Lesson video

Hello, my name is Ms. Johnson and I'm going to be teaching you English today.

In today's lesson, we're going to be writing the first part of a build-up of a narrative, on Man On The Moon.

If you haven't watched the previous lessons, then you should go back and watch them now.

If you have, then let's get started.

We're going to start today's lesson, by looking at the purpose of a build-up.

This will really help us to understand, why we're writing, what our writing needs to look like.

Then we're going to develop our vocabulary, for words that we can then be using actively in our write today.

Then I'm going to do a write with you.

And then I would like you to do your write.

And then at the end, we're going to check our writing together.

In the lesson today, you're going to need an exercise book or paper, a pencil or a pen.

It's really good if you can, to have a sharp pencil today because this is a writing lesson.

So our handwriting needs to be neat.

And I would also like you to bring your brain.

This is your writing today.

You are the author.

You need to be thinking about what you're going to be doing.

As this is a writing lesson, we're going to start by warming up our hands.

So I'm going to pinch each of my fingers.

Like this.

And then I'm going to shake them out.

This helps them warm up those muscles.

And again.

Cause we need all of our hands to be nice and warm before we start writing.

So our handwriting is as neat as possible.

Shakeup.

Okay, and then this is what I find tricky.

Single tap, each of your fingers against your thumb and see how quick, you can go.

And then this is the bit I find really hard.

Double tap, and how quick can you go? Faster than me, well done and then shake out your hands.

Fantastic.

So let's get started on our lesson.

We're going to start off by thinking about, what's the purpose of a build-up? By that I mean, what is its role in the narrative? So a build-up, introduces the problem and it builds suspense.

So often it will start to build towards the climax in the story and so a problem is introduced.

And this is a problem that probably the character has to face, or something they have to solve.

And then throughout this section, suspense is built and built and built.

A suspense is tensioning, keeps us on the edge of our seat.

It keeps, the reader wanting to find out what happens next.

And there's lots of different ways, We can do this in our writing.

When we build suspense, when we build tension, we need to think, carefully about the sentence types that we use to mirror this tension.

As well as the recovery that we're using to mirror this tension.

And there's lots of stylistic devices, that we can choose.

For instance, if we want to speed the pace up, we might choose to write simple sentences.

If we want to stretch the tension or stretch the time, we might want to use repetition and complex sentences.

And we're going to try a few of those out today, so that we're going to be really stylistic in our writing today.

So we're going to focus on just the first part of the build-up today.

The build-up for Man On The Moon is quite long, and it would be a lot to write in one session.

So we're just going to focus on, the first two pictures.

So, Lily scooting home from school and meanwhile, the old man is sat on the bench.

and we want to show these contrasts.

We know Lily is thinking about the old man, but he doesn't know she exists yet.

We want to show the contrast and build this tension.

And then we build-up to her having an idea or trying to find a way to communicate him.

So we need to show her determination to succeed.

We need to mirror this in our writing so the author, can really engage and feel how determined Lily is to try and communicate with the old man.

So we're just focusing on those first two pictures today, but we're going to expand our ideas and add as much detail as possible to them.

Before we do that, it's always good to get our brains engaged and to get them warmed up.

So we're going to start by, developing some vocabulary.

Sometimes when you're writing and you've got lots of things to think about.

You're thinking about punctuation.

You're thinking about handwriting.

You're thinking about spelling.

You're thinking about sentence structure.

It's really hard to also be thinking about what vocabulary you're going to use.

So the best thing to do, is to have this planned already.

Now you should already have some vocabulary from the previous lessons that you can use today, but we're going to add to that now.

We're going to make sure we make a promise to ourselves to use some of this vocabulary today.

So I want to include an expanded noun phrase in my writing.

The expanded noun phrase I've used to describe the old man, is the sad old man.

An expanded noun phrase is two adjectives, separated by a comma because they're in a list, describing a noun.

So adding detail to a noun.

And so I have used the sad, old man.

But I came back and looked at it, and I think this could actually be a bit better.

I don't think this is the most ambitious, expanded noun phrase that I can use.

I will say, sad and old have different meanings.

So that part works cause often what you can do is just perhaps say sad and depressed old man, or the elderly old man.

And then that makes no sense because both adjectives have the same meaning.

So I'm pleased that both my adjectives have different meanings, but I think I can do better.

I think I can improve this, but I want you to help me because I think you can also improve this for me.

So can you pause the video? and can you improve my expanded noun phrase? and press play when you're ready to resume? Well done.

