Lesson video

Hi everybody and welcome to our lesson today.

Today we are going to be bringing together all of the amazing vocabulary and show not tell you've been working on to write the opening of our diary entry.

So our learning objective today is to write the opening of a diary entry.

This is lesson number eight of 10, and has our first outcome for this unit.

In this lesson, you will need your exercise book or paper, your pen or pencil, and your best learning brain.

Make sure to pause the video if you need to go and get any of those things.

So here's our agenda for today.

First of all, we're going to learn about using colons to introduce a list.

Then we're going to recap the features of a diary entry.

Then we're going to read a model of a diary opening, and finally, we're going to write our opening.

For our writing warmup, we are going to be working on colons to introduce a list.

So this is the colon.

It can be used after a main clause to introduce a list.

Can you remember what a main clause is? Have some thinking time and think back to some previous lessons.

Pause the video while you have a think.

Okay everyone.

Now you've had some thinking time.

Can you tell me what a man clause is? Well done.

It is a clause, a grip of words containing a verb, which makes sense on its own.

A single clause is also known as a simple sentence.

So here's an example of a sentence.

Let's read it together first.

I feel such a mix of emotions excitement, anxiety, and uncertainty.

Your turn well done.

Now my sentence is missing a piece of punctuation.

I have listed three emotions that I'm feeling.

Can you tell me the three emotions that I've listed in this sentence? Excellent.

Excitement, anxiety, and uncertainty.

Now I need a piece of punctuation to introduce that list.

I could use a dash.

I feel such a mix of emotions, dash, excitement, anxiety, and uncertainty.

I could also use a colon.

I feel such a mix of emotions, colon, excitement, anxiety, and uncertainty.

So I could use a dash or I could use a colon to introduce this list.

I never use a capital letter after a colon.

It's not a new sentence.

So my word after my colon does not need a capital letter.

It's all part of one sentence so we do not use a capital letter after a colon, unless of course it's a proper noun, which follows the colon.

And then we would use a capital letter.

We could also use a colon to introduce a list of questions.

So just then I use a colon to list my emotions, but I could also have lots of questions running through my mind.

For example, if I had just been told that myself and my family were moving to Britain from Jamaica, I reckon I'd have a lot of questions racing through my mind.

What questions might race through your mind in this situation? Pause the video while you mind map some questions.

Okay everyone.

Hopefully we've already jotted down some questions that would be racing through our minds in this situation.

Maybe you could share some with me.

Amazing.

Well done.

I'm loving hearing some of your examples.

I would probably be thinking, what if I don't make new friends? What about my friends that I'm going to leave back in Jamaica? Is the weather going to be as nice? Is the food going to be as nice? Hmm.

Maybe I might have some of the same questions as you and maybe you might have some different ones.

We could also use a colon to introduce a list of questions.

So questions are racing through my mind, colon.

Now I would like you to pause the video while you write down this sentence structure.

So questions are racing through my mind, colon.

Now I would like you to choose three of the questions that you just mind mapped and write them down.

Now note that I don't use a capital letter after the colon, but I do need a capital letter to start the second two questions because they are new sentences.

So we need to finish our sentence with a question mark, and then we use a capital letter for our next question.

Pause the video while you do that.

Okay everyone.

Hopefully we've all paused the video, we've all got a sentence which starts with, Questions are racing through my mind, colon, and then I would like you to read your full sentence with your three questions.

Off you go.

Fantastic.

Well done for reading that as a full sentence.

Now here's my example.

Questions are racing through my mind, colon, will I make new friends? What will the weather be like? Where will we live? So my, 'will', after the colon has not got a capital letter because it's not forming a new sentence, but my 'what' and my 'where', do have capital letters because they are new questions.

And remember, have a quick check.

Did you remember a question mark for all three of your questions? If you did, give each one a little tick and if you forgot, just edit it and know.

Okay.

So now we are going to recap the features of a diary entry.

I would like you to pause the video while you mind map the features of a diary Off you go.

Okay.

Great job everyone.

I know we've all got our mind maps full of our features of diary entries and here they all are.

So chronological order.

Where i would you use, where I put the events of the day in the order of time, and I would use adverbials of time to make sure my events are sequenced properly.

Then I would also make sure to be writing for the most part in the past tense because I'm recounting and retelling what happened that day.

Tell.

So I'll explicitly write about my feelings and also include some show not tell.

So for example, listing some actions which might give away how i feel.

I'd be writing in the first person because it's my diary.

So pronouns like, I, me, we, and us.

And finally I would write with a very informal tone.

So I would expect to see sentences ending in exclamations and some contracted words.

Now not every sentence is going to end with an exclamation mark, but maybe one or two.

If you missed any, quickly jot them down now onto your mind map and pause the video while you do that.

