Lesson video

Hi everyone.

Ms. Chu here.

Today, you're going to write a recount.

So you're going to use your plans from the previous lesson.

And you're going to write a recount of events for a newspaper report.

It's really important that we have no distractions today because it is a big writing lesson.

We need to focus, we need to be in a quiet space and we need to have everything we need ready before the lesson.

So when you're ready, let's begin.

So in this lesson, you will need an exercise book or paper, pen or pencil, and you really need to be able to focus today because you are writing two paragraphs.

So make sure you're in a quiet space and make sure that you are ready and alert.

What's the agenda? So we're going to start with our writing warmup, then we're going to have a look at our plans from the previous lesson.

I will show you how to do a little bit of shared writing.

Then we will look at some modelled writing as well to help us to write our own ones.

What's our writing warm up for today? Let's look at which sentence starters are appropriate for a newspaper report.

I will read them out to you, or you may pause the video and read them yourself.

If you want to do that, you can pause the video now, now I will read them to you.

It is confirmed, silently, many people believe, suddenly, just then, according to, without warning, chasing, several witnesses stated, nervously, as quick as a flash.

You are going to draw two circles or two ovals again, like we had done in the previous lesson.

We're going to draw a Venn diagram.

You're going to label the top of the diagram.

I'm going to leave that for you to do.

You've got to decide which sentence starters are appropriate for a newspaper report, which ones are not appropriate, which ones could be appropriate for a newspaper report and something else, a different text type.

I'd like you to draw your two circles or ovals, label the top of them and pop in the sentence starters now.

Pause the video and have a go.

So I've labelled mine as newspaper and then narrative.

Let's have a look at what I chose to put in my Venn diagram.

For newspaper, I thought it is confirmed.

Several witnesses stated, just then, narrative suddenly, silently, do you agree with me for any of these so far? Show me your thumbs up or down.

Nervously, according to, as quick as a flash, many people believe.

I think that is all, have I got any in the middle? Have you got any in the middle? I didn't think any of those would overlap today.

Just then suddenly, silently, nervously, as quick as a flash, are all only appropriate for a narrative when we're writing stories.

It is confirmed many people believe several witnesses stated according to, are not appropriate for stories, but they are appropriate for newspaper reports.

And that's why I've separated both of them today.

Let's look at our plans.

So we added detail to our notes, in the previous lesson, we had these as our bullet points and we added to them.

We added the words in bold.

Let's have a look at them.

We added, it is believed, which is the journalistic sentence starter, about 25 minutes later, which is a time conjunction and all the rest we have added as extra detail, extra information.

We did that in the second part of our plan as well.

The words in bold are all extra bits to our plan.

And here we can see that we've got two time conjunctions and then the extra information in bold.

Shared writing.

Let's look at today's success criteria together.

What must we include in our writing to be successful? We need to include time conjunctions, to sequence the events in chronological order.

We also need to include detailed facts, not to give any of our own opinions about the events or the event.

We've got to use brackets for additional information.

Journalistic sentence starters.

And lastly, I would like a complex sentence with a relative clause.

Can we do that today? Yes we can, definitely.

Brilliant, I've got my plan, the first part of my plan.

I've got my success criteria, I will now use both of those to help me to write my first paragraph or the first part of the recount.

Let's have a look at the palm.

It is believed that would be a good way to start.

So I've put that in my plan because that actually helps me to start.

So let's start with that.

It is believed that what could we find out first robbery? We know that the first call was made.

So let's say the first robbery occurred, we could put a full stop there.

It doesn't make sense.

So let's give more information.

Occurred yesterday, check on spelling.

Yesterday the evening did, didn't it? because it started at about 5.

20.

So we could say that now we could say later, I'm going to say where it happened.

So at the Malibu, where was it? Say it to me, coffee shop exactly.

Malibu Coffee Shop.

You need to capitalise because they is the name of a shop.

And then this point, it's not on my plan, but I think I want to give them extra information about where the coffee shop is located.

So I might just make up where it is.

The packets of this.

We're just going to say that's a fact.

And great.

It is believed that the first robbery occurred yesterday evening at the Malibu Coffee Shop.

I've got the first part of my notes and my bullet point in.

Now let me look at the source.

I swear to you, I've got my journalistic sentence sort of, I've used brackets, I've used facts.

So we've still got some other things to put in, but that's okay.

I've still got the rest of my recount to do.

I want to now talk about the time.

Maybe I want to put that in.

I could start with the time at precisely, and I've got my time conjunction in at precisely 5:20 PM, police received their first emergency call from witnesses.

At precisely 5:20 PM, police received their first emergency call from witnesses.

Or I could now include my relative clause here, couldn't I? I could say, who reported hearing screaming or screams from inside the cafe or the coffee shop.

And then let me look at my notes.

I've got witnesses heard screams from inside.

Oh, I haven't said that it was packed, so maybe here I could give my extra information about it being packed from inside the cafe, which was packed with office workers.

Why were they in there? Oh, they were on their way home.

There's my back bracket and put my full stop.

Let me reread the whole thing to make sure it makes sense.

It just believed that the first robbery occurred yesterday evening at the Malibu Coffee Shop on.

We could put.

At precisely 5:20 PM, police received their first emergency call from witnesses who reported hearing screams from inside the cafe,.

Happy with that.

I've used part of my plan and I've used my success criteria, and now I'm going to move on to the next part of my shared right.

Following on from my last sentence I want to now, I've not included everything on my plan.

So I've talked about where it started, I've mentioned that the witnesses heard screams from inside, but I haven't put in the last bullet point in this, that's what I would like to include.

