Lesson video

Hello, my name is Ms. Vincent, and I'm going to be teaching you today for this writing lesson.

So in today's lesson we are going to be writing the second part of our opening scene to the film "Oliver Twist" based on the novel by Charles Dickens.

In today's lesson we're going to use everything that we looked at in lesson number nine, our planning lesson, to put into our writing today to make it as successful as possible.

So you'll need your plans from lesson nine, ready to use in your writing and ready to put in as much detail as we can.

So, let's get started with our writing today.

This is our agenda for today's lesson.

So we're going to start off by reviewing and recapping the scenes.

So thinking carefully about the part of the story that we are writing.

Then we're going to look carefully at our success criteria.

So what different things do we need to include in our writing today to make it as good as possible? And then finally, the best part we get to move on to completing our writing.

In this lesson, you will need an exercise book or a piece of paper.

You'll need a pencil or a pen, and you'll also need your plan from lesson number nine.

So if there's anything that you don't have that you need to go and get, you can pause the video, go off and get whatever you need and then come back and press play when you're ready to get started with your learning.

Great, so hopefully we're all set and we have everything that we need to help us in this lesson.

So first of all, let's think about reviewing and recapping the scene.

So we're going to think about the part we're writing today and we're going to think carefully about our plan.

So today's writing will focus on the section of the story where we describe the boys drawing straws all the way up until Oliver walks up to Mr. Bumble, asking him for more food.

So we're going to really aim to write at least one sentence for each of these events, but probably more, but making sure that we include all of these aspects in our writing.

So when we were planning we thought about verbs and adverbs to describe the action, we thought about describing people's appearance.

We thought about show not tell, which is a great tool that we can use to tell our readers how our characters are feeling by showing their emotions through their actions.

So rather than just telling them he felt nervous, we can show that by saying that he hesitated, he stumbled, he stuttered as he got his words out.

So we're telling the reader by showing their actions.

So, as I said at the start of the lesson, you will need your plan from lesson nine.

So we worked really hard, we have four sections in our plan.

You won't have the extra column at the start with the pictures.

That's just to remind us which part we were writing about.

You will have lots and lots in your plan that will help you today so make sure that you have it by your side.

And that's our second page of our plan so you had it all on one page, I believe.

Okay, so let's think about our success criteria.

So what is going to help us today to be successful in our writing.

Let's think about it.

So always always, we make sure that we have our plan right next to us to help us remember all those fantastic words and all those phrases that we thought of in our planning lesson, so that we're not having to think of things on the spot.

And we have that right there, if we're feeling stuck for ideas.

We use our skills for successful writing.

So we're really careful about checking the basics like capital letters and punctuation.

We're really careful about rereading our work once we've written it down to make sure that it actually says what we want it to say.

And then our final step is to edit our work and to improve it, to make it the best possible version that it can be In today's lesson, our success criteria are: I have described the setting and the characters using precise vocabulary.

So we're going to practise the skill of using expanded noun phrases.

So adjective adjective noun, to help us describe the setting and the characters and we're going to really aim today to include show not tell to show those emotions, to show Oliver's emotions as he's walking up, to show Mr. Bumble's emotions when he hears the request or even before to show Oliver and the boys emotions when they're drawing the straws.

And then finally, we're going to aim to use precise verbs and adverbs to show the action.

Cause there's lots of action in this part of the story.

There's the part where they're drawing straws, there's the part where Oliver is walking up.

So lots and lots of action to think about.

So let's move on to our writing, thinking really carefully about the different sections of the story and using our plan to help us with our sentences.

So we're going to do a bit of my turn your turn, and I might type up as I'm thinking of the sentences or I might read you an example.

So it will be my turn your turn, so let's get started.

So for my first section, I'm going to write about all the boys standing and I think that a complex sentence will help me show two things happening side by side.

So I think I'm going to use an as-complex sentence using my subordinate clause first, showing that as the nervous boys waited, they were exchanging glances with each other; which means that they were looking at each other side on side by side.