Fantastic.

Let's see what you came up with, I want to show you my ideas, cause I thought about it too.

I always try and improve my own writing, so I had an idea too.

Can you shout out what you came out with? Well done, did you remember the comma? I hope so.

Let's see what I've got.

I have three options.

I came up with the lonely frail man.

Now frail means kind of old and weak.

So lonely frail man.

I liked that one because I thought it was two different ones.

I came up with the isolated lonely man.

So isolated means you're all on your own.

So by then, i kind of thought that perhaps these adjectives were a little bit too similar, isolated is sort of similar to lonely.

So then I tried again to improve it because I wanted to do better than that.

And I came up with the solitary, which means he's all on his own.

And then I remembered a Mrs. Wordsmiths' word from the previous lesson.

And that was melancholy.

Say it, melancholy.

And that means sad.

And I really liked that because I thought I was being really ambitious in the vocabulary that I was using.

So the solitary, melancholy man.

Say it, the solitary, melancholy man.

And so this is the one I'm going to aim to use in my writing.

If you like any of mine, then what I'd like to do in a minute, is pause the video and copy it down.

And then you can use it in your writing as well.

So do that now for me, pause the video and press play when you're ready to resume.

Okay, I'm going to make a promise to you that I am going to use that expanded noun phrase in my writing, I want you to do the same.

Let's definitely make sure we're being purposeful and all the hard work we're doing we're going to use, because sometimes we do lots of hard work and then we forget to use it.

So we're going to make sure if anything, we use our expanded noun phrase in our writing.

Okay.

So now we're going to have a go at doing a live write together.

We're going to do this in two sections.

So I'm going to show you one paragraph.

Then you're going to write, then I'm going to model another paragraph.

And then you're going to write.

Before we do that, we must check our success criteria for today.

A success criteria, is how we can be successful in our writing.

And so this success criteria, is very much text type based.

That means, it's things I would expect to see in a build-up of a narrative.

I wouldn't necessarily expect to see all these things in the opening of a narrative.

So there's a balance of text type features, as well as features that I just think we should be including in our writing.

So I have used ambitious vocabulary.

That's going to be important today because you're describing, you're trying to create a picture in the reader's mind.

So the more ambitious your vocabulary is, the more engaging our writing will be.

And as an author, we can pick whatever word we like.

So we have to make decisions over the words we pick, so that we have the greatest meaning possible.

And the greatest impact on the reader.

I have created suspense.

And remember suspense is tension, and we're going to do that today by using a range of different sentence types.

And I will make sure I signal to you when I'm building suspense in my writing.

And then we're going to show how the characters are feeling.

We really want the reader to engage with the characters, as they read our writing.

That's really important.

And then finally, and this is one that perhaps we should use in all our writing, is to use a range of sentence types.

But it's particularly important today, because it's the sentences types that are going to help our writing to be stylistic.

So we have to actually make purposeful decisions over what type of sentence we're using today.

Okay, shall we get started? Okay, so, let's have a go at writing now.

So I've got a sentence already to start us off.

I'm thinking about Lily coming home from school, excited and determined to look through a telescope again.

So I started with whoosh, I wanted to get a sound across.

Lily raced home home after a long day at school.

Now that's just my main clause.

But I've just been looking at that now, and I actually think I can make this a complex sentence.

I'm going to pose this as a subordinate clause.

So I'm going to delete it now.

As Lily, and I think I could say how she raced home to try and give her a bit of an impression.

Can you think of an adverb? As Lily raced? How did she race? Adverb, L Y word.

As Lily energetically raced.

As Lily enthusiastically raced.

As Lily frantically.

I think frantically works cause it's showing that she's a bit stressed and it's starting to show some tension.

As Lily frantically scooted home after.

Let's give some time context.

A long day at school.

And now I might do some show not tell, to show her how she's feeling.

This what helps to kind of, create a bit of tension as well.

It will kind of get across to the reader exactly how stressed she is.

So how do I say that? She was tense.

I might say instead she clenched her fists and frowned, with steely, and that means really intense determination.

Now I've really shown how she's feeling.

Now, I want to show why, Why is Lily feeling like this? Let me think.

Why is she feeling like this? She's feeling like this because she wants to take another look.

So perhaps, I can try and create some pace here, How do I show she's thinking frantically about things.

I might do some short, simple sentences.

So I've got my nice long complex sentence here, and I've got my comments marker.

Let's just check it before we move on.

As Lily frantically scooted home after a long day at school, there's my subordinate clause.