So let's start with that time conjunction.

That's easy way to stop because I've put it in already in my plan.

About 25 minutes later, the emergency services were flooded with calls from, I'm just taking that straight from the plan, from local residents and startled bystanders, who were at the scene of the crime.

I've taken that straight from my notes.

See how, if you make quite detailed notes, it's then easier to write it up later.

Because you have all the information that you need, and you're just looking at your plan.

You'll just looking at the success criteria and you're making sure that you're ticking both boxes there, so to speak.

Great, read over, check that it makes sense.

About 25 minutes later, the emergency services, were flooded with calls from local residents and startled bystanders, who were at the scene of the crime.

Now it is your turn to write the first paragraph of your recount.

Remember to think of the time conjunctions that you could use, the facts that you could use, brackets, journalistic sentence starters and the complex sentence with a relative clause using your plan, which should be right next to you.

Good luck.

Modelled writing.

Let's look at a piece of modelled writing.

You may pause the video and read it through yourself.

If you choose to do that, you can pause the video now and then press play, after you have read it.

Now I'm going to read it to you.

Many witnesses reported seeing two men emerging from the location, waving automatic rifles in the air and threatening shaken pedestrians.

Minutes later, emergency desks received reports of a silver convertible Mercedes driving off erratically.

Let's look at the plan.

Have I included the things on my plan that I wanted to? Let's look at the success criteria? Have I included those aspects of the success criteria? Many witnesses reported, is a journalistic sentence starter.

So yes, I can take that off.

Two men in dark coloured headed jumpers, I didn't want to say that they had emblems on, I didn't want to list them, in my writing, but you can choose to list things in your writing.

But in my writing, I've just chosen to list one thing and I've put in brackets as extra information.

So I've got number three on my success criteria, use of brackets for additional information.

Because I wanted to say that they were emerging from the location.

And I've said that they were waving automatic rifles in the air.

So that's the same, as on my plan, I said in my plan, I have written, which looked like guns.

So I don't want to say that, because I've already said that they were waving automatic rifles, so I don't want to repeat myself.

Then I've added, minutes later, which is a number one on the success criteria, time conjunction, correct.

And I've said that the emergency desks receive reports of a silver convertible Mercedes driving off erratically.

Let's look at the next part of the recount.

But before we do that, I would like you to have a go.

Have a go, use the success criteria, use your plan and write the next section of your recount.

I hope you all had a go.

Let's look at how we can make the second bullet point into a paragraph that would be appropriate for a newspaper report.

So taking it straight from the bullet point, I've said it is reported that, straight in, but I've given extra information.

I said at approximately 6:15 PM.

As the police gave chase, that's from my plan, several gunshots were fired from the silver convertible.

However, the suspects were able to flee that's from my plan as well.

Look at this last bullet point, and you can see the last part of the bullet point.

But I've added extra information, I've said, however, the suspects were able to flee, until they were found half an hour later, hanging from a lamp post in Greenwich village.

So here I've got my journalistic sentence starter, I've given some time points, I've given some facts, I've not used brackets this time, but it doesn't matter.

You don't have to use brackets for every sentence.

Otherwise that would just read funny and look like there would be too much punctuation, brackets punctuation there.

Perfect, I'm happy with that.

Now it's your turn to write that last bullet point.

Make that last bullet point into a paragraph.

Use the success criteria.

Use your plan and have fun.

Let's move on to the next part of our plan.

Let's look at the plan first.

At approximately 7:00 PM, sightings of an anonymous figure, the scene swinging from building to building along Oxford street.

Soon after investigators found a police car, so let's maybe concentrate on the first part.

We want to transfer straight in that time conjunction.

Thank goodness we put on our plans 'cause then it's easy just to transfer it in.

At approximately 7:00 PM, sightings were reported of an anonymous figure swinging from building to building along Oxford street.

Happy with that.

I didn't want to say soon after I just went straight in with investigators believe, because I feel that is appropriate at that point in my recount.

That it was the mysterious figure that was responsible for suspending a police car in netting after a crash and for the capture of the suspects.

So I've mentioned that the mysterious figure, but I've not, in my notes I've said that, people believe it was Spiderman, but I don't want to include that, at this point.

It is your turn now to write the next part of your recount.

Again, use your success criteria and your plans.

Good luck.

So we've come to the end of our recount and we need to read back our writing once we have written it.

To check that it makes sense.

To get a sense of what the reader will feel, when they read your report.

To make sure we've got the purpose right, we've got to keep it very factual.

To check punctuation, we might have missed a few comments, beautiful stops, capital letters.

Hopefully not.

Have we used precise vocabulary? Is there something we could maybe replace or amend or take out.

To check and change any spelling errors.

And lastly of course, to enjoy it.

So pause the video now and read back your writing.

The last thing you need to do, is you need to check that you have all of these things in your writing.

I would love you now to pick up a different coloured pencil or pen, or you could use the same one, it does not matter at all.

And I'd like you to tick where you have used certain things.

If you've used a time conjunction, just find me one example, tick.

If you've got some facts, tick, tick, tick.

If you've used brackets once, doesn't matter.

Once it's perfect, tick it off.

If you've used it twice, great.

Journalistic sentence starters, tick them off.

And hopefully you've written a complex sentence with a relative clause to, so you may tick that off as well.

Amazing, we've come to the end of this lesson.

You've worked so hard in this lesson.

You've done a lot of writing.

You've used your thinking heads and you've now completed this lesson.

I think it would be really lovely if you shared your learning with a parent or carer, because I think they would love to read your writing today from today's lesson.

And I look forward to teaching your next lesson.