Lesson video

Hello.

My name is Ms. Johnson, and I'm going to be teaching you English today, in today's lesson we're going to write the second part of a buildup to the narrative Man on the Moon.

If you haven't watched the previous lesson then you should stop this video and go back and complete that one.

But if you have, then let's get started.

So we're going to start off today by thinking about what a buildup is and why we're writing it and what things we might include in a buildup.

Then we're going to develop the character, we're going to think about what Lily might be feeling and thinking throughout this writing.

Then we're going to do a live write together, and then we're going to check our writing together.

In the lesson today you're going need an exercise book or paper, a pencil or a pen, and if that pencil can be sharp, it'd be even better, and your brain, you are the author today, this is your ideas.

You can and steal as many of my ideas as you like, but I do want you to be thinking about your writing, be original, make it exciting, as we are writing writing this we to make sure our posture it correct.

So we need to sit up in our chair, and we need to warm up our hands.

So pinch each finger on your hands, and then shake out, and again, pinch each finger, and then shake out.

And then I want you to single tap your fingers, to your thumb, I find this quite tricky.

Now.

Double tap, speed up.

If- I can never do this one very well.

Fantastic, you're much better than me.

Well done.

Okay, Let's get started then today.

We're going to think about what a buildup is, and why did- what role do they have in the narrative? So a build up always introduces the problem in the narrative, and they build suspense, they build tension, suspense is tension, it's what makes your heart race, it's what keeps you on the edge of your seat.

It's what makes you want to read on and find out what happens next.

You want the characters to succeed in their mission.

And so in The Man on the Moon, the build up focuses on Lily trying and trying to find a way to communicate with the old man.

So we've done her scooting home from school.

We've written about the old man sat on the bench, and now we need to focus on the problem.

The problem builds.

She has an idea, a way, to try and communicate with the old man, but it fails.

And this is frustrating for Lily as well as the reader.

And so in our writing today, we need to mirror that frustration.

So let's recap the first part of the buildup that we've previously written.

Whoosh, as Lily frantically raced home after a long day at school, she clenched her teeth and frowned with steely determination.

She had to take another look.

She wouldn't give up.

She had to find a way to tell him that he wasn't alone.

Meanwhile, the solitary, melancholy, man, sat, slumped and isolated on his cold bench.

Silence filled the air around him.

Minutes, turned to hours and hours, turned days as he vacantly stared down at the mesmerising, azure Earth.

He lowered his head and sighed hopelessly.

Nobody knew he was there.

So I felt the tension already because I've shown what Lily is doing and what the old man is doing.

And all along the old man just doesn't know she exists yet.

So now we need to build it even more in our buildup.

Before we do that, we're going to think about characters a bit more.

We can use questions to show what Lydia's thinking.

So what do you think she's thinking both of these pictures.

Can you think of a question that she might be asking? And I want you then to write that down, pause the video here and write down two for me and press play when you're ready to resume.

Great work, well done.

Let's look at mine.

So these were some ideas I had.

I thought she might be thinking, what was he doing, thinking of the old man.

How could she reach him? Would she ever find a way? So these were three questions I thought I could have asked.

So if you like these, what I'd like you to do now is pause the video and make sure you pro- write down one.

And then you're going to promise that you're going to use it in your writing today.

So pick one, write it down, and then make sure it is in your writing somewhere today.

So pause now and press play when you're ready to resume.

Fantastic.

These were a really stylistic way of showing kind of a reflective thought, kind of gives the author a reflective comment on what's happening.

And it's really engaging way to grip the reader.

Now, we're have a go at doing a live write.

So I'm going to write a section, and then I'm going to ask you to write a section, and then we're going to write a second section, a second paragraph, and you're going to write this next paragraph.

So let's now check our success criteria today.

So this is how we can be successful in our writing.

Some of these are features that you'd only expect to see in a buildup.

For instance, I have created suspense.

So that's a text type feature.

, Suspense it's very much appropriate for a buildup.

I have used ambitious vocabulary is still appropriate, but you might have that in other sections of writing as well, however it's really appropriate in a buildup because we want very specific and showing how characters are feeling and describing settings.

Our next success criteria today is to show how the characters are feeling.

That's also really important because we want the readers to engage with the characters and using a range of sentence types, you've got three here below, a simple sentence with a main clause, a compound sentence with two main causes joined by a coordinating conjunction, and a complex sentence with a main clause and a subordinate clause, joined by subordinating conjunction.

By using the range to keep the reader engaged, But we also use them for different purposes, Remember it's complex and it's detailed, simple speed's the pace of our writing up and compound joins two ideas together.

And so that's our succ- success criteria today.

And we should, as we write, we should try and keep that in our mind.

So now we're going to get started on our live write.

Okay.

ready to get started.

I've helped you, And I've given you the first sentence of your new paragraph.

So the next night comma, it's a time conjunction, as Lily stared longingly at the moon comma, marking my subordinate clause to a main clause.

She thought about the old man.

So it's two actions happening at once.

So a complex sentence is a really good sentence to use here.

Note that I've got a capital letter for Lily as well, don't forget that today.

Then should we have one of our questions? Let's think, let's put, what, cause she's thinking about what he's doing, what was he doing? Now what do I always need at the end of a question? Shout out, a question mark.