Okay.

Now we're going to recap what the P A L L P of a diary is.

The Purpose, the Audience, Language, Layout, and Punctuation.

That is the P A L L P.

My turn.

Purpose, Audience, Language, Layout, Punctuation.

Your turn well done.

So we talked a little bit more about the P A L L P of a diary in our last writing lesson, but the purpose of a diary is to document or record what happened in that day.

It's also an outlet.

Sometimes people write in diaries because they want to get all of their thoughts and feelings down on a page, and it helps them release all of their feelings and thoughts.

The audience is the writer because you are the only person who reads your diary.

The language would be very informal with first person pronouns, such as, I, me, we, you, us.

So the layout, the text is organised into paragraphs and often we group parts of the day into paragraphs and finally the punctuation links quite closely to the language.

So I would expect to see some exclamation marks and contracted words.

So we're going to talk about our success criteria.

What should we include in our opening? We are writing the opening of our diary entry.

So here's some of our success criteria, which are very much based on the features of a diary.

So firstly, we've got to make sure we include some an informal tone.

So we need contracted words and at least one sentence, which is punctuated with an exclamation mark.

Then we're going to describe our emotions.

So we might explicitly tell the reader, as in ourselves, how we feel, naming some of those emotions from our vocab and from one of our previous lessons.

But we might also include some show not tell.

And finally, we're going to use what we learned at the start of this lesson.

So we're going to use a sentence, including a colon to introduce a list.

So you might use a colon to introduce a list of emotions, or you might use a colon to introduce a list of questions which are running through your mind.

Make sure that you have your vocabulary mind maps next to you and pause the video if you need a moment to go and get any of those.

Okay everyone.

Now you've got all of your mind maps, you've got all of your vocabulary from our previous lessons, I would like you to pause the video so you can copy down your success criteria and make sure you number it and I'll see you when you're ready.

So we're going to look at some model writing.

I can see up in the top right hand corner I've got the date, the 23rd of May 1948.

Dear diary, I am still in shock.

Today has been one of the worst days of my life! My father has told me the devastating news that we must move to England.

Questions are racing through my mind at a million miles an hour: Why now? Why us? Why me? I feel sick just thinking about it.

As I sit here scribbling down my thoughts, my hands shake in anger.

So we've got a date and we've got our dear diary opening address.

Now I would like you to see whether you can find an example in the paragraph of where I've met each of my success criteria.

So number one, can you find an example of informal tone? And by informal tone, we might find a contracted word or a sentence punctuated with an exclamation mark? Number two, Can you find an example of where I've described my own emotions either using tell or show not tell? And number three, can you find a sentence where I have used a colon to introduce a list? Pause the video and take all of the time that you need.

Okay everyone.

We've paused the video, hopefully you can find an example of all three success criteria in my opening paragraph.

So let's look this together.

I am still in shock.

Today has been one of the worst days of my life! I've highlighted that exclamation mark in blue because that's where I've met my success criteria, number one.

My informal tone.

I punctuated a sentence with an exclamation mark.

So here I've highlighted this sentence, Questions are racing through my mind at a million miles an hour colon why now? Why us? Why me? Because here is where I've used a colon to introduce a list.

Hopefully you spotted that as well.

And finally, in my paragraph I've also used some tell and show not tell.

I feel sick.

I'm telling my reader explicitly how I feel, but also I'm using some show not tell, my hands shake in anger.

so I can really picture my reader's hands trembling cause they're so angry as they write in their diary.

Okay.

So again, just make sure you've got your vocabulary mind map from our previous lesson.

Here was some of the show not tell that we had come up with before.

So negative emotions we might have, our heart's still racing or tears streaming down my face.

Neutral emotions, where you feel almost quite numb and you're so shocked that you don't quite know how to react just yet.

My jaw dropped or I gazed at Dad without really seeing him.

And finally, maybe for positive emotions, maybe I jumped up and down with joy or my heart skipped a beat because I was so excited about our adventure.

And remember in your opening, we are not going through the whole story because that's what the main body of the diary is about.

We are only summarising the day and explaining to the diary, how we feel about the move to Britain.

So remember, it's up to you, whether you are having a negative, a neutral or a positive.

So it's up to you, whether you are having a negative, a neutral or a positive reaction to this news.

So now I would like you to pause the video while you write the opening of your diary entry.

Use that success criteria and use your mind maps and show not tell to help you and you can press play once you're finished.

Okay everyone.

Well done for all of your hard work.

That brings us to the end of our lesson.

I'm hoping you're feeling really, really pride of your writing and to finish, I would love if you could go through and find one example of where you have met your success criteria in your writing so far today.

I'm really looking forward to seeing you again in our next lesson.