Lesson video

Hello, my name is Ms. Johnson, and I'm going to be teaching you English today.

In today's lesson, we're going to be writing the opening of a narrative on "Man on the Moon".

If you haven't completed the previous lessons, then you should go back and do those first before you complete this one.

But if you have, then let's get started.

We're going to start today's lesson by looking at the purpose of an opening.

So we're going to be writing an opening today.

And before we do that, we must remind ourselves what features an opening should have.

Then we're going to develop some vocabulary for our write, then we'll kind of go out writing together, and then you'll do some writing on your own.

And then we're going to check our writing together as well.

In the lesson today, you're going to need an exercise book or paper.

Preferably, if you can get lined paper, that's brilliant, but don't worry if you can't.

And then a pencil or a pen.

It would also be really good if you are using a pencil, then it is a sharp pencil today because we will be doing some writing.

And then you need to bring your brain as well.

You are doing lots of the thinking today.

This is your writing, not mine.

Because we are doing a writing lesson, I want us to sit up straight in our chair, straighten our back so our posture is right, and then we're going to warm up our hands.

We're going to do that, by pinching each of our fingers, like this.

So you pinch each of your fingers, and then shake.

And then again.

And this really helps warm up our hands.

Our hands need to be nice and warm before we start writing.

and then shake.

And then can you tap each finger like this.

And then double tap.

As fast as you can.

I find that one really tricky.

Okay, and then shake again.

Now, the last thing you need to do is try and make sure your feet are flat on the floor and keep them there for the whole lesson.

Let's see if you can manage that.

So now we're ready, let's get started.

I'm going to think, first of all, about what an opening must include, okay? And what the purpose of it is, for the reader.

So the purpose of an opening is to engage the reader is to hook them in the story.

If it's boring, you're going to shut the book.

You're not going to read the rest of the story.

And you know that yourself, when you read an opening and it's not engaging.

I would say authors probably spend the longest time possible on their opening.

Cause they know they have to hook the reader in.

So our opening also needs to be engaging.

We need to make sure the reader is aware of the setting.

So where are we in the story? And so when we write our opening, we'll be looking at both Lily setting, and the old man setting.

And then we're going to need to introduce both the characters.

So we get out a sense of who they are and perhaps why they're feeling as they are as well.

Before we do that, let's have a go at reordering the story.

Can you remember what happens in "Man on the Moon"? So I'd like you to pause the video here and have a go at reordering the story.

As you do this, you could say it out loud saying, first, Lily is sat in her bedroom bored, then, and you can say out loud what is happening, if that is the easiest way for you to do it.

So pause the video now, and press play when you're ready to resume.

Great job well done, let's see how you go on.

So first, Lily is sat board in her bedroom.

Then she decides to take a look through her telescope.

She spots something magical.

The old man stood outside his house on the moon.

And that is actually as far as we're going to go in our opening.

So I'm not going to carry on and look at the rest of the story just yet.

We're going to focus on those two parts.

So when we look at an opening, it comes before the buildup.

So it sets this story up.

We are not going to do the rest of the story today.

We're just going to think about writing an effective opening for a reader.

And so these are the four pictures that we are going to be using to help us write today.

We might elaborate, that means add extra detail that is not known, from when we watched the clip.

And you can do the same, this is your story now.

We're simply using the clip to help us.

But these are four pictures that we're going to look at.

Lily sat bored in her room, her cosy snug room.

The curious girl looks through the telescope at the moon, and then she spots the old man.

He does not see her.

And that's how we're going to introduce both of our characters.

Both their setting, and what they're like, and how they're feeling.

That is it just the opening.

So we're going to try and develop now some vocabulary for our opening.

Just a quick review of the extra words that we might want to use.

We're going to use a synonym for looked.

So a synonym is a word with a similar meaning to another word.

And I don't want us all to write, Lily looked through her telescope because I think we can do better than that.

I think we can improve looked.

I think we can make it more interesting.

So can you think of a word that is similar in meaning to looked, but perhaps hasn't got the exact same meaning, but has a similar meaning to it, another word for looked.

How many can you come up with? I reckon, I'm going to set your challenge.

I think you can come up with at least three.

You just have to think outside the box.

And then press pause, and then play when you're ready to resume.

Well done, how many did you come up with shout them out? Well done.

So these were my ones.

I came up with stared, I came up with peaked.

She glanced through the telescope, she observed the telescope.

through the telescope.

Observed the sky.

She peered through the telescope, or she gazed at the sky, she glanced at the sky.

She peeked through her telescope.

She stared through her telescope.

Say them after me, stared, stared, peeked, peeked, glanced, glanced, observed, observed, peered, peered, gazed, gazed.

Now.

now that I've done step one, I've got lots of words to pick from, but some of these work better than other words.

So I'm going to have a little think about which one I'm going to use in my writing today because actually I can only use one.

Now glance means to look closely.

So I just glanced over there.

I might glance again.

That's be glancing, I'm looking quickly.

So I don't think she does that.

I think she kind of almost stares through.

A stare means you look intently at something, you do not intensely as.

you do not take your eye off it.