So, I'm going to start with as so I need a capital letter A.

So, "As the nervous boys waited impatiently for their turn", I'm going to use my plan to help me.

So they waited for that turn to come, I'm going to say.

So, "As the nervous boys waited impatiently", they want it to be over and done with.

"impatiently for their turn to come", cause I'm showing the next thing happening.

So this is my subordinate clause, because "As the nervous boys waited impatiently for their turn to come", doesn't make sense on its own.

And now I'm going to add the main clause to my complex sentences, at my complex sentence only one that they exchanged anxious glances.

So, "As the nervous boys waited impatiently for their turn to come, they exchanged anxious glances".

They're looking at each other in a nervous way.

So that's my first complex sentence to show these two things happening at the same time.

Now as they're taking turns, I'm going to start my sentence with, "One by one", showing how it's happening.

So, "One by one, they chose their string".

And I want to add in a little bit of show not tell and I haven't got it in my plan, but I'm going to put in that they got a knot in their stomach.

And we talked about that in our planning lesson.

So, "One by one, they chose their string", and I want to show something happening at the same time so I'm going to use 'while', while a tight knot formed in their stomach.

So, "One by one, they chose their string while a tight knot formed in their stomachs".

Now, in this case my subordinate clause is second.

So, "While a tight knot formed in their stomachs", is my subordinate clause and that comes second.

So when my subordinate clause comes second, I don't need a comma.

Whereas in the example before in the as-complex sentence, the subordinate clause comes first, which is why I needed a comma to separate my two clauses.

Okay so then my last sentence, I want to talk about each boy being relieved after they've picked a long piece of string.

I'm actually going to write another complex sentence this time starting with 'when'.

So, "When they saw the long piece of string, they each breathe a sigh of relief." So capital letter, "When they saw the long piece of string", and I need my comma because my subordinate clause is first.

"When they saw the long piece of string", doesn't make sense on its own.

So it's the subordinate clause and it's starting with the subordinating conjunction 'when'.

So, "When they saw the long piece of string, "they each breath a sigh of the relief".

So they're really happy that they weren't the ones that was chosen.

So let me read those few sentences through start to finish.

As the nervous boys waited impatiently for their turn to come, they exchanged anxious glances.

One by one, they chose their string while a tight knot formed in their stomachs.

When they saw the long piece of string, they each breathed a sight of relief.

Your turn now to write your sentences about the boys drawing straws.

Remember this is an excellent opportunity to choose really precise verbs and adverbs to show how they're moving, to show how they're standing and also perhaps a great opportunity for some show not tell, to tell the reader how they're feeling.

So pause the video and write your sentences and when you're ready to move on, you can press play.

Okay, really well done.

Let's move on to our next part of our writing.

For this section, I'm going to read you an example of some sentences and you can see in the different colours where I've shown that the success criteria have been used.

So we're now onto Oliver's turn.

So a short sentence to show this, "It was Oliver's turn." So, sometimes short sentences can help us to build suspense to make something exciting.

So I've done three short sentences in a row.

So, "It was Oliver's turn.

The children watched.

"They waited." So that tells me that the pace is unsuspenseful, they were waiting for something to happen.

Then I've started my sentence with, "Quivering with fear." And this is called a non-finite clause, when we start with an I-N-G verb.

So, "Quivering with fear, Oliver slowly extended his arm "and clasped his fingers tightly "around the end of a rough string." So I really stretched out that moment, explaining that he stretched his arm out then that he's moving his fingers around the string.

So that it's really building that suspense and then I'm going to come back with some short sentences and some show not tell.

So let me restart from "Quivering with fear." Quivering with fear, Oliver slowly extended his arm and clasped his fingers tightly around the end of a rough string.

He froze.

His heart pounded in his chest.

So some show not tell to tell us that he's a bit worried or that he's panicking.

His heart pounded in his chest as the other boys gasped.

