Lesson video

Hello.

Welcome back.

I'm Ms. Waddell.

I am taking you through this Aladdin unit.

I hope that all is well with you at the moment, wherever you are.

We are rattling through now, this unit, doing such fantastic writing and the next lesson, this lesson, will be to write our build-up.

So it's cranking up the tension.

Let's get going.

Let's go through what we're going to do today.

We're going to do a writing warm up first of all, and we're going to recap our plan.

Then we're going to do a shared write together before you write yours independently.

What you will need.

You will need something to write on, so some paper or your exercise book, a pencil and your notes from the plan.

So with all your brilliant vocabulary and your style sentences.

So if you don't have those, pause the video and just go and get them now.

Okay.

First of all, our warmup.

Here are some pictures from our story, but they have got muddled up.

Can you please put the letters in the right order? So they are going A ,B, C, D, but I want you to put the pictures with the corresponding letter in the right order, so that the story is correct with the action that we know.

Off you go.

Okay, now tell me what you've got.

Little louder.

You're a bit quiet this morning.

Okay.

Let's check.

Here they are: D B A C.

So first of all, he puts them together with the shock of the servant.

Then it starts to shine.

Then he lets go.

And that's the bit that we're going to focus on today.

Can you please pause the video and just retell the story so that you're really clear the order of the action.

Pause now.

Okay, let's go back now to think about our plan and all the brilliant vocabulary and sentences and thinking that you did in our previous lesson together.

So we have done our build up, oh, now we're doing our build up, er, we haven't done our build up.

So what does the build up need to do? It needs to introduce a problem.

It needs to make you ask questions.

It needs to build excitement and tension, and the pace needs to increase.

So these are the things that we need to hold in our brain of what our writing needs to do for us today or for our reader.

We're focusing on this bit of action.

So it's quite a short clip, but I want some really, really quality writing from it.

So in your last lesson with me, we gathered up lots of really fantastic adverbs and adverbial phrases and verbs and nouns and adjectives.

Here's a list of some of the ones we did together, but you'll have them in your notes, so have those in front of you so that you can refer to them when you come to write.

There's such brilliant words there.

Right, now we are going to do our shared write together.

So that's when we come up with the ideas together and we just check it together just in the way that we would do or you would do when you are writing.

So here are the skills that we need to include today.

We need to make sure we write the action and reaction.

We need to use vivid adverbs and verbs.

They're nice friends, those two, they like to stick together.

We need to use precise adjectives to help our reader to picture what we can see in our heads.

We need a range of nouns so that we're referring to things in different ways, and we need to try to start our sentences in different ways so it doesn't sound like a list, the, the, the, the, the, for example.

And we also need to make sure that our punctuation is correct and that it makes sense.

So we'll do our two finger check together, which is where we put our capital letter finger on the capital letter finger left finger on the full stop or whichever punctuation goes at the end.

We need to sound out our words.

We need to check they're really there.

I usually do that by putting my finger on the words, as I say them to make sure they're really there and we need to make sure we only use a comma when we know the rule.

Okay, let's start.

So we need to make sure we have the action and reaction, vivid verbs, precise adjectives, range of nouns and start our sentences in different ways.

Okay, so I'm going to start with how he pulls the two pieces together.

So slow, slowly.

What do I need now after my adverb at the beginning? Slowly, I need a? Comma.

Great.

Slowly, comma, who we talking about? Jafar.

Let's check back at my notes.

You have a look at your notes while I'm talking.

How does, what's a good way of saying they brought people in together? Let's checked back.

He, tell me? Great.

Reunited.

Reunited.

The two pieces of the.

Okay, I want to do something really, of the something, but I want to have it really precise.

Can you tell me from your notes, what we could do? Pieces of the, how would we describe the The scarab beetle? The three, two, one.

Tell me? Good.

Precious.

Golden treasure.

We'll stop.

Slowly, comma, Jafar reunited the two pieces of the precious golden treasure.

What's missing? What's missing in my list? I've got a list of adjectives.

What do I need? I need a? Comma.

Thank you.

Precious comma, golden treasure.

A nice expanded noun phrase.

So I want to start my sentences in different ways.

As Jafar, I said slowly Jafar, as Jafar.

I want to call him something else.

Slowly, as, I want to call him, oh, I'm going to say "the villain," which is a way of saying the baddie.

As the villain grinned.

How did he grin? Look back at the notes.

Give me an idea.

Whisper in my ear.

Okay, wickedly.

