To write a middle that builds drama (Part 2)

Key Stage 1

English

Baba Yaga: created story (openings)

﻿Hello super story tellers, and welcome to this English lesson. This is lesson nine of unit five, so we are almost at the end of this unit. If you've been doing this unit with me already, you will know that we are writing our very, very own recycled story, based on the story Baba Yaga, which we first heard in unit four. Remember, if you ever want to hear that story again, or if you don't know that story, you can go back to unit four, lesson one, and you can hear it again. Today we are going to be writing a middle that builds drama, we're actually going to be writing the climax of the story. The climax of the story, when all the drama has built up, is when our main character sees the monster, and they manage to snatch their favourite thing back, and they start to run again. So, I am really excited to get started with our writing today. So let's see what we're going to be doing in our lesson. We're going to start today's lesson with a story telling game, then we're going to use our story map from lesson two of this unit, to talk through the middle of our story. Remember, we're going from the last animal, all the way up to when the precious thing is rescued. Then we're going to box up the middle of our story, so that we know exactly what we're going to be writing, and then we're going to write that middle that builds drama and leads to the climax of the story. So here's what you're going to need for today's lesson. You're going to need an exercise book and some paper, it will be fantastic if you could get some plain paper for your box plan, some lined paper, so that your writing is extra neat when you come to do your writing, and if you have it, your story map from lesson two. You're also going to need something to write with, a pen or a pencil, and of course you're going to need your brilliant brain. So if you need to go and get any of those things, you can pause the video now and go and get them. Fantastic, story tellers, you are completely ready. So let's get started with out story telling game. In this lesson, we're going to be thinking about how our main character approaches where the monster lives. My monster, the Yeti, lives in a cave. Can you tell me where your monster lives? I'm sure it's somewhere very, very frightening. So we're going to get our bodies warmed up, and think about some of the different ways that our character might approach where the monster lives. Some of them will be really, really good ways to approach a monster, and some of them might be a bit silly. So I'm going to stand up, and I'm going to move my chair out of the way, and it'll be fantastic if you could do the same thing. So stand up and move your chair to get yourself ready. Fantastic, okay. To start off with, let's walk up to where the monster lives. Fantastic, now can we march up? Oh I think he might coming if we're marching, okay, can we creep up? Can we tiptoe up? Up on your tiptoes. Tiptoeing up, oh, I almost fell over with my tiptoeing. Can we run up? Fantastic, last one, can we waddle up? Oh, that will be a bit of a silly way to go and approach a monster. So, I've got my story map ready here, and today, I'm going to talk through the next four pictures. So I'm going to start here, from approaching the monster's house, peering inside, rescuing the precious thing, and then the monster's reaction. I've done this a few times, and I've been really trying to work on building some drama in my voice, as I speak through my map. So you might want to spend some time doing yours, maybe two or three times, okay? Here we go. She ran and she ran and she ran, until she saw the dark mouth of the Yeti's cave. Elly's heart was beating in her chest as she tiptoed up. Peering slowly around the corner, she gasped when she saw what was inside. The Yeti, towering and enormous, was stood next to a cooking pot. Poor Buster was next to it. The Yeti looked at Buster, rubbed his hands together, and licked his lips. Suddenly, Elly burst through, picked up Buster, and ran straight out of the cave. "Who's taken my dinner?" shouted the Yeti. Now it's your go to talk through the middle of the story using your story map from lesson two, if you have it. Remember, you can think through this, you can say it out loud, and you can even write down some words as you go, if you would like to. I've got a challenge for you today, can you think about how you can build drama, with your voice? Because we're building up to the most exciting bit of the story, which is when the precious thing is snatched back, or rescued, much better word than snatched, because it belongs to our character anyway, and the monster realises, and loses their temper. So you can pause the video now, and go and talk through your map. Well done, super story tellers. Now that you've spoken through your story, we are ready for the next bit of our learning. We're going to box up the middle, break down each part and think about the purpose of it, and then once you've watched me do that, you will have a go. So, I've split my box plan into one, two, three, four, five sections. So I've got Elly approaching the cave, then I'm going to describe the monster, then I'm going to describe the other things that Elly can see, and I'm going to make sure that we know how shocked and horrified Elly is. So we do a little shocked and horrified face there to remind me. Then, quick as a flash, she's going to pick up her precious thing, and run out the door with it, and then the monster is going to realise. So I'm going to quickly think about how I want my reader to feel at each point of my middle, as we're building more, and more, and more drama. So when she approaches the cave, I want them to be fearful. I want them to be scared about what is going to happen when she goes inside. So I'm going to think about how I'm going to describe my cave, so my audience my reader, is fearful. So I really liked when I said the dark mouth of the cave. So I'm going to put dark mouth there, and I could even explain how Elly is feeling nervous, or worried, or stressed, or even terrified. I think nervous, and I'm going to save terrified for later. Right, we're feeling fearful here, and now I want my audience to be completely afraid. Because we're going to describe the Yeti. So they were nervous and now they're completely afraid, because they know there's a terrifying monster in there. So want to describe his tall body, his towering body, he's a mountain. I'm going to say, his towering body. And