So something happening alongside and as-complex sentence.

He had picked the short straw.

Then I reread the whole thing in one go.

It was Oliver's turn.

The children watched.

They waited.

Quivering with fear, Oliver slowly extended his arm and clasped his fingers tightly around the end of a rough string.

He froze.

His heart pounded in his chest as the other boys gasped.

He had picked the short straw.

Okay, your turn now describing when Oliver picked the short straw.

So remember those tools that show not tell to show those emotions of surprise when he gets the string or nerves before he does.

And use that tool of using short sentences to quicken the pace and to show your reader that he's feeling really nervous.

So slowing down the pace when he's picking the straw and then speeding up the pace once he has picked the short straw.

So pause the video, write your sentences and then press play when you're ready to move on.

Super job, well done, let's move on to the next part.

So here we have a jump in place.

So we've gone from inside the boys' dormitory, where they sleep to the dining hall.

So, when we have a jump in place or jump in time, we start a new paragraph.

So we're going to start a new paragraph because we've got a jump in place and we've moved to the dining hall.

And I can show that it's a new paragraph by indenting slightly, which means starting slightly further along on my line than I normally would.

So now we're talking about when Oliver is walking up and I'm going to start with a time conjunction, in this case also a when-complex sentence.

I'm going to go with when the time came comma because he's been waiting for this moment.

So, "When the time came,".

So, "When the time came", what did he do? He stood up, didn't he? From his seat.

And you might add in a little bit more detail about the other boys sort of nudging him to get up and to go.

So, "When the time came, Oliver", and because it his name it needs a capital letter.

"Olive stood up slowly from his seat." And then I'm going to describe some of the actions and he's holding his bowl very tightly because he's nervous.

So I'm going to start my sentence with, "Holding his bowl tightly", And this is another example of a non-finite clause where we start with an I-N-G verb.

So, "Holding his bowl tightly", what did he do? "He made his way slowly along the narrow aisle." So, "Holding his bowl tightly, he made his way slowly along the narrow aisle." Now I've noticed that I've used the word slowly twice, and that's a bit boring to use the same adverb twice.

I've written when the time came, Oliver stood up 'slowly' from his seat, and then I've written holding his belt tightly he made his way 'slowly' along the narrow aisle.

So that's it, I don't want to repeat the same adverb.

There are so many amazing adverbs I could use, so I'm going to go instead with 'cautiously', which means that he's a bit unsure and he's a little bit scared.

So, "He made his way cautiously along the narrow aisle." Now I'm going to describe what the other boys are doing and I'm going to look at my plan to help me.

So, "The other boys gawked in astonishment", remember to 'gawk' is to stare almost open mouth.

So they "gawked in astonishment" and I'm going to build on that.

And actually "didn't dare to breath" is reminding you that it's very very silent.

So I might say, "and didn't bear to breathe", or I might add, "and only the sound of his footsteps could be heard." So that's a compound sentence, adding two main clauses together with an 'and'.

So, "The other boys gawked in astonishment and", My compound sentence, "and only the sound of his steps "could be heard." So I'd like you to reread those sentences with me.

Let's start from the top reading together.

Three two one.

When the time came, Oliver stood up slowly from his seat.

Holding his bowl tightly, he made his way cautiously along the narrow aisle.

The other boys gawked in astonishment and only the sound of his footsteps could be heard.

Your turn to write your sentences about Oliver walking up the aisle with the boys staring at him.

It's really really silent and he's taking his time and you can hear his footsteps echoing as he walks up towards Mr. Bumble; making sure that you really choose precise verbs and adverbs to show how he's moving and verbs and adverbs to describe the boys watching him.

Use your plan to help you.

Okay so pause the video, write your sentences and press play when you're ready to move on to the last section for today.

Fantastic, really good, nearly there.

So let's move on to the last section.

So for the final section, I'm going to start with some speech by Oliver.

So, "Please Sir, may I have some more?" Oliver requested timidly.

