Lesson video

Hi, everyone, and welcome to our lesson today.

Today, we are going to continue writing our letter, using the planning from our previous writing lesson.

I'm really looking forward to seeing what outcomes we're going to produce today.

So let's get started.

Our learning objective today is to write the main body of our letter.

This is lesson number 10 of 15, and it's outcome number two.

In this lesson, you will need your exercise book or paper, your pen or pencil, and your best learning brain.

But you'll also need your planning from our last lesson.

Pause the video if you need to go and get any of those things.

So today's agenda, firstly, we're going to read a model, then we're going to spot some success criteria and then we're going to shared write the housing section.

So we are only writing the housing section of our plan today.

So for our writing warmup, we are going to generate some descriptive vocabulary, which will be helpful for us in our writing today.

I would like you to describe the air raid shelter.

Here's an image in the bottom corner, and I've also given you a couple of objectives.

So dark and cramped.

Now I would like you to mind map some extra vocabulary that you could also use to describe the air raid shelter, which was the tunnel that over 200 of the Windrush passengers slept in for their first few nights in England.

Off you go.

Okay, everyone, hopefully you've all paused the video and you've got a mind map full of vocabulary.

Here are some more of my ideas, which you might use to add to your mind map.

My turn, stuffy.

Your turn.

Meaning it's quite difficult to breathe and really hot.

Overcrowded.

Your turn.

Well done.

So the tunnel would have been really overcrowded.

There were too many people sleeping in there.

Also bear in mind, that all of those people had suitcases with them as well.

So it would have been really, really overcrowded.

Claustrophobic.

Your turn.

Well done.

Now, that's quite a tricky word to spell.

So if you're mind mapping it, then make sure you carefully copy it down from the screen.

So claustrophobic is that feeling you get when you're in too tightly packed a space and you maybe start to feel a bit panicked and like you're trapped.

Okay, everyone, pause the video if you would like to magpie any of the vocabulary here, and I bet you've already got some incredible vocabulary on your mind maps.

Okay, so now we're going to read a model of the housing section of our main body.

So make sure you've got your plan with you.

I've got my plan, which is the one we worked on together in our last lesson.

Pause the video if you need to go and get your housing plan.

And here is our model.

I'm going to read it through first and then you can pause the video if you would like to reread it yourself.

The housing situation isn't what I'd hoped it would be.

When we arrived at the dock, we were greeted by a man who told us we'd be temporarily staying in an underground shelter in Clapham Common until we could find permanent housing.

Unfortunately, it's been a few weeks now and I still haven't managed to find any.

It's really cold and dark underground and everyone is living on top of one another because there is so little space.

The problem I face is that all the landlords in London are either greedy and charge lots of money for rent, or they refuse to rent their rooms to black people.

I can't believe some of the signs I've read, "NO BLACKS." Completely shocking and not what I had anticipated after meeting such friendly people when I served in the RAF, Royal Air Force.

Some people treat us like animals.

Luckily I've recently had a change of luck.

A group of fellow Jamaicans and I have pooled our money through a housing programme, the pardner scheme, and it looks like we'll be able to purchase a small house in Brixton later this month.

Okay, now you can pause the video if you would like to reread this paragraph yourself.

And now I would like you to pause the video and magpie any vocab for your own plan.

So I don't want you to copy down full sentences, but I would like you to maybe choose two or three or maybe even four or five words or phrases, groups of words, that you would like to use in your own writing.

And you can add them to your plan.

Pause the video while you do that, and then you can press play when you're finished.

Okay, everyone, so we are writing the opening of our letter.

And here's our success criteria.

This is the same success criteria which we used for our opening.

So we're going to start with our informal tone.

So some words will be contracted.

Some sentences might be punctuated with an exclamation mark.

We're going to describe our emotions and we're going to use fronted adverbials of time or place to order the events.

So make sure you have got your mind mapping and your planning with you before we get started writing.

So pause the video now to copy down your success criteria for today's writing.

Okay, so, everybody, we're going to begin our shared write.

Remember, we're only writing the housing paragraph today.

I'm going to disappear off the screen while we do our writing, but you'll still be able to hear my voice, and then I'll pop back on the screen afterwards.

Okay, everyone, so now we're going to get started with writing our housing paragraph.

Now, if you can remember from our diary entry, we also used a cohesive opening sentence for our first paragraph to show our reader that we were going back to the start.

Okay, so my first sentence is going to be something that brings the reader back to the beginning of my journey.

I'm going to go with, I suppose I'd better start from the beginning.

I suppose I'd, I had, it's a contraction, so I apostrophe D, better start from the beginning, full stop.

Now, pause the video while you add your cohesive opening sentence to link your reader back to the start.

Okay, well done, everyone.

You should all now have your opening sentence.

If you haven't, pause the video while you do that and then press play when you're ready.

Now we are going to write our second sentence.

Now I need to tell my reader what happened when we arrived at Tilbury Docks.

So, I'm going to begin with a subordinate clause beginning with when.

So when we arrived at the Tilbury Docks, comma.

So that's my subordinate clause first.

So my subordinating conjunction is when, and I've got to use a comma to separate my subordinate clause from my main clause.

When we arrived at the Tilbury Docks, comma, we were told that there wasn't enough housing for us, so we'd be staying in an unused air raid shelter in Clapham Common.

So we were told that there wasn't, was not contracted is wasn't, that there wasn't enough housing for us, so we'd, we would, we'd be staying in an unused air raid shelter in Clapham Common.

Okay, so I've got to remember my capital letter for Clapham and Common because that's a proper noun.

It's the name of a place.