I remember from the simile lesson, that some of you might have done, that I described his legs, as thick as tree trunks. So really liked that. And his sharp teeth, as sharp as knives. And I want them to feel even more afraid when they find out that there is a cooking pot, and Elly, I might say that Elly is shocked, she's terrified, this is the point maybe, where Elly is terrified, because she knows that Buster might be put into the pot. Quick as a flash, Elly's going to pick him up, and I want the audience here to feel relieved. And maybe hopeful as well, so they're relieved that she finally has Buster back, and they're hopeful, oh, let me try that again with better handwriting. Hopeful, there we go, silly Ms. Cashin. They're relieved because she's got her precious thing, but she's not back yet, and they're hopeful she is going to get back, but then all of a sudden, they are worried again because they know the monster is going to keep going after them. So for this box, I really wanted to use, maybe, quick as a flash, Elly picked up Buster, or suddenly, Elly picked up Buster. I quite like suddenly, I'm going to put a capital letter because I want it at the beginning. Suddenly, suddenly. and here, how is the monster going to, are they going to scream? Are they going to shout? Are they going to exclaim? I might have shout here or maybe wailed, he might wail. That's shouted or wailed, and I can choose which one I want most, when I come to writing. Now that you've watched me box up my middle, it's time for you to do the same with your very one recycled story. So, we're going to start with arriving and seeing where the monster lives, and then that description of the monster and how frightening they are, and how frightening the rest of the house is, when you see inside. Then that moment of hope, when they grab the precious thing, but then the monster becomes angry, and we know that the ending isn't there yet, that there's going to have be some more that happens in the story. So you can pause the video now, and go into your own boxing up. Well done, story telling super stars, you're ready to start your writing now. You're going to watch me write a middle that builds drama, builds that feeling of fear, builds that tension, and then you're going to have a go at doing the same. So I've already written my first sentence, and I'm going to read it to you now. She ran, and she ran, and she ran until she came to the dark mouth of the Yeti's cage. Capital letter, full stop, and I've got my possessive apostrophe here, for the Yeti's cave, because the cave belongs to the Yeti. So I've already thought about my sentence about Elly running up, and I want my audience, my readers, to feel fearful. So I want to say that Elly feels nervous, and I also wonder how she approached the cave? Did she walk? Did she march? Did she tiptoe? Ooh, I think she's going to tiptoe up because she's not sure what's going to happen. So I'm going to say, she felt nervous, as she tiptoed up. Okay, she felt nervous. So she, capital S, felt, I'm going to use my sounds, felt. She felt nervous as she, what was that word? Tiptoed, that was it. Tip, tiptoed up to the cave. Full stop. Okay, this is the point where I want my readers to feel completely afraid. So I'm going to describe Elly's face, I might say, Elly's mouth fell open or, Elly gasped. Ooh, I think Elly gasped, really short sentence, Elly gasped. The Yeti had a towering body, sharp teeth, and legs as thick as tree trunks. I think that's going to really scare my reader. Okay, so I've got my capital letter, she felt nervous as she tiptoed up to the cave, full stop. Elly's, and it's her, oh no, I wasn't going to say Elly's mouth fell open, I preferred Elly gasped. So Elly gasped, and I think I would say that like this, Elly gasped, exclamation mark. The Yeti had, a towering body, going to describe three things so my reader really has a picture of him. So comma, sharp teeth, or we could even say sharp pointy teeth. Or sharp white teeth? Sharp pointy teeth, I think pointy. Pointy teeth and here's my simile I'm excited about using. Legs as thick as tree trunks. Let me read that capital T. The yeti had a towering body, sharp pointy teeth, and legs as thick as tree trunks. Oh my goodness, I think my readers' definitely going to feel afraid. So this is what you're going to write soon and if you're really challenging yourself you can write about your other pictures. Now, super story tellers, it's time for you to go and write this section of the middle and the climax of the story. I've given you a sentence starter here to help you. They ran until they reached and you need the think about where are they going to reach. Where does your monster live? I've got a toolkit here as well for you to think about as we go through. So have you got capital letters and correct punctuation? Does each sentence make sense? Make sure you read back each one. And finally have you built tension through this section? Have you made threader feel more nervous as they go through and more afraid? So it's now time for you to pause the video and go and do your fantastic writing. Well done, super stars. I am sure your writing is amazing. I've even got a challenge for you. I wonder if you could critique and then edit your own writing. Can you circle any words that create a frightening mood and then could you replace any words that you don't think help you to create a frightening mood? So read back through your work and see if you can identify the frightening words and the not so frightening words. Even if you did two or three words, that would be a brilliant start to editing and critiquing your own writing. So you can pause the video now to go and do this. Well done, superstars. I would love to see some of your work. I am sure you've written some really tense, scary sections here, building up to that point of real high drama. So you can share your work with Oak National. If you'd like to, pleased ask your parent or carer to share your work on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, tagging @OakNational and hashtag LearnwithOak. I would love to read them. In our next lesson we're going to be finishing our story, I cannot wait to have a completed story and I'm sure yours are going to absolutely incredible. So I really hope to see you in lesson 10 of this unit. Bye, super storytellers.

To write a middle that builds drama (Part 2)

To write a middle that builds drama (Part 2)

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UnitEnglish / Baba Yaga: created story (openings)

English