So you can see that the inverted commas, the speech marks, are only around the words that are being said and now include the punctuation of the sentence that's being said.

And he requested it timidly, I've used that from my plan.

It means to ask for something shyly.

Mr. Bumble paused momentary, that means he stopped for a moment, to take in the boy's request.

He could not believe what he had just witnessed and he became overcome with rage.

So that's a bit of show not tell showing us that he couldn't believe what he'd seen.

So he was shocked and he became overcome with rage, so he was very crass.

So let's reread that section.

"Please sir, may I have some more?" Oliver requested timidly.

Mr. Bumble, paused momentary to take in the boy's request.

He could not believe what he had just witnessed and he became overcome with rage.

Your turn now to write your last section where Oliver is asking for more.

Now remember that we are including some speech in this section so if you're including speech, you need to put your inverted commas or your speech marks around the words that are being said.

So make sure that you remember that carefully and thinking carefully in this case about show not tell for Mr. Bumble's emotions, cause he's really not happy.

Pause the video, sorry.

Write your sentences and press play when you're ready to move onto the final part of the lesson.

Fantastic, okay really good job.

You've completed the whole of your opening to the story of Oliver Twist, really well done.

I really recommend that you go and find your.

After the end of this lesson that you go and find your writing from lesson number eight.

And you reread your whole opening from start to finish because you will be really impressed with the writing that you have produced.

For now, let's reread the writing that we have written today.

Remember it's really important to read through our whole piece of writing first and foremost to enjoy it.

So that we can really make the most of it and enjoy everything that we have written down.

But also it's really useful so that we can imagine how the reader feels as they read our writing.

We might perhaps spot some errors that we've made or we might spot some improvements that we want to make.

So it's really important always to read through your whole piece of writing when you've finished writing it.

So I'm going to read through mine first and then I'm going to give you some time to pause the video and read through your writing out loud as well.

So you can read along with me if you'd like to, you can just follow along with your finger or perhaps you'd like to read out loud with me as well.

So three two one, let's go.

As the nervous boys waited impatiently for their turn to come.

They exchanged anxious glances.

One by one, they chose their string while a tight knot formed in their stomachs.

When they saw the long piece of string, they each breathed a sigh of relief.

It was Oliver's turn.

The children watched.

They waited.

Quivering with fear, Oliver slowly extended his arm and clasped his fingers tightly around the end of a rough string.

He froze.

His heart pounded in his chest as the other boys gasped.

He had picked the short straw.

When the time came, Oliver stood up slowly from his seat.

Holding his bowl tightly, he made his way slowly along the narrow aisle.

The other boys gawked in astonishment and only the sound of footsteps could be heard.

"Please Sir, may I have some more?" Oliver requested timidly.

Mr. Bumble pause momentarily to take in the boy's request.

He could not believe what he had just witnessed and he became overcome with rage.

So I've spotted in there some things that I would like to edit.

So I might go away and do that afterwards and make some changes to improve it even more.

So that's sometimes something useful with reading it through that we can spot things that we'd like to change.

Okay, it's your turn to read your work out loud.

So please pause the video, read your writing out loud and press play when you've finished doing that.

Really well done, fantastic.

Thank you so much for reading that out loud and you should feel very very pleased with yourself because we have finished all of the sections of this lesson and we have finished writing our opening of Oliver Twist.

So that's the end of this outcome.

The upcoming outcomes, outcome two and outcome three for the unit of Oliver Twist are all about writing the build up.

So you might want to watch those as well.

So really well done for all of your hard work.

You might want to share your work with somebody.

So you might want to share your work with a parent or carer, read it out loud to them, or perhaps you might want to ask them to help you share your work with Oak National.

And you can do that on any of the social media tags that you can see on this screen, but make sure that you ask a parent or carer to help you with that.

Thank you so much for joining me in this lesson on the opening of Oliver Twist, and I look forward to seeing you soon for more lessons on Oliver Twist.

See you soon, bye.