for Paikea.

Now, whenever I use speech, in a piece of narrative, I need to use starts a new line.

I'm going to start a new line here.

I'm going to remember my accurate speech punctuation that I learned in my previous lesson.

Open speech marks.

Pai, comma, you're a girl, full stop.

Go to the back.

Now, I want to close my speech mark but before I close my speech marks, what do I need? Yeah, I could have an exclamation mark or I could have a comma.

I can't have a full stop because this isn't the end of my sentence yet.

So I'm going to use a comma, and then I'm going to close my speech marks with my inverted commas.

Go to the back, I'm going to use the verb or the synonym to said, growled Koro to show that he's not very happy at all.

It's almost like he's an animal growling at her with anger.

Now, how does Paikea react, when her grandfather says that to her? What does she do? Yeah, she pauses, and then she sits down.

She ignores what he says.

So I'm going to use a short sentence here, to show, that she just pauses very, very briefly, and then she sits down.

So I'm going to write Paikea, paused.

Paused, full stop.

Then I'm going to have, I'm going to start my sentence with an adverb this time.

Now, when I start my sentence with an adverb, what do I need after it? Good, I need a comma.

I'm going to use the word defiantly.

Remember that was our adverb to describe someone who's breaking the rules.

Defiantly, she, no I spelled it, no I haven't.

No, defiantly she ignored, the warning.

And lowered herself onto the boys' bench.

Now boys, needs an apostrophe.

The bench belongs to all of the boys.

Plural boys.

So where am I going to put my apostrophe in this word here? Am I going to put it after the S? Or am I going to put it after the Y? What do you think? Good, I'm going to put it after the S because it's plural boys bench.

It belongs to all of them.

Now the last bit is when she stares at her grandfather.

She just sits and stares at him.

I'm going to use one of those ways of referring to Paikea.

Because I've already used her name and I've already said, the girl.

So I'm going to now say, the young, rebel.

Remember that was that word for someone who breaks the rules.

This is a good point to call her a rebel.

The young rebel stared at her grandfather, with steely eyes, showing that she's not very happy with him at all.

And then what does Koro do back? You're right, he stares right back at her.

Now I don't want to use stared again.

So I'm going to use the verb, glared.

He glared back in anger.

That's another word for stared.

Often glared shows that you're staring at something, not feeling very happy or feeling angry.

Let's read that part back and just make sure it all make sense.

Pai, you're a girl, go to the back, growled Koro.

Paikea paused.

Defiantly, she ignored the warning and lowered herself onto the boys' bench.

The young rebel stared at her grandfather was steely eyes.

And he glared back in anger.

Let's check our success criteria and see how we're guessing on so far.

So, I have used, show not tell, to describe the characters and their feelings.

I definitely done lots of that.

Showing how Koro and showing how Paikea are feeling.

I've accurately punctuated speech.

Yes, I've already got a speech sentence in my writing and I have referred to characters in different ways.

Yes, I'm doing really well with that.

I've called Paikea, her name.

I referred to her as a girl and I've referred to her as a rebel.

Koro, I've referred to as Koro and I've also referred to as her grandfather.

So I'm doing well there.

I now want you to write the first section of your build-up.

So the part where Paikea is leading the boys into the welcoming ceremony, outside the marae, and then the parts where Paikea sits down on the bench on the front row, even though, Koro tells her not to.

Really focus on that show not tell, showing how your characters are feelings, feeling through their actions, their body language, their facial expressions, and what they say and how they say it.

Off you go.

How are you guessing on with your writing? I'm sure you're doing really well.

I'm ready to start writing my next bit.

Hopefully you are as well.

The next section we're going to write, is where Koro instructed Paikea to leave, and Paikea left the ceremony.

Make sure you've got your plan in front of you.

Have a quick check.

Yep, I've got mine.

Have you got yours? Good, then we're ready to write the next section.

Now I'm going to start a new paragraph now.

So I want to indent slightly.

That's when I leave a little gap between the edge of my page and my writing.

So I'm going to leave a little gap like that.

You could leave a couple of finger spaces, if you're writing on a piece of lines paper.

Now I want to describe the part where.

where Koro stands up and tells Paikea, or says to Paikea, what did I say? 'Cause remember she sat down, even though Koro's told her to go to the back.

So I'm going to start with an adverb.

I'm going to start with the adverb, sternly.

That's to show someone was very, very serious.

Now, when I start a sentence with an adverb, can you remember what punctuation I need straight after? Good job, I need a comma.

Sternly, Koro rose up.

That means stood up.

Rose up, and I'm going to use the word barked.

That's my synonym for said, 'cause it really shows that he's saying something in an angry way.