But as you often use to talk to, you might stare at someone else, perhaps.

Gaze is kind of to look, but your gazing means you're almost in a daydream.

So I don't think that one works either.

I think my best one here, perhaps is peered because she leans forward to take a look through.

So I always use peered for my writing.

I would like you now to think of which word you're going to use, and make a promise to yourself that you will not write looked in your writing.

You're going to use a synonym for looked.

So write down now the word you're going to use and press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

Now we're going to have a go at doing a live write.

That means I'm going to show you an example, right? And then you're going to have a go at writing.

Before we do that, we must check our success criteria for today.

And this is our success criteria for today.

We are writing the opening of a narrative.

So in front of you now I have got some text type features.

These are things I would expect to see in an opening.

I might not see them in a climax.

So the first one is I have used ambitious vocabulary.

Now this one, I think you would see in lots of different pieces of writing, but it's especially important in this section of an opening because you need to engage a reader.

I've introduced the settings and characters.

That's also really important.

Now this is very specific to an opening because you're introducing what's happening in the story.

I have used an ENP, and that's an Expanded Noun Phrase.

What is it? An Expanded Noun Phrase.

So two adjectives separated by a comma, describing a noun.

The silver solitary moon would be an Expanded Noun Phrase.

I can easily put that in state.

The reason I might want to use that state is so that I add description to my writing.

And I have used compound and complex sentences.

Now these, I would expect to see in all my writing, but it's especially important when I'm writing a narrative because I really want to have that flow in my writing.

And so I'm going to be definitely using them today.

I might also still use simple sentences.

There is nothing wrong with that and they also have a role.

I'm just trying to push myself and be ambitious as well.

These are the ones I tend to forget to use, which is why they're on by success criteria.

Now you also have to remember your punctuation.

I'm not going to write that on here because I expect that in your writing.

I expect you to be using capital letters, I expect you to be using full stops accurately and correctly, as well as, commas, as well as exclamation marks and question marks.

So do make sure you are doing that in your writing.

Now, that's a lot to remember, isn't it? So you don't have to get everything the first time is what I would say.

We will be stopping and checking our work through.

And that's a fantastic time to add in things or to spot any punctuation that you've missed.

So don't worry if you can't do it all correctly the first time.

I guarantee I will not get mine a hundred percent.

a hundred percent correct the first time, and that's okay.

We're allowed to make mistakes.

This is just here to guide us and to help us.

So when you're ready, I'm going to now do a live right with you.

Okay, so we're going to do our right in two sections.

We're going to start by leaving our reader in a bit of suspense.

We're going to talk about Lily, and how she spots the old man.

But we're not going to tell the reader straight away that she spotted an old man.

We're going to refer to him differently.

And I'll teach you how to do that at the end of this section of the write.

So I've just opened mine and you can copy my opening, you can magnify it.

One wintry evening.

I'm setting the scene.

We know now that this is in winter, already.

Comma, Lily sat slumped against her brother in her home.

By writing slumped, I'm telling you she's bored.

Because if you're slumped, you either tired, you're bored, you're not that excited.

Now I'm going to add a name key here, cause I want to also set the scene.

And I will just say exactly how it feels in her home.

So I'm going to say her warm, comma expand now that phrase I need a comma print your adjectives, cosy home.

Now I'm going to put a.

We can copy this phrase too, from the lounge.

kind of preposition of telling me where something is.

From the lounge, she could hear.

And I've set the scene that this is a really exciting place to be, really cosy, lots of her family are around her, she's not lonely.

From the lounge, she could hear music.

playing in the kitchen and.

Last compound sentence here using and.

Her family laughing.

Now if I was to shut my eyes and imagine where Lily is, I can already feel this sense of that she's got lots of people around her.

She's in a really comfortable, cosy place.

Now I'm going to put.

I want to say really stared out the window.

I'm going to add in an adjective and say, Oh, an adverb and say idly, It means she's kind of not really looking for anything.

So Lily stared idly out the window.

Now thinking about my success criteria, I need to have complex sentences.

So I think I'm going to add a subordinate clause.

And when you're writing complex sentences, you should always start by thinking of that main clause just like I did.

So my main clause is Lily stared idly out the window.

Now I'm going to tell you what she saw when she did that.

So I could say, as Lily stared idly out the window, she saw.

and I could put an ENP here, the solitary silver moon hanging in the sky.

Now that phrase solitary silver moon, I used when I did my planning in a few lessons ago.

So if you've got your planning with you, it's a really good chance to look back, to find the vocabulary that you can just pick up.

So as Lily stared.

Oh, hold on.

I've spotted a mistake, a common mistake.

I've got my comma goes after my subordinate conjunction.

It doesn't, it goes after my subordinate clause, which is this, As Lily stared idly out the window.

There's my subordinate clause, here comes a comma.

Comma, she saw the solitary.

comma because I've got an ENP, silver moon hanging in the sky, full stop.

Now I could show you what she's thinking, and you can copy this question.

I'm going to add in a question.