Now, I would like you to pause the video and use your planning to write your first sentence, which describes what happened when you first arrived in Britain.

Pause the video while you do that.

Well done, everyone.

So you may have now written very briefly about your stay in the tunnel in Clapham Common.

I'm now going to give my reader a little bit more detail about that tunnel.

So I'm going to start with a fronted adverbial of place.

In the tunnel.

I need to now describe it.

So in the tunnel.

What adjectives could I use? Ah, it was.

I'm going to use some of my planning and some of my mind map words from the start of this lesson.

It was overcrowded, stuffy and claustrophobic.

So that's spelling is quite tricky, claustrophobic.

Okay, in the tunnel, comma, it was overcrowded, comma, stuffy and claustrophobic, full-stop.

Well, if it was that dark and overcrowded and stuffy, I definitely wouldn't have got a good night's sleep, would I? So I'm going to expand on that a little bit.

I didn't get a good night's sleep for weeks! Exclamation mark to show how upset I am by that.

Okay, now, if you would like to pause the video, you can add some more detail to describe what your experience of sleeping in that unused air raid shelter was like.

Pause the video while you do that, and then press play when you're ready.

Well done, everyone.

So now I'm going to move on and talk a little bit more about the housing situation at the moment for me.

So eventually, and that's a fronted adverbial of time.

So after a while or eventually, eventually I found somewhere to live.

Somewhere to live.

Okay, I found somewhere to live.

I'm going to use a colon to explain what that place was like.

I'm going to use my dilapidated word which I had planned.

A dilapidated single room in a house.

Okay, a dilapidated single room in a house where eight other Jamaicans also live.

Other Jamaicans, now Jamaicans needs a capital letter, also live, okay.

Okay, I'm also going to explain a little bit more what it's like to live there.

Imagine sharing a house with eight other people who aren't your family.

So it might be really crowded and really busy.

So we all share the same kitchen.

So, what would mealtimes be like? Mealtimes can get very crowded.

Very crowded, okay.

Okay, so I've now described what my living situation is like.

And I've gone into a little bit more detailed to help my reader understand what it's like to live in this house at the moment.

Now I'd like you to pause the video while you write your living situation sentence, or a couple of sentences.

And press play when you're ready.

Okay, everyone, and now I'm going to come to the final part of this paragraph, where I'm going to explain how these events have made me feel or how I have reacted to those events.

So I'm going to do some tell.

I feel very.

I need a synonym for sad.

I feel very, I'm going to go with deflated, deflated, so upset and disappointed, and wistful.

So that word for nostalgic means when I'm really missing something or thinking back at an old memory.

So I feel very deflated and wistful when I think about how I've, I have, I've gone from, from having my own house in Kingston to living in a single room.

Because remember, lots of the passengers on the Windrush gave up their homes back in Jamaica to move to Britain.

Okay, and now finally, I'm going to end on a more hopeful note though, because there is the pardner scheme.

So I'm going to refer to that.

So there is hope though.

So there is hope though.

Dash, I'm going to use dash instead of a full stop.

So the partner scheme meant that people could pool their money together or collectively save up for a house.

So I'm going to refer to that.

A few friends and I are planning to collectively, means as a group, collectively save our money using the pardner scheme so we can buy a house soon.

So we can buy a house soon.

Okay, everyone, so that's now my final section of my paragraph.

I finished by referring to how these events have made me feel, but then I've also started to look to the future.

My plan is to enter into the pardner scheme with a few friends so we can all save up together and buy a house together.

Now I would like you to pause the video while you finish off the final section of your paragraph.

Pause the video while you do that, and press play when you are done.

Okay, everyone, so now we have all written our paragraph.

We're going to spend a couple of moments, just identifying in this writing on the screen, where I have met my success criteria.

Then you are going to spend some time looking where you have met your success criteria in your writing.

And then that brings us to the end of our writing today.

So I'm going to read through my whole paragraph out loud, then you're going to read through your paragraph that you have written.

I suppose I'd better start from the beginning.

When we arrived at Tilbury Docks, we were told that there wasn't enough housing for us, so we'd be staying in an unused air shelter, air raid shelter in Clapham Common.

In the tunnel, it was overcrowded, stuffy and claustrophobic.

I didn't get a good night's sleep for weeks! Eventually, I found somewhere to live: a dilapidated single room in a house where eight other Jamaicans live.

We all share the same kitchen, so mealtimes can get very crowded.

I feel very deflated and wistful when I think about how I've gone from having my own house in Kingston, to living in a single room.

There is hope though, a few friends and I are planning to collectively save our money using the pardner scheme so we can buy a house soon.

So, now I want you to pause the video while you reread your entire paragraph, and just check for any little spelling or punctuation mistakes that you can correct as you go.

Okay, everybody, well done for reading through your writing.

And now we are going to look for some evidence of where I have met my success criteria before you go off and find evidence of you meeting your success criteria.

So, number one, informal tone.

I started in my first sentence by using a contracted word.

I'd, I had, I'd.

I've remembered my apostrophe for contraction.

So there is my first piece of success criteria evidence.

Up next, number two, for some tell.

I feel very deflated and wistful is where I told my reader how I felt.

And finally, a fronted adverbial of time or place.

In the tunnel, this is a fronted adverbial of.

Well done, place, telling me where it was overcrowded and stuffy, in the tunnel.

Now I would like you to pause the video so that you can check your success criteria, and press play when you are finished.

Okay, everybody, and that brings us to the end of this writing lesson today.

Well done for all of your hard work in writing the main body paragraph of our letter.

I'm so proud of all of your hard work.

You should be feeling really, really good about what you've produced today.

And I'm looking forward to seeing you again in our next lesson.