A bit like a dog might bark if it's angry at another animal.

And barked, what did I say? Now, I'm using speech second here so, I need to think about all my pieces of punctuation and make sure I've got them all in place.

And barked, comma, open speech marks or inverted commas.

Now what's really important to remember, even in the middle of a sentence, what do I need at the beginning of my speech? Well done for remembering, a capital letter.

What did I say? That is a question so I'm going to follow it up with a? A question mark of course.

What did I say? Question mark, close my inverted commas.

Now, when he says that, there's a bit of a pause, isn't there? No one speaks, no one really moves.

Everyone feels a little bit awkward and tense.

So I want to show that through my writing.

How can I get across that awkward feeling when nothing really happens? I could use some short sentences.

I'm just going to use a very short sentence, silence, full stop.

That's really effective to show time almost slowing down.

Then I'm going to say, no one moved, full stop.

And hopefully my reader will stop and pause then will feel, that time stretching out in that sort of slightly awkward feeling.

Then, Koro says something else.

He says, then, leave.

So I've got my speech marks at the beginning.

I need my comma, I need to close by speech marks and then I need to have who's speaking.

I've used Koro already in my previous sentence.

So I'm going to go with, the chief.

Then leave, the chief demanded, firmly.

Now I want to use that idea I had about his, his expression etched on his face.

So I'm going to put it in here.

With a livid, that means really angry, expression etched across his worn face.

Let's read those sentences back and just check they will make sense.

Sternly, Koro rose up and barked.

What did I say? Silence, no one moved.

Then leave, the chief demanded firmly with a livid expression etched across his worn face.

Now I need to move on to Paikea and show her reaction to this.

And she doesn't get up and leave straight away.

She pauses slightly.

So I'm going to say, after a moment's hesitation.

That means she sort of pauses before she does it.

Paikea, reluctantly.

So that means that she doesn't really want to, stood up.

I've got an adverb you'll phrase there, after a moment's hesitation to add a bit more detail to Paikea reluctantly stood up.

Now she goes off, doesn't she? She walks off into the distance feeling really defeated.

I haven't used a complex sentence yet with my subordinate clause at the beginning.

That might be a good sentence to use.

I've used the subordinate clause at the end of my sentence, but not at the beginning.

Let me think about my main clause first 'cause, that's always a good place to start.

I'm going to write, her body, was overwhelmed.

That means she's feeling it really, really strongly, with defeat.

It's like she's failed.

She's failed at what she wanted to do.

So her body was overwhelmed with defeat.

Remember, I want to add my subordinate clause first to add some more information.

So I'm going to write, while, my subordinate in conjunction.

While she slunk off, that's a verb to show her walking off, into the distance, and I need a lowercase H now.

So while she slung off into distance, her body was overwhelmed with defeat.

Yeah, I'm pleased with that.

But let's just read it back one more time to check I haven't made any silly mistakes.

Sternly, Koro rose up and barked.

What did I say? Silence, no one moved.

Then leave, the chief demanded firmly with a livid expression etched across his worn face.

After a moment's hesitation, Paikea reluctantly stood up.

While she slunk off into distance, her body was overwhelmed with defeat.

Let's just check my success criteria and see how I'm guessing on.

I have used show not tell, to describe the characters and their feelings.

Yep, I've got lots of that showing Koro and Paikea's feelings.

I've accurately punctuated speech.

Yes, I've got some more speech in my second paragraph.

I have referred to characters in different ways.

Yes, I now have definitely got Paikea, I've used girl, I've used rebel, and for Koro, I've used Koro.

I think I'd used grandfather, and I also used chief.

I've done well there as well.

You are doing so well with your writing so far.

Thank you for helping me to write my second paragraph of the build-up.

It's now over to you.

Remember, this is the part where Koro stands up, and sends Paikea away, and Paikea reluctantly walks off into the distance.

We want to include that show not tell, to show that Koro was feeling really angry towards Paikea and Paikea is feeling really upset and defeated.

Over to you, off you go.

Now it's time for your independent task.

I want you to use your character analysis and your plan, to write a narrative build-up based on Whale Rider.

Remember to include the features on your success criteria.

I have used show not tell, to describe the characters and their feelings.

I have accurately punctuated speech.

I've referred to characters in different ways.

You might already have written your build-up along with me.

If you have, and this is your chance to read this all back and make any changes or improvements.

If you haven't, then good luck and I hope you enjoy writing it.

Congratulations, well done for all of your hard work today.

You have now achieved your first piece of writing in this unit.

If you would like to, please share your work with your parents or carer, and I will see you in your next lesson, goodbye.