As the villain grinned wickedly.

It's one person doing something.

I need to balance it in the middle needs a? Comma.

As the villain grinned wickedly, comma.

So something else to call the servant, maybe.

Let's say "the thief" because he really was.

He talked about thieving the other bit.

The thief thief trembled.

In fear.

In fear.

There we go.

The thief trembled in fear.

I'm going to put my full stop.

So let's read it back.

Slowyly, Jafar say the punctuation there.

Slowly comma Jafar reunited the two pieces of the precious common golden treasure.

Full-stop as the villain grinned, wickedly comma the thief trembled in fear.

Okay.

I'm going to stop there and we'll have a look at that together.

Okay.

Let's look at this first part with our success criteria.

I need to make sure I've written the action and reaction.

So I'll have written some of it, but not all.

Slowly, Jafar reunited the two pieces of precious golden treasure as so that's that's the first bit is a bit of action.

And then we've got some action and reaction as the villain grinned, wickedly, the thief trembled in fear.

So let's now check.

I would say we have done that.

We've written the action and reaction so far.

Let's check for vivid, adverbs and verbs.

So first one slowly.

Brilliant.

Can you spot another one? Can you point to it? Reunited? Yeah, that's a good verb and another one? Grinned.

Great.

Any more? Point to them.

Can you see? Wickedly.

Fantastic.

And anymore, one more, maybe.

Great.

There we go.

Fantastic.

So now we need to look for precise adjectives.

Have we got any precise adjectives? Can you spot put your finger on it? If you can see it.

Are there any there? Let's see.

Precious, good.

Golden.

Yup.

That's nice.

Treasure.

We've got some that are on a noun.

So we've described with these precise precise adjectives, and we've got some interesting nouns.

We've called the thief something different and we've called the villain somewhat something different.

So we've used a nice range of nouns.

Have we started our sentences in different ways? First sentences slowly.

And our next sentence is as so yeah, we have started our sentences in different ways.

Fantastic so far.

Okay now let's check for our punctuation and sense.

Two finger check first finger on the capital letter, follow along, follow along, put your next finger on the full stop.

There it is brilliant.

So we've got capital letter and full stop for the first one.

Now the next sentence, capital letter and follow along, follow along as the villain, grinned wickedly, the thief trembled in fear.

We have got a full stuff at the end.

Great sound out our words, slowly.

I'm not going to go through the whole thing, but let's just see if we can see any spelling mistakes.

You see any spelling mistakes in there.

Here's one.

I kept thinking is it one way? Is it the other it's actually spelled I E so that would be our correction.

So make sure thief is I E it's not E E which it could be or E A, which it could be, cup of tea but it's not it's I E so that's the correct version.

So now we need to check our words are really there.

Now that you've put your finger on every word as I read it.

Ready? See if you can keep up.

Slowly, Jafar reunited the two pieces of the precious golden treasure, full stop as the villain grant wickedly, the thief trembled in fear all that.

Great.

So now commas, have we got our conmmas in the right place? Slowly, comma after our adverb, and we've got it between precious and golden.

'Cause that's a list of adjectives and any others? As the villain grinned wickedly.

So we've got a verb and some, and a subject on this side, the thief trembled in fear.

So in our complex sentence, we've got a comment in the right place.

Great.

So now we're going to start on next bit.

Okay.

Let's write our next bit of our action.

What happens here? So we can see the bug lights up and then he kind of lets go of him.

Let's go of the pieces as it sort of flies.

So let's have some of the reactions.

So we wanted fast time conjunction or fronted, adverbial whichever you call them.

Let's have one from our list.

Can you find one on our list a fast one? Say it to me.

Instantly, okay.

Instantly.

Comma.

The, something bug.

What might we call it? The, can you check your notes? The mysterious.

Mysterious bug and what happened instantly? The mysterious bug it, Can you check? or anything interesting in there in your notes.

That's a good idea.

Shot to life.

We'll stop.

Instantly, the mysterious bug shot to life.

It.

So I'm going to describe it now.

'Cause I think it's quite a vivid thing that I want my reader to picture.

It had become a a fiery It had become a What do I want to say? It had become a fiery what's happened here? It had become a fiery ball of sparks.

Lovely.

So then what the Jafar do you remember? What did he do? He, so let's think about how he did it.

Maybe Jafar quickly.

I'm not going to put it at the beginning this time.

'Cause I put it at the beginning last time.

And again, it gets a bit listy.

If you do it the same, every time.

