Lesson video

Hello everyone, my name is Miss Madden and in today's lesson, you are going to be doing the next exciting piece of writing, you will be writing the escape.

You're really prepared for this, so I can't wait to see what you achieve.

Let's get started.

In this lesson, we will begin by writing a single complex sentence.

This will be one that you can use in your writing.

Then I will read you a model, just a short extract of the kind of thing that you might include.

Then it is your chance to write the dramatic scene, the scene of the escape.

In this lesson, you will need an exercise book or some paper and you'll need your notes from previous lessons to refer to.

You'll need a pencil or a pen to write with, and you'll need your thinking brain, of course, because when we come to write, we've got to bring so many different skills together.

Press pause and get those things now.

Let's start off by thinking about complex sentences.

Remember, a complex sentence contains a main clause and a subordinate clause.

And a clause contains a verb, a doing or a being word.

Here we have Mr. Main and Mr. Subordinate that can help us remember how the clauses fit together.

Mr. Main and Mr. Subordinate, the helper.

Here is a model complex sentence that I have written.

Clutching Daisy with one hand and the iron bucket with the other, Molly nervously led the way across the barren courtyard.

So you can see this as a sentence based on what we're writing about today.

Can you identify the main clause in this sentence? Press pause and say the main clause aloud.

Here, did you spot it? This is the main clause, the part of the sentence that makes sense by itself.

Molly nervously lead the way across the barren courtyard.

And where's our verb? Led, Molly led, she was leading the girls, wasn't she? So there is our subordinate clause, clutching Daisy with one hand and the iron bucket with the other.

That is a non-finite subordinate clause.

It's one of those subordinate clauses that starts with an ing verb.

Remember, we can switch the subordinate clause.

So in many of our complex sentences, we could put our subordinate clause first, where it's demarcated with a comma.

Or we could put it second.

So here, Molly nervously led the way across the barren courtyard, we have the main clause first followed by the subordinate clause, clutching Daisy with one hand and the iron bracket with the other.

And I've demarcated my clauses with a comma.

But there are other kinds of complex sentences too.

What are our other kinds of complex sentences? Can you think? Okay, we have our complex sentences where we have an adverbial clause.

So here I've used the same main clause, but this time I've extended it with a different subordinating conjunction, as.

Molly nervously led the way across the courtyard as she, or we could have a subordinate clause first, as she comma, Molly nervously lead the way across the courtyard.

Could you complete that sentence? You could choose to have the subordinate clause second, or first.

Press pause and say your sentence aloud now.

Well done.

Remember when we extend our sentences with extra information, for example, an adverbial clause, the information we include must make sense.

And you've got so many brilliant ideas about what's going on in this scene.

So for example, as Molly's going across the courtyard, she's probably really worried is Gracie going to still come? So you could have said Molly nervously lead the way across the courtyard as she peered over her shoulder to see if Gracie was following.

Choose relevant information to add extra detail to your sentences, that's the whole point of using a complex sentence.

Here's a different kind, this is the kind that I modelled to you.

It's a non finite subordinate clause, where we use an ing verb to give extra detail.

Molly nervously led the way across the courtyard, hoping full stop.

Or we could put our subordinate clause first, hoping, comma, Molly nervously lead the way across the courtyard.

Could you press pause and say one of these sentences aloud, completing the subordinate clause? Off you go.

Well done, I hope you chose an appropriate extra detail.

Hoping that Gracie would follow, comma, Molly nervously led the way across the courtyard.

So that's our second type that we could have.

We've got an adverbial subordinate clause and this was a non-finite subordinate clause.

Can you remember what the third type of complex sentence we could use is? Yes, it's a relative clause where we use a relative pronoun.

In this situation, we might use the relative pronoun who so we could give extra detail about Molly, who is the key character that we really want to empathise with in this scene.

Molly, who was comma.

Could you press pause and complete this sentence and say it aloud now? Fantastic.

So you are ready to write your own complex sentence for this image.

Here's the point that we're talking about in the story, where Molly and Daisy walk across the courtyard.

Here are some of the notes that I made, you've got your own notes based on this image that could give you some ideas of vocabulary to use.

If you want, you can use this main clause as your starting point and you can extend it into a complex sentence in one of the ways that we just explored.

Press pause and write your complex sentence now.

Well done.

Now we're ready to look at some short models of writing before you get on and write your dramatic scene.

This is the scene that we're writing today.

Here are the images, in sequence, of what you will be writing about.

The short section of modelled writing that I will be showing you covers the two pink boxes.

You should aim to write around two sentences for each image in these sequences.

However, if there's a point in the narrative that you think is really important, and one image that you think is really critical, you might extend your ideas into more than two sentences.

What do we have to help us with our writing today? Well, we did our work in previous lessons on writing dialogue.