What was out there? It's a question, so what do I need at the end of it? Correct, a question Mark.

What was out there? The girl.

Hang on, I know of an adjective to describe her.

The curious girl dashed towards her telescope.

Why did she do that? Why did she do that? Here's a good opportunity for a complex sentence.

Because she wanted to take a closer look, full stop.

As that same now.

As that's we use that phrase where you had before as Lily peered.

Now, this is the word I've thought of earlier today.

As Lily peered through her telescope, the cratered.

I'm adding some words here.

the cratered, and it's kind of glowing, rock, which is the moon, and we're applying a different using of ENP.

As Lily.

And i want this feedback.

As Lily peered through her telescope, comma.

I need that one subordinate clause.

The cratered glowing rock.

Good comma for an ENP.

Came into focus.

I always find this a little bit hard to spell.

Focus, F-O-C-U-S.

And I'm going to add a compound sentence as well here.

And she saw.

I could say the old man.

That'd be really boring an old man.

So I'm going to say, she saw something quite magical.

And then I'm going to use an ellipses to continue because the reader doesn't know what that thing is yet.

Now this really helps my writing because what I've done here, is I've created suspense.

I've made my reader want to find out what she's seen.

And so that's.

It's really an effective way of building suspense in an opening and of engaging my reader.

Okay, so that's my first section done.

My first paragraph has been written.

What I'd like you to do now is to pause the video, and have a go at writing your first paragraph and then press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

So you've written the first section of your opening.

What we're going to do now, is we're going to start talking about the old man.

We do need to introduce him into our opening.

So I'm starting a new paragraph because I'm moving on in time.

So unbelievably, she spotted a desolate.

That mean a rundown, shack at the bottom of a vast, that means really big crater.

I put an exclamation mark there because I'm saying it's unbelievable, I want to emphasise that.

She rubbed her eyes in disbelief.

Now I'm going to add a complex sentence.

I going to to tell you that she saw an old man stood there.

So I'm going to make this complex sentence by saying, when she looked again, comma subordinate clause being marked there, a lone comma, elderly.

Making sure I've got those ENPs in, man was stood next to the house or I can use ambitious vocabulary and say next to the shack.

Was she dreaming? This is a question.

So I need a question Mark at the end, and it shows the thoughts.

She got.

And then I show not tell now.

I'm showing you how she's thinking rather than telling you.

She gasped before ecstatically.

That means like this.

Ecstatically.

waving at him.

Now let's do a compound sentence.

This is a negative.

But.

So we use a comma before my but.

But he couldn't.

and this is an apostrophe, cause it should mean could not.

Couldn't see her, full stop.

He stared.

I'm going to use that lovely word that we talked about when we described him.

vacantly into the distance.

And that's quite sad, isn't it? Because we know you can't see her.

What we're writing from her perspective.

What was he looking at? Question Mark.

And those questions throughout really helped kind of show the reader what they should be thinking.

And so it also shows the character's thoughts and so they're really effective to include.

Try and put one question in you're writing today.

She lowered.

And again I'm showing you how she's feeling, I'm not telling you.

She lowered her head in disappointment.

, double the constants, and double P in disappointment.

And I'm going to use a complex sentence here, and tell you why.

Because she wanted to reach the frail, Oh, this would be a really week by the way, this would be a really good place to use my misses words with word of melancholy.

I'm showing you he's sad.

Melancholy with ambitious as well, man.

Fantastic.

Now I'd like you to pause the video here, and have a go at writing your second section as well.

And then what we're going to do is going to read back our work together, and check for any mistakes.

So pause here, spend five minutes writing this, or 10 minutes, and then press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done, you've done so much writing stage.

You should be really proud of yourself.

We're going to do one last thing.

We're just going to check our work for the success criteria to see if there's anything we could add in.

So I'm going to check that, I've got ambitious vocabulary.

I've introduced the settings and characters.

I've used an Expanded Noun Phrase, and I've got compound and complex sentences.

So if I look back through my work, I've highlighted slumped, Say Lily sat slumped because slumped is a really ambitious vocabulary.

Warm and cosy is my ENP, and I've got my comma.

I've got a compound sentence Cause of where she said she could hear music playing and her family laughing.

So there's my compound sentence.

I've got as Lily stared idly out the window.

There's got a complex sentence where the main clause, she saw the solitary moon hanging in the sky.

And my main clause has an ENP in it as well.

And then I've also got two other complex sentences cause I've used because of subordinating conjunction and as, as a subordinating conjunction and I've used them both correctly.

So what I'd like you to do now is to pause the video, and check for each of the features in the success criteria, in your own work, and press play when you're ready to resume.

Great job.

So today we've looked at what an opening is.

We develop vocabulary.

Did you use that word? I used peered.

Did you use your word for looked? We did a live write, and then we checked our writing.

So congratulations, you've written a really long opening.

That is fantastic.

I've really enjoyed doing that with you and I hope you enjoyed that writing as well.

A really nice way to finish is if you could pause the video and circle the sentence you're most proud of and press play when you're ready.

Well done.

Congratulations.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your lessons today and take care.