I did not like Shakespeare when I was at school. I was like, no one speaks like this. What is he actually saying? Why do I have to study it? And so then I thought, come on, you're an adult now and you write poems so you know there's gotta be something good. And actually I quite like him now, but at school I didn't. And I decided that what I would do was write a poem based on his insults. Turns out Shakespeare was really good at insults, like insults that I kind of want to use on a daily basis 'cause they're hilarious. Except I don't insult that many people. Anyway, I hope that if you like me, aren't the biggest fan of Shakespeare, that this poem might make you like him a tiny bit more. "You poisonous, slimy bunch-backed toad. "You cowered, beggar, shallow rogue. "Your villainous smell offends my nose. "You're rank. You make me sick. "You elvish startling stinky hog. "If only you'd been born a dog, I'd like you more. "But no. "Instead you are like a sore. "You are like a boil I'd like to pop. "You are speaking and I wish you'd stop. "You are lily livid, naughty proud. "Your February face is full of cloud. "You are lumpy foul. All froth and scum. "I have to say, "I think your bum is the best thing about you. "