Well done.

What was he doing? Now, I want a short, snappy sentence to show like an idea has that has literally just pinged into her head.

So that was it.

And I'm going to use an exclamation mark because this is a- really, I'm explaining this point and it's exciting point.

That was it, she had an idea.

So my single sentences here are building that pace.

Now suddenly we've moved on and then I'm going to use another complex sentence, as soon as she arrived home, what did she do, she ran up the stairs, can you improve ran for me, can you improve ran? Have a think.

How could I improve ran, to sprinted up the stairs? She leapt up the stairs.

She dashed up.

I like dashed, she dashed.

And you should do this as well.

You're also thinking of yours.

Whenever you're trying to improve vocabulary, just pause and have a think.

She dashed up the stairs to her bedroom.

I've got my comma marking the main clause and subordinate clause here.

Then, she made a glittery, Oh I could add an adverb here, how did she make a card? She made- she lovingly made, and I can add an EMP, made a glittery comma, because it's two adjectives, dazzling card for the man, and a nice short sentence to finish.

Simple sentence, it had to work, exclamation mark.

Now before my next paragraph, what I'd like you to do here, is to pause the video and have a go yourself at writing this section for me and then press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done.

you've now written the first paragraph of the next section of our buildup, but now I'm going to finish our buildup with our final paragraph.

And it's going to be describing the picture at the top of your screen now, of Lily looking frustrated.

So we need to show that she has a go at trying to send her card, but let's show that this is hard work.

So I've given you a new sentence to help you.

Day after day, she tried and tried to send it to him, but it was useless.

And my compound sentence with the but contrasting here really works, cause it kind of shows she tried and tried, but it was useless.

And I've got my comma before my but.

You can copy this first sentence if you'd like.

And that repetition of day after day shows that she's trying so much, and this is building tension, it's building frustration in our writing.

Why? Why was it useless? Let's think.

Well, her arrow was too heavy.

So the paper aeroplane fell, or the paper aeroplane was too light.

So when she tried to send it, it fell or her paper aeroplane was just too light.

So perhaps I could use them all here.

So either, oops, must make sure I'm typing.

Either her arrow was too, to the park, two too many, too double 'o', too heavy, or comma, or her paper aeroplane was too lights and fell.

I'm going to say, hey its alright made a spelling mistake there, always go back and check, was too light, And it sort of felt the ground, and say, and plummeted.

And that's a really nice compound sentences.

Our compound sentences are working really well in this section.

It was utterly hopeless.

And I'm going to put an exclamation mark there to show the emphasis here on that emotion.

Now, what is Lilly doing? How am I going to show her frustration? What's shall I tell that Lily was frustrated.

How can I show she is, Lily slouched, that's exactly what she's doing in this picture here.

Lily slouched against the icy, cold window frame and sighed.

Shows that she's really, oh, that's a sigh she's really fed up.

Now we need our last question.

Think of the question I could put in here.

I had three questions I showed you at the beginning of the lesson.

I know what I can put in here.

Would she ever find a way to reach the isolated man? What do I need at the end of a question? A question mark.

Fantastic.

And that's a really effective way to end my buildup.

Would she ever find a way to reach the isolated man? We're suggesting that perhaps there is a way, but perhaps we have to wait for our climax to find out what that way is.

So what I'd like you to do now is to pause a video and have a go at writing the second paragraph for today, and press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done, you've now written two paragraphs for the buildup, You finished your buildup before we go there, we must check our writing.

So let's just remind ourselves what the success criteria was today.

It was use ambitious vocabulary to create suspense, to show how the characters are feeling, and to use a range of sentence types.

So I'm going to read back some of mine now to see some of the features that I've used.

So I found some examples, not all of the examples that I've used in my writing, but just some the examples that I've used.

So the next night as Lily started longingly at the moon, she thought about the old man, I've used a complex sentence.

What was he doing? There is my question that I used at the beginning of the lesson.

That was it.

And a short sentence here to really pick up the pace, a simple sentence.

She had an idea.

As soon as she arrived home, she dashed up the stairs to her bedroom.

Dashed was actually a word that was quite ambitious.

Then she lovingly made a glittery, dazzling card from the man.

It had to work.

Day after day, she tried and tried to send it to him, but it was useless.

A really effective use of a compound sentence there, to join an idea together.

Either her arrow was too heavy, or her paper aeroplane was too light and plummeted to the ground.

It was utterly hopeless, Lily slouched, there's my show not tell, against the icy, cold window frame inside, which you ever find a way to reach the isolated man? And there's a question that I also use at the beginning of the lesson.

What I'd like you to do now is to pause the video here, and check your writing.

It gets the success criteria, but also look for any punctuation errors you've made such as commas, capital letters and full stops, and press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done, so today we have looked at the purpose of a buildup.

We have developed our character and used those questions in our writing.

We've done a live write together and we've checked our writing together.

Fantastic.

you've finished the buildup of your writing.

Brilliant work.

you've worked so hard today in order to reflect, and before we go, I'd like you to pause the video and circle the sentence you are most proud of, and then press play when you're ready to resume.

Well done, I'm sure it was quite hard to choose just a sentence.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your lessons today, and take care.