So you have your sentences with dialogue to help you.

Here's an example.

Shaking nervously, Daisy glanced at her cousin, her eyes wide with fear and asked, "How are we going to get there?" So in my example here, we've got speech second, and I've really expanded this speech by showing how Daisy is feeling as well as describing the actions that all build to this sense of Daisy feeling very nervous and uncertain.

So shaking nervously, that's showing her physical actions, Daisy glanced at her cousin, so the glance of not knowing who to trust.

Her eyes wide with fear.

So I've got three different details here about her shaking, her glancing, and her eyes, all that build a rich picture of how Daisy is feeling, what she doing, what she is doing before I actually give her speech, "How are we going to get there?" Remember, we want to use speech to advance the action and show us more about our character.

That's how we can use speech.

That's how we can use speech really effectively.

And you've got some great sentences to use from your previous lessons to help today.

And what else do we have? We have your notes that you made for each of these images with key vocabulary that might describe some of the actions that the young girls were taking to help you with your writing today.

That might help you turn some of your simple sentences into complex sentences.

Let's look at another section of modelled writing.

Here's my first paragraph.

Molly edged towards the door and peered to check whether there were any witnesses while the rest of the camp hurried to church.

Outside, thunder clapped and the bells rang ominously.

Inside, the girls discussed their escape.

Did you like this piece of writing? Is there anything that you noticed that was particularly effective? Did you notice how I had used my notes to help me with the writing? You might have spotted that I used the verb peered.

In my notes, I had referenced peering.

So I looked at the vocabulary from my notes and I built on it in my writing.

Did you notice how I made that contrast between what was happening outside and what was happening inside? That was something I pulled out in my notes and I wanted to build on that in my writing.

Outside, thunder clapped and the bells rang ominously.

Inside, the girls discussed their escape.

So I had some patterning, using the word outside, and then the opposite, inside, to start my following sentence.

Here's my next few sentences.

Gracie was perched on the bed, nervously listening to Molly.

"The rain will cover our tracks, we've got to go now," Molly insisted as she reached forward to hurry the others.

Daisy grasped her sister's hand and they cautiously made their way to the dorm.

Hopefully, you think that my writing is building up excitement, you're empathising with Daisy and Gracie at this time because this is the build up of our writing.

Do you think speech has been included effectively? Can you spot my speech? And has my speech, my sentences with speech built on the character and the action? Press pause and say aloud if you think it has.

So here's my sentence, "The rain will cover our tracks, we've got to go now," Molly insisted as she reached forward to hurry the others.

I think by using the word insisted, and then adding that extra information, as she reached forward to hurry the others, the reader understands their need to leave now and that they are anxious.

All these extra details build to this sense of urgency and the conflict that Molly is feeling.

So what we need to remember in our writing today? We focused on two aspects in our prior lessons, including speech and focusing on the action.

So there's going to be lots of things that you're going to want to include when you're rewriting this dramatic scene.

But particularly, can you pay attention to when you're including speech, making sure that it's being really effective and including the action in those sentences.

Now you are ready to write your dramatic scene.

First, I will show you each section of clip and then you can write.

So we will do this in two halves.

I will show you the first section of clip and you can write the first half, and then I will show you the second section of the clip and you can write the second half.

Make your beds, nice and tidy.

If you've already done it, get to the church now.

Hurry up.

Stop dawdling.

Molly, take the bucket out, and the three of you, go up to church.

Come on.

Come on you kids, get up there, you're late.

Hurry up.

Get up here now! Come on, get your things, we're going.

Where are we going? We're going home to mother.

How are we going to get there? Walk.

We're not going, are we Daisy? We like it here.

That tracker, he's going to get us and put us in that room.

He's not going to get us and put us in the room.

We just keep walking, the rain will cover our tracks.

We got to go now.

Come on, quick.

Come on.

Come on Gracie, now.

Too far Molly.

Hurry up! ♪ He made their tiny wings ♪ ♪ All things bright and beautiful ♪ ♪ All creatures great and small ♪ Now you are ready to write the first part of the scene.

Here you have the images to help you remember the sequence of events.

Don't forget to use your notes and sentences that you wrote in the previous lesson.

Press pause and complete your task now.

Well done.

Now you can watch the second half of the clip.

Come on, let's go.

Now you have watched the second part of the clip, you are ready to complete your writing.

Here are the images to help you remember the sequence.

Don't forget to use your notes.

Press pause and complete your task.

Well done.

In this lesson, you started by writing a complex sentence.

We looked at the three different types of complex sentence and you wrote a great one to include in your writing.

Then we focused on a model, an extract of the writing you would be completing, and finally, you wrote your dramatic scene when the girls escaped from the Moore River Settlement, such an important part of the story.

In the next lesson, we will be editing and expanding on this writing.

Congratulations, you have completed your lesson.