Jafar quickly let go of the insect and watched it hovering.

Where did it hover? It was hovering It was hovering in front of his eyes.

In front of his eyes.

I want to say something else that happened something to his body to show that he's kind of really tense.

What could I say? Something about what might go down his back? Yeah.

Sweat Sweat trickled down the servants, the servants, the back belongs to the servant.

So it's apostrophe S.

The servant's back as What could we say? What's his, what are his eyes doing? As his eyes A bit like mine wow they can open really far.

As his eyes bulged wildly.

We'll stop.

Okay, I'm going to check through that together in just a moment.

Okay.

Let's look at this one together.

So instantly, the comma, the mysterious bug, shocked to life full stop.

It had to become a burst.

I think that's, I like that better.

I changed that actually.

A burst of fiery sparks.

Jafar, full-stop.

Jafar capital letter that way around.

Jafar quickly let go of the insect and watched it hovering in front of his eyes.

Full stop, capital letter.

Sweat trickled the servant's back as his eyes, bulged wildly.

So have we written the action and reaction? I think we have.

Have we used vivid, adverbs and verbs? Can you spot some vivid, adverbs and verbs in there? I've got my verbs in green.

I've got one, two, three, four got lots, luckily.

'Cause otherwise it wouldn't make sense, but they're really nice and vivid.

And I've got my adverbs there, highlighted: instantly, quickly, and wildly.

Have I got precise adjectives? I've got the mysterious bug.

I've got fiery sparks.

I think I've done that really well.

Use a range of nouns.

We had some good ones actually.

The mysterious bug.

And then we've got insect, which is different.

And servant is different from the thief, which we had before.

I think we've done well there.

Now let's check our punctuation.

We've got capital letter at the beginning.

Instantly the mysterious bug shop to life.

Full stop, capital letter.

It, capital letter, had become a burst of fiery sparks, full stop, good.

Capital letter, Jafar, quickly let go of the insect and watched it hovering in front of his eyes.

Full stop fingers, move again.

Capital letter S sweat trickled down the servant's back As his eyes bulged wildly.

Full-stop great.

So we've got all our capital letters and full stops.

Well done us.

We've sounded out our words.

I did that as we went, you could hear couldn't you? We've checked our words are really there.

Okay.

Speedy finger.

Put your finger on the word as I say it.

Ready, steady, go.

Instantly, the mysterious bug shot to life.

It had become a burst of fiery sparks.

Jafar quickly let go of the insect and watched it hovering in front of his eyes.

All there, good.

Sweat trickled down the servant's back as his eyes bulged wildly.

Give me a thumbs up.

Yeah, they were all there aren't they? Well done.

And commas where there's a rule.

So we've got a comment after instantly.

We know that's because it's a fronted adverbial.

It's an adverb at the beginning of the sentence.

Where else have we got a comma? Let's scan through with our scanning finger.

Oh, no commas.

And I think it's really good.

We didn't put a comma before as in that last sentence because although it's a complex sentence that as is in the middle, not at the front and we only need to have the comma there for that rule if the, as is at the front and we need to balance our sentence.

Okay, fantastic.

So now it's your turn.

Here's the success criteria.

I want you to pause and write your buildup.

You've got the things to remember in there.

And then at the end you can go through and check your punctuation and that it makes sense.

Enjoy it.

It's a really fun piece of writing.

Use your notes, say your sentence aloud, write it down, check it, edit as you go and then press play once you've finished.

You can do it really well done.

Okay.

So make sure you go through and edit to make, to see that you've done all of these things.

I've got lots of ticks.

We did it together.

I know that means I got a head start, but I bet you've been writing really, really hard.

And it's so important to know that all the things you think are there, really are there.

So pause and do that now.

Okay.

Lastly, just make sure that you've got all the punctuation and that it makes sense because all your hard work, your whole big building that you've been building with your buildup just falls down.

If you, if your sentences don't make sense, your reader won't understand them.

Or if you think it says something and it says something totally different, your reader won't be reading what you want them to.

So just make sure you read what you've written.

You say it's allowed.

I always read aloud when I'm checking what's I've written.

Edit if it's not there, Put it all in the right place and give yourself a big pat on the back.

Pause now.

Right, once you've done that you're done.

You've written another piece of writing in our Aladdin unit and you have been working so, so hard.

I hope you feel proud of it.

Please do show it to someone because you have been building up such fantastic skills in your writing.

And I look forward to the next lesson we get to do together.

Bye.