She clenched her fists and frowned with steely determination.

And there's my main clause.

Just like I did, sometimes it's quite good to think of your main course first, and then you can edit your sentence just like I did.

So now we're going to go back to those simple sentences.

How am I showing what she thinking? Perhaps we'd say, she had to take another look.

And now I've explained exactly how she feels.

But I think I can do better than that.

I think I can do another short sentence.

She wouldn't, I must make sure I space correctly.

You do this with your finger space.

She wouldn't, I think that needs an apostrophe, because it's actually would not.

So you need an apostrophe between the N and the T.

She wouldn't give up.

She had, now I've got nice repetition, which is helping to build the pace.

She had to find a way, to tell him, that's the old man, that he wasn't.

Again, wasn't is the same.

I've got my apostrophe for was not alone.

So now I've got three short, simple sentences.

They're helping to build this pace.

They're mirroring the determination and the tension that Lily has as well.

And so that helps to speed my writing up.

In a minute, we're now going to think about the old man.

But before we do that, I would now like you to pause the video here and to have a go at writing your first paragraph about Lily scooting home from school.

Well done.

I hope you're really proud of the piece of writing you've just done.

We're going to write a second paragraph now, cause we've got these two ideas.

We've got Lily and we've got the old man.

So now we're going to think about the old man.

And I'm going to use meanwhile, to join these two paragraphs together.

Because meanwhile suggests this is happening at the exact same time.

So we've got Lily's determination, we're going to contrast that with his sadness and loneliness.

So meanwhile, and this is where I'm going to use that ENP that I promised myself I would use in the beginning of the lesson.

The solitary, melancholy, man sat slumped.

That tells me how he's feeling.

And isolated, on his cold bench.

How am I going to create atmosphere? I'm going to talk about the silence.

Silence, I must be careful.

I must remember a capital letter after a full stop.

Be careful when you're doing that yourself.

Silence filled, the air around him.

Now I'm going to try and create some repetition.

This is going to show that his time is endless.

It's going to stretch the tension.

So I'm going to say, and you can copy this phrase.

You can use it in lots of different pieces of writing.

Minutes turned, to hours, and hours.

This shows time passing.

Hours turned to days, as he.

I love the word vacant and we came across it earlier.

Vacantly stared down at earth.

Now I might use a ENP here.

I'm going to say stare down at, at the mesmerising azure, that's a colour, azure.

Now I want to show that he loses all hope, it's going to leave the reader in suspense.

He lowered his head and sighed.

How did he sigh? Let's add an adverb.

And sighed hopelessly.

And a nice short sentence to finish off a simple sentence.

Nobody knew he was there.

And ellipses to leave the reader in suspense and waiting.

And so now I've written both paragraphs and I'm going to leave it there before the next part of my build-up.

So we've built the tension over these two paragraphs now.

So can you pause the video here and have a go at writing this section for me and press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

You've now written two whole paragraphs for our build-up.

Before we go any further, we're now going to check our writing back.

So let's just remind ourselves of the success criteria.

It was to use ambitious vocabulary to create suspense, to show how the characters are feeling and to use a range of sentence types.

So simple compound and complex.

And we put the images there to help us.

So I want to check my writing now, and then in a minute, I'd like you to check yours.

So I can see I've already got a complex sentence.

As Lily frantically scooted home from school, after a long day at school.

And then we've got the comma there, to mark the subordinate clause and the main clause.

She clenched her fists and frowned with steely determination.

So that is my complex sentence.

I have also got a simple sentence.

She had to take another look and I repeated three to build the suspense.

I've also got an expanded noun phrase.

I've got more than one, but this is just an example of one.

The solitary melancholy man.

That's what I used at the start of the lesson.

I've got my show note telling us that he's slumped, rather than he's feeling depressed.

I've actually shown you, how his body is showing that he's feeling sad.

And then finally, I also end on another simple sentence.

And those are just a few examples of the success criteria that I have.

But what I would like you to do now, is go back through your work, check for punctuation and check you've completed the success criteria today.

And press play when you're ready to resume.

Excellent work, well done.

So today, we have looked at the purpose of a build-up.

We have developed vocabulary that we then used in our life, right? And in our own writing today.

You've written two paragraphs for your build-up.

And then you have checked your writing as well.

What a fantastic job today.

Congratulations, you completed the lesson.

Before you go, I want you to reflect on your work, and I'd like you to circle the sentence you are most proud of for me.

And then press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

You should be really proud of the work you've done today.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your lessons and take care.